Closer To Fine
by abbierena
Summary: Part 3 of the series. The Cabenmichael girls are facing their biggest challenge yet: their 20s. Abbie and Alex deal with their post-grad existence and Olivia tries to figure out exactly what the hell she wants to do with her life.
1. The Next Phase

**May 1995**

Alex packed up the last bit of clothes from her closet and started to look around at her nearly empty room. She had spent the last two years of her life in the Beta Gamma house and she couldn't believe that the time had passed so quickly. When she was a freshman, she had decided to pledge a sorority so she could have a life outside of Olivia, but ever since the two of them were reunited she had lived two separate lives: her life as a sorority girl and her life as Olivia's girlfriend. The only girls in her sorority that Alex got along with were the girls she met in her dorm the first semester of her freshman year. She tried to get to know the other girls, but they weren't very accepting of Olivia. Her sisters wanted Alex with someone like them instead of a girl who listened to alternative music and wore ripped jeans. Once she overheard one of them say Olivia wasn't good enough for her, Alex decided to keep her distance from everyone other than the girls she had pledged with. She occasionally went to parties and sorority functions but Alex spent most of her time in New York with Olivia. She and Olivia became so much closer after they began accepting each other for who they really were and who they were going to become instead of trying to make each other stay the same as they were in high school.

As Alex took another look around her room, it dawned on her that her undergraduate years had officially come to an end and this would probably be the last time she'd set foot on the Princeton campus for quite a while. Alex had grown to love Princeton and the friends she had made during her three years there. She would have gone a fourth year, but she decided to graduate early so she could be with Olivia. A few months ago, the two of them had decided to get an apartment together in New York while Olivia finished school. They were thrilled when they found out Abbie had gotten into law school at NYU, the same school that Serena was going to for her undergraduate career. The four of them were going to be reunited in the big city and Alex and Olivia saw it as the perfect opportunity. They had asked Abbie if she wanted to move in with them, but she had insisted on living in her own apartment with Serena. She said the two of them needed their space and so did Alex and Olivia, but the two of them convinced her to sign a lease for a two-bedroom apartment with them. Alex and Olivia would have one room and Abbie and Serena would have the other. Once the apartment was officially theirs, Abbie felt as if she had made the right decision, but Serena was still against it. She knew it was a horrible idea to live with the Cabenmichael girls and it wouldn't be long before the three of them ganged up on her just like they did in high school.

All three of the Cabenmichael girls were excited about their living arrangement even if their parents had no idea what they had planned. They were now 21 years old and they had reached a new phase in their lives. Abbie was starting her first year of law school, Alex was starting her very first job while she worked on law school applications, and Olivia was managing her time between the music store, her radio show, and Alex. When Alex was an undergraduate, she never had time alone with Olivia. She had to worry about her meddling sorority sisters and Olivia's roommates. Their sex life had begun to suffer and they had begun to settle for quickly (and often sloppily) fingering each other on borrowed time instead of being able to take the time to make love to each other the way they did when they were in high school.

The more Alex fell in love with Olivia the harder she found it to keep her hands off of her. Her level of sexual frustration increased more each day and every time she daydreamed she thought of something new she wanted to try with Olivia. She had talked to Abbie and Serena about it and the two of them gave her tips for what toys to buy and what positions work the best. Olivia was embarrassed at the thought of using a strap-on but Alex insisted she had nothing to be embarrassed about. Her plan was to go to a sex shop with Olivia so they could pick something out together. Alex told her it would be another way for them to bond as a couple, but Olivia still wasn't ready.

She had one more hour until she was supposed to meet her parents and Jared at a nearby restaurant to celebrate her graduation and Olivia still hadn't shown up to help her take the boxes to the U-haul that was outside of her sorority house.

"_This __is __it,_" she thought. "_I__'__m __finally __moving __in __with __Olivia._"

She was so lost in thought that she didn't notice someone had entered the room until she felt two arms wrapped around her waist from behind. Olivia then started to kiss her cheek and whisper into her ear.

"Your girlfriend doesn't have to know about this," Olivia whispered.

"I'd never cheat on her," Alex said, turning around so she could kiss Olivia. She felt herself melt into Olivia's embrace. It was the first time they had been alone all day and Alex wanted to take advantage of what little time they had together. Olivia had been on her best behavior the whole time she was with Alex's parents even though they questioned her about everything that was happening in her life. She was not the Olivia Benson that they used to know and they felt as if she was nowhere near good enough for their daughter. Alex didn't care if she wasn't the same girl she had known in high school; Olivia's new look and new persona turned her on even more. As much as Alex wanted Olivia to show up in her ripped jeans and bare midriff tank top with a flannel shirt tied around her waist, Olivia insisted on dressing more appropriately for her girlfriend's graduation. She borrowed one of Alex's dresses and a pair of heels. Her facial piercings were still in for fear that they'd close up if she took them out, but her make-up was subtle her hair was tucked behind her ears instead of hanging in front of her face like it usually was.

"Sorry I'm late," Olivia said in between kisses.

"My parents?"

"Yeah," Olivia told her. "They kept asking me about my show and what I want to do in the future."

"It doesn't matter," Alex insisted. She moved up the hem of Olivia's dress, but Olivia pushed her hand away.

"As much as I want to, we can't," Olivia said disappointedly. "Your parents and Jared are waiting downstairs so we can move your boxes. I told them we could take care of this, but they insisted. Actually, your parents insisted. Jared just glared at them."

"I was hoping for a quickie."

"A quickie?" Olivia asked. "Since when do you want a quickie?"

"Since that's all I ever get," Alex said frustrated.

"Not for long," Olivia told her, her lips capturing Alex's. "In two days, we'll have our place with our room and our bed."

"I love that sound of that," Alex admitted. "Our bed. I can't wait to christen it."

"Is that all you think about?" Olivia asked, her lips now gently kissing Alex's neck.

"Yes," Alex said, trying not to get too turned on by what Olivia was doing to her. "Have you _seen _my girlfriend?"

"Have you seen _mine_?" Olivia asked. "She's even hotter."

"Mine is," Alex said playfully.

"Lex?"

"Yeah?"

"When are we going to stop being so cheesy?" Olivia asked. "I thought it would stop when we were out of high school, but here we are."

"I don't think it'll ever stop," Alex said. "And I don't want it to."

Alex was starting to unzip the back of Olivia's dress when 12-year-old Jared Cabot began pounding on the door.

"Open the fucking door!" he shouted.

"Kids these days," Alex said, shaking her head.

"We didn't start using that word until high school," Olivia told her. "Jared just thinks he's a man now because he's starting junior high. I can't wait until his voice starts to change."

"And we get to make fun of him for being squeaky?" Alex asked excitedly. "You have no idea how long I've been waiting for that."

"Bitches!" Jared shouted. "Open the damn door!"

Alex rolled her eyes as she opened the door for her little brother. "What, Jared? What do you want?"

"Dad says to get your ass downstairs so we can start loading the damn boxes."

"Dad wouldn't say the words 'ass' or 'damn' to you, Jared," Alex pointed out. "What did he really say?"

"Go to hell, Alex," Jared said, frustrated.

"I doubt he said that either," Alex told him.

"Shut up, Alex," Jared said and left the room.

Once Jared was gone, Alex closed the door and pushed Olivia against the wall. "Two more days and I get to fuck you any time and any way I want. We'll never have to hold back," she whispered into Olivia's ear. Hearing those words come out of her girlfriend's mouth made Olivia weak in the knees.

"I love you," was all Olivia managed to say. Alex started to smirk when she realized she had Olivia right where she wanted her.

"Come on," she said, leading Olivia by the hand. "If I'm alone with you for another second, I can't be held accountable for my actions."


	2. When Fallbrook Was Enough

**A/N: Thanks so much for the reviews and for adding this to story alerts and favorites. I just couldn't resist writing more about the Cabenmichael girls. :)**

After 24 hours with her parents and her little brother, Alex had reached her breaking point. She tried making small talk with them, but her parents had never been the type of people who could engage in casual conversation with their daughter. They asked her about her plans for the following day, her plans for law school, and her plans for life after law school. Every conversation they had with her turned into an interrogation or a lecture and Alex wanted to scream at them that she had no idea what she was going to do in an hour let alone what she was going to do after law school. It had been the same ever since Alex was in kindergarten except back then she was asked about whether or not she had the lead role in the Christmas pageant and if she had read more books than anyone else in her class.

Alex put on some jeans and a Beta Gamma sweatshirt and was about to head out the door when her mother stopped her and insisted that she sit down.

"Where are you going?" Mrs. Cabot asked.

"Out," Alex said coldly.

"With whom?"

"The girls."

"Don't you think you're wasting too much of your time with them?" Mrs. Cabot asked from her spot on the sofa. "We allowed you to take a year off so you could dedicate your time to getting work experience and applying to law school, not so you could spend all of your time with Abbie and Olivia. It's bad enough you're going to be living with them. Are you sure you don't want to live here? You'll have less distractions and you'll be able to focus."

"No, Mother!" Alex said angrily.

"How are your applications coming along? You probably haven't even started."

"No, Mother. I haven't started yet. I just graduated _yesterday._"

"That's no excuse,"

"It's no excuse?" Alex scoffed. "I graduated from Princeton after only three years instead of four and I still managed to graduate Magna Cum Laude. I was the valedictorian of my high school graduating class and my junior high graduating class, I was always chosen student of the month in elementary school, and I was reading at a third grade level by the time I was three years old. I think I deserve a break. Now, excuse me, but I have somewhere to be."

"Does it involve that bottle of vodka that is sticking out of your purse?" Mrs. Cabot asked, her left eyebrow raised.

"It does," Alex said matter-of-factly. "I'm going to get wasted and listen to Mazzy Starr with Abbie and Olivia. That's my number one priority this summer."

"Alexandra—"

"Shut up for once," Alex said and slammed the front door. It was a simple statement, but Alex had been waiting her whole life to say that.

She honked the horn outside of the Moretti house and Abbie and Olivia came running out, slowly followed by two-year-old Alyssa. Alyssa Benson-Moretti was Olivia's half-sister and Alex always enjoyed seeing the two of them together because Alyssa was like a miniature version of Olivia from their personalities right down to their smiles and dark hair that could never quite stay out of their faces. Whenever Alex and Olivia would take Alyssa somewhere together, people would assume she was Olivia's daughter and they'd comment on how the three of them were a beautiful family. After that, Alex would always squeeze Olivia's hand and tell her how she couldn't wait until they have their own son or daughter. Noticing that her little sister had followed her out, Olivia paused so she could pick her up.

"Alex," Alyssa said to Olivia.

"You want Alex?" Olivia asked playfully.

"Alex!" Alyssa shouted.

"How's my girl?" Alex asked Alyssa once Olivia had handed her over to her. "Did you miss me?"

"Yes," Alyssa said with a huge smile on her face. "My Alex."

"I'm your Alex?" she asked. "Aren't I Olivia's Alex?"

"No!" Alyssa shouted. "My Alex. My Olibbia. My Abbie."

"It's time to take you to Mommy," Olivia told her little sister as she held out her arms for Alex to give Alyssa to her.

"Sissy!" Alyssa screamed. "No! I go with you!"

Hearing her little girl start to cry, Serena came rushing outside. Alyssa was her baby but she was still as attentive to Olivia as she always was even though Olivia kept telling her mom that she was a grown woman now and it wouldn't be long before she had her own family with Alex. Unlike Alex's parents, Serena loved the idea of Olivia and Alex starting a life together and she wanted them to have a child so Alyssa could have a little playmate. Alyssa had never played with other toddlers because she was always with her big sister Olivia. When Olivia first found out her mom was pregnant, she was worried that her mom would love the new baby more than she loved her. Her friends thought it was immature, but her mom understood why Olivia felt the way she did. Olivia was jealous of the new baby for being conceived by the intimacy between husband and wife, what Olivia called the "right way" or the complete opposite of how she was conceived. She was upset with her mom for getting pregnant, but she changed her mind when Alyssa was born. Olivia was the first person who held her and the very first person she smiled at. The two of them formed an inseparable bond and it wasn't long before "sissy" was Alyssa's first word.

"Do you want to stay with me tomorrow?" Olivia asked Alyssa. The now sleepy two-year-old just nodded and tried to hide her face in her sister's shoulder.

"Not tomorrow," Serena insisted. "It's your first night in your very first place together. I'm sure there are _other _activities you have in mind that don't involve this little one."

"No!" Alyssa screamed. "I go with Sissy."

"The princess has spoken," Olivia told her mom.

"Are you sure you two don't mind?" Serena asked. "How about you, Eddie?"

"I'll be having sex with my girlfriend on every surface of our bedroom, so I'm not even going to know anyone else exists," Abbie said proudly. "Alex and Olivia are the two mother hens."

"We don't mind at all," Alex told Serena. "Alyssa gives us practice for when we have a baby of our own."

"I hope it's soon," Serena said before getting her little girl from Olivia. "Do you want Sissy to have a baby, Alyssa?"

"I'm the baby," Alyssa asserted.

"These two aren't ready yet," Abbie told Serena as she gestured to her two best friends. "First they need to start fucking again and then they can start thinking about having a baby."

Even though everyone was used to how blunt Abbie was, her comment brought about the end of their discussion. Olivia may have been 21, but Serena still liked to think of her daughter as someone who never had sex. The way things were going between Alex and Olivia, she wasn't too far off.

"Shotgun!" Abbie shouted, nearly pushing Olivia out of the way. Olivia had wanted to sit in the front seat with her girlfriend, but she knew there was no way she could sit in the front after Abbie had already called shotgun. It had been a Cabenmichael rule since Mr. and Mrs. Cabot gave Alex a car for her 16th birthday.

"Where are we going?" Abbie asked once Alex had passed the residential area and started driving on a lonely road.

"Isn't it obvious? We're going to the water tower," Olivia told her. "Alex and I are on the same wavelength right now."

"More like always," Alex said and smiled at the rearview mirror so her girlfriend could see.

"The water tower with a bottle of vodka?" Abbie asked. "I thought you were above that, Cabot. You always talked about going for cocktails at trendy lounges with your little Princeton friends. Now you're slummin' it?"

"We're 21, babe. We can go to a bar if you want to," Olivia pointed out.

"No," Alex insisted. "There are two types of drunken nights you can have in Fallbrook: the type of night when you act mature and go to a bar and the type when you swipe a bottle of vodka from your parents' liquor cabinet and get drunk on the water tower. Tonight is the latter."

Alex carefully secured the bottle in her purse as the three of them climbed the water tower. Either they weren't as energetic as they used to be or someone had raised the water tower because the girls were nearly out of breath when they reached the top. Alex gave the bottle of vodka for Abbie to open while she cuddled up to Olivia. The girls usually stood near the railing, but this time they decided to sit down and lean against the tank. It was Alex's suggestion and there was no reason for it other than she wanted Olivia to hold her. Olivia wrapped her arms around her girlfriend and held her as tight as she possibly could. Seeing how they were so focused on each other, Abbie decided to start taking a drink from the bottle. After chugging three shots worth, she handed the bottle to Olivia who drank the equivalent of one shot and then Alex who chugged nearly half of the bottle.

"Baby, that's enough," Olivia said, prying the bottle from Alex's hands.

"I need this," Alex insisted. The smell of vodka was now strong on her breath and Olivia was going to try her hardest to keep the bottle away from her for the rest of the evening. Alex wasn't wild when she drank. Rather, she was the type of girl who spilled all of her secrets when she had a few shots in her system.

Without Alex being aware of what they were doing, Abbie and Olivia were passing the bottle around and taking longer sips than they usually did. More alcohol in their system meant less alcohol in Alex's system. By the time the bottle was nearly finished, Alex had a total of 9 shots and she was starting to kiss Olivia's neck.

"I'm going to ride you into oblivion," Alex told her girlfriend. Olivia was embarrassed, but Abbie couldn't stop laughing. She knew Alex was just drunk, but she wished she were being sincere for Olivia's sake. It had been awhile since the two of them had sex and Abbie knew it was starting to take a toll on them.

"You should let her do it, Livya," Abbie said excitedly. "Serena does that to me sometimes. She'll just push me on the bed and get on top and she's so forceful that sometimes I can't even move. We just get so lost in the moment that I actually notice scratches on our bodies."

"Yes, but your girlfriend is a nymphomaniac," Olivia pointed out. "Alex and I aren't."

"I could if you want me to be," Alex said before sloppily kissing Olivia.

Sensing how uncomfortable her best friend was, Abbie decided to change the subject. "You can see all of Fallbrook from here," she said as she stood against the railing. "And that's so depressing."

"This place wasn't always depressing," Olivia pointed out.

"Not always," Alex agreed. "It just seemed so much…bigger…and more significant when I was in high school."

"Fallbrook?" Abbie asked. "We're talking about the same place, right?"

"Yeah," Alex told her. "You knew Dallas and Austin as a little girl, so of course this place was going to be depressing, but Olivia and I were born here. Before college, this place was all we ever knew and all we ever needed. It used to be enough."

"A lot of things were enough back then," Olivia said glumly.

"You okay?" Abbie asked.

"I don't know," Olivia admitted. "I've been thinking a lot about the future and what I should do and how far we've all come since we were little kids playing on the playground. Do you remember when playing on the playground was enough? We'd beg our moms to take us and it would be the highlight of our whole day, our whole week even. Now, I look at Alyssa and it dawns on me that every woman was once a little girl—we were little girls—and someday Alyssa is going to be our age and do what we do and climb this water tower with her friends and they'll wonder what the hell to do with their lives and remember when life was simple just like we're doing right now. It's a never-ending cycle. She'll go to North High and walk the same halls we did. She'll graduate in 2011, which isn't that far away when you think about it, but it'll seem like an eternity to her. When we were kids, 1992 seemed like decades away but here we are in 1995 and Abbie, you're in law school, and Alex you're starting law school next year and I—I have no idea what the hell I'm going to do, but it doesn't matter because I'll figure it out even if it takes the next twenty years. My aunt Olivia is 43 and she still doesn't know what she wants to do and she's like the most interesting person I know. She told me that she, Aunt Lorraine, and my mom used to climb this tower 25 years ago just like we do and just like Alyssa will. She'll wear different clothes and listen to different music, but her feelings will be still be the same and kids will still do the same thing that we did in high school and what my mom and my aunts did in high school. That's all that changes—clothes and music."

"And hair," Abbie interjected.

"And hair," Olivia agreed. "But it's all the same. There's probably people in other states or even other countries having this same conversation right now on water towers or in basements or their equivalent of Sticky's. This stuff never changes, but we do. I look at little boys and wonder if one of them will have a crush on Alyssa and if she'll have a crush on him and if they'll go to prom together and how upset I'll be if he tries something with her and she doesn't want him to. She's two and I'm thinking of her hypothetical prom date. What's that say about me?"

"It means you're neurotic," Abbie teased. "But, really, what the hell do you want to do?"

"I don't know," Olivia admitted and then started chugging from the bottle. "I just don't want to sit at a desk and watch the seconds go by on the clock. I don't want to hear tick, tick, tick. There goes your 30th birthday, Olivia. Tick, tick, tick, there's your 40th."

"So, in other words…" Abbie began and gestured toward Olivia.

"I'm going to do what I've wanted to do since I was four," Olivia said excitedly.

"Olivia, no," Abbie groaned, but it was too late. Olivia had already gotten up and started doing her best Wonder Woman pose.

"I'm going to do it," Olivia said. "I'm going to be my own version of Wonder Woman and save New York from evil-doers."

"Babe, what the hell?" Alex slurred.

"I don't know," Olivia said and started laughing.

"I told my mom to shut up today and it felt great," Alex announced. "I think this is the best night of my life. No, wait—yeah, it is. No. Wait, yeah, this is the best night of my life. I love you guys."

Once the bottle was finished, the girls came to the conclusion that they were all too drunk to stand, let alone climb down the water tower. They spent the next few hours telling stories about the things they did in high school and what they hoped for their future and, for the first time in years, that water tower and even their little suburb were enough.


	3. Something Great

**juicetroop82: **I'm glad they're spending time together, too. I had a hard time keeping these girls apart. :) **Sidle13: **I'm glad you love Alyssa. I promise you plenty of crazy Cabenmichael adventures ahead. **litafan82: **I hope you continue to love the story. You know I'm going to be running ideas by you. haha. **betterthanbefore: **Thank you so much. That makes me happy :)

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><p>The girls were ecstatic on move-in day. Alex's dad and Olivia's stepdad helped them move the larger pieces of furniture like their couches and bedroom sets. They didn't want the girls to strain themselves, but Olivia insisted on helping them partly because she felt bad that they were doing all of the heavy lifting and partly because she wanted to impress Alex. She caught Alex staring at her as she assembled their bed. Rather, she caught Alex <em>eyeing <em>her. She made sure she wore her tightest jeans and a tank top with a hem that ended slightly above her belly button. The beads of sweat were slowly dripping down her face as she began attaching the headboard to the frame of the bed. Alex tried her hardest to control herself, but watching the muscles in Olivia's arms start to flex as she continued to assemble their bed proved to be her undoing. Without caring that her father was in the room with them, Alex made her way over to Olivia and pulled her in by her belt loops. Even though she was 21, her dad had rules against the two of them kissing, rules that he never had when she was with Casey. Her parents loved Olivia as her best friend, but they thought she could find a more suitable girlfriend. Olivia's piercings and ripped jeans didn't exactly help the matter. Every time Alex invited Olivia over for dinner, Mr. and Mrs. Cabot would always ask her about what she was doing in school and what her future plans were. Olivia had told them about the radio show and they had reduced her to nothing more than someone who plays music and runs her mouth to a bunch of slackers. When she admitted to not knowing what she wanted to do after college, they reserved their judgment until after Olivia went home. That's when they'd tell Alex that Olivia was going nowhere fast and she should find a better girlfriend before their relationship became even more serious. They never took into consideration that Alex loved Olivia and she actually believed in her. She knew Olivia had no idea what she wanted to do for a career and she was glad that Olivia didn't know. She knew Olivia was going to do something great with her life and, because she was going to do something great, she couldn't just jump into any career.

"What was that for?" Olivia asked playfully after Alex had kissed her.

"For looking so hot as you put our bed together," Alex said as she gripped Olivia's behind and pressed herself into her.

"But I'm all sweaty," Olivia pointed out.

"I love the way your sweat tastes," Alex told her, much to her father's chagrin. "I want to lick it off of you. You bring something out in me, Olivia. I feel like pushing you on the bed and—"

"Alexandra!" Mr. Cabot interrupted.

"Yes, Father?" Alex asked as she was still holding on to Olivia.

"I would appreciate it if you didn't flaunt your sexuality," he told her as he tried not to look disgusted with his daughter and her girlfriend.

"I'm 21," Alex reminded him. "I'm sharing an apartment and a bed with my girlfriend. Do you expect us to be celibate?"

"I expect you to have a little more respect for me and not grope Olivia while I'm in the same room."

The mention of the word 'respect' made Alex furious. "Maybe if you had more respect for my relationship with Olivia and acknowledged that I'm a woman now and not that high school girl you bossed around I'd—"

"Alex, sweetheart," Olivia said as she gently pressed her finger to Alex's lips.

"I'll leave you two alone," Mr. Cabot told them and left before Olivia could apologize.

"What's his problem?" Alex asked.

"Us," Olivia responded sadly. "He thinks you can do better."

"But you're my world," Alex told her. "I want him to see you the way I see you."

"Well, maybe not exactly the way you see me," Olivia teased. "Wouldn't that be weird? Your dad having the hots for your girlfriend?"

"Liv," Alex groaned.

"Sorry," Olivia told her and started kissing her neck. "I just wanted to cheer you up."

"Marking your territory?" Alex asked, her fingers now combing through Olivia's dark wavy hair.

"Mm hmm," Olivia said, making sure to pay attention to the way Alex's breaths were becoming heavier.

"Bed?" Alex suggested.

"In a while, babe," Olivia insisted. "Your dad and my stepdad are moving things in the living room. We should be helping them. Besides, we have the whole place to ourselves tonight. Abbie and Serena aren't moving in until tomorrow and my mom decided to keep Alyssa at home."

"And we'll be hearing them have sex 24/7," Alex reminded her.

"No, we won't," Olivia told her. "We'll be too busy making love to even pay attention to them."

"We haven't done that in forever," Alex said. "I miss taking my time with you and I'm glad I can actually do that now. No more sticking my hand inside the front of your jeans and rubbing your clit so I could get you off in five minutes or less. We have a bed, Olivia—our own bed."

"I know," Olivia said excitedly now that she could see her girlfriend smiling again. "I feel like I've been waiting my whole life for this."

"Maybe not your whole life," Alex teased. "But I know you've definitely been waiting for this since you were in junior high."

"Ever since we looked at that magazine together and saw what two women could do to each other," Olivia reminisced. "I wanted to do to you what they were doing."

"And why didn't you?" Alex asked as she ran her fingertips along the front of Olivia's jeans.

"Because I was twelve," Olivia reminded her.

"So was I," Alex pointed out. "And I would have let you."

Alex had wanted nothing more than to push Olivia down on their newly assembled bed and have her way with her, but she knew they should be helping her dad and Olivia's stepdad. Once the furniture was in place and all of the boxes were neatly stacked in the living room, Peter insisted that they leave. He said it was because Alyssa wasn't feeling well, but Olivia knew his real reason for leaving was because he wanted Alex and Olivia to have some privacy. He hated the way Mr. Cabot treated them and he would have said something had Mr. Cabot not been the type of man who caused a scene when someone confronted him. Instead, he made up an excuse about Alyssa being sick and having to go with Serena to take her to see her doctor. Before he left, Olivia pulled him aside and thanked him for being a good dad to her and for supporting her decision to live with Alex.

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><p>When the girls were alone, Alex pulled out the bedding set they had bought the day before and handed one end of the sheets to Olivia while she took the other. This was the first time either of them had ever owned a Queen sized bed, so they figured making their bed was definitely a two-person job. The sunflower print on their comforter wasn't Alex's first choice, but it stood out to Olivia the moment she saw it. Sunflowers reminded her of Alex and Olivia felt it was only right that they get a comforter that reminded her of girlfriend even if her girlfriend was going to be sleeping under that very same comforter.<p>

When they finished making the bed, Alex stepped back to examine their handiwork. The headboard and the frame seemed sturdy enough, but the comforter was leaning more toward one side while the sheets were leaning toward the other. It was unlike Alex to let such a detail slide, but she was too exhausted to care by that point. Instead, she carefully peeled the covers down and asked Olivia if she'd join her.

"I'm sorry," Alex said quietly once they were in their pajamas and holding each other under the covers.

"For what?" Olivia asked, lightly tracing a heart around Alex's belly button with her fingertip.

"My dad," Alex told her. "Both of my parents. They imagine me with the type of person I'll never be with."

"What type of person?"

"Someone like them," Alex said, moving Olivia's hand lower inside her pajama shorts.

"And what type of person do you want?" Olivia asked. Before Alex could answer the question, Olivia got up and quickly removed Alex's shorts.

"I guess you'll do," Alex teased, but Olivia was no longer paying attention.

"Since when do you not wear underwear to bed?" Olivia asked as she started kissing Alex just below her belly button.

"Since I started living with my girlfriend," Alex responded and arched her back so Olivia would get the hint to kiss her even lower.

"Not yet," Olivia insisted, knowing what her girlfriend had in mind.

"Come here," Alex urged and motioned for Olivia to lie next to her. "I love you so much, Olivia."

"I love you, too," Olivia said. She began delicately kissing Alex's neck and taking in the scent of her girlfriend's perfume. "And I promise I'm not always going to be

the girl I am today—the girl who runs her mouth and plays music to slackers."

"Those are my father's words, not mine," Alex pointed out. "I love you for who you are today, who you were yesterday, and who you'll be tomorrow."

"I'm going to do something great," Olivia insisted. "I may not know exactly what I'll do, but I'm going to make you proud of me."

"I'm already proud of you," Alex said, forgetting her arousal and holding her girlfriend as close to her as she possibly could. As much as she wanted Olivia to make love to her, she knew there was something her girlfriend needed—validation. Olivia had always been a strong young woman, but Alex knew her parents were the two people who could always break her girlfriend down.

"I wish I were like you and Abbie," Olivia admitted. "You two have it together. You're going to be working on law school applications and Abbie is starting law school in August."

"Abbie didn't always have it together," Alex reminded her. "She didn't even see herself going to law school until we got drunk the night before high school graduation."

"The night I made out with Jenny and threw us away?" Olivia asked, becoming disappointed.

"Yeah," Alex said, regretting her previous statement. "But that was three years ago, babe. I know you're mine and only mine."

"And I'm always going to be yours," Olivia told her as she rested her head on Alex's shoulder.

"Liv?"

"Yes?"

"I have a thought and it might be crazy, but you and I have become so much closer lately."

"We have," Olivia agreed. She knew Alex wanted to tell her something, but she didn't know how to get the words out.

Alex started taking a deep breath and Olivia felt her girlfriend's hands start to shake.

"I love you," Alex said nervously.

"I love you, too," Olivia responded, trying not to let Alex know how confused she was becoming.

"You and I get along so well with Alyssa," Alex pointed out. "She loves us and we're great at taking care of her. I love that little girl very much."

"Maybe she could stay with us every now and then," Olivia told her, knowing there was more to what Alex was saying.

"I'd love that," Alex said and started shaking even more. "I'd also love it if you and I…"

"If you and I—what?" Olivia asked.

"If you and I had a little one of our own," Alex said quickly.

"Yeah?" Olivia asked, excitedly.

"Yeah," Alex insisted. "I've been thinking about this for a long time, Olivia. That's why I decided to take a year off before law school. I could have studied for the LSAT and worked on my applications last year, but I had something else in mind. I want us to have a baby and I want to be the one to give birth to him or her."

"But your parents," Olivia began.

"My parents have no control over my body and over our relationship," Alex told her. "This is what I want and I'm hoping this is what you want, too."

"Of course it's what I want," Olivia said and started to caress Alex's stomach. She felt like she had been waiting a lifetime and she couldn't believe this was actually happening.

"That's where our baby is going to be growing," Alex pointed out. Her hand was now on top of Olivia's and they were caressing Alex's stomach together.

"Our Cabot-Benson baby?" Olivia asked.

"Or maybe just Benson," Alex said and quickly kissed Olivia, rendering her usually talkative girlfriend speechless.

The girls had a lot of planning ahead of them, but they knew that could wait for another day. It was their first night together in their new apartment and Olivia had only one thing on her mind, making love to the future mother of her child.


	4. Cabenmichael Law

**Cmoni: **I know it's weird because I'm the one writing it, but I can't wait to see them have a baby either. haha. **juicetroop82: **Yeah, they're finally growing up and realizing things. :) **litafan82: **I don't know if Liv will tell him to kiss her ass, but you know she'll always stick up for Alex. **Sidle13: **Thank you! She should be making that decision soon. I'm still working out exactly how she chooses her career path. **loverofbensoncabot: **Me too! haha.

* * *

><p>"Hey, bitches," Abbie said as she flung open the door to find Alex and Olivia heavily making out on the living room couch.<p>

"Knock next time," Alex said angrily.

"I thought fumbling with the lock and saying, 'Liv! Alex! Open the door!' would suffice," Abbie snapped back.

"Be nice, you two," Serena told Abbie and Alex. "Remember, we have to live together for the next few years."

"What base did you get to?" Abbie whispered to Olivia as began walking over to her new room.

"Third," Olivia responded, holding up three fingers.

"Third?" Abbie asked. "Is this high school? We're 21 now, this is the majors. I expected to see your face in between Alex's legs."

"Even having your face in between her legs is high school stuff. Abbie and I have moved on from that," Serena shouted from the bedroom.

"What are you into now?" Olivia asked and then immediately regretted her question.

"You don't want to know," Abbie insisted. "We decided to take things to the next level."

Not wanting to know exactly what that level was, Alex and Olivia went back to kissing each other while Abbie and Serena were in their room. The two of them had finished moving all of their stuff into their new apartment a few hours ago and Alex and Olivia knew it wouldn't be long before Abbie and Serena christened their new room. Alex had wanted to have a roommates meeting to discuss the apartment rules but she knew that was going to have to wait once she heard Serena start to moan and something slam against the wall.

"What are they doing in there?" Alex asked her girlfriend.

"I'm happier not knowing," Olivia responded.

Alex and Olivia tried to kiss each other again, but they knew it was hopeless with everything happening in the next room. Abbie and Serena were now being louder and it was no surprise when someone started knocking on their apartment door.

"Hi," Olivia said, extending her hand out to her new neighbor, but she looked at Olivia as if she was from another planet. The woman appeared to be in her mid-30s and was modestly dressed with a toddler clinging to her.

"I don't want my children exposed to such filth, so if you girls insist on sinning, at least have the decency to keep the noise level down," the woman said to Olivia.

"No problem," Olivia told her. She was about to introduce herself, but the woman had already turned around to leave.

"Problems with the neighbors already?" Alex asked once Olivia was next to her on the couch. Since their attempt at making out was unsuccessful, Olivia rested her head on Alex's shoulder and Alex started to play with Olivia's hair. It was the darkest it had ever been except for a few streaks of blonde hair that were grouped together. Alex had told Olivia not to do it, but her girlfriend insisted on playing with peroxide that morning. Alex thought the random blonde streaks were hideous, but there was no way she was going to say that to Olivia because it wouldn't matter to her anyway. Olivia did whatever she wanted to do, whenever she wanted to do it.

"She practically called us sinners," Olivia informed her.

"But we are," Alex pointed out. "We're definitely sinners."

"And fornicators," Olivia added.

"And fornicators," Alex agreed. "You should have told her you're an atheist, babe. That would have really made a good impression."

Olivia was about to bring up the baby when Abbie came out of her bedroom in nothing but her underwear and a Smashing Pumpkins t-shirt.

"Why are you two so different these days?" Abbie asked after making herself comfortable on Olivia's lap.

"We just have a lot to think about," Alex told her. "It's not Cabenmichael related, just something strictly between Olivia and me, but we'll let you in on it when the time is right."

"The time is always right," Abbie said playfully and kissed Alex on the cheek.

"Abbie?" Olivia asked with a disgusted look on her face.

"What?"

"Your underwear is soaking wet," Olivia pointed out. "Were you wearing this when you…is this…?"

"I didn't think they were that wet," Abbie said. Most people would have been embarrassed, but Abbie started laughing hysterically.

"You wore your cum-soaked underwear and sat on my girlfriend's lap?" Alex asked in disbelief.

"Maybe," Abbie said and winked at them.

"But they're soaked," Olivia said, now more amazed than disgusted. "How did you—what is Serena doing?"

"I'm telling you, we've taken things to the next level," Abbie said before getting up to change her underwear.

She came back with Serena in tow and Alex was relieved to see Serena in pajama shorts and an NYU sweatshirt instead of half-naked like Abbie was. The moment Abbie sat down, Serena began to straddle her girlfriend's lap and bite on her neck. Alex started to wonder if sharing an apartment with Abbie and Serena was the right decision. She didn't mind the two of them being affectionate. In fact, she was used to it, but she was becoming envious of the type of sex Abbie and Serena were having. They trusted each other enough to experiment and that's what she wanted with Olivia, but Olivia said she liked to make love the "old fashioned" way which meant no toys or anything remotely kinky.

"Girls! It's time to focus!" Alex said to get their attention.

"Focus on what?" Serena asked angrily.

"Apartment rules," Alex told her.

"You're still the same killjoy you've always been," Serena teased, but Alex was far from amused.

"Let's just follow Cabenmichael law," Abbie said, paying more attention to her girlfriend's body than what was happening around her.

"What's that?" Serena asked.

"You're not a Cabenmichael, baby," Abbie told her. "You can't know."

"I can't know the rules of place I'm paying an equal share for?" Serena asked Abbie. "And why do Alex and Olivia get the biggest room?"

Abbie looked at Serena like the answer should have been obvious. "Because they called first roomsies. Well, Alex called it but since she is sharing with Olivia it's as if Olivia called it, too."

"There's no such thing as first roomsies," Serena told her.

"Get the book," Abbie said to Alex. Alex immediately went to the bookshelf and pulled out a three-ring binder titled _Cabenmichael Law_.

Alex began flipping the pages until she found what she was looking for. "First roomsies officially became a Cabenmichael law on October 17, 1986, and it states—"

"So, this was based on something the three of you decided in 1986? When you were twelve?" Serena asked.

"Can I finish?" Alex asked. "It was very rude of you to interrupt the reading of a Cabenmichael law."

"Go ahead," Serena said, frustrated.

"Thank you," Alex said sarcastically. "Cabenmichael law says, and I quote, 'In the event that all three Cabenmichael girls live under the same roof, room assignments will be decided upon by the calling of first roomsies. She who calls first roomsies gets the bedroom of her choice, but has to grant a wish of the other two Cabenmichael girls.'"

"I chose favorite songsies, but my wish can't be granted because I'm sharing a room with Alex," Olivia told Serena. "Abbie chose first wafflies."

"What?" Serena asked.

Alex sighed and flipped the pages until she found first wafflies. "First wafflies," she began, "was made a Cabenmichael law on December 3, 1983."

"When you guys were in the fourth grade?" Serena asked in disgust.

"Again, that was rude," Alex said.

"Incredibly rude," Olivia added.

"Continue reading the sacred law," Abbie said to Alex.

"First wafflies," Alex said in annoyed tone, hoping Serena would get the hint, "This law is one of the most important Cabenmichael laws, so pay attention. The law of first wafflies states, 'She who calls first wafflies is granted the right to the first frozen waffle that pops out of the toaster if she so desires it.'"

"So Abbie and I get the first waffles that pop out of the toaster even if they're for the two of you?" Serena asked. She was finally perking up and the girls weren't looking forward to bursting her bubble again.

"Not exactly," Abbie informed her. "First wafflies only applies to one person. It could apply to the both of us, but then we'd have to get into the Girlfriend Clause."

"And you don't want to touch that," Olivia informed her.

"The Girlfriend Clause is written with whiteout on black paper," Alex added. "That's how evil it is."

"Girlfriends aren't usually welcomed into the Cabenmichael family," Olivia told her.

"But I'm not just a girlfriend," Serena said, showing off the diamond ring on her finger. "Did you forget I legally changed my last name to Carmichael? I'm a wife, not officially but at least I have the ring. Alex is just a girlfriend. Abbie and I have been in a committed relationship for four years now while you and Alex have been off and on and playing little games with each other by sleeping with Dana or Jenny or random girls. That's fine in high school, but once you turn 18, that needs to stop."

Serena had struck a nerve with Alex. Alex regretted everything she had done with Dana and she knew Olivia had regretted everything she had done with Jenny and with all of the other girls while they were broken up, but it was all in their past and they tried not to bring it up. "Not that it's any of your business," Alex said angrily. "But Liv and I are going to have a—"

"She doesn't deserve to know," Olivia interrupted.

Knowing they were no longer going to get another word in, Alex and Serena retreated to their respective bedrooms.

"Liv, I'm sorry," Abbie said once their girls had slammed their bedroom doors. "She's going through a lot. She's transferring from UT to NYU and she's really nervous about everything. I turned Serena into a Texas girl and now I've brought her back to New York. I keep uprooting her, you know? But I know she loves me. She has to if she's put up with so much and taken my name."

"I want Alex to take mine," Olivia admitted. "She and I are making a really big commitment to each other. I'll tell you when the time is right, though. You know how Alex is."

"Yeah, I know Alex," Abbie said and rested her head on Olivia's shoulder. "Maybe you should go to her."

"I guess," Olivia said reluctantly. She gave Abbie a goodnight kiss and went over to her new bedroom. When she entered, she found Alex lying down and trying not to cry. Olivia knew Serena's statement must have gotten to her and she hoped she wasn't rethinking the idea of starting a family. Without making a sound, Olivia quickly stripped her clothes and climbed into bed next to Alex. She wrapped her arms around her now crying girlfriend and started kissing her shoulders. It was Alex's favorite place to be kissed and she hoped it would at least make her feel a little better.

"I love you," Olivia said as she pulled Alex even closer to her.

"Liv?"

"Yes, sweetheart?"

"Are we dysfunctional?" Alex asked worriedly.

"Not at all," Olivia reassured her. "We were just young, Alex. We can't punish ourselves for things we did when we were teenagers. We're in our 20s now and we've learned from our mistakes. Those mistakes are what made our relationship even stronger because now we both know that we don't want anyone but each other."

"And we're not nymphomaniacs like Serena," Alex added. "We have normal sex that doesn't involve you slamming me against a wall or whatever it is that they do."

"Again, I don't want to know what they do," Olivia insisted. "But I know there's more to this—something that you aren't telling me."

"I'm just rethinking having a baby," Alex said, finally turning around to face her girlfriend. "What if we aren't ready? A baby isn't an accessory, Liv."

"I know," Olivia insisted. "And if you aren't ready, you aren't ready."

"I'm ready," Alex told her. "It's just…you know how I get. I have to think everything through."

"Alex," Olivia said and started delicately kissing her girlfriend's neck. "It's not like I can just impregnate you tonight. It's something we have to plan, regardless."

"I know, Liv. I also know if it were possible for you to impregnate me, it probably would have happened in high school."

"And Abbie would be having her fifth baby right now with the way those two go at it," Olivia said, finally making her girlfriend laugh.

"You always make me feel better."

"Because I love you," Olivia told her. "And I know you're going to be a great mother—we both are. I promise I'm going to take care of you throughout your entire pregnancy and I'm going to be involved in Lamaze class and I'll even hold your hair back when you have morning sickness and if you're craving something random at 3 a.m. I'll go out and get it for you even if there's a blizzard or the temperature drops below 0. I'd do anything for you, Alex."

"Okay, let me make sure I understand this," Alex began. "It's 3 a.m., there's a foot of snow on the ground, and I want pickles and ice cream, you'll get it for me?"

"Yes!" Olivia insisted. "Alex, just two days ago you were drunk out of your mind and asking for Doritos at 3 a.m. As the only sober one, I drove around until I found a 24 hour store that sold Doritos. If I'd do that for you when you were drunk, just imagine what I'd do for you when you're pregnant."

That was all the reassurance that Alex needed. They had a lot of planning ahead of them, but she knew there was no need to second-guess Olivia's devotion and willingness to care for her and their future baby.


	5. Unnerved

Olivia woke up the next morning surprised to feel her girlfriend's hand reaching down her pajama shorts. She wasn't sure if Alex's intentions were to wake her up or to get a thrill by fondling Olivia while she was asleep. Hoping it wasn't the latter, Olivia opened her eyes and moved in closer to Alex.

"Who are you?" Olivia asked playfully. "My girlfriend, Alex, hates morning sex."

The only acknowledgement Alex gave her was a quick smile before she pulled Olivia's pajama shorts down and tossed them aside. The two of them usually liked foreplay but they were so used to going without it that it was often skipped even when they had the opportunity to do more than just get each other off.

Realizing that her girlfriend hadn't had an orgasm in weeks, Alex took it upon herself to spread Olivia's legs and take in the sight that was before her. She began by teasing Olivia's clit with the very tip of her tongue. That simple move usually drove Olivia crazy, but this time it elicited absolutely no response. Not wanting to give up, Alex assumed it was because Olivia still needed some time to get in the mood so she took her focus off of Olivia's clit and started to gently lick around her opening. Olivia was never the type of girl who just laid there during sex so she expected her to start moaning or arching her back or at the very least touch Alex's hair. Instead, Olivia was completely silent and the only movement she made was when she looked at the clock. That's when Alex realized that she had been going down on her girlfriend for nearly half an hour and most of the wetness on Olivia was her own saliva instead of her girlfriend's arousal.

"Liv?" Alex asked, finally picking her head up.

"Yeah?"

"My jaw is starting to hurt," Alex said, disappointedly.

"Come here," Olivia urged her and motioned for Alex to lie next to her.

"You weren't wet."

"I know," Olivia said as she wrapped her arms around Alex.

"I even sucked on your clit and you—"

"I know, Alex!" Olivia said, raising her voice. "Let's drop it."

"Is something wrong?" Alex asked, now becoming more concerned with her girlfriend's well being instead of her libido.

"No," Olivia insisted.

"But I was going down on you for almost half an hour," Alex pointed out. "Is there another girl? Are you not attracted to me anymore? Am I doing something wrong? Just tell me, Liv."

"You're not doing anything wrong," Olivia insisted, but Alex knew she was just trying to avoid her. "I just—I'm going to get in the shower now."

Not wanting to make the situation even worse than it already was, Alex decided to keep her distance from Olivia. She wanted to go over to the living room, but Olivia spent most of the day in there with Abbie. There was always Serena, but the two of them weren't on the best of terms with each other. Still, if anyone could give Alex sex advice it would be Serena. Alex stayed in her room well into the evening before she finally heard Abbie and Olivia leave the apartment. Judging by the sound of Abbie's goodbye to Serena, Alex knew they were going to be gone for awhile. She decided to set her pride aside and make amends with Serena no matter how much she didn't want to.

* * *

><p>"Livya, where the hell are we going?" Abbie asked as Olivia was holding her hand and leading her farther and farther from their apartment building.<p>

Figuring she owed her friend an explanation, Olivia stopped in her tracks and turned around to face Abbie. "I had a bad morning," Olivia told her.

"Why?" Abbie asked. "Did Alex not put out?"

"No, she did," Olivia told her. "That's why it was a bad morning. I wish she'd just forget about sex for a moment and focus on being with me before we—"

"Before you what?" Abbie asked, leading Olivia over to the side of a building so they could lean against something instead of standing in the middle of the sidewalk.

"I'll tell you later," Olivia insisted. "But Alex was going down on me for half an hour and I couldn't come."

"Were you close?" Abbie asked, leaning in toward Olivia. "Maybe she just didn't use the right technique."

"It's _Alex_," Olivia reminded her. "Her techniques are damn near perfect. She just—She always assumes it's another girl, but it's not. I'm thinking about someone else, but it's—"

"Wait! Wait!" Abbie said, completely shocked. "You're thinking about another woman when you have sex with Alex? Who is she?"

"My mom," Olivia blurted out and then realized how ridiculous she sounded.

"You think about your mom during sex?"

"Not like _that_," Olivia said and tried to hide her face.

"Liv, it's okay," Abbie teased. "I used to think about your mom all the time when I touched myself."

"Abbie!" Olivia said, disgusted.

"I'm sorry," Abbie told her and tried not to laugh. "You know how I am."

"I know. I know," Olivia said. "But can you please be serious for once? There's something I have to show you."

"We're going on a field trip?"

"Abbie Jean!"

"I'm sorry. That's the last time I'll joke around."

Olivia grabbed Abbie by the hand again and led her to a place she had never been to. Abbie had expected something great: a view of the city, an underground club, or even a new store, but instead they ended up in a dark alley with nobody else in sight. Abbie didn't know why, but she was already getting the chills even though it was a warm summer day. She looked around and felt an overwhelming sadness at the sight of everything around her. Even though she was an adventurous girl, this was the type of place even _she _would try her hardest to avoid, but here she was standing there with Olivia at night.

"Why did you bring me here?" she asked.

"Because you're my best friend and you understand things that Alex never will," Olivia pointed out.

"Like what?" Abbie asked.

"How were you conceived?" Olivia asked. After hearing her tone, Abbie pulled Olivia toward her and wrapped her arms around her.

"Do you want the real story or the one my mom told me?"

"The real one," Olivia insisted.

"I was an accident—or a mistake, whichever way you prefer to see it," Abbie told her. "My mom said that she was in love with my dad, but she wasn't. I was conceived in the back of a truck after some concert. Ben Parker wasn't her boyfriend. Her boyfriend had actually broken up with her earlier that day and she was trying to get back at him by sleeping with another guy. They were so drunk that they didn't use a condom and nine months later, there I was. Neither of them wanted me, especially Ben. His letters were bullshit. I was in Texas for three years and that man didn't try to see me or even write me back. Maybe it's for the best, though. He didn't leave my mom because she put him through hell. He left my mom because he was on drugs and he chose meth over his own daughter. He's clean now and has his family, but he became clean for them while leaving me. It's all so…so…"

"Screwed up?" Olivia asked.

"Yes!"

"It's his loss," Olivia insisted. "He doesn't realize the kind of daughter he has. You're so—you."

"So _me_?" Abbie asked and finally started smiling.

"Yes," Olivia told her. "Whenever people ask me to describe you, I can't. All I can say is she's Abbie and to know her is to love her."

At that moment, Olivia leaned in and kissed Abbie on the cheek, but it wasn't enough. She placed one more kiss at the corner of her mouth before finally pressing her lips gently to Abbie's. Abbie began running her fingers through Olivia's hair and she opened her lips just wide enough for Olivia to enter with her tongue.

"Did you mean what you said in that letter you gave me before you moved to Texas?" Olivia asked after she had pulled her lips away from Abbie's.

"I did," Abbie admitted. She knew she should stop, but instead she placed her hands on Olivia's waist, her fingertips slowly making their way to Olivia's bra as Olivia gently nibbled on Abbie's lower lip.

"Abbie?"

"Yeah?"

"I don't think you're a mistake," Olivia said in a serious tone of voice. "You and Alex are the best things to ever happen to me."

At the mention of her other friend's name, Abbie pulled back. "Liv, what are we doing?"

"I don't know," Olivia admitted. "You know I wouldn't cheat on Alex."

"Oh, really?" Abbie asked, her eyebrow raised.

"Yes," Olivia insisted. "You're the one with your hand underneath my bra. I don't think Serena would be thrilled."

"Serena would be upset that she wasn't able to watch," Abbie told her. "Liv, are you in love with me?"

"No!" Olivia scoffed. "Are you in love with me?"

"I was before I got with Serena," Abbie told her. "But that was a long time ago."

"So, we're okay?" Olivia asked, hopefully.

"We're okay," Abbie insisted. "But why did you bring me here? I know it wasn't to have sex."

"No," Olivia insisted. "I just trust you and I love you and I know you'll understand."

"Understand what?" Abbie asked. "Olivia, what's going on?"

"This is where I was conceived," Olivia confessed. "This dark, dirty, and unnerving place."

"How do you know?"

"I was walking around the area," Olivia began. "And when I passed by the neighboring building, I felt something unsettling but at the same time it was all so familiar. I started thinking about what I saw after we did the séance so I gave it a closer look and it's exactly as it was in that vision and the dreams I've been having ever since my mom told me how I was conceived. It's been three and a half years since she told me, Abbie. Why can't I just get over it?"

"Because it's not something you just get over," Abbie said, wiping the tears from Olivia's face. "It's going to take time."

"It just scares me," Olivia admitted. "I have his DNA and I had that vision of what he looked like when he raped my mom, but I don't know what he looks like now. What if I see him while I'm walking down the street? I don't know what I'd tell him or if I'd tell him anything. What do you say to someone like that? I think I'd kill him, but then I think I'd want to find out why he did what he did and tell him that I'm his daughter. I want to see him, Abbie. I have to."

"Is that why you hang out here?" Abbie asked.

"I don't know," Olivia said softly. "I don't know why I do half of the things I've been doing lately."

"You're putting yourself in a dangerous position, Liv," Abbie said sternly. It was never like Abbie to be the more mature person, so she almost felt uncomfortable telling Olivia what to do.

"I know!" Olivia insisted. "That's the point."

"And what are you going to do if you see him somewhere?" Abbie asked. "What if you're all alone? You're not going to be Miss Tough Girl. You're not Wonder Woman, Olivia, as much as you'd like to believe you are."

"Why couldn't they have caught him back then?" Olivia asked through her sobs. "This man violated my mom and no one caught him. He probably did that to other girls, too. Even if he hasn't raped anyone other than my mom, there are still other people doing that to other women and even children. It makes me sick and it needs to be stopped. Someone needs to stop people like that."

"Maybe that someone should be you," Abbie suggested.

"Me?"

"Think about it, Liv," Abbie told her. "You're so protective and you're so compassionate and even though it might be too late to do something about the man who raped your mom there's still other people out there like him who need to be stopped. You're the girl to do that, Liv. You really are."

"I'd like to think I could," Olivia told her.

"You could," Abbie insisted. "And us Cabenmichael girls could work as a team."

"How?"

"You catch them and Alex and I will prosecute them," Abbie told her with a huge smile on her face. "Hell, we could even get Serena in on this, even Casey if she ever decides to leave Seattle and come back to New York. We're going to have a great future, Liv."

"Abbie?"

"What's up?"

"I don't know how you managed to do it, but you've made this day better for me," Olivia admitted. "That's especially hard to do here, the place where I was conceived."

"What happened to your mom was horrible," Abbie began. "But, look at all you've become and who you're going to be in the future, not just career-wise, but everything you're going to have with Alex."

"I really love her."

"I know you do," Abbie said. "Not as much as I love Serena, though. No one can love anyone as much as I love Serena."

"I beg to differ," Olivia told her. "Speaking of Alex and Serena, we left them alone. They're probably clawing at each other's faces right now."

"Race you home," Abbie said before quickly taking off.

"Not fair," Olivia said. "You got a head start."

"Come on, Livya," Abbie turned around and shouted. "How are you going to catch perps if you can't catch me? I'm good practice for you. I'll even let you cuff me if you want and I know Serena would let you frisk her."

"Abbie," Olivia groaned. The moment Abbie started running, Olivia darted after her. She knew all of her troubles weren't going to disappear because of her conversation in the alley, but for the first time ever, she felt closer to the woman she wanted to become.


	6. Full Circle

**juicetroop82: **I can't resist updating this one quickly. I think Olivia opening up will take some time, but it'll happen. :) **Dee Hensley: **Thanks! You know I love screwing with y'all. haha. **Stacey: **Thank you. Yeah, it's just part of their little understanding as friends. I'm not big on Abbie and Olivia cheating with each other, so no need to worry about that. Abbie and Serena having sex all the time and the two of them being consumed with their postgrad lives will definitely factor in to their discussion. I'll probably get to that in the next chapter. :) **Sidle13: **haha yeah they would be hot together, but...no cheating!

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><p>When Abbie and Olivia walked into their apartment later that same night, they found Alex passed out on the couch. It wasn't the first time Alex had fallen asleep on the couch, but it was the first time she had fallen asleep in such a position wearing nothing but her underwear and an old sorority t-shirt. She was lying on her back with one leg draped over the back of the couch and one foot touching the ground. She was wearing absolutely no make-up and her wet hair was soaking her shirt. She would have considered herself a mess, but Olivia thought she looked beautiful regardless.<p>

"Baby!" Serena said excitedly as she ran up to Abbie. "I missed you."

"I missed you, too," Abbie told her, her arms now wrapped around Serena.

"What the hell did you do to my girlfriend?" Olivia asked Serena as she took another look at how Alex was positioned.

"Nothing," Serena said innocently. "She's just exhausted, Liv. She told me she hasn't been sleeping well so when she knocked out I decided not to move her."

"Damn, look at those legs," Abbie said while staring at Alex. "They're so…"

"They're so _mine_," Olivia told her. "That's my girlfriend you're drooling over."

"If I were you, I'd want those legs straddling me, Liv," Abbie said with her arms still wrapped around Serena. "I bet she'd let you grip her thighs as she grinds into you. Liv, I would _so_ wreck that and drown her in my—"

"_Okay_, Abbie," Olivia said, embarrassed. "I can't believe you're saying this in front of your girlfriend."

"I don't care," Serena insisted. "I'm not one of those insecure, needy girlfriends. Alex has nice legs but I have a nice everything."

"You have a _perfect _everything," Abbie told her girlfriend. "No girl in this world is as hot as you are and no girl ever will be."

Olivia wanted to ask Serena what she had talked about with Alex, but she knew it was no use. Abbie and Serena were now lip-locked against the wall and once they started kissing there was no use in trying to pry them apart. Before Olivia could even make her way over to her girlfriend, Abbie and Serena were sloppily taking off their clothes and leaving them in a trail that led from the apartment door to their bedroom. It was _that _moment in which Olivia realized she would probably be seeing the two of them half-naked, if not completely naked, on a daily basis.

Once she heard Abbie and Serena's door close, Olivia knew it was safe to go over to her girlfriend. She hated to wake her up, but she'd be upset with herself if she were to shut the lights off and risk Alex waking up to Abbie and Serena having sex on the other couch. It hadn't happened yet, but Olivia knew it was only a matter of time.

"Baby," Olivia whispered and then started to gently kiss Alex's cheeks. "Baby, wake up."

"Liv?" Alex asked as she struggled to open her eyes. "Where were you?"

"I'll tell you in the morning, sweetheart," Olivia insisted. "Let's get you out of that wet t-shirt and into bed. I want to hold you extra close tonight."

"You're not mad at me?"

"No. Are you mad at me?"

"No," Alex managed to say while yawning. "I love you."

Realizing that her girlfriend was too tired to get off the couch, Olivia used all of her strength to lift her up and carry her over to their bed. Once Alex was under the covers, Olivia helped her remove her shirt and replace it with a dry one. Olivia looked at the shirt lying on the carpet in their bedroom. It was a pink shirt with the words "Girls just Wanna Have Fun" printed inside of a heart and "Beta Gamma Fall Rush '94" printed on the bottom left corner of the shirt. Olivia remembered how excited Alex was when she wore that shirt around the Princeton campus and how beautiful she looked when she wore it with a denim skirt. It was one of the cheesiest shirts Olivia had ever seen, but Olivia tried to love it because Alex and her roommate Bree had designed it for the Beta Gamma Rush Shirt contest. Seeing as the two of them won, Olivia figured it must not be as cheesy as she thought.

The shirt Olivia had put on Alex was yet another sorority t-shirt. In fact, those were the majority of the shirts Alex owned except for a few oxfords. As much as Olivia disliked the girls in Alex's sorority, she loved how proud Alex was to be a member of Beta Gamma. The freshmen all looked up to Alex and Alex tried her hardest to be a good role model for them. A few of them even cried when Alex graduated, but they knew her reason for leaving so soon was because of Olivia. That was only a couple of weeks ago, but Olivia felt as if a lifetime had already passed. Alex had just graduated and already she was living with her girlfriend and preparing to have a baby. It was what they both had wanted, but Olivia began to wonder if they were actually ready for any of this.

* * *

><p>The next morning, Alex woke up to find Olivia delicately kissing her neck. She always enjoyed when Olivia was playful and affectionate with her. Even though she knew Olivia loved her, it was the little things like morning kisses that reassured Alex of her girlfriend's love. She had slept peacefully for the first time in awhile and she knew it was because of her talk with Serena. She had given her relationship advice and told her to take her time and be patient with Olivia because Olivia was the kind of girl who wanted more from a relationship than sex. While their girlfriends were gone, the two of them were able to make amends. Serena had explained that the reason she acted out the night before was because she was nervous about living in New York and starting a new school and having to live with roommates instead of just living with Abbie. In addition to that, living with her girlfriend and her girlfriend's best friends made her realize that she was once part of a trio and that trio had long since been split up. The three of them were still best friends, but they had their own lives now. Serena had spent the past two years in Austin and was now living in New York while Connie was in Pennsylvania and Casey was in Seattle. Serena wanted them to visit her, but she worried about Alex and Olivia being uncomfortable because Casey and Connie were their exes. That's when she told her that Serena should be more worried about Abbie and Olivia taking over Casey than Alex being upset that her ex-girlfriend was staying in her apartment. Alex could picture how that reunion would be. Alex would give Casey a hug and get to talk to her for a few seconds before Abbie and Olivia pulled her away from the other girls and started to ask her questions about the music scene in Seattle and what her life is like over there. Then the three of them would kiss their girlfriends goodbye and spend the rest of the day at the music store or one of the venues Olivia frequented. They'd most likely invite Alex, Serena, and Connie, but the three of them would refuse and spend the rest of the night having a few drinks and talking about how they are now widows thanks to the grunge scene.<p>

"Good morning," Alex said sleepily once Olivia stopped kissing her neck.

"Good morning," Olivia told her and then wrapped her arms around her. "How did you sleep?"

"Like a baby."

"Did you feel my arms around you all night?"

"That's why I slept like a baby," Alex said. She then softly kissed Olivia on the lips. "I always feel so safe when you hold me."

"That's what I wanted to talk to you about," Olivia began. Her tone had changed and Alex was becoming worried. She loved how beautiful Olivia always looked in the morning with no make-up and her hair slightly messed up, but there was something different about that moment. She noticed her girlfriend wasn't at ease like she usually was.

"Did something happen last night?" Alex asked. She was now fully awake and nervous about Olivia's answer.

"Nothing happened," Olivia reassured her. "But the reason I haven't wanted to have sex isn't because of you. You know I love you and no woman turns me on the way you do. You're so sexy, Alex. You really are."

"Liv!" Alex said, trying to stop her girlfriend from rambling. "I'm flattered, but I know that's not what you wanted to tell me."

"It's not," Olivia admitted. "I love you. I really love you and that's why I'm so scared right now."

"Scared of what, babe?" Alex asked, her fingers now laced with Olivia's. It was a simple gesture, but it always comforted Olivia because she'd look at how perfectly their hands fit together.

"You're just so beautiful," Olivia told her and tried not to cry.

"You're beautiful, too. I've always thought so."

"I never want to hurt you, Alex."

"Liv," Alex said, inching herself even closer to her girlfriend. "I don't foresee either of us hurting each other again."

"I'm going to tell you what's bothering me now," Olivia began. "I told Abbie some of it, but the rest is between the two of us."

"Okay," Alex said nervously.

"I took Abbie to the place where I was conceived," Olivia said without even looking at Alex. "I didn't want to take you because I wanted to protect you from that, but it was the same place I saw in my dreams when we were at the cabin. It's still so dark and desolate and as I was standing there I wondered why my mom would even take a shortcut through that alley."

"She was 21, Liv. Just like us," Alex told her. "She did questionable things just like we do."

"I know, but still," Olivia said. "There's more to it than that. What I didn't tell Abbie is that this is the building she lived in with Olivia and Lorraine when everything happened. It's not the same apartment, but this is the exact same building. She was raped in that alley and then came home to this building and cried until Olivia and Lorraine told her to report what had happened. This is the same place she refused to leave for days because she was afraid of him attacking her again and this is the same place where she cried after she found out she was pregnant with me."

Alex looked at her girlfriend in disbelief. She wondered what had possessed her to even go to that alley to begin with, especially because she knew it would have such an effect on her. Although it had been three years since Olivia had found out her mother was raped, Alex knew that wasn't nearly enough time for her to fully accept how she was conceived.

"Olivia," Alex began. "You're forgetting something. This is also the place where she brought you home for the first time after you were born, the place where you said your first word, the place where you took your first steps and, most importantly, this is going to be the place where we bring our baby home for the first time and where our baby takes his or her first steps and says his or her first word. It's all going to come full circle, Olivia, and you're not going through any of this alone. You have me and I want you to be able to talk to me about anything and everything that's bothering you. It's important that we open up to each other."

"I don't know if I want it to come full circle," Olivia admitted. "I want us to have our baby, but I get worried that everything is so perfectly aligned. Our ages, our location, everything. I'm not worried about anything happening to me, but what about you and Abbie. I don't want what happened to my mom to happen to either of you."

"Nothing is going to happen to us," Alex insisted. "And even though what happened to your mom was horrible, she still says that you're the best thing to ever happen to her just like you're the best thing to happen to me, Liv."

"And our Cabot-Benson baby is going to be the best thing to happen to the two of us?"

"Our baby, yes, but giving birth, not so much," Alex teased. "Come on, let's get up now. I'm hungry and I want to get to the frozen waffles before Abbie wakes up and takes advantage of first wafflies."


	7. The Odd Couple And A Baby Monkey

**juicetroop82: **You're right and there will definitely be some Alex/Liv alone time. ;) **litafan82: **They won't kill each other...yet. haha. And, yeah, Abbie will always be Abbie. They'd be lost without her comic relief. **Cmoni: **haha I think Abbie and Serena's oversexed ways are the one thing you can count on in this series. :)

* * *

><p>After opening up to Alex, Olivia started to feel better about living in their building. She still didn't have her desired level of intimacy with her girlfriend, but she knew it was only a matter of time. They had plenty of opportunities even with their roommates at home, but every opportunity they were given didn't feel right for Olivia. It had been weeks since the last time they had made love to each other instead of one of them merely getting the other one off and Alex started joking about having a second virginity. The words "second virginity" stayed with Olivia and she started planning an entire evening for the two of them. She may have lost her virginity to Jenny but she wanted to lose her "second virginity" to Alex and she wanted it to be special. Without Alex knowing, she had talked to Abbie and asked if she and Serena would let them have the apartment to themselves for an evening, not necessarily overnight but at least long enough for the two of them to have some time alone. What Olivia planned wasn't just about sex; she wanted to take Alex on a date and rekindle the passion that they have for each other.<p>

…but that day wasn't definitely not today. Alex and Olivia woke up that morning to little Alyssa jumping on their bed. Olivia's stepdad had wanted to take her mom out on a date and because Tiffany was at her mom's for the weekend, they were left without a baby-sitter for Alyssa. The Cabenmichael girls were eager for the chance to spend more time with their favorite toddler so they offered to keep her overnight. Instead of her typical night of wild sex with Serena, Abbie hung out with Alex, Olivia, and Alyssa in the living room while they all watched _Rugrats _and played Candyland.

Abbie had a way with Alyssa and Serena had assumed it was because she was still in touch with her inner child, but Alex and Olivia knew the real reason she loved spending so much time with Alyssa was because Alyssa was only one year younger than her own son or daughter would have been. Even though her miscarriage had happened three and a half years ago, she still thought about her baby everyday and wondered what her life would have been like if her son or daughter was with her. She imagined her three-year-old playing games with Alyssa while she watched them and occasionally joined in. Abbie had wanted to try having a baby again and she had approached Serena about trying to get pregnant again, but without even giving it a second thought Serena had flat-out refused and said that they were too young. Abbie knew that her girlfriend was right but deep down she didn't want to believe her. She wanted to have it all: law school, her baby, and Serena. Hearing about Abbie's fears made Alex wonder the same thing about her situation, but she kept telling herself that she was different. Alex loved her best friend, but she liked to think she was on a different level than Abbie; she saw herself as more mature, more responsible, and definitely more capable of caring for a baby and caring for her body while she was pregnant.

"Alex!" the two-year-old shouted as she jumped on top of Alex. "Alex! Wake up!"

"What?" Alex said sleepily.

"I wanna play monkeys," Alyssa told her as she put her hands on Alex's face.

"Monkeys?" Alex asked. It was a game that they had all made up last night in which Alex was the 'mommy' monkey, Olivia was the 'daddy' monkey, and Alyssa was the 'baby' monkey. The game itself was more of a role-playing activity that involved Alyssa jumping on the bed and being tickled and carried by Alex and Olivia and really had nothing to do with monkeys, but Alyssa loved monkeys and she especially loved pretending she was a monkey.

"Monkeys!" Alyssa shouted. Alex carefully flipped the two-year-old onto her back and started to tickle her. Hearing her little sister laugh instantly woke up Olivia who then started to tickle Alex by request from Alyssa.

"I'm getting up! I'm getting up!" Alex insisted. "You know how I feel about getting tickled."

"She's no fun, is she?" Olivia asked her little sister.

"No," Alyssa told her.

"I'm no fun but I'm going to be clean," Alex told them. "Speaking of clean, Mommy and Daddy monkey need to give baby monkey a bath. We bought you a new ducky to play with."

"Ducky! Ducky!" Alyssa said excitedly. Alex knew she wasn't going to be able to get in the shower first, so she decided to prepare the bath while Olivia undressed her little sister and took her over to the bathtub.

As soon as Alyssa got into the bathtub, she started splashing with her new rubber ducky. Alex and Olivia were getting wet from Alyssa's splashing, but they didn't mind because Alyssa was having so much fun. In fact, she was having so much fun that she didn't even mind them washing her hair. Olivia had bought her little sister some 'no more tears' shampoo and Alyssa loved the cherry scent. Bathing Alyssa reminded Olivia of all of the fun she had when her mom bathed her almost 20 years ago.

"Hold up your hands," Olivia said playfully as she held up her own hands. Alyssa then started to mimic her sister's actions and held up her hands to Olivia's. "See these little wrinkles on your fingers?" Olivia asked. "That means it's time for no more monkeys in the bathtub."

Alyssa made a monkey noise and immediately stood up for her sister to start drying her off. As Olivia was drying the toddler, Alex went to the room to get some clothes from Alyssa's bag. Serena had packed a cute daisy print dress and sandals for her, but Alex knew Olivia would never let her little sister wear that. Alex grabbed Alyssa's 'secret' outfit from inside of Olivia's drawer and laid it out on the bed. Her secret outfit consisted of tiny ripped jeans and a toddler-sized black Pearl Jam t-shirt. On her little feet were a pair of black Converse shoes that she let Alyssa draw on with a pen.

After Alyssa had gotten dressed and eaten her breakfast, Alex and Olivia took turns in the shower and watching Nick Jr. with Alyssa. Alex couldn't wait until Olivia had gotten out of the shower and started doing her hair. Watching Alyssa and Olivia do their hair together always made Alex smile. She loved how Olivia turned it into playtime so Alyssa could become involved. Since Alyssa was too little to see herself in the bathroom mirror, they did their hair together in front of the full-length mirror in Alex and Olivia's bedroom.

After running a comb through her own hair, Olivia got Alyssa's soft brush from her bag and started to brush her sister's wet hair.

"Foam," Alyssa said, which made Olivia start to smile. Alyssa loved having wavy hair like her big sister and she already knew the best way to get her hair like her sister's was to use mousse, so she held her hands out for Olivia to dispense some onto her hands. When both of Alyssa's hands had foam on them, Olivia then put some on her own hands and prepared her sister for the next step.

"Scrunch, scrunch," Olivia instructed and they both started to apply the foamy product to their hair. Seeing that her little sister only applied it to the front, Olivia dispensed a small amount of mousse onto her hand and worked it through the back of her sister's hair. "Crazy time," Olivia said, which meant it was time for the two of them to tousle their hair to give it a messy look.

"Sissy is pretty," Alyssa told her as she wrapped her little arms around Olivia.

"Alyssa is pretty," Olivia said and started to tickle her.

"It's like the '70s all over again," Alex said as she looked at the two of them. "She looks so much like you when you were a little girl. Our second baby is coming from you. I want a little Olivia."

"I'm little Olibbia," Alyssa insisted.

Olivia looked at her girlfriend and shrugged. "I guess we already have one."

After Alex and Olivia were dressed, they decided to take Alyssa to a nearby playground because they didn't want her to be cooped up all day. They didn't trust Alyssa walking around, so, instead of holding each other's hands like Alex and Olivia usually did when they walked around, they took turns holding Alyssa. Whenever Alex and Olivia walked around together, they'd get the occasional stares. They were both attractive young women but that wasn't the reason people stared at them. As much as Alex and Olivia saw themselves as a perfect fit, they knew other people saw them as the odd couple and that day was no different. Alex's perfectly tucked-in oxford shirt and designer jeans didn't exactly complement Olivia's red plaid jumper and ripped black tights. The fact that they were carrying a child dressed like a little alt rocker only added to the amount of stares they received. People who looked like they could be a part of Olivia's scene usually stopped and called them a beautiful little family, but those on the conservative side all wondered the same thing, 'What the hell are those two doing together?' The girls never cared. All of the attention made Olivia laugh and, to further upset them, Alex would walk even closer to Olivia and kiss her on the cheek.

As they sat on a bench and watched Alyssa play on the playground with another little girl, Alex decided it was the perfect opportunity to bring up what she had planned for their own little one. She knew she should discuss it first with Olivia, but she had already been contemplating donors and whether they should use someone they know or an anonymous donor. If they were going to use someone they know, the first person to come to mind was Logan. He may not look Olivia, but he was a blood relative, which was important to Alex.

"I think we should use Logan," Alex said nervously.

"Logan? My _cousin _Logan?" Olivia asked, completely surprised. "For what?"

Alex felt ridiculous for not making herself clear. "For our donor."

"Oh," Olivia responded for lack of anything better to say. The topic of conversation had caught her completely off guard.

"Logan has Benson DNA just like you," Alex pointed out. "He's smart, he's good-looking, and do I have to reiterate that he has Benson DNA just like you?"

"That's important to you, isn't it?" Olivia asked.

"Yes," Alex said and looked into her girlfriend's eyes. "I want our baby to _truly _be a Cabot-Benson baby."

"I know you do," Olivia told her. "But I just—"

"What?" Alex asked.

"I don't know," Olivia said and shifted her glance toward Alyssa instead of Alex.

"You can tell me," Alex insisted.

"I know Logan and I see him regularly and I'll think of this baby as yours and his," Olivia admitted. "The whole thing makes me feel inferior. It's like he is physically capable of getting you pregnant and I'm not."

"Liv, you're a _woman_," Alex said, knowing fully well that she was stating the obvious. "I kind of like you that way."

"I know that," Olivia said, trying not to be annoyed. "I just wish this was easier and I could make you pregnant because we made love."

"I want that, too," Alex told her, "but it can't happen that way. We'd ask him to be our _donor_, Liv. He's not going to have sex with me. I want this for us. I want to start a family with you."

Olivia looked at her high school class ring on Alex's finger, the very same ring she had given her four years ago. "I'll think about it," she said before taking off to play with her little sister.

Their conversation hadn't exactly gone smoothly, but Alex was used to nothing going smoothly in their relationship.


	8. Kurt Cabot Benson Will Be G

**juicetroop82: **I don't know if Liv and Alex will EVER relax. haha. **Sidle13: **Don't worry. He won't be. Liv has her reasons. :) **litafan82: **I can't wait either. But I'm going to enjoy writing about Alex's pregnancy and how she's going to drive liv crazy.

* * *

><p>As soon as Alyssa went home, Olivia started to think about the conversation she had with Alex at the park. She knew and <em>respected <em>Alex's reason for wanting Logan to be their donor but, as much as she loved Logan, she didn't see him as the 'father' of their baby. Olivia told Alex that she had her insecurities about Logan being their donor because she wanted to impregnate Alex herself; however, Olivia's _actual _reason for not wanting to ask Logan is because she wanted a donor that she could also use when it was time for her to be impregnated. Their future Cabot-Benson children may not have the same birthmothers but she at least wanted them to have the same father, so to speak and, because Logan was her cousin, that wouldn't be possible. Even though they'd raise their children together, Olivia still felt as if that wasn't enough. She wanted them to have _some _blood relation.

She stayed up that night wondering when her life had started to change from hanging out with her drunken former roommates in her old apartment to trying to choose a donor for her and her girlfriend's future baby. She thought about all of the times she had gone to small music venues with Dylan and the nights the two of them stayed up talking about nothing in particular. Yes, she had starred in his films, but during their sophomore year the two of them had changed the theme entirely. Instead of a rip-off of _The Real World_, the two of them created a documentary about what it was like for LGBT college students in the '90s. With cooperation from their friends, the documentary became a huge success. Becky Albers and Mark Romero talked about growing up as the typical all-American high school students and how they had to be closeted in high school because of that. As captain of her cheerleading squad, Becky said she felt obligated to date a football player just as Mark felt obligated to date a cheerleader as co-captain of the football team. Mark said he somehow knew Becky was a lesbian so he felt comfortable coming out to her and, before they knew it, the two of them had an arrangement. They never did anything physical with each other but, when asked, they'd lie and say that the reason they weren't having sex is because they were saving themselves for marriage. What mattered most was the image; they'd pose for yearbook photos together, attend parties together, and hold hands whenever they were together on campus. They also talked about how they didn't have to pretend now that they were in college and they were free to have actual relationships instead of settling for flings. Alex and Olivia told the story of their relationship and what it's like to be in a long-distance relationship in college. While on camera, Olivia talked about how she had loved Alex since she was a little girl and how she knew her love for her would only grow as time passed. It wasn't the first time she had heard Olivia say that, but it was the first time Alex had heard Olivia say something like that when they were both on camera so she couldn't help but start crying. Olivia held her and kissed her tear-stained cheeks, which made her even more emotional. They talked about wanting to get married and how lucky they felt for finding each other at such a young age. Dylan and Olivia even got their friends from other schools involved in the project. Casey talked about the gay scene in Seattle and Connie talked about struggling with the decision to keep her sexuality a secret because of the conservative girls in her dorm. Serena talked about the many sexual encounters she had between the ages of 14 and 16 without her parents suspecting anything and how Abbie is the only girl she ever felt anything for so even though they had a rocky beginning she knew Abbie was the one. As the only bisexual in the film, Dylan had a lot to ask Abbie. She talked about the male pornographic fantasy and how that doesn't apply to her and that even though she may be attracted to guys and girls it doesn't mean she doesn't want to have threesomes or that she would leave Serena for a guy. She said that she doesn't have a preference and that men and women could both satisfy her sexually but she's in love with her girlfriend and now that she has her she can't imagine ever being with anyone else. Abbie also talked about bi-phobia and the stigma that comes with being a bisexual woman because there are many straight men who assume she is into threesomes and many lesbians who think she's just 'experimenting' with women and will eventually marry a man. Dylan talked about being from a progressive household and how that enabled him to be comfortable with his own sexuality. Unlike most gay teens, he never had to hide who he was from his parents and he wished others had it as easy as he did. He talked about being an outsider in an already marginalized community because he didn't attend circuit parties and spend hours at the gym like one stereotype nor did he attend Broadway musicals and care about high fashion like another gay male stereotype.

The more Olivia thought about Dylan, the more she realized he was who she wanted as their donor. He was good-looking, smart, and the two of them shared an unexplainable bond. Dylan thought Alex and Olivia were beautiful, unconventionally beautiful is how he put it. He looked at them from a viewpoint they weren't used to college guys having: an artistic viewpoint. He never used the words 'hot' or 'sexy' to describe them. Instead, he found beauty in what the girls considered to be their flaws but, most importantly, he found beauty in their love for each other.

With that in mind, Olivia reached over and started to gently shake her girlfriend. "Babe, wake up."

"No," Alex mumbled.

Not wanting to take no for an answer, Olivia pulled Alex toward her and tried one more time to wake her up.

"I'm awake, I'm awake," Alex insisted even though her eyes were still closed.

"Babe, I want Dylan."

"For what?" Alex asked. "You want to hang out with him? Go ahead, just let me sleep."

"Not to hang out," Olivia told her. "For our donor."

"Oh," Alex said, immediately waking up.

"Babe?"

"That's fine," Alex told her. She may have sounded nonchalant, but she was actually thrilled about this process being over with. She hated disagreeing with Olivia about donors when all she really wanted was their Cabot-Benson baby.

"Yeah?" Olivia asked to double-check.

"Yeah," Alex replied. "We're seeing him this week. We can ask him then."

"Dylan is our main man. I'm sure he'll say yes."

"I hope so. I don't think I could handle rejection," Alex admitted.

"When are you ovulating?" Olivia asked excitedly.

"Twelve days," Alex responded. "I've been keeping track."

"So, we'll do this in twelve days."

"Wait! What?" Alex asked, completely shocked. "Liv, that's so soon."

"I thought you were ready," Olivia said sadly.

"I am, but—"

"If you're not ready, it's okay," Olivia insisted. "You know I'd never force you to do anything."

The pleading look on her girlfriend's face nearly broke Alex's heart. "Okay," Alex said, knowing she was probably going against her better judgment.

Without saying another word, Olivia got on top of her girlfriend and started to give her a series of sloppy kisses on her neck. The kisses tickled Alex and she couldn't control her laughter. Before she knew it, she was having a tickle fight with her girlfriend for the first time since they were little kids. _So much for maturity_, she thought.

"I'm taking you out the day after tomorrow," Olivia told Alex as she was on top of her. She loved the way Alex looked from this angle. They were able to look into each other's eyes and Alex running her fingers through Olivia's hair just heightened the experience for her. "We're going somewhere nice and then I'm going to make love to you like never before."

"Or you could make love to me now," Alex said flirtatiously.

"I _could_," Olivia responded, her hands now gently running along the sides of Alex's torso until she gets a firm hold of her girlfriend's hips, making Alex let out a gasp.

"What's going on in there?" Serena asked as she pounded on the door. "Are you two fucking?"

"Yes," Alex said, wishing Serena would go away.

"I'm all for leaving you two alone, but Abbie wants you," Serena told them. "Well, she wants _you_, Liv."

"Liv!" they heard Abbie shout from the living room. "We missed today's episode of _120 Minutes_ and they're re-airing it. Come watch."

"_120 Minutes_?" Olivia asked excitedly. She quickly got out of bed and put her pajama shorts on, leaving a rather frustrated Alex alone in bed.

"Baby, you've probably seen all of those videos," Alex pointed out.

"Liv, they're showing Stone Temple Pilots," Abbie shouted, giving Olivia an even bigger dilemma.

"Stone Temple Pilots, babe," Olivia said even more excited than before. "I have to go. Come with me. We can make love afterward."

"No, we can't," Alex informed her. "I'm not some switch you can just turn on and off."

"I know exactly how to turn you on," Olivia teased.

"And you also know exactly how to turn me off," Alex retorted. She had gone from wanting to make love to her girlfriend to giving her the 'look,' that one facial expression that let Olivia know without a doubt that she wouldn't be having sex that night unless it was with herself.

Alex reluctantly got out of bed and joined her girlfriend in the living room. She had wanted to at least sit on Olivia's lap but that spot was already taken by Abbie, who was now enjoying the comfort of Olivia's arms and resting her head on Olivia's shoulder. As much as Alex loved her girlfriend and her best friend, she was starting to become annoyed by how clingy the two of them were. Olivia would drop everything to be with Abbie just as Abbie would drop everything to be with Olivia. Alex missed the days when _she _was Olivia's best friend and Olivia would enjoy hanging out with her as friends and girlfriends instead of just the latter.

Alex tried to remain calm until Abbie started running her fingers through Olivia's wavy hair and nibbling on her earlobe once the commercials began.

"You're okay with this?" Alex asked Serena.

"My Abbiekins is a sexual person, as am I," Serena told her. "Nibbling on Olivia's earlobe isn't cheating, Alex. I could just as easily start making out with you and it would be okay."

"I'd _love _to see that," Abbie said, finally taking her focus away from Olivia. "Some blonde on blonde action would be hot."

"Come here, babe" Serena insisted. "Let Alex have her girlfriend. Besides, it's been five minutes since the last time your tongue was in my mouth and that's too damn long."

Abbie and Serena made out for the duration of the commercials while Olivia apologized to Alex. Alex knew her girlfriend was faithful to her, but she just wished the attention would be on _her _more often instead of Abbie.

"What were you two talking about in the room?" Abbie asked once their show was over. "I heard bits and pieces of your conversation, or at least I tried to."

"It was nothing," Olivia said, unsure of whether or not Alex wanted anyone to know what they had planned.

"It's not _nothing_," Alex said excitedly. "Olivia and I are going to have a talk with Dylan this week about…"

"About what?" Serena asked.

"About him being our donor," Olivia added.

"Olivia and I are going to have a baby!" Alex told her.

"What? That's incredible!" Abbie said and jumped on top of Alex. "When are you going to do this?"

"In less than two weeks," Olivia told her.

"No effing way. That's so G," Abbie said. "We need to start planning names. This baby needs a cool name."

"I want Ezra for a girl," Olivia told Abbie. "It's so unique."

"I love it," Abbie said.

"Ezra Cabot-Benson?" Alex asked. "Why don't you just pin the 'kick me' sign on her already?"

"What do you like?" Serena asked.

"Courtney," Alex responded.

"Courtney?" Serena asked. "That's so cute!"

"That's a stripper name," Abbie said with a disgusted look on her face. "Or the name of a vapid sorority girl."

"Ezra," Olivia insisted.

"Courtney will be her name," Alex said. "This baby is coming out of _my _vagina, therefore, I get to name it."

"And if you have a boy?" Serena asked to ease the tension.

"Kurt," Olivia responded and finally received no complaint from Alex.

"Liv, you _would_," Abbie teased. "That's a bitchin' name. Kurt Benson. He's going to get so many chicks when he grows up. I can already picture his boss tattoo, leather jacket, and 'I don't give a fuck' attitude. He'll be like us, Liv. Well, except we don't have any tattoos, leather jackets, or an 'I don't give a fuck' attitude. Still, you get what I'm saying."

"I do, surprisingly," Olivia told her. "And he'll play in an alt band with an ironic name. So, it's settled."

"What's settled?" Alex asked.

"We're having a boy," Olivia told her. "Tell your soon to be fertilized egg to make it happen."

"And if we have a girl?" Alex asked.

Olivia stopped to think of a response. "Make me a promise?"

"What?" Alex asked.

"If we have a girl, promise you won't buy her a canopy bed and any Disney Princess stuff. She's going to play with toy trucks and build things in a tool shed like Abbie and I did when we were little girls."

Alex just shook her head and tried not to laugh. It was going to be a long 9 months followed by an even longer 18 years. Their future little one didn't stand a chance with Olivia for a mom and Abbie for an aunt.


	9. Beta Gamma Barbies

**E-O4evah: **I'm glad you loved it. I hope this one was posted soon enough for you. :) **juicetroop82: **Alex and Liv are definitely going to have a talk. Liv is about to realize something very soon. **Sidle13: **Alex having a boy would be very cute. I could just imagine a little blonde male version of Alex. haha. Little Liv would be absolutely adorable. **litafan82: **I'll admit, she IS meddling right now. haha. Little Miss Southerlyn needs to keep her woman out of other people's business. **ladylips: **I totally agree with you. Abbie and Olivia need to grow up very very soon, but trust me when I say that it will definitely happen. I won't have them immature forever. :) **charmedbywits: **Wow, thank you for the issues that you brought up in your review. I'm taking all of that into consideration and I hope you don't mind if I use some of those issues as subjects of future chapters. :)

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><p>The next morning, Alex woke up to the sound of Abbie and Olivia loudly playing video games in the living room. Judging by the music coming from the video game, she knew it had to be <em>Donkey Kong Country<em>, her favorite game. Whenever she would visit Olivia at her apartment, the two of them would always play that game as a team because they wanted to work together. By the end of the night, there would always be an empty pizza box, two empty Coke cans, and a very accomplished Alex and Olivia. After that, they would put on a movie and cuddle with each other until they fell asleep. Alex missed those days and she had assumed that would happen again now that they had their own apartment, but she knew it couldn't be any farther from the truth. She was just a girlfriend now or someone Olivia slept next to at night.

_Thanks for waking me up, guys,_ Alex thought as she got out of bed and grabbed some clothes and underwear. Without even acknowledging them, she went over to the bathroom and got in the shower.

"What's her problem?" Abbie asked. "Not saying hi to us is a bitch move."

"She just hasn't been herself lately," Olivia pointed out.

"Or maybe these are her true colors. I mean, she's Lex," Abbie said as she opened a juice box for herself and then tossed one to Olivia.

"What's _that_ supposed to mean?" Olivia asked.

"Nothin'," Abbie responded, hoping she hadn't offended Olivia. "Tell me about Ezra. Better yet, I'll tell you about Ezra. I'm thinking we should buy her a onesie, a cool one. I found this store that sells the so many different kinds: Nine Inch Nails, Rage Against the Machine, Hole—so many, Olivia. We should go check them out this week. Kurt could even wear them, too."

Olivia was about to respond when the girls heard a knock at their door.

"Is it Rena?" Olivia asked.

"No, she's still in bed," Abbie told her. "I wore her out last night."

Neither girl wanted to answer the door, so they played a quick game of Rock, Paper, Scissors to determine who would have to answer it. When Abbie looked through the peephole, she saw three similar-looking girls standing outside their door.

"Liv, there are three very blonde, very preppy looking girls standing outside of our door, which can only mean one thing."

"What?" Olivia asked, confused.

"They're here for your girlfriend's soul. Quick, hide Alex before it's too late."

Olivia rolled her eyes and went over to the door. She scooted Abbie out of the way and decided to take a look for herself. What she saw were three girls with different Beta Gamma t-shirts and matching denim shorts. One of them was carrying a gift bag with the Beta Gamma letters drawn on them. Olivia recognized one of the girls as Bree and she knew she had met the other two before, but she couldn't remember their names for the life of her.

"Hello?" Bree called out. "Does Alex live here?"

"Hey, Bree," Olivia said as she opened the door. "Come in."

After hugging Olivia, the three girls walked into the apartment and Abbie couldn't help but stare. Olivia gave her a pleading look and hoped that she would keep all of her comments to herself. Abbie's only response was a wink and Olivia had no idea what direction this was going to take.

"Hi, I'm Abbie," she said as she got up to shake their hands. "You must be Alex's sorority sisters."

"Yeah, we pledged with her and shared a room with her. Well, Bree and I did," one of them said excitedly. "I'm Mindy."

"I'm Stacy, Alex's Lil Sis," another one of them said. Abbie was thrown off guard when the peppy blonde decided to hug her instead of shake her hand.

"I'm Bree," the third one said casually.

As Abbie took another look at the three girls, she noticed that, not only were they all blonde, but they all had blue eyes, a similar build, and hair just like Alex's. When they sat down, Abbie also noticed that they all crossed their legs the same way. She started imaging the future that was in store for these three girls and she felt as if it was pretty bleak.

At the sound of her sorority sisters' voices, Alex hurried out of the shower and quickly put her make-up on. She didn't look perfect but these girls were sisters and she knew that they loved her for better or for worse.

"Big!" Stacy said in a squeaky voice as she ran to hug Alex.

"Lil!" Alex said and hugged her tightly. "I missed you so much."

"Come back to Princeton," Stacy pleaded. "I can't live without you, Big."

"She's just drama," Bree said and started laughing. "But we _do _miss you, Alex."

"Bubbles? You're here, too?" Alex asked. "And you're still sitting on the couch? It's time for a Beta Gamma group hug!"

"Sorry, Skittles," Mindy said and made her way over to Alex. The four girls shared a group hug while Abbie and Olivia couldn't help but roll their eyes.

"Skittles?" Olivia asked once Alex and her sorority sisters had made themselves comfortable on the couch.

"That's my nickname," Alex said excitedly.

"Why?" Abbie asked.

"Taste the rainbow," Mindy said and the four Beta Gamma girls started laughing. "Dana Miles, our former president, gave her that nickname when we were pledges. Well, she didn't _give_ it to her. Alex _earned _it because of that time when she—"

"Mindy!" Alex said and covered her sister's mouth. "Nobody wants to hear that story."

"Sorry," Mindy said, embarrassed. "But Dana lives in New York now. She's in her third year of law school at NYU."

"That's great!" Stacy said excitedly. "Big, maybe we could visit her and she could give you pointers on law school applications!"

"I don't think that's such a great idea," Alex said nervously. She flashed Olivia an apologetic look, but Olivia was too busy exchanging bored glances with Abbie to even notice her. Dana had graduated from Princeton long before Stacy started attending, so she knew her Lil Sis had no idea about their affair during Alex's freshman year and all of the drama that followed.

"So what brings you three to New York?" Olivia asked to change the subject. She honestly didn't care why the girls were there; she just didn't want to hear another word about Dana.

"We were all hanging out in the Beta Gamma house," Bree told her.

"And we heard a Tori Amos song—Alex's favorite," Mindy added.

"Yeah," Stacy said. "We cry every time we hear 'Cornflake Girl' because we miss Alex so much and it just happened to come on the radio. It was a sign."

"So we decided to come visit her," Bree said.

"And we got a hotel room for the night, Alex," Mindy informed her, "which means you're staying with us."

"I'll pack a bag," Alex said excitedly before rushing over to the room.

"Since when does Alex like Tori Amos?" Olivia asked the girls.

"How do you not know that?" Bree asked. "I would think you'd know your girlfriend's favorite singer."

"She thinks Tori is _so _hot," Stacy said. "Alex and I even have Tori Amos sing-a-longs in her car. They're so much fun."

"I thought Mazzy Starr was her favorite," Olivia said, confused.

"You thought wrong, Olivia," Bree said curtly. "She only likes Mazzy Starr because the two of you listen to that same song before you have sex and now she associates that song with sex."

To lighten the mood, Mindy started laughing about a memory she had of Alex. "Oh my goodness, you guys."

"What?" Stacy asked.

"Do you remember that time when we were walking home from that party and Alex was so plastered that she grabbed my hand and made me skip with her back to the house while we sang 'I Enjoy Being A Girl'," Mindy told them.

"_When I've got a brand new hairdo with my eyelashes all in curls, I float as the clouds on air do. I enjoy being a girl_," all three of the Beta Gamma girls started singing until they laughed uncontrollably.

"My favorite memory of Alex is that time we were at the bar and she was drinking margaritas out of a blender," Bree said.

"Out of a blender?" Abbie asked.

"Yeah, it was right before last call," Bree told her. "She bought a blender full of margaritas because this frat guy Joey dared her to. The two of them challenged each other to a chugging contest and she won! I kid you not. Alex chugged that faster than a frat guy could."

"I don't believe you," Olivia said.

"We'll take you to the bar and show you," Bree told her. "They now serve margaritas out of a blender there. On the menu, it's called the Cabot Chug. Isn't that wild? The whole sorority was so proud of her that night."

"None of this sounds like Alex," Abbie told her. "Around Liv and me she's so _boring_."

"No, she's not," Mindy insisted. "Alex is a legend at our house."

"She's really fun when she's around people who make her feel comfortable and people who love her for who she is," Bree added.

"Maybe she just isn't comfortable around you guys," Stacy blurted out and immediately regretted what she had said.

"That's bullshit," Olivia said angrily. "She didn't even like being a Beta Gamma."

"Or so you think," Mindy informed her. "She loved it, but she felt as if she had to choose between being at Princeton and being with you and she said that you pressured her into leaving so you two could live together."

"I didn't do that," Olivia insisted.

"Yes, you did," Bree told Olivia. "Alex cried about it and wondered if she had made the right decision. She also called us and said that you two are leaving her out and that you're not being a good girlfriend to her."

"We love Alex," Stacy said. "And we want her to be happy."

"I want her to be happy, too," Olivia said. "Alex is everything to me."

"Then be a good girlfriend for once," Bree said angrily. The tone of voice coming from this girl scared Abbie and Olivia. "You've been putting Alex through hell for three years now. During her last two years, you were always so whiny and forcing her to go to New York for the weekend instead of allowing her to have fun with her friends, but freshman year was the worst. First, the two of you were broken up the summer we started Princeton because you made out with Jenny and then you had the audacity to live with that girl. Alex was a nervous wreck that whole summer because of Jenny and the fact that you two kept breaking up and getting back together. You were in a different state, Olivia. You didn't see how much she cried for you. She stopped hooking up with Dana in October of our freshman year because the girl roofied her at a party because she wanted to 'offer' Alex to some frat guys as part of some sick dare. I'm the only one who knows it because I got to Alex before the guys did. There were four of them, Olivia, and I shudder to think what could have happened to her. She was so young—only 18—and I know they wanted to video tape the whole thing because one of the guys got out a camera and was high-fived by some of his other frat brothers."

Olivia didn't want to cry in front of these girls, but she couldn't stop the tears from forming in the corners of her eyes. "Why didn't she tell me?"

"Because you stopped giving a damn about her," Bree told her. "You were fucking all these random girls."

"I never stopped giving a damn about Alex. She told me to stay out of her life, so that's why I stopped calling and that's why I stopped writing to her."

"She just wanted you to fight for her," Bree insisted. "Kind of like she wants you to fight for her now. She loves you, Olivia. I don't know why she loves you, but she really does. Quite frankly, I don't think you deserve Alex. She sacrificed so much for you and you don't appreciate that."

The moment Alex came out of the bedroom with her bag packed and her hair neatly combed, her sisters were able to instantly go from the three girls who were telling off Olivia to the three perky girls that Alex loved. The way they were able to transition so quickly scared the hell out of Abbie and Olivia, but there was no way they would let them see their fear.

"Skittles!" Mindy said excitedly. "We have a gift for you!"

"Open it! The suspense is killing me!" Stacy said as she wrapped her arms around Alex. "We hope you love it."

Alex quickly took the tissue paper out of the bag and pulled out a baby blue Beta Gamma alumni shirt with her nickname 'Skittles' printed on the back over the number '95' for the year she had graduated.

"Thank you," Alex said and suggested another group hug. Without caring who was looking at her, she took her other shirt off and put her alumni shirt on. Alex looked at the three cheerful girls who had traveled from Princeton just to visit her and she felt as if she was home again. Tonight there would be no feeling like the third wheel. Her girls had an entire day planned for her that started with lunch followed by shopping, sightseeing, and a Beta Gamma sleepover.

"Princeton Beta Gammas take Manhattan," Stacy said excitedly as they were heading out the door. "That's going to be the title of this scrap book. I love it. I just love it."

Once the door was shut, Olivia was left alone with Abbie. "Are you okay?" she asked.

"Do I look okay?" Olivia responded angrily. "I really don't know how to feel right now. The love of my life could have been gang-raped by a group of frat boys and I didn't do anything about it."

"You didn't know about it, Liv," Abbie pointed out. "Besides, no one touched her. Lex is okay."

"She didn't tell me, but I should have known," Olivia insisted. "Alex stopped talking to me and I know she has stopped talking to me before, but that usually lasted a little while. The woman I love was traumatized her entire freshman year and I was out fucking other girls because I was whining about her not loving me."

"But you're there for her now, Liv."

"Am I?" Olivia asked. "I'm obviously not if she told her sisters otherwise. They're right, Alex has sacrificed so much and I don't even appreciate it. She's been there for me since I was four and I've started taking her for granted because I assume she's always going to be there—but what if she's not always going to be there? What if she finds someone else? What if I don't deserve her?"

"Do you really want to listen to those girls, Liv?" Abbie asked. "Look at them. They look like Barbie triplets. You know what their future is going to be like. They'll all marry investment bankers or plastic surgeons and sip martinis at the their summer house in the Hamptons while they reminisce about their sorority days because absolutely nothing exciting has happened to them since they were in college."

Olivia looked at Abbie who seemed a little too anxious for her liking. Their video game was still on pause and Abbie was looking for something—anything—to take Olivia's mind off of what had just happened. She picked up the controller that Abbie handed her and started playing the game all the while thinking of ways to spoil Alex.


	10. How To Tempt Olivia

**A/N: Thanks for the reviews for the last chapter. They really brightened my day and helped me with the direction of the story. As always, suggestions are definitely welcome. :)**

That night, Olivia found herself sitting on the couch with Abbie just as she had been before Alex left. Serena had woken up, gone for a jog, and run some errands while Abbie and Olivia were _still _on the couch playing video games. Olivia didn't want to bring up what had happened and Abbie didn't want to further depress her friend so, instead, they played Donkey Kong Country followed by Mortal Kombat, and Mario-Kart. The only time they stopped was to polish off a large pizza and half a bottle of tequila between the two of them. They had asked Serena to join them, but she was more interested in having a three-way call with Casey and Connie.

"Why don't we have margarita mix?" Abbie asked as she took another sip from the tequila bottle.

"Because you said mixed drinks are for bitches and that grown ass women drink it straight," Olivia reminded her.

"I said that?"

"You were already drunk, but you said it, nonetheless."

"Whatever," Abbie said as she laid the controller on the coffee table. "I'm done with this."

"Yeah, me too," Olivia told her. The alcohol she had consumed was starting to take its toll on her so she rested her head on Abbie's shoulder and closed her eyes. "Hold me?"

"Don't I always?"

"It'd be so much easier if you were my girlfriend," Olivia said. "And so much more fun."

"Mmhmm," Abbie said and started kissing Olivia's neck. "Except you don't put out enough."

"Abbie!"

"What?" Abbie asked innocently. "I'm only kidding. I know you'd put out, Liv. I mean, look at me. I'm gorgeous. No woman can resist."

"And so modest," Olivia teased. She hoped her actions were alcohol induced, but she laid Abbie down and got on top of her. She had expected Abbie to be playful or even flirtatious, but instead she slightly lifted herself up so her lips met Olivia's. Without breaking the kiss, Abbie reversed their positions so that she was on top of Olivia. Olivia wanted to breakaway—she had to breakaway—but she didn't allow herself to. _This is normal. We're just friends and we're expressing our love for each other, _Olivia thought as she watched Abbie remove her shirt and her bra. With her hands slowly working their way up from Abbie's waist to her breasts, she realized how different Abbie was in comparison to Alex. Her body wasn't as soft as Alex's and she definitely wasn't as _delicate _as Alex. She was so much thinner than Alex and so much _stronger _than Alex. As she had Olivia pinned down, she could see the muscles in her arms and the muscles in her abs slightly flex.

"You still have that track star body," Olivia pointed out, her fingertips lightly grazing Abbie's abdominal muscles.

"I try," Abbie said and Olivia noticed that she was actually blushing. "I've always loved your body, Livya. I used to watch you get dressed in the locker room when we were 7th graders."

"I knew you were watching me," Olivia said in between kisses.

"Not that it mattered. You always had such a hard-on for Lex."

"I still have a hard-on for her," Olivia told her, paying more attention to Abbie's words instead of her actions.

"Not this time," Abbie said, smiling wide enough for Olivia to see her adorable dimples. "This time, I know you're hard for me and _only _me."

With one swift move, Abbie pulled down Olivia's panties from underneath her black jumper.

"What are you doing?" Olivia asked.

"You'll see," Abbie said nonchalantly. She tossed Olivia's panties on the ground and started to taste her.

"Abbie!" Olivia said angrily

"What?" Abbie asked. She picked her head up and started to wipe the wetness from around her mouth.

"You're going down on me?"

"Yeah," Abbie said and gave her a confused look. "What's the problem?"

"I know you've been drinking," Olivia began, "and so have I, but still. This is just—I can't do this."

"Because of Alex?"

"Yes!" Olivia said, feeling as if she was stating the obvious. "Because of Alex, because of Serena, because of—"

"Serena doesn't care," Abbie pointed out. Olivia was shocked when she saw Abbie get up from the couch and walk over to the room. "Baby, do you care if I go down on Olivia?"

"No," Serena told her. "It's fine as long as you let me watch."

Once Abbie had gotten up, Olivia saw it as the perfect opportunity to put her panties back on. She handed Abbie her bra and shirt and Abbie reluctantly put them on.

"Liv, what's wrong?" Abbie asked, cuddling up to Olivia on the sofa. "I thought we were okay."

"We _were_," Olivia told her.

"_Were_?"

"Abbie, you know how I feel about you," Olivia admitted. "You're so fun and—and—sexy and…"

"…and you'd never cheat on Alex again," Abbie said in a bored tone of voice. "This isn't cheating, Olivia. You and I are best friends and this is just sex. This is me getting you off because Alex can't."

"I have to go," Olivia told her. She tried to get up, but Abbie grabbed her hand.

"No. We need to talk about this. I can't have you mad at me."

Mad at her? _Was _she mad at her? Olivia honestly didn't have time to decide whether or not she was mad at Abbie. After all, Abbie hadn't forced herself on Olivia.

Olivia had gone along with everything and maybe even initiated it. They were used to kissing; kissing was normal and innocent, as innocent as one can be with their tongue in their best friend's mouth. _Kissing is fine_, Olivia had told herself countless times, but what is it that got them to the point where kissing wasn't enough? Where was the line between two friends expressing their love and downright cheating on their girlfriends? Either way, Olivia knew they had crossed it way before Abbie went down on her.

Even though she went down on her for a short amount of time, Olivia still felt as if Abbie now had a part of her. Olivia may have had sex with her fair share of women over the years, but only three of them had ever been allowed to go down on her and those three had been her girlfriends. The first had been Jenny and, although she wasn't skillful with her tongue, 16-year-old Olivia was so caught up in the fact that a girl was going down on her that she didn't care whether or not Jenny was any good. In fact, Olivia saw it as something to brag about since neither Abbie nor Alex had ever had oral sex—or any type of sex. They hung on to her every word and Olivia loved the fact that she was now a woman while her friends were still little girls. Connie, on the other hand, was the first girl who made sex enjoyable for her. For the first time, Olivia didn't have to worry about someone hurting her or forcing her to do things she didn't want to do, but there was still something missing. She wanted Alex; she had _always _wanted Alex. Olivia trusted Alex and she knew that Alex could trust her, or at least she used to be able to trust her.

"I have to tell Alex," Olivia blurted out.

"No, you don't!" Abbie insisted. "I don't want you telling her."

"She's my girlfriend, Abbie. I have to."

"It'll just upset her. You know how Alex is."

Olivia couldn't believe what she was hearing. She knew it would upset her, but she felt as if she had to tell Alex. They were about to have a baby together and Olivia felt as if it would be worse for Alex just to find out as opposed to her coming clean about what had happened.

"She needs to hear it."

"She needs to hear it?" Abbie scoffed. "You want to tell your girlfriend that I went down on you for like two seconds? What is that going to solve, Olivia? You're making something out of nothing."

"It's not nothing," Olivia insisted. "You were going down on me, Abbie. Call me old-fashioned, but that's something you should save for the woman you love."

"You _are _the woman I love," Abbie said and playfully kissed Olivia.

_She doesn't get it,_ Olivia thought.

"You don't get it, Olivia," Abbie said and Olivia wondered if she had somehow read her mind.

"I get it," Olivia told her. "I just…I'll always love you, but I'm in love with Alex. You know she's everything to me."

"I'm not in love with you, Olivia!" Abbie said angrily. "You're so fucking into yourself that you think everyone is in love with you."

"Abbie—"

"No, fuck you, Olivia," Abbie said and got up. Olivia tried to stop her, but she was already on her way to the bedroom she shared with Serena. The sound of the door slamming gave Olivia the feeling that she had just lost her best friend and she was about to lose her girlfriend.

* * *

><p>"Baby?" Serena asked as her girlfriend changed into her pajamas without saying so much as a word.<p>

"What?"

"You know I hate when you wear pajamas to bed. I can help you out of them."

"Rena?"

"Yes, Abbiekins?"

"You're the perfect girlfriend," Abbie said as she climbed into bed next to her girlfriend. She took the magazine Serena was reading out of her hands and placed it on the nightstand. At that moment, she had to have Serena's full attention. She playfully gripped Serena's thighs and pressed her body into hers.

"I know I'm perfect," Serena told her. "You're not so bad yourself."

"I really love you."

"I love you, too, but what's wrong?"

"Nothing," Abbie insisted. "Just kiss me."

"What's up with Liv?"

"I don't know," Abbie responded. "She freaked out about earlier."

"Which is normal," Serena told her.

"She's so uptight these days," Abbie said sadly. "I miss who she used to be."

"She's not uptight; she's just got a lot on her plate," Serena informed her. "They're going to have a baby. That's a huge responsibility. Besides, they were never into the sort of things we're into. Alex and Olivia are so _vanilla_ and we aren't, babe."

"I'm glad we're not," Abbie confessed. "There's more to life than what Alex and Olivia have."

"And they probably say there's more to life than what we have," Serena pointed out.

There was no way she was going to argue with her girlfriend, so she turned around and fell asleep with her hand cupping Serena's hand. Even while she was asleep, she had to have some type of physical contact with Serena.

* * *

><p>Olivia grabbed the tablet with Alex's hotel information written on it. Alex had nearly begged her not to call or show up unless there was an emergency, but Olivia knew this definitely qualified as an emergency. She changed from the black jumper she was wearing into some jeans and a softball shirt from high school. It was a bold move, but she wanted Alex to see her as the girl she fell in love with all of those years ago; the girl she trusted and loved as if she would never get hurt.<p> 


	11. That Shade Of Gray

The location where Alex was staying was written sloppily on a tablet that Olivia shoved into her messenger bag along with a change of clothes and some pajamas. As much as she wanted to sleep in her own bed, she knew she wouldn't be able to stay at her apartment after what had happened between her and Abbie.

Olivia had memorized the address of the hotel and she had arrived in a matter of minutes once she was sober enough to remember what direction to head toward. _I'm going to come clean to her. She deserves to know,_ Olivia kept telling herself as she walked ten flights of stairs to Alex's hotel room. She could have taken the elevator but walking up the stairs gave her time to rehearse what she was going to say to Alex. No matter what she rehearsed, it sounded wrong because it _was _wrong, so wrong that she wouldn't be surprised if Alex never wanted to speak to her again.

Olivia stood outside the door of Alex's hotel room for ten minutes before she worked up the nerve to knock.

"Olivia, what are you doing here?" Bree asked, surprised to see Olivia standing there.

"Can I talk to Alex?" Olivia asked nervously.

"We're kind of in the middle of something," Bree told her.

"Can I _please _talk to my girlfriend?" Olivia pleaded. "It's really important."

"Skittles!" Bree called out. "Your girlfriend is here."

Completely forgetting her appearance, Alex ran over to Olivia and gave her a hug. She became suspicious when she noticed that her girlfriend was giving her a confused look.

"Babe, why is there a pacifier in your mouth?" Olivia asked.

Alex looked at Olivia with wide eyes once she remembered what she had been up to with her sorority sisters. _How the hell did I forget that? _Alex asked herself.

"It's a long story," Alex said after removing the pacifier from her mouth.

"My girlfriend has a pacifier in her mouth and you expect me _not _to be curious?" Olivia teased.

"We were playing truth or dare," Alex began, "and, as part of our house rules, whoever refuses to do a dare has to suck on a pacifier because only babies chicken out of dares."

"So this is what you learned at Princeton?" Olivia said as she smiled at her girlfriend.

"I know it's ridiculous, but it's been a tradition for thirty years now," Alex informed her.

"So what was the dare?"

"They wanted me to streak down the hallway"

"Well, I'm glad you're protecting your virtue and good name, Miss Cabot," Olivia told her as she held Alex close.

"As much as I love being in your arms, I know there's a reason why you're here," Alex said, unsure of whether or not she wanted to hear what Olivia was about to say.

"Something happened at home," Olivia began.

"…okay…"

"Alex, you know I love you. You know you're my whole world and you have been ever since we were four—"

"Liv, what are you getting at?"

Olivia took a deep breath. "Abbie and I were drinking—"

"Oh, Liv!" Alex said angrily. "I know where this is heading. I know. I can see it in your eyes. You have that guilty look; that same look you had when you made out with Jenny."

"I'm going to spare you the details, but just know that I stopped her."

"You stopped her?" Alex asked, frustrated. "It's not like Abbie just flung herself onto you, Olivia. You had to have been doing something to make her feel as if you wanted to have sex with her. Were you kissing?"

"Yeah," Olivia said, averting her eyes.

"Was she naked?"

"She had her jeans on."

"Were you touching her breasts?" Alex asked even though she already knew the answer.

"Alex, I thought you didn't want to know this," Olivia said, trying not to cry.

"I don't," Alex told her. "I don't even know why I'm asking you these questions. Asking and getting these answers just paints a mental picture and I'm picturing you caressing her, telling her she's beautiful and—and then she smiles at you, not her signature smile but the smile that only Serena gets to see and she is showing _you_—my girlfriend—that smile."

"Alex—"

"And then she starts going down on you because, let's face it, she's been wanting to do that since the two of you made out in the tenth grade."

"She hasn't been wanting that."

"Yes, she has!" Alex insisted. "But you've always had a girlfriend and you still do but that doesn't matter to her anymore. She's using this 'open relationship' guise to justify what she's doing, but there's no open relationship, Liv. Don't you think Serena and I talk? Serena just goes along with it because she's afraid of losing Abbie and she's afraid of telling Abbie how she really feels about everything so she lets her do whatever she wants. Yes, Serena _is _a bit of a sex addict, but the only woman she wants is Abbie. She hugs you and me, but notice how she never even kisses us. Same goes for Connie and Casey. She isn't flirtatious with them at all."

"There's nothing between Abbie and me," Olivia insisted.

"Literally," Alex said sarcastically. "There was literally nothing between the two of you tonight."

"Alex," Olivia groaned. "I love you, only you. There's no other woman for me. We're going to have our Cabot-Benson baby, remember?"

Alex scoffed. "What do you take me for, Olivia? Abbie's tongue was just on your—your—I can't even say it—and now you want to talk about us having a baby. I don't even know if I want an _us_ right now."

Alex tried to get away, but Olivia kept her wrapped in her embrace.

"There's still an us," Olivia insisted. "I stopped her and if I didn't have respect for our relationship I wouldn't be telling you any of this."

"If you had any respect for our relationship, you wouldn't be kissing her. A kiss on the cheek is fine, but nibbling on each other's ears and shoving your tongue down her throat crosses the line."

"You and I kissed all the time when we were friends," Olivia pointed out.

"And look where that got us," Alex reminded her. "I left Casey and you left Connie. Fast forward four years and you're going to leave me while she leaves Serena. I should have known, Olivia. I should have known this. All these years my mom warned me about you and I didn't listen. Instead, I argued with her and told her that you were worth it, but I don't think you are anymore. You were worth it when we were 17 and you were this sweet and lovable girl , but you aren't worth it now. I've never said this about anyone before, but you're so fucked up, Olivia. Something just isn't right with you and I'm not going to let you bring me down to your level. I know what happened to your mom was horrible, but get over it, Olivia. Your mom did. Look at her; she's happy. She has a husband who loves her, great friends, a fulfilling career, and a whole new family. She even has little Alyssa and her stepdaughters—even Scotty. They're all so happy, Olivia. Why can't you be? You're like the one who brings everyone down and you're constantly acting out and pushing the limits just like Abbie is. I know you two have messed up backgrounds, but you can't use that excuse for the rest of your life. Just get over it, Olivia. I'm through with you using the way you were conceived as a way of trying to get sympathy. It's been three years since you found out. Must I say it again? Get over it, Olivia."

"I have to go," Olivia said. This time her tears earned her no sympathy from Alex.

"You're right," Alex told her. "I see you brought a bag with you. I hope you weren't thinking of staying with me tonight."

"Don't flatter yourself. I was going to stay with Olivia and Lorraine."

"Your aunts?" Alex asked. "Great, two more people who baby you."

"I was expecting you to be mad," Olivia began. "I was expecting you to break up with me. I was even expecting you to call me a 'bitch' or a 'slut' or some other derogatory term, but I wasn't expecting you to be so out of line. When I told you how I was conceived, _never_ did I think you would use it against me like this. I should be over it, Alex. I know I should, but I'm not and I don't think I ever will be. I'm aware of how overused this may be, but you have absolutely no idea what it's like for Abbie and me. You were never the bastard child, Alex—the only kid in Fallbrook without a dad. Every year in elementary school, I was laughed at or questioned because I was the only one not making a father's day card. I was made to feel like I had a dad but he didn't want me and I had no idea why. Now I know why my 'dad' doesn't want me and I know how I was brought into this world, but that just made everything worse, Alex. Then there's Abbie. She feels this every single day because of both of her parents. Her mom disowned her for being with a girl and her birth father had a three-year window to meet her when she was in Texas but he didn't do so much as write her a letter or pick up the phone when she called."

"This is bullshit, Olivia," Alex said angrily. "You two aren't each other's therapists and you don't wallow in self-pity whenever you're together. You just use that as an excuse. When you're with Abbie, you drink, play video games, and make-out. You can do all of that with me, Liv. Why do you choose her? What's so good about Abbie?"

"Everything is just so easy with her," Olivia said and immediately regretted her words.

"Meaning?"

"Meaning I don't want to always explain myself—kind of like I'm doing right now. With Abbie, I don't have to explain myself. She just understands what I'm saying even when I'm not saying anything."

"Olivia, I just don't know what I'm doing anymore," she said as she sobbed into Olivia's shoulder. "You're always hurting me and I'm always taking you back. I can't help it. I'll always see you as that 17-year-old who asked me to be her girlfriend while we were on the swings or that 18-year-old who gave me her class ring while we were sitting on the porch and making plans for our future, but you're not that girl anymore and I have to stop thinking of you as that girl because the more I think of that girl, the more I fall in love with her and the more I'm willing to put up with the woman she became."

"Put up with?"

"Olivia, I'm sorry. That came out wrong."

"Big!" Alex heard her Lil Sis Stacy call out from the hotel room. "_Pretty Woman _is on!"

"In other words, I should go," Alex said as she freed herself from Olivia's embrace.

"I'm sorry," Olivia said weakly, knowing it was of no use.

"No, you're not," Alex told her and attempted to smile.

"Are we still—"

"I don't know," Alex interrupted. "We're in that shade of gray that you and Abbie swear exists."

"Oh."

"Bye, Olivia," Alex said and gave her a delicate kiss on the lips. Somehow, that kiss made Olivia feel even worse. It wasn't a goodnight kiss or an 'I'll see you later' kiss; it was a goodbye kiss. They weren't exactly broken up, but Olivia knew it was Alex's way of saying goodbye to the type relationship they once had.


	12. This BS Cabenmichael Family

**A/N: Thanks for all of the reviews. Like I said before, they really help me shape the direction of the story. Oh, and Stacey, to answer your question, Elliot will be playing a part in this story. :)**

Alex woke up to the sound of her sorority sisters going through their bags and fighting over who got to shower first. Their hotel offered free breakfast until 8 o'clock and all four of them were eager for pancakes. They could have slept in and went for pancakes at a restaurant or a diner, but there was something irresistible about _free _pancakes and the girls were going to make sure they took advantage of that offer, especially when they had paid so much for a hotel room. While Bree was in the shower, Stacy was ironing her clothes, and Mindy was putting on her make-up, Alex decided to do the one thing her sisters advised her not to do: she decided to call Olivia. Remembering that she was staying at her aunts' apartment, Alex got her address book from her phone and looked up their number.

"Hello?" Lorraine answered after a few rings.

"Hi," Alex said nervously. "Can I speak to Olivia?"

"Yours or mine?" Lorraine teased.

"Mine," Alex responded, finally at ease. "How did you know it was me?"

"Wishful thinking. Olivia has been talking about you non-stop. The poor girl was up all night, crying her eyes out."

"Did she tell you what happened?"

"Yes," Lorraine told her. "And we gave her a piece of our mind. Well, I gave her a piece of my mind. My wife gave her a loving smack upside the head to knock some sense into her."

"Did it work?" Alex asked, hopefully.

"I think so. There's something she wants to ask you."

"Hello?" Olivia asked after grabbing the phone from her aunt.

"Liv?"

"Alex? I can't believe it's really you!"

"I—I—missed you, Olivia."

"Not as much as I missed you," Olivia said excitedly. She knew she wasn't completely off the hook, but hearing Alex say that she missed her gave her hope. "I couldn't sleep last night."

"I couldn't sleep either," Alex admitted.

"I've gotten used to holding you."

"And I've gotten used to being held by you," Alex said. She knew that Olivia couldn't see her, but she started smiling anyway.

"Babe?"

"Yes?"

"I love you. I love you so much, Alex."

Alex wanted to tell her that she loved her, too. Olivia may have hurt her, but Alex couldn't help loving Olivia regardless of what she had done. However, admitting that would give Olivia leeway and Alex knew, at that moment, she was the one with the upper hand. She was now in control and their relationship or lack thereof would be on Alex's terms and _only _Alex's terms.

"Liv, I'm going home."

"Okay, I'll see you there in awhile."

"No, Liv," Alex said nervously. "I'm going home…to Fallbrook."

"Why?" Olivia asked even though she already knew the answer.

"The only reason I was living in the city is because of you," Alex pointed out. "I'm not going to law school until next year and this year I'm going to be working with my dad. I'll be able to commute with him and if I'm in Fallbrook I'll be able to concentrate on my law school applications."

"And deal with day after day of your parents saying 'I told you so.' Is that what you really want?"

"It's not what I want, but it's what I need to do. I need to think about what direction I'm taking and whether or not I want to be in this relationship."

"Move in with me."

"I already live with you."

"Not in the city—in Fallbrook," Olivia told her. "It's summer vacation for me. I don't start school until the end of August and the radio show is off until July, but the show doesn't require too much time. I can always commute or stay with my aunts and come home to you in the morning. No, that doesn't work. I'll just commute at night. I don't care what time it is. We can have the entire house to ourselves, Alex. The house I grew up in is completely empty now that my mom and Peter bought a house together. It's all paid off and she decided not to rent it just in case I needed to get away. It could be ours for the summer, Alex. You and I could have a house together and a life together—"

"No, Olivia. We can't," Alex insisted. "Now is not the time for us to be living together. I need to be alone. Just hearing you going on about having a house together after everything that happened last night makes me not even want to be your girlfriend."

"Then don't be my girlfriend," Olivia said, trying to be as tough as she could even though her heart was already breaking.

"Are you okay with that?"

"I'm used to it," Olivia said dryly. "What is this, the third time you've broken up with me?"

"This time it's for good, Olivia," Alex told her in a stern tone of voice even though she knew Olivia could see right through her.

"You say that now," Olivia said sarcastically.

"I mean it! We can be friends when the time is right, but I can't talk to you for awhile."

Olivia was starting to become frustrated. "Alex, you're the one who called me. We were being civil with each other and saying that we missed each other, but just because I ask you to live with me for the summer you say you don't want to be a couple anymore and you don't want to be friends."

"I'm going to go back to the apartment and pack this evening. Don't be home."

"Okay," Olivia said and hung up the phone.

* * *

><p>Alex was sad to see her sorority sisters leave, but she was grateful that they had traveled all the way from New Jersey just to visit her. Once she had told them she had broken up with Olivia, all three of them were thrilled and took turns telling her how happy they were and that they never really liked Olivia anyway. Their feelings toward Olivia worsened when she told them what had happened between her and Abbie. That's when Bree said that Abbie gave her some 'really bad vibes' and Mindy threw in the expected 'That girl is a bitch. You can tell just by looking at her. I wouldn't trust her if I were you, Alex.'<p>

Her girls offered to let her return to the Beta Gamma house, but Alex politely declined. As much as she loved her school, she knew it was time to move on and take the next step in her life. In just one week, she was going to start her first job. Granted, the only reason she was given the job was because of her father and not because she had interviewed for the position and was chosen out of a handful of other candidates. Being her father's secretary wasn't the most glamorous job in the world, but Alex was thrilled to get both work experience and the opportunity to spy on her father to make sure he wasn't partaking in the same extramarital relations that he did when Alex was in high school.

Alex arrived at her apartment with the best of intentions. She was going to pack enough clothes for two weeks, load them into her car, and then head back to her parents' house. She'd have to endure hour after hour of 'I told you so' and time with Jared, but Alex figured it was better than being around Olivia and Abbie. Her intentions _may _have been good, but her mood suddenly changed when she saw Abbie sitting on the couch in jeans and a white bare-midriff tank top that belonged to Olivia. The sight of her abs drove Alex crazy as she began to picture Olivia caressing them and commenting on Abbie's body.

"You _bitch_!" Alex yelled. She grabbed a nearby glass and slammed it on the floor.

"It's nice to see you, too," Abbie teased. She acted as if nothing had happened, which only further upset Alex.

Abbie got up to approach Alex, but Alex just pushed her back down on the sofa.

"Abigail Jean Carmichael, sit your skinny ass down!"

"What the hell is your problem?"

"You!" Alex yelled. "You went down on Olivia and now you're wearing her shirt? Only _I _can wear her shirts."

"No, Alex. The rule states the only person who can wear a girl's shirts is the one who went down on her last. I guess that's me. Besides, Liv gave me the shirt. She says I look hot in it."

"I'm this close to slapping you," Alex warned as she got in Abbie's face.

"Relax, Alex. I was kidding. Yeah, Olivia gave me the shirt, but she didn't say I looked hot in it and I only went down on her for two seconds before she stopped me."

"But you still tasted her, Abbie," Alex pointed out. "Even if it was only for a few seconds, you still know what Olivia tastes like. You're not supposed to know that. What bothers me even more is that she was obviously wet for you. You did something to turn her on in a way that I can't. She wants you, Abbie. Olivia wants you. She wants to touch _your _body and be—be—fucked…by _your_ tongue."

"Alex—"

"No, Abbie. It's my turn to talk."

"Continue," Abbie said for lack of anything better to tell Alex.

"I've never even _liked _you, Abbie. I just put up with you because Olivia couldn't get enough of you. From preschool until third grade, I was Olivia's only best friend and then you came along when we were fourth graders and she suggested that you sit with us at lunch because you're so funny and you're so cool. She even said you were really cute. She still says the same thing about you except now she says that you're sexy."

"I have a girlfriend, Alex. I'm not trying to take yours," Abbie insisted.

"She's not my girlfriend anymore," Alex admitted even though it was hard to refer to Olivia as her ex-girlfriend yet again.

"I'm sorry. I'm really sorry," Abbie told her. She wanted to hug Alex like she usually did, but she knew now was definitely not the time. "If there's anything I can do to fix this, just tell me."

"You could go to hell."

"Okay, I deserved that. I never liked you either, Alex. Just as you did, I put up with you because of Olivia. Everything I ever did for this bullshit Cabenmichael family was because of Olivia, but she never noticed and you're the reason she never noticed. She was always so in love with you, Alex, and I have no idea why. Look at you. There's absolutely nothing to you. You're pretty, but that doesn't change the fact that you look so typical. We all have something that stands out about us, but you have absolutely nothing. You're boring, you're a snob, and to top it all off you're a prude. You have no idea how to turn a woman on, even one that's supposedly in love with you. Tell me, Alex. How does it feel to know that Olivia is single now and when she touches herself late at night it's going to be me she's thinking about?"

Without saying another word, Alex got up from the couch and walked over to her bedroom so she could pack. As she was carelessly stuffing clothes and underwear into her suitcase, she began to think about what had just happened. She wondered if anything Abbie was saying was rooted in truth or if she was just upset because Alex had said that she never liked Abbie. That was a lie; she _had _liked Abbie. She had _loved _Abbie and considered her to be one of her best friends, but there was no turning back now. Too much had been said and done. All Alex could do was go home to Fallbrook and constantly wonder what Olivia was up to.


	13. No More Words

With Alex gone, Abbie found herself feeling more comfortable in the apartment. It had been three days since Alex had left; three glorious days of hanging out with her best friend followed by sex with her girlfriend at night. She was smiling more than she had in awhile and she felt as if she could finally be herself. She loved Alex, or at least she told herself that she loved Alex, but there was something about her that made Abbie feel uncomfortable.

After completing the final level of _Donkey Kong Country_, Abbie and Olivia turned off the game and retired to their respective bedrooms. Serena had been expecting Abbie for over an hour already, but Abbie insisted on spending more time with Olivia. Her best friend was going through a difficult time and she didn't want to leave her alone—she _never _wanted to leave Olivia alone.

When Abbie entered her bedroom, the sight that greeted her was her girlfriend naked on top of the covers. No matter how many times she had seen Serena naked, she never grew tired of Serena surprising her in such a way.

"Have you been naked this whole time?" Abbie asked, her eyes still fixated on Serena.

"Maybe," Serena said, using her hands to draw Abbie's attention to the exact places she wanted her to look.

"I love when you touch yourself," Abbie managed to say, her eyes now bulging.

"I love when _you_ touch me," Serena said as she continued to hold Abbie's attention. The moment she began to spread her legs, Abbie awkwardly fumbled with her clothes even though their were no buttons or zippers on sweatpants and an old track t-shirt from high school.

"Sorry, I'm just—"

"Awkward?" Serena teased.

"Yeah," Abbie said shyly as she undid the clasp on her bra and tossed it aside.

"You've always been awkward," Serena told her. "It's one of the things I love about you."

"What else?" Abbie asked. She quickly made her way over to the bed and hopped on to her side next to Serena.

"Baby, take your socks off," Serena groaned. "How many times do I have to tell you that? No socks during sex."

"Sorry," Abbie mumbled and quickly removed her socks.

"It's okay, baby," Serena said and cuddled up to her girlfriend. "I've been wanting you all day, but you were with Olivia."

"It's because of Alex," Abbie told her. "Olivia is heartbroken. I feel so bad for her. I wish I could make her feel better."

Serena rolled her eyes. "No more talking. You have pent-up energy and I want you to use some of it on me."

"Meaning?"

"No talking," Serena reminded her. "Look in the top drawer."

Abbie opened the drawer and pulled out the all-too-familiar toy. It had been a couple of days since they had used it and Abbie hoped her excitement wasn't too obvious. Although she loved the feeling of her fingers or her tongue inside of Serena, she never refused the opportunity to use a toy on her, especially since Serena loved for her to thrust as hard as she possibly could.

"Come here," Serena said once she saw that her girlfriend was wearing the strap-on.

There was no foreplay involved other than a few kisses, which was Serena's way of telling her that this wasn't going to be lovemaking—just fucking. Usually, Abbie wouldn't have minded, but this time was different. She actually wanted to be gentle and take her time with her girlfriend. What Abbie wanted the most was love and she knew she wasn't going to get that tonight.

"Fuck me," Serena said forcefully to Abbie.

Abbie tired to kiss Serena, but she was pushed away. Instead, she told Abbie to start thrusting inside of her, but no matter how hard or fast she'd try to fuck her, it wasn't good enough. Serena became frustrated and decided to get on top so she could be in control.

As much as she wanted to be the one thrusting, Abbie laid down and decided to enjoy the view of her girlfriend's wetness dripping down the toy. Feeling that she might need a little help, Abbie decided to gently rub Serena's clit. No more than a minute later, her hand was swatted away by Serena.

"Abbie, I don't want you touching me," Serena said forcefully.

"Why?" Abbie asked, but her question went unanswered.

Serena dug her nails into Abbie's shoulders as she continued to ride her. She was close—Abbie just knew it. Her moaning was getting louder, her skin felt warm, and she started to slow her rhythmic movements. Suddenly, she didn't care about what Serena had told her. She had to touch this girl. Abbie placed both of her hands on Serena's waist and was relieved when Serena didn't move her out of the way.

"Abbie," Serena moaned as she began frantically bouncing up and down on the toy.

"What, baby?" Abbie asked, her hands now cupping her girlfriend's breasts.

"Abbie," Serena moaned even louder.

"I love the way that sounds."

"Abbie, Abbie," Serena continued to moan as she leaned in to her girlfriend, nearly out of breath.

"You came so good for me, baby," Abbie said, her hands now gently caressing Serena's back. With the toy still inside of her, Serena leaned in and rested her head on Abbie's shoulder.

"Abbie?" Serena panted.

"Yes?" Abbie asked and then started placing kisses on Serena's forehead.

"I don't want to be your girlfriend anymore," Serena said nonchalantly.

"What?"

"I don't want to be your girlfriend," Serena repeated. "I just—I don't feel that connection we once had."

"That connection?" Abbie asked, surprised. "Serena, I have a strap-on that is _still _inside of you right now."

"I was your world, Abbie," Serena said as she got up to put her pajamas on. "I was your everything and you were my everything. I gave up my friends and my family to move to Texas with you and I was fine with that because I loved our time together in Austin, but you insisted on uprooting us so we could move to New York and you could go to NYU and live with your friends. What about mine? I had friends and a life in Austin and I had to transfer from UT to NYU because of you. I didn't mind at first, but now I can see what being over here is doing to you. You're not spending any time with me unless it's to have sex, but when we do have sex it's not the same. We were trying new things, but that stopped. All you want to do is be vanilla and make out or go down on me. That's not us, Abbie. You and I have always liked it rough; we've always pushed the limits, but now you're so…_different_ and needy. It's like you're having sex with someone else while you're having sex with me."

"But I'm not," Abbie insisted.

"I love you, Abigail, but my feelings have changed. I can't be yours anymore. You'll always be my first love and you'll always have a place in my heart."

"Is there someone else?" Abbie asked as she wiped her tears.

"No," Serena promised. "There's no one else, Abbie."

"But there will be," Abbie said frantically. "There will be soon enough. You're beautiful, Serena. I see the way other women look at you—the way they've been looking at you since you were in junior high. You could have anyone you want."

"And I wanted you," Serena pointed out. "I wanted you and only you. I just wanted you to want me the same way you—the way you…"

"The way I…what?"

"The way you want Olivia."

Without realizing it, Abbie bit her lip hard enough to draw blood. "I don't want Olivia," she insisted. "I want you."

"It's too late," Serena told her. "Too much has happened over the course of our relationship. I'm only 19 and you've put me through hell, Abbie. You fucked Trent when we were dating and you ended up pregnant. Instead of hating you, I became your girlfriend. I was there for you through your miscarriage and when your parents disowned you. Then I left my comfort zone to move to Texas just a few days after I turned 17 and here I am just two months shy of my 20th birthday and I've moved yet again for you. I don't want my life to revolve around you—or anyone. Olivia will be good for you, sweetheart. She's single and I know you two want each other. You're so perfect for each other. You're both a little…off."

"Serena, please don't do this," Abbie said through her sobs. "Serena!"

"I want to be alone," Serena said and kissed Abbie on the cheek.

"You said that."

"I mean, alone in here."

"Oh," Abbie said, taking the hint. She grabbed her underwear and t-shirt and put them on before heading out the door. She could have slept on the couch. It was a warm night and she wouldn't have needed a blanket, but instead she chose to do the one thing Serena knew she'd do; she went over to Olivia's room.

"Hey," Olivia said dryly. Her eyes were swollen and red and Abbie knew she had been crying almost all night.

"My girlfriend broke up with me," Abbie blurted out.

"So did mine," Olivia said sarcastically.

"Can I sleep with you?"

"Climb aboard," Olivia told her as she finally started to smile.

"I need someone to hold me," Abbie said as she laid down next to Olivia.

"That's what I'm here for," Olivia insisted. "I think you and I need to get away together. We need to forget about everything that's bothering us."

"There's this haunted tunnel that I researched," Abbie said excitedly. "It's just half an hour away from Fallbrook."

"I knew you'd want to go somewhere haunted," Olivia teased.

"There's nothing like the netherworld to get your mind off of your girlfriend, not that my mind is—"

"I know," Olivia said softly as she kissed Abbie's hand. "Neither is mine right now."

**A/N: Sorry for such a short chapter. A longer one will be posted very soon. :)**


	14. Daddy's Girls

The next morning, Olivia woke up to the sound of her best friend crying. It wasn't the first time Olivia had seen Abbie cry, but it was the first time she had seen her cry that much. Abbie had fallen asleep in her arms the night before, but she was now on the opposite side of the bed, as far away from Olivia as she could possibly be.

"Goonies don't cry," Olivia said in an attempt to cheer her up.

"It's Goonies never say die," Abbie corrected her. "And we're not in junior high anymore, Olivia."

"Sorry," Olivia said softly. "Want me to hold you?"

"No," Abbie insisted. "Holding me isn't going to bring her back. That's what got me in this situation to begin with. I want my girl, Olivia, _my _girl. Serena is all I know and all I want."

"Then let's get her back," Olivia suggested.

"How?"

"Talk to her. She's in the next room, Abbie. You need to tell her how you feel."

"I tried," Abbie said and covered her face with Olivia's pillow. She was going to use Alex's pillow last night, but Olivia wouldn't let her because it still had Alex's scent on it and Olivia insisted on using it herself.

"And?"

"She told me she'd never take me back. I can't be here anymore, Olivia."

"Then let's go to my house," Olivia suggested. "It'll be our hideaway."

"Your house in Fallbrook?" Abbie asked. "No way, Olivia. I can't let you stay there. It's too close to Alex and I know you're going to do something stupid."

"You don't know that."

"Twelve years of being your best friend has taught me so," Abbie said and started smiling for the first time that morning. "If I let you go to Fallbrook, tonight you will show up at Alex's house a la _Say Anything _and stand in front of her window while playing Peter Gabriel."

"I did that _once_ and you will never let me live it down, will you?" Olivia teased. "And it was REO Speedwagon I played, not Peter Gabriel."

"That's even worse," Abbie told her. "You two were so cheesy. For that, you deserve each other."

"I hate you, Abbie," Olivia said as she hugged her.

"I know you do, bitch. I know you do."

"We have to go to Fallbrook, anyway," Olivia reminded her. "The tunnel is nearby and we aren't going to want to drive all the way over here afterward."

"About that," Abbie began. "I'm not sure I'm ready to go."

"You're scared?" Olivia asked.

"No," Abbie scoffed. "It's just stupid."

"You're _scared_," Olivia teased. "Abigail Jean Carmichael, the woman that no entity can tame, is afraid of a tunnel. I'm never going to let you live this down. Wait until I tell Scotty and the rest of the guys."

"Scotty Moretti is a little bitch," Abbie pointed out. "He only made it to the first bell and then he ran out."

"He may have just stayed long enough to hear the first bell, but at least he was in there."

"I might go in there if I had some encouragement," Abbie suggested and started kissing Olivia.

"What kind of encouragement?" Olivia asked. Abbie responded by placing Olivia's hand down the front of her panties. She didn't know exactly how or when it had happened, but she was already wet for Olivia. She wanted Olivia, but most importantly she wanted Olivia to want her, too. As Olivia was touching her, Abbie felt a rush of emotions. Olivia Benson, the girl she had a crush on since the 4th grade, was touching her and _only _her.

"I want you inside me," Abbie said, wrapping a leg around Olivia to give her easier access. "I want us to have that type of intimacy."

It was the moment of truth for Olivia. She had three fingers teasing Abbie's entrance and she began to wonder if she was ready for this. She felt Abbie opening up for her and the rush of wetness between her own legs at the thought of being inside of Abbie. Olivia knew in her heart if she chose to enter Abbie it would change everything; their friendship would never be the same and it would ruin every chance of her getting back with Alex and Abbie getting back with Serena.

The teasing became too much for Abbie. Without saying a word, she lowered herself onto Olivia's fingers. There was no taking it slow like she usually did with Alex. Instead, Abbie was fully open and ready to accept Olivia.

"Abs, I can't," Olivia said as she began removing her fingers from inside of Abbie. She removed them painfully slow, which frustrated Abbie.

"Why?" Abbie asked.

"Because you don't really want this and neither do I. Just a few minutes ago, you were telling me that you wanted Serena."

"I don't know," Abbie admitted. "I don't know what I want anymore. I'm a mess, Olivia. No wonder Serena doesn't want me. She just broke up with me last night and I'm already trying to fuck my best friend. What the hell is wrong with me, Olivia? I feel like I'm ripped apart right now. No, not that. I feel like I want to jump out of my own skin right now and just lose myself. Not even that. I don't know what this is, Olivia, but it's not me. You know the real Abbie and this isn't her—or, this isn't me. And it's not because of my break-up with Serena. I know it's weird, but I keep thinking about Ben. I hate him so much, Olivia. I found out he's living in New York now and he told my grandma that he was finally ready to meet me. I showed up at the coffee shop that he told her he'd be at and he wasn't there, Olivia. He did it again. I've never met the man, yet no one can break my heart as much as he can. I know my grandma and grandpa love me, but for once I want a parent who loves me—at least one. I got into law school at age 21—younger than most people—and neither of them gave me a hug and said, 'I'm proud of you, Abbie,' or 'I love you, Abbie.' There was no graduation card or even a phone call from either of them. I haven't spoken to my mom since I was in high school and I know I'm 21 but I still need her. I need my dad, too. As much as I hate them both, I need at least one of them. I want to ask my mom why she never loved me. She loved Addie and Libby, why can't she love me? What could I have done as a baby to make her not love me? Or was it the simple fact that I was born that made her not love me? And Ben, what the hell is his problem? I could forgive him for leaving me because it was a difficult situation, but what about now? Why does he keep getting my hopes up like this? And why do I let him?"

"It's because you're a good person, Abbie, and you believe that there's good in other people, too," Olivia told her as she hugged Abbie.

"I don't want to be anything like him," Abbie admitted. "If I'm ever a parent, I want to be there for my child. I don't wish this feeling on anyone, Liv."

"I don't want to be anything like my dad, either," Olivia told her. "But what if I am? I mean, I'd never force myself on anyone. I'd _never _do that. But what if I'm just as cruel as he is? I keep hurting Alex. I don't want to hurt Alex. I just want her to be with someone better—someone who deserves her. I don't deserve her. I deserve someone like Jenny—someone who treated me the way she did, the way she'd put me in my place."

"You deserve the best and that's Alex," Abbie told her.

"Abbie?"

"Yeah?"

"I saw him," Olivia confessed.

"Who?" Abbie asked even though she already knew the answer.

"My dad."

"Oh, Liv," Abbie said softly as she held her best friend as tight as she could. "When?"

"The day Alyssa was here," Olivia told her. "Alex and I took her to the park and I saw him while Alex and I were watching Alyssa play. He was playing catch with some kid. He looked like he was in junior high or maybe a freshman in high school."

"Do you think that's his son?" Abbie asked.

"I don't know," Olivia responded. "But they looked so happy. For a moment, I wished I could join them. He throws so perfectly, but the kid he was playing catch with kind of sucked. I wanted to take his spot, you know? I wanted to take over and show him how it's really done. I wanted to ask my dad if he played in high school just like I did. I wanted to tell him about how we won the state championship from 1989-1992 and how I was team captain my senior year. I wanted to make him proud and I wanted him to call me his 'best girl'. Then I remembered the reason I've never met him isn't because they had a one-night stand or because he left my mom; it's because he raped her. That man who was playing catch in the park raped my mom and he gets to be happy and his son—if that's even his son—gets to be happy while I'm here wondering why the hell he did what he did. When I realized that, I felt as if something came over me. I wanted to go over there and kill him. I actually wanted to kill him, Abbie. I've never felt that way before. And then I thought if I couldn't kill him I should at least go over there and expose him for who he really is. What he did to my mom was so cruel and I'm the result of that. He should know, but then what good what it do if he found out I was his daughter? It's not like he'd invite me to a family reunion or anything. What would he say, 'Hey, everyone, I'd like you to meet my daughter Olivia. I raped a girl in 1973 and Olivia is the product of that.'"

"Did you tell Alex? She was there. I'm sure she noticed."

"She noticed something was different, but we were talking about our baby and she just assumed it was because of that. I can't tell Alex. It's just easier to keep things bottled up sometimes. I feel as if telling Alex would be like exposing her to something she's not ready for. I like protecting Alex; it's what I've always done, ever since we were in preschool. I'm used to being so strong for her and I'd hate for her to see the weakness in me or to confuse it for an attempt at getting sympathy, especially now that we're broken up."

"I know it doesn't count for much, but I love you," Abbie told her. "And I'll never leave."

"I love you, too," Olivia responded. "And I'll never leave you, either. We'll always have each other. I promise you that."

"I'm not sure if that's good or bad," Abbie teased. "I mean, we're pretty co-dependent already. Well, at least we're co-dependent with each other."

"I love Alex," Olivia began. "But is it possible to have two loves of your life? I love you differently than the way I love Alex, but I still love you. You're my best friend and the one person I can be myself around and I love you _so _much that it hurts—it physically hurts, yet Alex is the woman I'm _in love _with. I can't explain it."

"You don't have to," Abbie said and tried to smile. "There are some things that go without saying."

"Abbie, are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," she told her. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"You're crying again," Olivia pointed out.

"I'll be okay, Olivia. I promise," Abbie said and attempted to smile again. "Don't you worry about me."


	15. Lattes VS Chocolate Milk

**A/N: Thank you so much for all of the comments and suggestions. I really appreciate them. Sorry if I'm updating too frequently but I think I'm on a roll. haha.**

"Abbie!" Olivia said excitedly as she opened the apartment door. As expected, her best friend was sitting up on Olivia's bed with a copy of _Rolling Stone _in hand.

"What?" Abbie asked. "Tell me!"

"Look what I found at the music store!" Olivia said and handed Abbie a 45 of their favorite song.

"'Tattooed Love Boys'? But this is—"

"The original copy from 1979, I know! Some guy traded it in for a Metallica CD. Can you believe that?"

"Yuck!" Abbie said with a twisted facial expression. "That should be illegal. I mean, Metallica? Really?"

"Tell me about it. I tried not to look too excited as we made the exchange, but the moment he left I hid it behind the register so none of my co-workers would buy it before I could."

Abbie carefully pulled the record out of its sleeve and inhaled the scent. "It smells like the glory days of punk, Olivia. I think I need to change my underwear. They're full of—"

"Abbie!"

"Yup, they're full of Abbie."

Ignoring her friend's last statement, Olivia started to pack a suitcase. "We're going to Fallbrook, after all."

"We are? But Lex is in Fallbrook."

"And so is my record player," Olivia pointed out.

Abbie hurriedly went over to her room and packed a bag. Even though Serena wasn't home, she still felt an overwhelming sadness come over her when she looked at the pictures of the two of them hanging on the wall and the sight of Serena's ring on the nightstand. She was tempted to pick it up and put it in her pocket, but she knew Serena would worry that she had lost it. At least, she hoped that Serena would worry that she had lost it.

* * *

><p>Their drive back to their hometown was filled with random alternative music from Olivia's collection and small talk. Abbie and Olivia had never engaged in small talk with each other, but they felt as if any silence would give them the opportunity to think about their current situation, which was the last thing they wanted. They knew there was tension between the two of them, but they felt as if ignoring it was far more beneficial than acknowledging it.<p>

"What the hell?" Abbie asked Olivia as they approached her driveway and saw Alex's car parked along the curb.

"Alex!" Olivia said excitedly. Olivia ran up to her, but Alex gently pushed her away.

"I'm not here to see you, Liv. I'm here for Abbie."

"Why?" Abbie asked, completely shocked. "You're not going to kill me, are you?"

"Everything is still a joke to you, isn't it? Even when your girlfriend breaks up with you," Alex told her.

"We all deal with things in our own way," Abbie pointed out. "I joke around and you become a total bitch."

"Get in the car," Alex commanded.

Abbie shot Olivia a confused look, but Olivia just motioned for her to go with Alex.

"Sure, why not," Abbie said nonchalantly. "This might as well happen."

Alex and Abbie didn't speak a single word to each other while they were in the car. Abbie had no idea where they were going and she was too afraid to ask. They passed familiar landmarks like their high school, the movie theater that she had worked at when she was 17, and the park they used to play at when they were little kids. When Alex began driving along the outskirts of their hometown, Abbie finally decided to speak up.

"Where are you taking me, Alex?"

"Shut up," Alex responded. "I don't want to hear your voice right now."

Five minutes later, they arrived at a coffee shop in a neighboring town. There were one or two in Fallbrook, but Alex later told Abbie that she just felt like driving. They found a spot at a table and Alex ordered a latte for herself and chocolate milk for Abbie. Abbie hadn't asked for chocolate milk or anything at all, but Alex felt as if ordering a kid's drink for Abbie was a way of elevating herself above her.

"I have to talk to you," Alex said, well aware that she was stating the obvious.

"I know," Abbie smirked. "And you think buying me a chocolate milk will make me feel inferior? Shows how much you know about me, Cabot."

"Abbie, I don't hate you."

"You may not hate me, but you don't love me," Abbie pointed out. "You don't even _like _me."

"I do love you," Alex said and held Abbie's hand from across the table. "I've become so accustomed to you over the years. You're kind of like a sore that festers underneath my skin."

"You're too kind," Abbie said sarcastically.

"I'm hoping we can be civil. Is that too much to ask?"

"From you, yes," Abbie told her and let go of Alex's hand. "You've been berating me since the moment you picked me up."

"Abigail," Alex began and took a deep breath. "The reason I treat you this way is because I'm jealous of you."

"Jealous?" Abbie asked with one eyebrow raised. As sincere as Alex sounded, she wasn't buying it.

"You're the love of her life," Alex admitted. "I've known this since I was nine. I always felt as if I had to compete with you. She has more fun with you, she's herself around you, and if she were put in a position in which she would have to choose between the two of us she would choose you."

"I'm a…different…kind of love of her life," Abbie told her. "You're the one that matters. You're the one she wants to have a baby with, the one she wants to spend the rest of her life with…the one she wants to make love to."

"No, I'm not," Alex said sadly. "When you moved here from Texas, I felt as if my whole world turned upside down, but I decided to become friends with you because it was easier than hating you and I thought I'd eventually be able to get rid of you. It's like the saying goes, 'Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.' I was nine—just a little girl—and I already knew that I'd have to compete with you for her attention and now it's twelve years later and it's not just attention I'm competing for, it's her affection and her love. When you went away to college, I didn't cry the way Olivia did. In fact, I didn't cry at all. I was so relieved because I finally had all of her attention, but that only lasted three years and then you came running back to her."

"Wait a minute," Abbie scoffed. "I can't help where I got into law school and I definitely didn't want to live with you guys. I wanted my own place with Serena. I was happy living with Serena and _only _Serena, but you wanted to have our little Cabenmichael family together."

"I wanted to give you another chance," Alex admitted. "I thought living in Texas would change you—would change _everything_. I miss your innocence and the way everything was before—"

"Before what?" Abbie interrupted.

"Before—before, I don't know," Alex sighed. "Even though I was jealous of you when we were little, there were still some great moments once I allowed myself to get to know you. There were times when you and I were really there for each other."

"Not the period story," Abbie said and started laughing. "I was such a _dork_."

"Not even," Alex insisted. "We were there for each other through those awkward pre-teen years."

"I remember running to your room completely naked after I had gotten out of the shower and I was screaming bloody murder because I had no idea what was happening to me."

"Mommy Dearest didn't let you take sex ed," Alex reminded her. "It wasn't exactly your fault."

"But, still, I was twelve. I should have known."

"The funniest part was how morbid you were," Alex said and finally started smiling. "You didn't come up to me and say, 'Alex, I'm bleeding.' You came up to me and said, 'Alex, I think someone stabbed me in the vagina.'"

"I don't know how, but you were able to calm me down and once my clothes were on, you showed me how to put on a pad."

"And then my mom came in," Alex said and started shaking her head.

"And she sat us down and gave us 'the talk' about how we're becoming women and pretty soon we're going to start noticing boys and wanting to kiss them. She was right about one of us," Abbie pointed out. "I think I noticed every boy when I was in junior high."

"And every boy noticed you," Alex told her. "You had them eating out of the palm of your hand. I remember there was a new one every week, especially when you were in the 8th grade and started wearing short skirts. They would always carry your books and walk you to class and before leaving you would give them a kiss on the cheek and then turn around and wink as you walked away. It drove them all crazy, Abbie. The entire football team had crushes on you and they all wanted you to wear their jersey. I was so jealous of you for that, not because I wanted attention from boys but because I wanted to possess that type of sexuality. You didn't even have to try because it just came naturally to you. You didn't even have to kiss these boys on the lips and they would still do anything you wanted them to do."

"They were fun," Abbie began, "but I was saving my first kiss for someone special."

"Like Liv?"

"Alex," Abbie groaned. "You were so wrapped up in Casey back then and I was crushing hard on Olivia, but it doesn't matter because she was so into you even then. She never noticed me in that way."

"But you were her first real kiss," Alex said sadly. "Not just her first kiss, but her first make-out session. You slipped her the tongue that night."

"It was the 10th grade, Alex, and we were drunk for the first time."

"You two do a lot when you're drunk," Alex said as she unsuccessfully tried to focus on her latte.

"Alex, about that," Abbie began to say as she grabbed Alex's hand. "What happened that night was a mistake. It'll never happen again. I swear to you, I will not try anything with your girlfriend."

"_Ex_-girlfriend," Alex corrected.

"I will not try anything with your _ex_-girlfriend," Abbie promised.

"I love you, Abbie," Alex admitted. "I just don't like having to worry all the time. You're a threat to me and I wish you weren't. I wish I could let go and be in some happy, functional relationship with Olivia while you're happy with Serena, but that's not our reality."

"It can be our reality again, Alex—you and Olivia, me and Serena. I want that more than anything."

"I don't know," Alex said nonchalantly. "Maybe you're better for her. You walk around in her world with so much ease. Her friends and her co-workers all love you, but they look at me as if I'm from another planet. I know they ask Olivia why she's with me and they would never ask such a thing if the two of you were together."

"Screw 'em," Abbie told her. "It doesn't matter what they think. Olivia doesn't care that you don't wear flannel shirts tied around your waist or you don't have a nose ring. Olivia loves you for you even if you listen to horrible pop music and wear blazers."

"I love her, too," Alex admitted. "As much as I try not to, I'm always going to love her. I've gone through hell for that woman, but I know deep down in my heart she's worth it. I want a life with her and a family with her. I want her to be able to turn to me when she needs something. I want Olivia to know that she doesn't have to be strong all the time. It's okay for her to be fragile and to need comfort in my arms. I don't just want to be her girlfriend, Abbie. I want to be Olivia's wife. I want to grow old with her. I want children and grandchildren and Little League and Girl Scout meetings. I want to watch Olivia grow into her career and the woman she's going to be. I don't know what Olivia wants to be but I know she's going to be great."

"That's how I feel about Serena," Abbie said softly. "I miss her so much, but I know I'm going to get her back eventually. Serena and I are meant to be together just like you and Olivia are meant to be together. Do you really love her?"

"Yes!" Alex said excitedly. "Yes, I do. Olivia Benson is my everything."

"Then do me a favor?"

"What?"

"Tell her," Abbie said. "Tell Liv that she's the one for you."

"It's not that simple, Abbie."

"It's not, but it should be."

Half an hour later, Alex dropped Abbie off at Olivia's house. Abbie had invited her in, but Alex knew she wasn't quite ready to see Olivia. Abbie had sworn that she would keep her hands off of Olivia and, although Alex couldn't be completely sure, she had no choice but to put her trust in Abbie. The two of them had just made a breakthrough in their friendship and she was desperately hoping Abbie would give her a reason to love her again.


	16. A Girl Called Alex

**A/N: Sorry if this chapter is a bit long. Thanks for all of the fic love aka comments. I hope this bittersweet chapter makes up for everything that has been happening lately between Alex and Olivia.**

After work, Alex had an especially long commute with her father. Alex had never been a 'daddy's girl' or even a 'mommy's girl,' but she had liked to think her parents were on her side and they were until she was rejected from Harvard. After that, they took their focus off of Alex and placed it on Jared. They wanted Alex to get into a prestigious law school to save the family name, but other than that it didn't really matter what Alex did. Regardless of who she was with or what job she would have after law school, she had already failed them by not going to Harvard for her undergraduate degree. Now that she was a post-graduate, Mr. Cabot tried to be as nice as he could to his daughter, but there was still that lingering feeling of disappointment he had whenever he looked at her.

"Alex?" he asked after twenty minutes of awkward silence.

"Yeah?"

"Do you remember my friend Steve from law school?"

"Yes," Alex responded, wondering where exactly he was going with this.

"His daughter Patricia just graduated from Harvard Law School. She's got a good head on her shoulders and she's going places. She's also single and—"

"Dad," Alex groaned. "I don't want to be set up. I'm in love with Olivia. I've been in love with Olivia and I'm always going to be in love with Olivia. There's no other woman for me."

"You're in love with Olivia, but look at where that got you," he pointed out. "She's trash and she always will be. Look at the way she dresses and what she's doing with her life. Don't think I haven't listened to that radio show of hers. Maybe if you wouldn't have spent your teen years with her, you would have gotten into Harvard."

"Dad!" Alex said about two decibels louder than she should have. "Olivia may not have a career path chosen, but that's because she thinks for herself and when she figures out what she wants to do, I know she's going to be dedicated."

"As dedicated as she is to you," Mr. Cabot said sarcastically.

"As dedicated as you are to Mom," Alex retorted. "I saw your new girl. What happened to the other one? Is 25 too old for you so you had to trade her in for a younger model?"

"Alexandra Felicity," Mr. Cabot said sternly. It was the first time he had used her middle name and her full first name since she was a little girl so Alex knew she was pushing his limits. Alex hated the sound of her name. Both Alexandra and Felicity had been names that were passed down from generation to generation and, while her other female cousins had names like Amy, Heather, and Kimberly, Alex was stuck with not one but _two _outdated names.

Not wanting to make their commute home even more awkward than it already was, Alex decided to drop the subject. It was no use arguing with that man when everything she said would just lead to him berating Olivia.

Alex may not have been a daddy's girl, but she had tolerated her father up until a few hours ago. She had been sitting at her desk when a young woman walked in and addressed her by the nickname she loathed: 'four eyes.' The sound of that nickname and the all-too-familiar voice made Alex immediately look up. What she saw was her worst nightmare: one of the girls who ridiculed her in high school who so happened to be Jenny's best friend. Alex reminded herself that she was no longer that nerdy girl she once was. She had grown into her looks and received plenty of attention from the opposite and the same sex, but the sound of that nickname made all of those painful memories return.

"Julie?" Alex asked in disbelief. Her voice was the same, but Alex hardly recognized her now that she wasn't wearing a cheerleading uniform and giving in to Jenny's every command.

"It's so good to see you," Julie said and flashed Alex a fake smile. "Where's your dad?"

Almost as if on cue, Mr. Cabot came out and started talking to Julie. Alex tried to remain at ease until she saw him quickly touch Julie's behind right in front of her.

"Dad!" Alex said angrily. "What the _hell _do you think you're doing? What about Mom? What about Jared and me?"

"Alex, I—"

"Julie graduated high school just one year before I did," Alex said, not caring if she was making a scene. "We had P.E. together. We had biology together, which she failed, by the way."

When she realized she wasn't going to get through to them, Alex decided to go on an early lunch break by herself. She wanted to call Olivia, but she was worried about breaking down while on the phone with her. Instead, she opted to take a walk instead of eating or talking to anybody.

Alex had wanted to talk to her mom, but she had a feeling her mom already knew. She also had a feeling her mom didn't care. It had barely dawned on Alex that their marriage was just for appearances and her mom probably had extramarital relations. She laid in bed crying that night until Jared knocked on her door.

"What's up, short stuff?" she asked even though she knew it wouldn't be long until Jared starting catching up to her.

"I heard you crying," he said as he tried spinning his basketball on one finger.

"How?"

"I was standing outside your door. Do you want to play HORSE?"

"Jared, you know I don't want to play HORSE."

"Olivia would play with me," he pointed out, trying to give Alex a hint.

"Yeah, but Olivia isn't here."

"You suck without her," Jared said as he picked up the ball that had rolled away from him.

"I don't care."

"You _should _care," Jared told her. "You still suck when you're with her, but you suck even more without her and why the fuck are you crying?"

"You're too young to understand, Jared," Alex told him. Even though he was 12, she wanted to spare him the details of what had happened earlier. He idolized their dad and she didn't want him to know the type of man he truly was.

"I'm 12, Alex," Jared said, frustrated. "Is it about Olivia?"

"Yeah," Alex lied. "It's about Olivia."

"You're not supposed to cry," Jared reminded her. "We're Cabots. You know how it is, we don't talk or cry when something is bothering us."

"You're right," Alex began, "we just take Dramamine and wash it down with a martini every evening like Mom and Grandma."

Jared gave her a confused look and she realized she had said too much.

"I'm going to shoot some hoops outside," he said hesitantly.

"Yeah, you do that," Alex said, grateful that he was leaving.

* * *

><p>Alex later glanced at the clock and saw that it was 10 p.m. Jared had already played outside and returned to play video games with one of his friends and Alex was <em>still <em>crying as she had been for the past three hours.

No matter what she tried to focus on, she couldn't stop crying and she knew there was only one person who could get her to stop; the same person who always made her feel safe and comforted. She grabbed her keys and her purse and, without caring that she was in her pajamas and not wearing any make-up, she went over to Olivia's childhood home.

Abbie had decided to spend time with her sister, so Olivia was left alone for the first time since her breakup with Alex. She knew being alone wasn't the best thing for her at that moment, but she also didn't want to prevent Abbie from spending quality time with Addie especially since the two of them had finally declared a truce after all of these years of hating each other.

Against her better judgment, Olivia pulled out a box of mementos from her relationship with Alex. There were letters they had written to each other in high school, pictures from Alex's college graduation, and a video of Olivia awkwardly pinning a corsage on Alex before the Beta Gamma formal. As she watched it, she became overwhelmed by how beautiful Alex looked and how her beauty was almost effortless. Unlike the other girls in her sorority, Olivia knew Alex didn't even have to _try _to be beautiful.

She became lost in a fantasy about being at the Beta Gamma formal and making love to Alex all night afterward. She had accidentally ripped Alex's dress while she tried to take it off of her, but Alex didn't care. She was so caught up in the moment and so eager to be with Olivia that nothing else mattered.

When the doorbell rang, Olivia was hesitant to answer it. She had been crying for the past hour and she wasn't ready for anyone to see her that way. After the bell rang for a fifth time, Olivia knew whoever it was wasn't going to leave so she wiped her tears and walked over to the door.

"Hi," Alex said sheepishly when Olivia answered the door.

"Alex? Sweetheart, what are you doing here?"

Before saying a single word to Olivia, Alex pulled her in for a hug. "Can you just hold me?"

"Of course," Olivia told Alex and led her to her bedroom. She tried not let Alex see it, but she was smiling more than she had in days. Once Alex kicked off her shoes, she cuddled up to Olivia on the bed

"I can't believe I'm holding you again," Olivia told her. "You feel so good, Alex."

"I need you, Liv," Alex confessed. "I need you and I need to know that true love exists and that I've found true love with you."

"Do you remember your 13th birthday party?" Olivia asked.

"Of course," Alex said, confused. "Why?"

"I remember everything about that day," Olivia said after giving Alex a quick kiss. "After everyone had left, Abbie included, it was just the two of us. I had been waiting for it to be the two of us. I remember you were wearing a ruffled skirt and a pink sweater. Your mom had combed your bangs and she let you wear clear mascara and pink eyeshadow just for that special occasion. I had always thought you were beautiful, but there was something about the way you looked at that moment when it was just the two of us. You turned on the radio and that's when we heard 'Careless Whisper.' You commented on how it was the perfect song for us and to this day I still think it's the perfect song for us. I've been listening to it over and over all day and trying in vain to take myself back to that moment when I held out my hand and asked you to slow dance with me for the first time in your room. I wanted to smell your bubble gum perfume and taste your strawberry lip gloss. All day, I've been wishing I could not just relive the moment, but change it. I would have kissed you so we could have been each other's first real kiss. I wish I would have told you that I thought you were the most beautiful girl I had ever seen. More than anything, I wish I would have just asked you to be mine, but I was so afraid of you rejecting me."

"I thought you had eyes for Abbie in 7th grade," Alex said.

"Alexandra," Olivia said and gave her another kiss. "I didn't have eyes for her then and I don't have eyes for her now. It's always been you, _always_."

"Liv, where are you going?" Alex asked as Olivia got up from the bed.

"Wait, right here," she said. Five minutes later, she came back carrying a box of old diaries and handed one to Alex. Alex began flipping pages and saw nothing but hearts drawn in red crayons and sloppy handwriting.

"Babe, what's this?"

"It's my 'I love Alex' diary," Olivia explained. "I know it's creepy, but I've been writing entries about you since we first met. There's about twenty diaries and they're all about me having a crush on you and then me falling in love with you. They're all the things I was too embarrassed to tell you. You can do the honors and read the first one."

"_September 20, 1978,_" Alex began reading aloud from the diary written in red crayon. "_I lov a girl calld Alex. She has predy yellow hair and she held my hand today._"

"Ignore the spelling mistakes," Olivia told her. "Remember, I was four when I wrote that. The only reason the month is spelled correctly is because I looked at a calendar."

"Olivia, that's the most adorable thing I've ever read," Alex said and started kissing her. "Can I read another one?"

"Go ahead," Olivia told her and handed Alex another diary.

"_December 1, 1985_," Alex read aloud. "_Alex wore her first training bra today and—_"

"Not that one," Olivia said and took the diary away. "Remember, sixth grade is when I discovered my love of boobs, yours in particular. I still love them to this day."

"I bet you do," Alex said and started laughing.

"Take this one," Olivia told her as she handed Alex a different diary.

"_January 10, 1990. Today is my 16__th__ birthday and I'm trying to be happy, but it's not happening. My mom bought me a cake shaped like a softball and it said 'Happy 16__th__ birthday, Olivia.' It was so awesome, but that was the only thing I enjoyed about today. Abbie is already asleep on the couch, but Alex and Casey are making out in my bedroom. It's so disgusting. Or maybe I just think it's disgusting because I want to be the one making out with Alex. I know I'm being a bad friend, but I'm not happy for the two of them. I don't know what Alex sees in her that she doesn't see in me. Am I not pretty enough? Am I not funny enough or smart enough for her? Why the hell doesn't she notice me? I've had a crush on Alex since I was four, but now I feel like I'm falling in love with her. She's the first person I think about when I wake up in the morning and my last thought before I fall asleep each night. Casey is my teammate and my friend, but I can't stop thinking about taking her girl. Am I wrong for feeling this way? I love her so much and all I want is for her to give me a chance. I want her to see me as more than her best friend and more than the person she brags to about making out with Casey. I can't stand the thought of them making out. This entry is going nowhere. You're 16 now, Olivia. Get over it or do something about it. I'm going to give myself two more years—just two more years. I vow to make Alex my girl by the time my 18__th__ birthday comes around. When she's mine, I'm going to do nothing but spoil her and let her know she is my reason for living._"

"Am I?" Alex asked as she looked into Olivia's eyes.

"You know you are," Olivia told her. "I'm sorry about everything that's been happening lately, but I want you to know that not a single moment has gone by where you weren't on my mind. If you take me back, Alex, I promise you I will never do anything to break your heart ever again. I'll put you before anyone else and I'll let you in on everything I'm feeling."

"Okay," Alex teased. "But only because you and I have the best make-up sex and we have so much pent-up sexual tension right now. I feel like I'm going to explode."

"That's what I'm here for," Olivia said as she began kissing Alex's neck. "But, first you're going to tell me why you were crying. Don't think I didn't notice."

"Later," Alex insisted. "I want to wait until Abbie gets here. It's going to be one of those nights."

Olivia knew exactly what Alex meant by one of _those _nights. She knew her girlfriend had experienced something traumatic and even though she wished she could change what had happened she was grateful that Alex thought of her as the one person she could turn to.


	17. Oliver and Lexie Lou

**litafan82: **Your comment about Mr. Cabot made me crack up. And hooray for them being back together. **juicetroop82: **Oh, I plan on having a VERY faithful Liv for the rest of the story. You'll find out why in a bit. :) **betterthanbefore: **I'm glad you liked the diary entries. Call it sentimental, but I love writing the Cabenmichael girls 'back in the day.' **peterpeter: **There will be lots and lots of talks about everything coming up. :)

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><p>Olivia had wanted to know why Alex had been crying, but she still insisted on waiting for Abbie. She knew if she were to tell Olivia right away she would just have to repeat the story a few minutes later and it wasn't the kind of story she wanted to repeat. She felt bad about telling Abbie and Olivia what had happened with her dad because she knew no matter what her father was doing, it was nowhere near as bad as what they had experienced. Still, there was no getting out of it; she'd have to tell them the story or else they'd ask her about it until she finally gave in.<p>

"When do you think Abbie will be here?" Alex asked nervously. It was her first time alone with Olivia in a few days and she wasn't sure what to expect from her.

"I don't care," Olivia said as she held Alex closer than she had in awhile. When Alex turned her head in Olivia's direction, she slowly began tracing Alex's jaw line with her fingertip before gently pressing it to Alex's lips.

Forgetting all about why she had visited Olivia in the first place, Alex parted her lips so she could accept Olivia's finger. Feeling her finger being played with by her girlfriend's tongue, Olivia's mind shifted to one thing and one thing only: pleasing Alex. She ran her hands up Alex's pajama shirt and went straight for the clasp on her bra.

"Liv!"

"What?" Olivia asked, confused.

"What are you doing?"

"My girlfriendly duty," Olivia said playfully.

"Not right now," Alex insisted. She removed Olivia's hands from underneath her shirt and laced their fingers. Not wanting her girlfriend to feel rejected, Alex rested her head on Olivia's chest. That simple gesture earned a smile from Olivia, which made Alex smile at her in return.

"I'm sorry if I—"

"No, not at all, babe," Alex told her. "We haven't made love in such a long time and I don't want this to be rushed. I want us to take our time with each other. I plan on kissing every inch of you. Besides, I have a feeling that Abbie is going to be here any minute now and I wouldn't want her to catch us."

"Normally, I wouldn't care, but it's not the same anymore," Olivia pointed out. "If the circumstances were different, she'd make fun of us for being so vanilla and then tell us a story about something she's done with Serena."

"And then we'd have to think of some way to defend the way we make love to each other all the while wondering if we really are _that _vanilla."

"We are, babe," Olivia told her. "But it's okay. I like what we do."

"I like it, too," Alex insisted. "I just wish we could try things every now and then."

"I'm willing to try anything you want to try," Olivia said as she looked into Alex's eyes. "I want to make you happy, Alex."

"You always make me happy," Alex responded out of habit.

"No, I don't," Olivia scoffed.

"Okay, you don't," Alex said and tried to hide how much she felt like laughing.

"I love you."

"I love you more," Alex responded as she traced a heart around Olivia's bellybutton with her finger.

"I love you most."

"I love you more than that."

"Oh, yeah?" Olivia asked playfully. "I love you even more than _that_."

"And I love that you two have come to your senses," Abbie interrupted.

"How did you—"

"I have a key, remember? This is my old homestead."

"And this is why we didn't have sex right now," Olivia reminded Alex. "She's like a ninja. She just sneaks in."

"I could just join you," Abbie teased. "You know I wouldn't mind showing you two scoops of vanilla ice cream how it's done."

"Too soon," Olivia told her. "I don't think we're ready for the threesome jokes again. It's kind of a sensitive subject right now."

"Don't worry," Abbie began to say as she laid down next to Alex. Alex couldn't help being giddy when Abbie wrapped her arms around her from behind while she was cuddled up to Olivia.

"Is it wrong that I like this?" Alex asked.

"No," Abbie reassured her. "It means you're now vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles on top."

"It just reminds me of how we used to fall asleep when we had our Cabenmichael sleepovers," Alex told her. "Call me crazy, but I miss those days and I feel like things are back to normal right now. Well, as normal as they can be for the three of us."

"I don't think the three of us will ever be normal," Olivia pointed out. "But that's okay because we have each other. Who wants to be normal anyway?"

"Not me," Alex and Abbie said in unison.

"You're looking very chipper today," Alex said and turned to Abbie who was now smiling uncontrollably.

"Oh, I'm _very_ chipper," Abbie said and winked at her.

"You had sex with Serena, didn't you?" Olivia asked. "If so, that's a very stupid thing to do, Abbie."

"No," Abbie scoffed. "Serena had sex with Claudia Perez today. I saw her leaving Serena's room when Addie and I were visiting Blaine."

"And you're okay with that?" Olivia asked, confused.

"Sure," Abbie said. "She's my ex-girlfriend now. I really don't have a say in whatever she does. Besides, I've just been had in the best way possible."

"Not that I'm going to like the answer, but who was it?" Alex asked.

"Mr. Trent Abernathy himself," Abbie said excitedly. "The starting quarterback for Notre Dame."

"And the guy who knocked you up in high school," Alex reminded her.

"I guess that explains why you're wearing a Notre Dame shirt," Olivia pointed out.

"Yeah," Abbie said shyly. "In the heat of the moment, he ripped the buttons off my shirt so he let me have this one."'

"You're a living, breathing walk of shame, aren't you?" Olivia teased.

"How did this even happen?" Alex asked.

"After I saw Serena, I just had to get away so I went to the park and that's where I saw him tossing a football around with some of the guys we went to high school with. He was shirtless and I couldn't resist. We got to talking and then he invited me over. He's so built now and his muscle control is—"

"Okay, spare us the dirty bisexual details," Alex interrupted.

"Well, I'll just say he had me bent over the kitchen counter, riding him on a chair in the living room, on my knees in his bedroom, on my back with his face in between my legs while we were poolside—"

"We get it," Olivia insisted. Hearing what Abbie had just done made her pull her girlfriend closer to her and further from Abbie.

"It was the best sex of my _life_!" Abbie said excitedly. "And we're doing it again tomorrow."

"So, are you his girlfriend now?" Alex asked.

"Oh, Alex, you're so cute," Abbie said in a patronizing tone of voice. "This is just sex. You know my heart belongs to Serena and, if I can't have Serena, I might as well have some fun."

"I hope you two were careful," Olivia told her, now clinging even more to Alex. Holding Alex close was her own way of reassuring her girlfriend that she was nothing like Abbie.

"He pulled out each time," Abbie informed them.

"Abigail!" Alex said in disgust. "You know that's not effective. You can still get pregnant or you can get an STD. Statistics show that—"

"We're finished with this topic," Abbie interrupted.

"I worry about you," Alex told her. "You're such a smart girl, but whatever you're going through right now is clouding your judgment."

"All three of us are a little lost," Olivia pointed out. "I wonder if it's just us or if this comes with being in your 20s."

"Fuck it," Abbie said and started smiling. "I think that's my new motto."

"Yeah, 'cause you fuck _everything_," Alex teased.

"Do you guys want to do something crazy?" Abbie asked. Her two best friends looked at her nervously. They knew crazy for Abbie was considered _insane _by most people's standards.

"Like?"

"Does your mom still have her old clothes?" Abbie asked.

"Seriously, Abbie?" Olivia responded, feeling relieved that they weren't going to have to climb a water tower or raise the dead.

"Oh, come on. It'll be fun." Abbie insisted.

"But, Lex, did you want to talk about—"

"No," Alex interrupted her girlfriend. "This is far more intriguing. We can talk about everything tomorrow."

The Cabenmichael girls hurried over to the bedroom that once belonged to Olivia's mom and started going through the closet that held all of the clothes she kept from when she was in high school and college. Abbie wasted no time sifting through pants, blouses, and jackets in attempt to find the look she was going for.

"I've got an idea," Olivia said. "You girls wait right here."

Olivia came back ten minutes later wearing a gray sweatshirt, cuffed blue jeans, black Converse, and her letterman jacket. The highlight of her ensemble was an old Yankees cap that she tucked all of her hair into.

"Well if it isn't _Oliver _Benson," Abbie teased. "This is a good look for you, Olivia."

"Mmhmm," Alex said as she went over to kiss her girlfriend. "Is it wrong that I like you as a boy?"

"Don't get used to it," Olivia told her. "You know I'd never cut my hair."

"I give it a few years," Abbie insisted. "Look at how much it turns Alex on. She's ready to jump your bones, Livya."

"What?" Alex asked after nearly a minute.

"See, she's not even paying attention to anything else that's happening," Abbie pointed out.

"You two are making me want to take this cap off and wear a hair ribbon," Olivia told them.

"No, don't," Alex said a little too eagerly. "Please? For me?"

"Fine," Olivia said hesitantly. "But no more talk about me cutting my hair."

"Oh, I'll convince you eventually," Alex said and wrapped her arms around Olivia's waist.

"I should wear something that goes with your outfit," Alex said flirtatiously before finally leaving Olivia—or _Oliver's_—side.

While Alex was still looking for the perfect outfit, Abbie had already put on a pair of hot pants and a tight-fitting shirt. "You two can have your '50s fun," Abbie told them. "I'm going for the '70s, a decade of excess."

Alex made the two of them leave as she got dressed. She had no problem changing in front of them, but she didn't want to spoil the surprise she had planned for Olivia. After a few minutes she finally emerged from the bedroom wearing a knee-length baby blue strapless dress that was tight at the bodice and flared out at the waist. On her feet were a pair of white flats and around her neck was a pearl necklace that she made sure to be extra careful with. She put her hair in a high ponytail with a baby blue ribbon around it.

"I'm ready for you to take me to homecoming, sweetheart" Alex told Olivia.

"There's nothing better than taking your best girl to the dance after winning the big game," Olivia said, playing along with their 1950s roleplay. "You look so beautiful, Lexie Lou."

"Thank you. I might just let you kiss me on the cheek tonight, but only on the cheek. I don't want a reputation," Alex told her. "And Mom and Dad say I absolutely must be home by curfew."

Olivia pulled Alex close and started to slow dance with her to a '50s song that Abbie had put on the radio. As the song was about to end, Olivia gave Alex a quick twirl before dipping her. While still in that same position, Olivia gently pressed her lips to Alex's.

"I love you," Olivia whispered.

"You're starting to get a little fresh with me, aren't you, Oliver Benson?" Alex teased. "I'm saving myself for marriage."

"Then marry me, Alex," Olivia insisted. She had no idea what had just come over her, but that statement just felt _right_. The thought of marrying Alex had been on Olivia's mind for 17 years and here she was proposing to her in the middle of the living room while playing dress up. It wasn't exactly the way she had imagined it, but it was spur of the moment, which Olivia thought was even more special than making a big fiasco.

"Oliver, I'm only 16," Alex said playfully. "I'm far too young. We should at least wait until we finish high school."

"Babe, this is _Olivia _talking to you," she pointed out. The shocked expression on her girlfriend's face was almost too much for her. She felt herself tense up as she waited for an answer.

"Olivia, you're—"

"I am," Olivia said softly.

"Yes!" Alex said.

"I want to make sure I heard you correctly," Olivia said in disbelief. Her hands were feeling clammy and she was hoping beads of sweat wouldn't start dripping from her forehead.

"Yes!" Alex repeated and jumped on top of Olivia, knocking them both onto the couch.

"You crazy kids," Abbie said excitedly. "How is it that you managed to make banging Trent be the _second _most exciting thing about my day?"

"Let's celebrate," Olivia insisted.

"A bottle of champagne?" Alex suggested.

"Not good enough," Olivia told them. "I'm feeling adventurous. Let's go to Sticky's…like this. Abbie, you can even invite Trent if you want. After that, I'm taking my fiancee somewhere romantic so we could…"

"Consummate our engagement," Alex said and started kissing her.

"There's no better way to end the night," Olivia told her.

"Babe?" Alex asked as they were walking to the car.

"Yeah?" Olivia responded.

"Thanks for knowing exactly how to make my night better."

**A/N: I'm going to need a beta for my next chapter, any takers?**


	18. From Girl To Woman

**peterpeter: **Sorry for not updating sooner. I hope you enjoy this chapter. :) **juicetroop82: **Yeah, I hadn't planned on it but I couldn't resist. I know it's not realistic. haha. But these girls haven't been acting too mature lately. **lachach: **I love any comment that starts with the words, 'say what.' haha. I'm not sure if Abbie will EVER grow up. I mean, she will eventually but I kinda like making her immature for awhile. **Sidle13: **Aww, thank you. I'm glad you thought it was cute. **litafan82: **No locking Abbie in the closet...unless it's with me. haha. **Cmoni: **I'm glad you liked the proposal. I thought it suited them and absolutely had to write it. There's a reason she's with Trent...trust me. haha.

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><p>With their '50s and '70s attire still on, the girls got into Alex's car and left for Trent's house. The moment the car was turned on, a Mariah Carey song started playing from Alex's cassette player, the same song that Abbie and Serena had slow-danced to at Homecoming four years ago. They had declared it to be their official song and Abbie now found it ironic that their lives now mirrored the song. She was hurting now more than she had ever hurt before, but there was no way she was going to let her friends in on that. They knew her heart was broken, but they had no idea to what extent and she had no intentions of telling them now that they were so happily engaged. Why the two of them were engaged was beyond Abbie. She wondered how two people could go from not being a couple at all to being engaged in a matter of two hours. She wanted to be happy for her friends, but deep down she felt as if this whole situation was ludicrous. Abbie couldn't deny a part of it was because she wanted Olivia—she would <em>always <em>want Olivia—but, for the most part, she didn't want the two of them making such a big mistake. She began thinking about Trent and what it would be like to be his girlfriend, but she still couldn't get her mind off of Olivia or Serena.

"Of all the Mariah Carey songs on that cassette, the song we so happen to hear is 'Love Takes Time,'" Abbie pointed out.

"Sorry," Alex said and ejected the tape. Olivia took it upon herself to start tuning the radio dial until she found something to her liking. She kept commenting on how most modern music was 'crap' until she found a Radiohead song that took her back to her freshman year of college, which she considered to be both the best _and _worst time of her life.

"''Creep' has to be the _best_ Radiohead song," Olivia said excitedly. "I remember when I first started at _The Rock Block_ and Josh brought out his guitar so he could serenade me."

"I want to be serenaded," Abbie said. "I'll get gay Josh to serenade me."

"Be careful," Olivia warned. "There's something about Josh when he sings. For three minutes and fifty-six seconds, I wished I were Josh's boyfriend. Then I realized that I'd have to have anal sex and actually _touch_ a penis, so I said forget it."

"Babe!" Alex said and squeezed her hand. "That's so gross!"

"That's why I said forget it," Olivia told her now disgusted fiancee.

"But, still, you actually contemplated—"

"She's _kidding_, Alex," Abbie pointed out.

"…oh," Alex said hesitantly and tightened her grip on Olivia's hand.

"Babe, you actually thought I'd want to be Josh's boyfriend?" Olivia asked in disbelief. "You know I'm—I don't—"

"She doesn't have a penis, Alex," Abbie said condescendingly. "In case you forgot."

"I know that," Alex snapped back. "But Olivia is gorgeous. What if he wanted to experiment with her?"

"That'll never happen," Olivia reassured her. "Josh is the type of guy who is completely disgusted by the female anatomy. He's never touched a vagina and he never will."

"What about when he was born?" Alex said smugly. "He had to have touched one as he was coming out of his mom."

"C-section," Olivia informed them. "So, technically, he has never touched one."

"How could someone not be attracted to women or girls?" Alex asked. "I knew I was attracted to girls the first time I laid eyes on Olivia."

"And I knew the moment I first saw you," Olivia said and kissed her hand. The moment they were stopped at a red light, Olivia leaned in and started kissing Alex on the lips. "I only have eyes for you, Alex."

"You two are so gross," Abbie told them. "Not everyone is attracted to females and you need to accept that just like you need to accept that I'm not _only _attracted to one gender. I like men _and _women and there's nothing wrong with that. I love Serena's femininity and her curves, but I also love the way Trent is so rugged and masculine and able to just bend me over."

They were now parked in Trent's driveway, but neither of them felt as if the conversation was anywhere near over.

"Liv can do that, too," Alex said to Abbie even though she was looking into Olivia's eyes. "Sometimes I position myself so it looks like I'm offering my—my—"

"Your pussy?" Abbie asked with one eyebrow raised. According to her, it was a harmless word and she wondered why Alex was so embarrassed to say it.

"Yeah," Alex said sheepishly. "She likes when I offer myself to her."

"Why can't you just say it, Cabot?" Abbie asked.

"Because she's a lady," Olivia said as she nibbled on Alex's earlobe. "I don't want to hear such a beautiful woman say such a dirty word."

"Oh, really?" Alex asked playfully.

"Unless it's during sex," Olivia whispered. "You know I love that."

"I'll go get Trent," Abbie said, but her words had no effect on Alex and Olivia who were now making out in the front seat.

"Merry Christmas to _me_," Trent said as he saw the sight that greeted him when he walked out to Alex's car. "Is that Cabot?"

"Yeah, that's her," Abbie informed him. "She's grown up a little since high school."

"Four Eyes turned into a babe! You _scored_, Olivia!" Trent said as he high-fived Olivia through the driver's side window. Hearing the two of them high-five caused Alex to finally pull away from Olivia. She was now aware that they had an audience and she quickly checked to make sure her hair and her dress were in tact.

"What's going on?" Olivia asked. "Why aren't you in the car?"

"We didn't want to interrupt," Abbie teased.

"I see you haven't changed since high school," Alex told Trent once she started driving again. "You're still a womanizer."

"Not even!" Trent said defensively.

"I'm going to need all three of you to shut up because Blind Melon is on right now," Olivia told them as she turned up the volume on the radio.

"I heard your show the other day," Trent said to Olivia once the song was over. "That's fucking _rad,_ Liv. You get paid to play songs you like and talk about whatever you want?"

"There's more to it than that," Olivia insisted. "I do put in a lot of hours once the school year starts. The Monday through Friday from eight to midnight block isn't the easiest. Plus there are appearances on campus and promos."

"I've seen the promos," Abbie said mischievously.

"What promos?" Alex asked.

"The promo photos of Olivia and her co-host Katrina," Abbie told Alex. "They've been circulating all of the Hudson University frat houses and locker rooms."

"So what?" Alex told her. "I think Olivia is beautiful and I know others think she's beautiful, too."

"Thank you, baby," Olivia said and squeezed her hand.

"She's certified whack-off material," Abbie told Alex. "Your fiancee is wearing nothing but a black bra and an oversized flannel shirt that's completely unbuttoned and practically hanging off of her."

"…okay," Alex said, trying to keep her cool.

"And she's not wearing any pants," Abbie pointed out. "Just some bikini-cut undies."

"We're changing the subject," Olivia said forcefully. "I really don't want to talk about this."

"Maybe this isn't a good idea," Trent suggested. "I think Abbie and I should stay at my place tonight. Congratulations, though. We'll do this another time?"

"Definitely," Alex told him. "It was nice seeing you again."

* * *

><p>After dropping off Abbie and Trent, Alex told Olivia that she wasn't hungry anymore. She had been awake for almost 24 hours and what she wanted more than anything was to go home with Olivia where they could finally be alone.<p>

Once the door was open, Olivia got behind her fiancee and picked her up. Alex nearly squealed with delight when Olivia carried her over the threshold.

"Liv!"

"What? It's tradition!"

"When you're married," Alex pointed out. "We're just engaged."

"I can't help it," Olivia said and leaned in to kiss the beautiful woman who was still in her arms. "I'm so excited, Alex."

"I'm excited, too!" Alex told her. "After 17 years of waiting, I'm finally going to be Mrs. Alexandra Benson."

"Not Cabot-Benson?" Olivia asked as she carried Alex to the room.

"Just Benson," Alex insisted. "I want _your_ name."

"Why just my name?" Olivia asked as she laid Alex down and started to unzip her dress.

"Because I want you to have ownership over me," Alex said flirtatiously. "Not just with your name, either."

"How else?"

"Claim me," Alex commanded as she unzipped Olivia's jeans. Once she felt Alex's hand make its way down the front of her undies, Olivia couldn't help softly moaning Alex's name.

"Not yet," Olivia insisted. "I want to tell you something first."

"What?" Alex asked, her hands now stroking the sides of Olivia's torso.

"I'm your girl," Olivia reassured her. "Nobody else's. Those pictures Abbie is talking about aren't as bad as she makes them out to be. You know I'd never take any pictures that were in bad taste. I respect myself way too much to do that and I also respect _you_, Alex."

"I know, babe," Alex said. Olivia was so distracted that she didn't notice Alex's hands now cupping her behind. "But I don't want a girl. I want a woman. I want someone with goals and plans that go beyond just playing beer pong at Chucky's frat house."

"I _do _have goals," Olivia said defensively.

"Like what?" Alex asked. "You're already going to be a senior, Olivia. What do you want to do after you graduate?"

"You're starting to sound like your parents," Olivia teased, but Alex was far from amused.

"I'm serious, babe."

"I already know what I want to do with my life," Olivia told her, her lips now gently brushing against Alex's neck.

"What is it?" Alex asked excitedly.

"I found a way I could be Wonder Woman and stop evil-doers."

"You and your Wonder Woman," Alex said as she spread her legs underneath Olivia. With Olivia still kissing her neck, she found a way to pull her jeans and panties down with one quick tug.

"Baby!" Olivia said in shock.

"Take your shirt off," Alex commanded. "I want you naked and on top of me in ten seconds."

"I'm not a machine," Olivia said even though she had no problem giving in to Alex's demands. Within ten seconds, their clothes were off and Olivia was positioned just the way Alex wanted her.

"I like this position," Alex said softly. "It lets me look into your eyes."

"And I get to look into yours," Olivia said as she tucked a strand of hair behind Alex's ear. "You always have the same look when we're about to make love."

"What look is that?"

"It's hard to explain," Olivia told her. "It's like a mixture of nervousness and anticipation."

"And love?" Alex asked.

"That, too," Olivia said playfully. "I can't believe you're going to marry me."

"Believe it," Alex insisted. "It was only a matter of time. You know how much I love you and you love me, Officer Benson. I like the way that sounds. It's so _sexy_."

"How did you know?"

"I've been hoping for it all along," Alex admitted. "It's the perfect career move for you, babe, and now when my parents ask we can tell them that you do have plans for the future."

"I have my career chosen and I'm going to marry the most beautiful woman in the world who just happens to be my soulmate," Olivia said and started smiling. "This feels so good, Alex."

"I know something else that'll make you feel good," Alex told her as she pressed her fiancee's hips to hers.

It was the first time the two of them had made love to each other in what seemed like forever to Alex and there was no way she was going to hold back. There were so many things she wanted to do and have done to her and she wanted to make sure her girl—no, her _woman_—felt cherished every single second.


	19. Pancakes And Pacts

**A/N: It's a bit fluffy but I hope you enjoy it, nonetheless. :)**

"Wake up, sleepyhead," Alex whispered and delicately kissed her fiancee on the forehead.

"I'm exhausted," Olivia mumbled, her eyes still closed.

"You should be," Alex told her. "You were _amazing _last night."

"I know," Olivia teased. When she finally managed to open her eyes, she saw her fiancee standing on the side of the bed, wearing nothing but a short apron around her waist. There were so many things she wanted to tell her and _do _to her, but all she managed was to stare at Alex with her eyes wide open.

"I need you to sit up," Alex said and winked at Olivia. "Stepford Wife Alex has a surprise for you."

Olivia quickly obeyed her command. "Stepford Wife Alex needs to sit on my lap right now."

"Later," Alex promised. "Right now you don't have enough energy to handle me."

"Since when have you been so cocky?" Olivia asked as she pulled Alex down and got on top of her.

"Since last night when you…de-flowered me."

"De-flowered?" Olivia asked and started laughing. "You and I haven't been virgins in forever."

"Don't remind me," Alex said glumly. "I remember when you lost your virginity and I try to block that night from my memory."

Noticing how her mood had changed, Olivia held her fiancee close and started to kiss her. She knew how much her relationship with Jenny had bothered Alex and nothing she could say would make either of them forget what Olivia had gone through while she was Jenny's girlfriend. The same went for Olivia's feelings about Alex's brief affair with Dana Miles during her freshman year. Ever since Alex's sorority sisters had told her what Dana did at the party, the thought of what could have happened to Alex never left Olivia's mind. She was furious with Dana, but she was mostly furious with herself for not being there for Alex. She wondered what she was doing at the moment Alex found out that Dana had 'offered' her to those guys. Was she at home with Scotty? Was she hanging out with Dylan? Was she hooking up with some nameless girl? She kept trying to convince herself that she was with Dylan or Scotty, but this happened on a weekend so she knew she was probably having sex with some girl she wished were Alex at the same time Alex was going through her own personal hell. She imagined Alex crying and wishing she could talk to her, but being too afraid to reach out to anyone.

"Babe?" Alex asked, interrupting Olivia's train of thought.

"What's up?"

"Where were you right now?"

"With you," Olivia said nervously.

"Your breakfast is getting cold," Alex told her and playfully pushed Olivia off of her.

"Breakfast?" Olivia asked, surprised. "Alex, you cooked something? You cooked something and the house didn't catch on fire?"

"Just doing my wifely duty," Alex said and winked. "It's mostly to reward you for last night. You were _amazing_, Olivia. There've been times where I—but this—that…that was the first time I've ever been incoherent and convulsive."

"And the first time you've ever soaked not only my sheets, but my face, my hair, _especially _my hair—"

"Your entire body," Alex interrupted.

Refusing to let her get up, Olivia pulled Alex close to her again. "How could I have forgotten that making love to you could be so—"

"Passionate?"

"I was going to say beautiful," Olivia said and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek.

"Beautiful is good, too," Alex told Olivia as she cuddled up to her. "Although, I think you really meant to say 'life-altering.'"

"Kind of. I think it's because we've crossed over into the realm of fiancee sex. No more girlfriend sex for us," Olivia said and high-fived Alex.

"Imagine wife sex," Alex said a little too excitedly.

"Wife sex is almost non-existent, babe," Olivia teased. "When I think of wife sex, I think of our seven-year-old walking in on us while I'm on top of you and having to explain to our now traumatized child that I wasn't hurting you. Or, trying to find new ways to 'spice' things up when we're 40 because we're suffering from lesbian bed death."

"We've already suffered from lesbian bed death," Alex pointed out.

"At age 21," Olivia realized. "Oh, we are _doomed _when we're 40."

"No, we're not," Alex said in between kisses. "Do you honestly think I'll be able to resist Officer Benson? You'll probably be Detective Benson by then, which is even sexier. I know I'm getting ahead of myself, but I'm so excited, Olivia. My woman has her career path chosen."

"You're okay with it?" Olivia asked just to make sure. "You're not going to lecture me about how dangerous it is?"

"No, I'll leave that to your mom."

"Oh, no," Olivia groaned. "I can just imagine that lecture."

"I'll be with you," Alex promised. "You have my full support, babe. Maybe we should tell her about your career choice somewhere in between us telling her about our engagement and us wanting to have a baby someday soon. She'll be so excited about the baby and our engagement that she might not even notice."

Olivia knew that was highly unlikely, but she appreciated Alex's efforts. Before getting up, she hugged Alex one more time and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

"We'll worry about that later. Right now, I'm starving."

"Your breakfast!" Alex said and shook her head. "I can't believe I forgot about it again. Sit down and I'll bring it to you."

_Breakfast in bed? _Olivia thought with a huge smile on her face. _Maybe married life is going to be even better than I thought._ Alex came back with a small stack of pancakes and handed the plate to Olivia.

"I forgot your chocolate milk," Alex said. "I'll be right back."

"You're the best fiancee _ever_," Olivia said excitedly once Alex returned. "Pancakes drenched with chocolate syrup and chocolate milk with a red licorice straw? How did you know I was in the mood for that?"

"Because it's been your favorite breakfast since you were four," Alex told her and couldn't stop smiling. "This is the first time I've been able to make it without burning anything. Maybe this means I'm becoming wifely."

"Am I going to be the husband?" Olivia asked after swallowing a mouthful of pancakes. "If we're following heteronormative marriage roles, I think I'm going to be the husband."

"Well," Alex paused. "You _are _the one who kills the bugs, fixes things, and gets up to investigate when I hear a weird noise in the middle of the night."

"True," Olivia said and flashed Alex a mischievous smile. "I'll be the husband as long as you're the one who cooks, has my babies, and takes it from behind."

"Olivia!"

"What? You already do two out of three of those things."

"As for having your babies, it'll happen eventually. I think we just need to be us for right now," Alex said in hopes that it wouldn't upset Olivia. "I can barely handle _you _sometimes."

"I'll grow up," Olivia promised. "It's just not going to happen overnight. I'm still in college, Alex. I'm young and I want to be young, but I want us to be young together if that makes any sense."

"It makes perfect sense," Alex said and kissed the spot of chocolate syrup on Olivia's lips.

* * *

><p>Alex had no intentions of spending the night with Olivia, so she hadn't thought about packing any clothes. All she had were her pajamas and she didn't want to go home yet, so she had no choice but to borrow something of Olivia's. Alex dreaded the thought of wearing something from Olivia's wardrobe, but Olivia was absolutely thrilled. Her jeans were two sizes bigger than Alex's, which only further excited Olivia. As her fiancee showered, she began picking out the perfect outfit for her. She set the clothes on the countertop in the bathroom and tried to occupy her time as she waited for Alex to get dressed.<p>

When Alex emerged from the bathroom, Olivia saw a sight even better than she had expected. Her fiancee was sporting the outfit she had given her, but she hadn't expected it to look so _perfect _on Alex. The fitted Radiohead shirt that Dylan had made especially for Olivia when they were nineteen, exposed the porcelain skin below Alex's belly button. The destroyed jeans she was wearing were slightly big for her, leaving the waistline of her panties exposed. Olivia felt like ripping the outfit off of Alex, but she knew it wasn't the right time for that. Instead, she focused on an accessory that needed to be added so Alex's ensemble would be complete.

_A cap_, Olivia thought as she raced to her room to grab one. She then placed her high school softball cap on Alex and turned it backwards no matter how much Alex protested.

"This is the hottest you've ever looked," Olivia said as she wrapped her arms around Alex's waist. Alex checked out her new look in Olivia's full-length mirror and realized Olivia was right although she had no intentions of actually _telling _her that she was right. This was a one-time treat for Olivia and there was no way she was going to dress like this on a regular basis.

"I look okay," Alex said nonchalantly. "And, just so you know, I'm never dressing like this again."

"In that case, let's commemorate this moment," Olivia insisted. Alex knew that could only mean one thing, she was going to take pictures. She felt as if she had posed for a hundred of them before Olivia finally agreed to stop. The only picture she actually enjoyed taking was the one where they were kissing. She already imagined it being framed in their apartment.

"Alex?" Olivia asked once their excitement had died down.

"Yeah?"

"There's something that's been bothering me."

"What is it?" Alex asked as she held Olivia. It wasn't the position she was used to, but she felt as if Olivia _needed _this.

"Your sisters told me what happened with Dana when you were a freshman. Why didn't you tell me about it?"

"Because you would have killed her," Alex said in an attempt at lightening the mood.

"No one and I mean _no one_ hurts my girl," Olivia said sternly. "You know I would have been there for you."

"I wasn't your girl then," Alex reminded her. "We were broken up because of me. For once, I'll admit to being the bad guy. I wanted a woman like Dana. I wanted someone with similar goals, someone with as much power as she had. I thought she was perfect and I thought you were just a child, but I was proven wrong that night and I had too much pride to admit it. It was just easier not to talk to you anymore. It doesn't matter now because we're together and we're going to be together forever. I'm never going to take you for granted like I did back then."

"I have a secret," Olivia admitted. "There's something I've been holding in and I don't know how you're going to react, but it's important that I tell you."

"It's not about Abbie, is it? Liv, did you—"

"No," Olivia interrupted. "This isn't about Abbie. The other day, when we were at the park with Alyssa, I saw my dad."

"Peter?" Alex asked, hopefully.

"Not Peter," Olivia said glumly. "The man who raped my mom."

"Babe," Alex said softly. When she saw Olivia's eyes start to water, she held her even closer to her.

"He was with his son or at least I think he was his son, but the sick thing is I wanted to be with them. I wanted to tell him that I'm his daughter, but at the same time I wanted to kill him for what he did to my mom."

"Liv, baby, I wish I would have known. I noticed your mood had changed but I thought it was because we were talking about potential donors and I had upset you. I had no idea."

"It's okay."

"No, it's not, and then a few days later I tell you that you use the way you were conceived to get sympathy. What's even worse is that I told you to just get over it. Olivia, I feel like such an asshole. I should never have said that."

"Alex, it's okay," Olivia insisted. "We've both said and done a lot of things we shouldn't have, but we need to move forward and we need to be open and honest with each other if we want this to work."

"I plan on being yours for the next 70 or 80 years," Alex said and kissed Olivia's forehead. "We're bound to have a few arguments, but I never want them to escalate the way they have been lately."

"Let's make a pact," Olivia suggested. "Whenever we have something we want to say to each other, we'll say it instead of holding it in because of our pride or because we're afraid to say it. I don't care if it's about something important like who our donor should be or something as trivial as you hating the shade of lipstick I'm wearing."

"Okay," Alex agreed. "And while we're on the subject, I really do hate that shade of lipstick you're wearing."

"It's been thirty seconds and I already regret this pact," Olivia said before starting to take her lipstick off.

There was still the issue of her father's infidelity to talk about, but Alex wanted to wait until they were with Abbie. As much as she hated the way Abbie flirted with her fiancee _and _her new love affair with Trent, Alex felt as if there was a reason why all of this was happening. It had been three years since their exorcism at the cabin and she knew that they were due for another one.


	20. Kissing Her

"Why are you so amazing?" Trent asked as he was slightly out of breath.

"I'm not amazing. I've just been letting you fuck me anytime you want to," Abbie responded.

"But it's not that you're _letting _me, you actually _want _it."

"I do want it," Abbie told him. "I guess you're right. I _am_ amazing."

It was barely after noon and Abbie had already had sex with Trent once in the shower and another time in his bed. She still wasn't making him use a condom and, although she knew what she was doing was risky, a part of her didn't care. Trent saw that as being bold and she knew it was one of the things he liked about her. She also began wondering exactly how many girls he thought were amazing, but it didn't matter to her because she was the one he thought was amazing _now_. There was something about him that she couldn't resist—something that went beyond his all-American good looks. He was familiar and that's all she wanted. She wanted someone who knew her back when she was a younger, more innocent version of herself—when she was the girl who wasn't in love with her best friend.

"I love you, Abbie," Trent said nervously.

"You don't love me," she insisted. "You love _fucking _me. There's a difference."

"I can have any girl I want, Abbie, but I don't want them. I want you, only you."

"Right," Abbie said sarcastically.

"Abigail, I'm serious," Trent said as he held her. "Even when I was back at school, you were all I thought about and all I wanted. I just didn't know how to tell you because of Serena, but now that you're not with her…I was hoping you and I could have a chance to be together."

"We're together right now."

"Not like this," he told her. "I want to be more than your fuck buddy."

"But you're leaving for school in a few weeks."

"I'll fly you out to all my games, Abbie and when the season is over, I'll visit you all the time."

"Trent!" Abbie said sternly. "I'm going to be starting law school in the fall. I can't be flying out to Indiana every weekend."

"Just think about it," he pleaded.

"I'll think about it," she told him even though she had no intentions of thinking about it. Her mind was made up. She wanted Olivia and only Olivia. The thought of seeing her in a few minutes made Abbie smile uncontrollably as she fixed her hair and make-up. As much as she loved Alex, she felt as if she wasn't good enough for Olivia—no one was good enough for Olivia other than her. She didn't know how or when it had happened, but somewhere along the way she had gone from thinking Olivia was pretty to falling in love with her. Ever since Serena had broken up with her, she had told her friends she was devastated all the while fantasizing about Olivia. She pictured what their apartment would look like and flying Olivia out to Texas with her for family reunions. She imagined having Olivia's baby and spending hour after hour in the nursery as they watched over their little one—Kurt or Ezra. Ezra. Olivia loved that name and _she _loved that name, but Alex hated it. _Yet another reason why Alex isn't good for her_, Abbie thought. Most importantly, she wanted Olivia to love her the way she loved Olivia. She wanted to be the woman in Olivia's heart and the woman in her arms at night.

Abbie had never admitted it to anyone before, but she felt like cringing every time she saw Olivia kiss Alex or every time Olivia talked about making love to Alex. As she stood in front of the mirror, she became lost in thought. As vulgar as it seemed, she began imagining Olivia's face in between Alex's legs and everything else they probably did the night before. _Get a grip, Abbie. She had sex with Alex. You had sex with Trent. _

"Abbie? Why are you dressed like that?" Trent asked when he saw that her make-up had been fixed and she was wearing a babydoll dress instead of her usual t-shirt and jeans.

"All my other clothes are dirty." It was a lie, but she knew it was the only response that would prevent him from asking other questions about her clothes.

"Will I see you tonight?"

"Yeah, I'm just going to spend some time with the girls," she said and gave him a goodbye kiss.

* * *

><p>"Abbie is going to be here soon," Alex told her fiancee. "Don't you think we should clean up?"<p>

"It's _Abbie_," Olivia reminded her. "She'd be suspicious if we cleaned up just for her."

As if on cue, the doorbell rang and Olivia sprinted to the door. "Sweet Babboo!" Olivia said as she hugged her tightly. "You look so hot today!"

"Just for you, my little love muff," she said playfully.

"Don't you mean muffin?" Olivia asked.

"I was right the first time," Abbie said and winked at her.

"What am I going to do with you?" Olivia asked as she grabbed Abbie's hand and tried to lead her to the kitchen where Alex was baking cookies for them.

"Actually, Liv, I was hoping you and I could talk," Abbie said nervously. "I have something important to tell you."

"That's what the exorcism is for," Olivia reminded her.

"But I have to tell you this, just you, Olivia," Abbie pleaded.

"And it's that important?"

"Yes!"

"We can go to my car," Olivia told her. "But this can't take too long. I feel bad for leaving Alex out."

"Trust me, she won't want to hear this."

When they sat in the car, Olivia noticed that Abbie started to shiver. It was 70 degrees outside, so Olivia knew she wasn't cold. There was something different about her. Olivia had always known her as confident and outspoken, but at that moment she could have sworn Abbie looked timid and vulnerable.

"You okay?" Olivia asked.

"No," Abbie said softly. "There's something I have to tell you."

"Okay," Olivia elongated the word and gestured for Abbie to go on.

"Olivia, I'm just going to say this as quickly as possible," Abbie began. "You're my best friend and I think you're making a big mistake by marrying Alex."

"What?" Olivia asked, completely shocked. "How could you say that?"

"You two aren't good for each other, Liv," Abbie pointed out. "You can't go from being broken up to being engaged in a matter of a single day. You just can't and I tried to be happy for you two, but it's only because I didn't want to hurt your feelings."

Olivia was rendered speechless for a few seconds. She averted her eyes, she bit her lip; she did everything possible to control her emotions. "Me wanting to marry Alex wasn't something that happened overnight, Abbie. I've been in love with her since I was four."

"You don't know what love is when you're four or even when you're fourteen. Falling in love doesn't just happen, Olivia. Maybe it does in fairy tales, but not in the real world. Love is something that develops over time just like…forget it. I'm not even going there."

"Going where?" Olivia asked. "Abbie, tell me."

"It's just—maybe I'm not as heartbroken over Serena as I make myself seem to be. Maybe Serena breaking up with me happened for a reason just like all of your problems with Alex have been happening for a reason. Maybe you aren't meant for her, Liv. Did you ever think that the one you're meant to be with is me?"

"Abbie—"

"Just hear me out, Livya," Abbie pleaded. "It started in junior high and high school when I had a crush on you, but I was always so afraid to ask you out. I should have done it then. I should have had the balls to tell you how I felt. I have so many regrets in my life, but that's what I regret the most. There were so many times when we were alone and I wanted to kiss you, but I couldn't. And when we made out, you just dismissed it as a drunken make-out session. That's all it was to you, but it was the highlight of my entire school year. When I was with Serena, I was able to tame my feelings, but when we moved in together my love for you only grew stronger. There are moments where I had to fight every urge in my body that was telling me to fuck you senseless and then there are moments when I just want to hold you and tell you everything I love about you because I _do _love you, Olivia. I love you so much that it literally hurts me to be around you knowing I can't have you."

"You're my best friend, Abbie, and I love you so much, but not in the way you want me to," Olivia said as her fingers were laced with Abbie's.

"Look at the way our fingers are intertwined," Abbie told her. "They fit together so perfectly. _We _fit together perfectly. If we were together, Olivia, nobody would even question it. They would just know. They wouldn't look us up and down like they do with you and Alex. All you have in common with Alex is your past. She isn't good enough for you, Liv. She's so judgmental and that stunt she pulled with Dana during freshman year? How could she do that if she truly loved you? I'd never hurt you, Olivia. You and I could have the real thing, not just some bullshit that Alex wants. She wants family portraits and a life that looks good on paper, but I want you for _you_. You have to dress like some carbon copy of her whenever you go to her family functions, but you would never have to do that with me. I love you and accept you for who you are and if my family didn't I would stick up for you."

"It goes beyond that," Olivia insisted.

"But she doesn't deserve you. You'd be everything to me, Liv. You'd be my girlfriend, my best friend, my lover, my whole world. I would do anything for you, Olivia, and I know I've already proved that. We went through so much together in high school and it didn't change in college. I was the one who helped you rehearse for your radio show, not Alex. She doesn't even listen to it unless you ask her. She hates the music you listen to. She hates the way you dress. She can't even cheer you up when you're down. I'm the one who makes you laugh. I'm the one who you turn to when you have a problem. You told _me _about seeing that asshole who raped your mom, not Alex. You told _me_. You also took me to that alley instead of Alex. That just proves that you can confide in me instead of her."

"Because you're my best friend," Olivia stressed. "That's what best friends do. They're there for each other, they make each other laugh, they—"

"Do they feel each other up?" Abbie asked. "Do they shove their tongues down each other's throats? Do they fuck each other?"

"Abbie, we never fucked each other."

"Yes, we did, Olivia!" Abbie told her. She had never heard that tone of voice come from Abbie and she wasn't sure whether she was going to yell or start crying. Olivia realized it was the latter when Abbie blinked and a tear streamed down her cheek.

"Don't cry, baby," Olivia said as she held her close. The term of endearment had slipped out of her mouth, but she knew drawing attention to it would only make the situation worse.

"You were inside me, Olivia," Abbie reminded her. "And don't try to act as if it meant nothing. I felt how wet you were for me that morning, just like you were wet for me that night I went down on you."

"I won't deny being attracted to you, Abbie, and I can't say I'm not turned on by you, but that's all there is to it," Olivia pointed out. "I know you can't see why, but I'm in love with Alex. I know we don't have much in common anymore, but that's because we're growing up and becoming the women we're meant to become. I love who Alex is today and I know I'm going to love who she'll be in the future because we're growing up _together_ and we're going to experience so much together."

"I have to go," Abbie said quickly.

"But the exorcism and our plans for tonight."

"I'm not doing anymore of those stupid exorcisms. They don't solve anything," Abbie told her as she freed herself from Olivia's embrace. "And I can't be around you anymore, Olivia. I feel too vulnerable right now. I know people say it's better to remain friends, but I can't do that. My heart is _broken_ right now and I don't know when or if I'll ever be able to have a friendship with you. This whole thing just hurts too damn much, Liv. Alex won. She has your heart—your all—and I have nothing."

"Abbie, don't do this!" Olivia pleaded. "You're the best friend I've ever had. I can't be without you."

There were so many things she wanted to say, but she couldn't get the words out. Instead she started crying, which only added to Abbie's heartache.

"Olivia, sweetheart, you can't have us both," Abbie told her. "Who is it going to be? Me, your best friend and confidante, the person who loves and accepts you for who you are…or Alex?"

"Alex," Olivia responded. "I know it's not what you want to hear, but I'm in love with her and I have to choose her."

"Figures," Abbie said sarcastically. She opened the door so she could get out, but instead she changed her mind and leaned in to kiss Olivia. Olivia knew she should stop her, but at that moment Abbie's kiss was all she wanted. When Abbie pulled away, Olivia leaned in and wrapped her arms around her.

"Please don't do this. I need you."

"You'll be okay," Abbie insisted. "We both will. Everyone says we were too co-dependent anyway."

"I love you, Abbie."

"I know you do, Livya," Abbie told her right before getting out of the car.

* * *

><p>Olivia tried her hardest to stop herself from crying before she went back in the house, but she knew it was useless. Alex would know she was crying, anyway. She expected to find her fiancee sitting in the kitchen, but instead she found her sitting on the couch with a blank expression on her face.<p>

"Alex?" Olivia asked. "Babe, are you okay?"

"I saw," Alex said while still remaining expressionless.

"Saw what?"

"She kissed you. I peeked through the window and saw the two of you in your car."

"She always kisses me. She kisses you, too."

"This was a different kind of kiss," Alex told her. "It wasn't a friendly kiss. There was more to it, but what's worse is that you kissed her back. You're marrying me and kissing her. You're wanting to have a baby with me and you're kissing her."

"Alex—"

"No!" she said angrily. Her tone scared Olivia and she knew there was more to her anger than what had happened with Abbie. Before Olivia could get to her, Alex slammed one of the glass candle-holders on the ground and watched it shatter. With every movement Olivia made toward her, she shattered another one. "Get away from me, Olivia!" She shattered another one to get her point across. "You fucked me this morning and then I see you kissing her! You're just like him, Olivia! You think you can just do whatever you want and I'm going to forgive you, but I'm not going to! I kept telling myself that you're nothing like my dad, but you are! How could I even think about marrying you when I can't even trust you? I've been trying my whole life to be perfect for him and he takes me for granted! Just like you do. Oh, Alex is always going to be there! Always! That's how you both think! My mom was the most beautiful girl in school and she's so smart, but she sacrificed everything for that man and he repays her by fucking a 22 year old! A 22 year old! A girl I went to high school with! I'm not going to let that happen to me! I'm not going to be married to you for over 20 years just to find out that you're fucking some other woman behind my back!"

There was nothing she could say that wouldn't upset Alex, so she remained quiet and motionless as Alex gathered her belongings and walked out the door.


	21. Mother Knows Best

**A/N: Thank you so much for your comments and suggestions. I hope you enjoy this next chapter. A lot of changes will be happening for our Cabenmichael girls. :)**

Abbie had just confessed her feelings to Olivia and, in retrospect, she had no idea why she felt the need to confess her feelings. She knew nothing was going to come out of that confession. She honestly didn't expect Olivia to break up with Alex and be with her nor did she expect Olivia to look at her as anything other than her best friend. Sure, Olivia had said she was _attracted _to her, but attraction isn't love. Abbie had a track record for being reckless with her heart and the hearts of others, but this was the first time she had lost her best friend and possibly ruined her best friend's engagement as a result. Then again, wasn't ruining Alex and Olivia's engagement her intention? _No_, Abbie told herself as she searched for a pay phone. _I'm not that wicked._ _I'm better than that. _She may have told herself that, but in her heart she knew those were her intentions and she hated herself for feeling that way.

Abbie pulled into a convenience store parking lot and searched her coin purse for some change. Falling short of the amount she needed to make a long distance phone call, Abbie had no choice but to call collect.

Once she heard her grandma's voice on the other line, Abbie could no longer stop herself from crying. Her voice was always so soothing and Abbie knew her grandma was the one person who loved her unconditionally.

"Grandma," Abbie said softly.

"Abbie, honey," her grandma responded in the worried tone of voice that only mothers and grandmothers have. "Are you okay?"

"No," Abbie admitted as she began sobbing. "I messed everything up again, just like my mom always told me. I ruined her life 21-years-ago. I ruined Serena's life. I ruined Alex's life. I ruined Olivia's life. I'm going to ruin Trent's life, too. I just know it."

"Abbie, come home," her grandma pleaded. "Whatever you're going through is something you shouldn't be facing alone. That's what your grandpa and I are here for. We love you, Abbie, and we want to help you. Come home. We can have you on the first flight to Austin tomorrow. We'll pay for someone to put your belongings in storage until law school and we can arrange for you to move into your own place. Anything you need, Abbie. Just come home for the summer before you do something you'll regret."

She had already done something she regretted, but she didn't feel like explaining that to her grandma over the phone.

"Okay," Abbie said, finally feeling hopeful. "I love you, grandma."

Once she hung up, Abbie hurried back to Trent's house so she could pack her things. Explaining everything to him wasn't going to be easy and, although she wanted to avoid that conversation altogether, she knew it was impossible. When she couldn't find him anywhere in the house, she decided to head to the weight room his dad had built for him. When she saw him, he was in nothing more than gym shorts and it was enough to make Abbie wet.

"Maybe you should stop pumping iron and pump something into me," Abbie said to break the ice. She knew it was a cheesy line, but she felt as if it was better than trying to explain why she had been crying.

"Babe, you're home early," Trent said, surprised that she was there. "I was hoping the next time I saw you I'd be showered and smelling like cologne instead of sweat."

"I like when you smell like sweat," Abbie said as she went over to him. "It's so rugged and masculine and—"

"Abbie, were you crying?" Trent asked once he saw how red her eyes were.

"Yeah," she admitted. "Alex, Liv, and I aren't friends anymore."

"Why? You three have been inseparable since elementary school."

"Things change, Trent," Abbie said, hoping he'd take the hint and drop the subject. "I'm going to Texas tomorrow."

"What? For how long?"

"The rest of the summer," Abbie responded. "I need to get away from Fallbrook, the entire state of New York, really. You're welcome to come with me."

"It wouldn't be right," Trent told her. "You should spend some time with your grandparents. Besides, I have to watch the house until my parents get home from Hawaii next week. After that, if you still want me there, I'll take the next available flight to Austin and stay with you until football practice starts again."

"Great!" Abbie said, feeling excited for the first time that day. "You can go with me to my family reunion in Dallas."

"As more than your fuck buddy," he said just before she started kissing him. "I plan on us being a couple by then. I really love you, Abbie."

* * *

><p>Alex stormed into her house and slammed the front door as hard as she could. She had no idea if anyone was home and she honestly didn't care. Never in her life had she felt so betrayed. She was betrayed by her dad, then Abbie, and now Olivia <em>again<em>. Olivia—just the sound of her name made Alex start to cringe. She wondered how she could be so in love with someone who insisted on breaking her heart every chance she was given.

"Alex?" Mrs. Cabot asked as she knocked on Alex's bedroom door.

"Yes?" Alex responded. It was the first time her mom had come to her room in years and she wasn't sure what to expect.

"I heard you come home."

"The whole neighborhood heard me come," Alex said sarcastically.

"Don't take that done with me, Alexandra," Mrs. Cabot told her. "Can I come in?"

"If you must, but I'm not up for talking."

"As long as you're up for listening," Mrs. Cabot said as she entered Alex room. Once she saw the way her daughter was dressed, she became horrified. "Alex, your clothes."

"I spent the night at Olivia's and I didn't have anything to wear so I borrowed something of hers."

"Well, you're home now and you can change."

"Mother!" Alex scoffed. "Your _only _daughter is crying and all you can talk about is what I'm wearing."

"I know neither of us are in the mood to talk about why you're crying, especially because I know _exactly _why you're crying. It's because of Olivia, isn't it? Every tear you've shed over the past three years has been because of that girl."

"And Dad," Alex admitted. "Olivia and Dad."

"Alex, about your father," Mrs. Cabot began. "I know what he's doing. I know about that _girl_. The reason it seems as if I don't care is because I'm trying to be strong for you and Jared. Your father and I are getting a divorce, Alex. I know you're a woman now and I should be telling you these things, but sometimes I like to pretend you're still a little girl and you still need me even though you don't."

"I'm sorry," Alex told her.

"It's not your fault, Alex. I'm the one who should be sorry. I've put so much pressure on you your whole life and it's turned you in to me. Don't be like me, Alex. I let that man cheat on me for years and I never said or did anything about it because I wanted the perfect family and the perfect life. I was Deborah Morgan, for crying out loud. I had a sorority pin and so many prospects, but my parents told me that William Cabot was the perfect match for me because of his family name and the connections that the Cabot family and Morgan family could make if we were married. I felt like it was an arranged marriage, Alex. We loved each other, but there was never any passion. The only good things to come out of this marriage have been you and Jared. Believe it or not, but I was in love once, Alex—madly in love—and my parents hated him, kind of like how your father and I hate Olivia."

"Tell me about him," Alex insisted.

"It was the '60s, then again that's how every wild story begins," Mrs. Cabot told her now smiling daughter. "We met at Woodstock—"

"Wait! You went to Woodstock?" Alex asked, completely shocked.

"It's hard to believe, I know," Mrs. Cabot told her. "I wasn't a hippie, mind you, but I was into the music. He approached me as Jefferson Airplane was performing and it was love at first sight. We were inseparable for the rest of the festival and we kept seeing each other even after I went back to school. I was so happy, Alex, and I wanted to share my happiness with the world, but Norma Benson told my parents about him before I had the chance. They told me they sent me to college to meet a suitable husband and I was too old to be canoodling with some low-life with no goals and no direction. So, instead of following my heart, I followed their orders and broke up with him."

"Kind of like what you both tell me to do with Olivia," Alex pointed out. "Olivia has goals and dreams, Mom. She's just…young. So am I."

"I know," Mrs. Cabot told her. "And I want to tell you not to listen to me or to your father. If you want Olivia, be with Olivia. Your father and I will learn to love her eventually. Besides, marrying someone your parents don't like is how you know you're doing something right."

"I think she's in love with Abbie," Alex confessed. "Abbie is always kissing her and I saw her kissing Abbie today."

"Did you talk to her about it?" Mrs. Cabot asked.

"Not exactly," Alex responded. "I kind of went off on her and then stormed out."

"Abbie may love Olivia, but Olivia doesn't love Abbie."

"Yes, she does, Mom!"

"No, she doesn't. I can tell, Alex. I've seen her with both of you and she doesn't look at Abbie the way she looks at you. That girl practically worships you, but if you're not certain, maybe you two should take a break. It's time for you to be Alexandra Cabot instead of someone's girlfriend. Focus on yourself, Alex, at least for the summer. If Olivia truly loves you like I know she does, she'll understand and she'll be willing to wait for you."

"Mom?"

"Yes, sweetheart?"

"I don't care what Grandma and Grandpa will say about you getting a divorce. It takes a lot of courage to do what you're doing after all these years and I'm proud of the woman you are."

"I'm proud of the woman you are, too, Alex."

* * *

><p>Olivia had contemplated staying at the house by herself, but she knew it would be too painful that night, so she grabbed Mr. Cuddles and headed over to her mom and Peter's house. When Serena opened the door, she saw her 21-year-old daughter clutching her teddy bear and looking as if she was about to cry.<p>

"Liv? Come here."

After giving her mom a hug, Olivia hurried up to her room to change into some pajamas that she had worn when she was in high school. They were the same pajamas she used to wear to their weekly Cabenmichael sleepovers and she felt as if they were perfect for tonight. Once her hair was up in a ponytail and secured by a pastel purple hair ribbon, Olivia went downstairs to join her mom on the couch.

"I miss you wearing pastels. You're a beautiful young woman, Olivia. I don't know why you insist on ripping your jeans and wearing pieces of metal on your face."

"It's my style," Olivia told her. "It's who I am."

"Are you going to tell me what's wrong?" Serena asked.

"I lost them both," Olivia said as she cuddled up to her mom.

"Eddie Haskell and Alex?"

"Yeah, Abbie came over today and said she was in love with me and then she kissed me. Alex saw everything and assumed I was kissing Abbie in return, but I wasn't. It was a goodbye kiss, Mom. Honest. Abbie gave me an ultimatum. She made me choose between her and Alex. Of course I was going to choose Alex and because I chose Alex she said she couldn't be friends with me because it hurt too much."

"Peter did that to me in college," Serena pointed out. "I ended up marrying the bastard."

"I heard that, Serena," Peter said from the kitchen.

"You were supposed to," Serena teased.

"So, you're saying I should marry Abbie?" Olivia asked.

"I didn't say that."

"So, you're saying I should marry Alex?"

"I didn't say that, either," Serena told her.

"Then what are you saying?"

"I'm saying," Serena paused. "As much as you don't want to hear it, maybe you don't need a girlfriend. I love Alex and I love Eddie, but you need a life outside of them, at least until you can work out all of the problems between the three of you."

"I do have a life outside of them," Olivia insisted. "I have friends other than Abbie and Alex. Well, they're all Abbie's friends now, too, but still—I have other friends. There's Sketchy Steve and Bastard Brian—"

"Sketchy Steve and Bastard Brian?" Serena asked.

"Yeah, we all have nicknames," Olivia pointed out. "I'm Clarke. Chucky came up with that name because he said I was more like a guy than some of the guys we hang out with and Clarke was the first guys' name that came to mind. Steve is completely sketchy and, well, Brian is just a bastard. Then there's Josh, Dylan, Scotty, Mark, Drag Queen Lawrence, my co-host Katrina and her boyfriend Beer Pong Bobby, and then there's Karen, the girl who says that high heels are tools of the patriarchy."

"College students never change, do they?" Serena said, fondly. "They don't sound too different from the people Olivia, Lorraine, and I spent time with when we were undergrads."

"Mom, I miss Abbie," Olivia admitted. "We have a history together. We went to Woodstock '94 together, which was the ultimate bonding experience for us. Plus, we like all of the same things and hang out with the same people. I can just chill with her and not have to worry. We have just as much fun staying home and watching _Beavis and Butt-Head_ or _120 Minutes_ as we do when we go out together. I feel like being in a relationship with her would be so easy and the sex would probably be amazing. She's so pretty and she's so perfect, Mom, but I'm not in love with her. I'm just not."

"You're in love with Alex?"

"With all my heart," Olivia said and started smiling. "I've known her for seventeen years now and I still get butterflies every time I'm around her and every time I think about her. I have them right now. Alex is the woman I see myself spending the rest of my life with. It doesn't matter to me that we're different because we still love each other. I want to start a family with Alex and experience every milestone with her. I'd do anything for her, Mom. I gave up my best friend for her. Alex is my heart, my everything. When we make love, I feel so connected to her, like I could lose myself in her. We made love this morning and I actually cried because of what I was experiencing with her. The kind of love I have for Alex is the kind that most people never experience. I want _her_, Mom. I want to prove myself to her. She needs to know that there's no other woman in my heart—present company excluded, of course."

"Olivia, I don't want anyone tearing your world apart the way she does," Serena told her daughter. "You're both so young and you're trying to take on a relationship that is more than you can handle right now. I know I told you both that I was anxious for you to start a family, but now I know you two aren't ready for that yet. You're also not ready for a serious commitment. The two of you have been in a serious relationship from the very beginning. Have you ever thought about taking it slow with her?"

"Taking it slow?" Olivia asked with a confused look on her face.

"Yes, Olivia. Take it slow," Serena insisted. "Don't be so quick to make Alex your girlfriend or your fiancee again. You've never _dated_ her. Maybe that's what you need. Take her somewhere fun. Spoil her. Surprise her with flowers at her job. Do the silly little things that you two have never done for each other because you were so caught up in having a serious commitment. Most importantly, _don't _move back into an apartment together and _don't _try to do any of this right away. Give the girl some time."

Giving Alex time was the last thing Olivia wanted to do, but she knew her mom was right. Regardless of how much it hurt her to hear that, the three of them needed time apart before any attempts could be made at mending their broken friendships and relationships.


	22. Grown Up But Not So Grown Up

It was the end of July and Abbie had been in Texas for over a month. Her visit was going better than she had expected and her grandparents had made arrangements for her to move into her own place near NYU. It was a tiny one-bedroom apartment, but it was hers and hers alone, which is what really mattered. Abbie had never had her own place and she was absolutely thrilled to have some form of independence for the first time in her life.

She had finally given in to Trent and became his girlfriend. It hadn't taken that much convincing after she found out Serena was seeing other girls and wanted nothing to do with her. She couldn't exactly blame her and she wondered if she would have done the same thing if she were Serena. Still, Serena was her true love—besides Olivia—and she regretted everything she had done to ruin their relationship. She knew she had to start thinking about a life outside of Serena and _love _outside of Serena regardless of how much it hurt her to do so.

Abbie thought about what or _who _Serena was doing at that moment and she began to wonder if she would have her back in the distant future. She imagined them in their 30s, casually running into each other outside of a courthouse. They'd make small talk and tell each other how good the other one looked even if they didn't mean it, but where would it go from there? Would they be married or would they be single? Would they part ways or have the nerve to invite the other out to lunch? If they made it past that step, would they even have anything to talk about?

Abbie realized she was getting ahead of herself and tried to focus on her current situation although she wished she could be doing anything other than what she was doing at that moment. It was like déjà vu. She stood in the bathroom, clutching what she called the 'white stick of doom,' the white stick that sealed her fate. When she read the results, she threw it down on the ground and started to cry. Just as it had been four years ago, the test was positive.

She began to think about how this baby was conceived and what position they had been in. She knew it was probably when they were _fucking _instead of making love to each other, which bothered Abbie more than she liked to admit. Either way, she tried to talk herself into being happy about this, but she just couldn't do it. She thought about all of the times she didn't make him wear a condom because they thought it felt better without one and all of the times she considered going on the pill, but no actions were ever taken.

Trent was talking to her grandpa in the living room and she wanted to wait until their conversation was over, but she was afraid of losing her nerve. Instead, she walked over to them and asked if she could have a moment alone with him. Without giving him a choice, she led him over to their bedroom and motioned for him to sit next to her on the bed.

"Babe, you're crying," Trent pointed out. "I thought everything was going great."

"I'm pregnant, Trent," Abbie confessed. "I took a test right now."

"Again?"

"Yes, again!" Abbie said angrily.

"This is good," he told her. "Abbie, this is better than good. This shows we're meant to be. It's happened twice already. You have to admit that's like a sign."

"A sign that we're careless," Abbie told him. "I'm starting law school next month. I can't go through with this pregnancy."

"Babe, you don't need law school right now," Trent insisted. "I'm going to be playing pro football next year. We're set for life, Abbie. You, me, our baby. We're going to be okay."

"But I _want _to go to law school," Abbie pointed out. "I want to be a lawyer, Trent. I want to do something with my life—something other than being a mommy."

"What do you want to do?"

"About?"

"The baby?" Trent asked. "You know how we both feel about abortion."

"Yeah," Abbie said glumly. "We'll think of something. We're adults now, not two frightened seventeen-year-olds like we were last time this happened. Maybe we should take responsibility for our actions."

* * *

><p>"<em>Some people call me the space cowboy. Some people call me the gangster of love,<em>" Olivia and Scotty started singing.

"What's with you kids and this song?" Peter asked them. "You two weren't even born yet when this song came out."

"This song is fucking _bad_," Scotty told him. "This is the shit Liv and I get drunk to."

"Scotty, our part is coming up," Olivia told him.

"_Cause I'm a picker. I'm a grinner. I'm a lover. And I'm a sinner, playin' my music in the sun_," the two of them sang.

"This song takes me back," Peter told them. "I remember I was a senior in college and living in the frat house. My buddies and I would…nevermind, I don't want to give you kids ideas."

"Peter, come on," Olivia pleaded. "We promise not to get any ideas."

"No, I'm not going to tell you," Peter said. "I know you kids a little too well."

Scotty and Olivia dropped the subject—for the time being. They were taking their annual family vacation to the beach and there was still a long way ahead of them. Tiffany, Tiffany's best friend, Ashley, and Brittany were in a car with Serena while Scotty, Olivia, and Alyssa were with Peter. They had been on the road for over an hour, which proved far too long for two-year-old Alyssa. She had fallen asleep in the backseat of the car, with her head leaning against Olivia. Now that she wasn't spending time with Alex and Abbie, Olivia was becoming closer to her family. Scotty was becoming her new best friend and he had agreed to take over the other room in the former Cabenmichael apartment so Olivia wouldn't have to live alone. Olivia was truly excited about living with her stepbrother and the two of them had already started moving things into the apartment little by little. The décor was also going to change. Instead of framed photos, they were going to have sports memorabilia and posters of different bands they liked on the walls. His girlfriend Shante thought their decorating scheme was horrible, but Scotty and Olivia preferred to call it comfortable.

"Speaking of knowing you kids too well," Peter began. "This is the last family vacation before the two of you graduate and hopefully get real jobs and stop being so damn needy so I—"

"Wait, wait," Olivia said jokingly. "Who says Scotty and I are graduating? We were talking things over and we figured why should college be the best four years of our lives when it could be the best five or six years of our lives."

"Maybe even seven," Scotty added.

"No, no, and no," Peter said sternly. "You two are becoming adults as of June even if it kills you. You'll either go to grad school or get real jobs so you could support yourselves."

"If we pass biochem," Olivia informed him. "And if I get into that stats class that I need. Technically, I don't even have a major yet."

"Olivia Lorraine! What do you mean you don't have a major yet?"

"I do, but I don't," Olivia told him. "I'm pre-Soc and I can't officially declare my major until I take that stats class. It's a prerequisite."

"Why haven't you taken that stats class?" Peter asked in his typical fatherly tone of voice.

"I don't know," Olivia shrugged.

"We'll discuss this later, young woman," Peter told her. "As for what I was saying earlier, this is the last family vacation that you will be forced to go on and I want you two to be on your best behavior, which means there will be no raising the dead or conjuring up any type of entity whatsoever, no made up stories about homicidal maniacs to scare your sisters and, most importantly, no beer pong."

"Okay, no beer pong," Olivia said nonchalantly. Her lack of protest let Peter know they were up to something.

"Not just beer pong, no pong whatsoever. That means no tequila pong, no vodka pong, no wine pong, no whiskey pong, not even Gatorade pong," Peter said in a stern tone of voice. "By the way, I tasted what was in those Gatorade bottles. It's something I can't quite put my finger on."

"It's a mix that Olivia and I call The Fallen Angel," Scotty informed him. "It's not something you're supposed to drink because it tastes good. It's more of a punishment."

"Punishment?" Peter asked.

"We can't tell you the rest," Olivia insisted. "Not unless you join our secret society. Membership is very exclusive. So far, it's only me and Scotty."

"Did you ever think membership is exclusive because no one would want to join your little society?" Peter said in an attempt to get a rise out of them.

"Did you ever think it's because Olivia and I are way too good for everyone else?" Scotty responded.

Scotty and Olivia did their secret handshake while Peter just shook his head. He felt as if those two were going to be the death of him, but he loved Scotty and Olivia regardless.

Another hour had passed before they arrived at their destination. It was the same house they had stayed at three years ago when they took their first family vacation and Olivia felt a wave of emotions start to overwhelm her. Being there reminded her of Abbie and all of the good times they had at the beach. Most importantly, it made her think of Alex. The last time she was there, she had thought about what it would be like to spend some time at the beach with Alex. She imagined Alex in her bikini with the sun highlighting her blonde hair. She thought about walking hand-in-hand along the boardwalk and holding Alex as they listened to the sound of the ocean. That was three years ago and Olivia regretted that they _still _hadn't gone to the beach together.

As they were unloading their luggage, Olivia glanced over a few houses down and saw a young blonde woman getting out of the backseat of a car. She walked like Alex, she had a figure like Alex, she even _dressed _like Alex.

_Oh, no,_ Olivia thought. _Here I go again. Not every blonde is Alex, Olivia, no matter how much you want to see her._

* * *

><p>After unpacking her belongings, Alex went out to dinner with her mom and her aunt. Her aunt Susan was her mom's closest sister even if they rarely talked. Although she didn't know her aunt Susan that well, Alex felt as if she was the only member of the Morgan family that she could actually trust because Aunt Susan was the outcast of the family. She never married and focused all of her energy on her career. She was everything Alex wanted to be, but knew she never could. Alex believed in love more than she'd like to admit—not just any love, but her love for Olivia. They hadn't spoken in over a month and she was still Alex's first thought each morning and in her dreams each night.<p>

"Alexandra, you're so grown up now," Aunt Susan said as they sat down to dinner. "The last time I saw you, you were ordering off the kids menu and had your hair in pigtails. How old are you now?"

"Twenty-one," Alex told her. "I'll be starting law school next year."

"Law school is both the best and worst time of your life," Aunt Susan said. "It seems like just yesterday I was in law school and now my little Alexandra will be going. You're a true Morgan woman."

"I'd much rather be a Morgan woman than a Cabot woman," Alex told her before taking a sip of her water. "Cabot women are so…stuffy. I'm the only Cabot to make it into Beta Gamma."

"Beta Gamma?" Aunt Susan asked.

"Alex was the top of her pledge class," Deborah bragged as she put her arm around her daughter. "She would have been vice-president this year, but she chose to graduate early. She earned her B.A. in three years instead of four _and _managed to have a 3.98 GPA. She's amazing. How she does it is beyond me."

"It's not that impressive, really," Alex said as she started blushing.

"How about dating?" Aunt Susan asked. "Is there a special young man in your life?"

"Not exactly," Alex said nervously. "There's someone I'm in love with, but we're taking a break right now—or maybe we're broken up for good. I'm not certain what will happen between Olivia and me."

"Olivia? So, you're in love with a girl," Aunt Susan said and started laughing. "I've said it before and I'll say it again, you truly are a Morgan woman."

"Excuse me?" Alex asked.

"We'll just say I've done some experimentation," Aunt Susan admitted

"Susan, experimentation is for when you're in college," Deborah told her. "If you're still doing this twenty years later, it's called a lifestyle."

"I don't believe in limiting myself, Deborah, which is why I will never get married and I will never commit to dating only one gender."

"Women are _so _sexy," Alex told her aunt. "Not 20-somethings, though—women in their thirties and forties. I can't wait until Olivia is that age. She's pretty right now, but she's going to be _gorgeous _when she's older. My girlfriend—_ex-_girlfriend—is like wine. She gets better with age."

"Alexandra, it's so hard to picture you as anything other than an innocent little girl," Aunt Susan teased.

"Alex is far from innocent," Deborah told her sister. "I've caught her with Olivia once and I've heard them on several occasions."

"You've heard us?" Alex asked. "Why didn't you say anything?"

"I didn't want to embarrass you," her mother told her. "You're a grown woman, Alex, and you were in a committed long-term relationship with Olivia. I wasn't going to object to you being intimate with her."

"I really love Olivia," Alex admitted. "I love her so much that it hurts."

"Tell me about her," Aunt Susan insisted.

"Her name's Olivia Benson," Alex began.

"Benson?" Aunt Susan asked.

"Serena Benson's daughter," Deborah informed her.

"Your nemesis," Susan teased. "If Olivia is anything like her mom, there's no wonder Alex is in love with her. Serena was the one woman I could never have."

"You tried to have sex with her?" Deborah asked.

"When we were undergrads," Susan told her. "I tried and failed—end of story."

"I cannot believe you," Deborah said. "Then again, maybe I can."

"And maybe, just maybe, we should let your daughter finish telling me about her woman. Alex, go on."

"I don't know how to describe her," Alex said dreamily. "She has these beautiful brown eyes and soft lips that I can never stop kissing. She's really sweet, but kind of a smartass at the same time, which I love. Olivia is so protective of me and she has been ever since we were little girls. She hosts a radio show at Hudson University right now, but she says she wants to be a police officer after she graduates. I know she's going to be great at it, too. Honestly, she's unlike any other girl I've ever met, Aunt Susan. We have our rocky moments, but I know she's the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with."

"My little girl is in love," Deborah said affectionately. "I just wish Olivia would grow up and realize what she has."

"Give her some time, Deb," Susan insisted. "Our little Alexandra is in love and we should be celebrating that. I say we propose a toast. Alex is twenty-one now—she can drink with us."

Aunt Susan ordered a bottle of wine for the three of them and, although, it wasn't her first time drinking, it _was _her first time drinking with the women in her family and she enjoyed every second of it. Alex had three glasses total and she was feeling a bit tipsy. She was grateful that they had decided to walk to the restaurant instead of driving because none of them were in any condition to drive after that one bottle of wine Susan ordered turned into the three of them ordering a second bottle.

As they were walking, Alex spotted a brunette girl sitting next to a guy in the sand. The two of them started exchanging stories and Alex stopped dead in her tracks when she heard the girl laugh.

"Sweetheart, what's wrong?" Deborah asked.

"Nothing," Alex said and shrugged it off. "I just thought I heard Olivia."


	23. Lies, Instability, and Pirate Treasure

Aunt Susan and Mrs. Cabot were still asleep at ten o'clock the following morning. Alex couldn't remember the last time her mom had slept so late. Then again, she also couldn't remember the last time her mom had drank so much. Alex stopped after her third glass of wine, but her mom and her aunt kept drinking well after Alex had gone to bed. At that moment, Alex began wondering when she had become so boring. She was only twenty-one years old. Shouldn't she be the one binge drinking instead?

_Well, at least I'm not hungover,_ Alex thought as she went outside to enjoy the day. Alex was never one to go in the water, so her intentions were to lie out on her beach towel and _try_ to get a tan. With her pale skin, she knew it was unlikely so she grabbed a bottle of sunblock instead of tanning oil. They still had six more days of vacation and there was no way she was going to spend them looking like a tomato.

The moment she sat down on her beach towel, she saw a little girl running toward her.

"Alex!" the little girl shouted happily.

"Ashley?" Alex asked once she finally realized it was eight-year-old Ashley Moretti running toward her. Ashley lunged at Alex and nearly knocked her over. She was soon followed by ten-year-old Brittany and Alex wondered which one of the Moretti girls would be next.

"What are you girls doing here?" Alex asked.

"We're on vacation for a week," Brittany told her.

"Alex! I'm so happy you're here!" Ashley said and gave her a big hug. "We all missed you!"

"I missed you girls, too," Alex said, still in shock.

"Olivia is here, too," Brittany said and started making kissy faces. "I know you two are gonna kiss. It's what you always do."

"Come on," Ashley insisted and began to tug at Alex's arm. "We're digging for pirate treasure. You need to dig with us."

"I'd love to, but I should really stay here," Alex told them. "My mom and I are going somewhere in a while." It was a lie, but Alex really didn't want to tell them the reason she didn't want to go with them is because Olivia had broken her heart. Regardless, her answer wasn't good enough and the two girls pleaded with Alex until she said yes.

As she went with them, she began to wonder if she had made the right decision. Alex hadn't talked to Olivia in over a month so she had no idea what had been happening in Olivia's life. _Does she have another girlfriend? Is Abbie with her? Are they a couple? _She was relieved to see Olivia with no one other than Alyssa—unless, _is her girlfriend surfing? Maybe her new girlfriend is a surfer._

"We found someone," Ashley said as she tapped Olivia on the shoulder and urged her to turn around.

"Alex!" Alyssa nearly screamed as she wrapped her arms around Alex's leg.

"Hey, Critter," Alex said and picked her up. "I missed you."

"What's up?" Olivia asked nonchalantly. Olivia refusing to turn around was something Alex hadn't expected.

"That's all I get?" Alex asked, trying to hide how hurt she was. _What did you expect, Alex? Did you think she was going to run across the beach and into your arms?_

"What did you expect, Alex?" Olivia asked. "Did you think I was going to run across the beach and—"

"I know, I know," Alex interrupted. "I was asking myself the same question."

"Girls, stay right here," Olivia instructed. "Alex and I need to talk in private."

"You're gonna kiss," Brittany teased.

"I'm not kissing her. Trust me," Olivia said and glared at Alex. She led Alex to a spot that was far enough for them to have some privacy but still close enough so she could keep an eye on her sisters.

"I didn't mean to interrupt your time with them," Alex said nervously.

"It's okay," Olivia insisted. "I just don't know how I should feel right now. I've been waiting for this moment and dreaming about this moment and now that I'm with you—not with you, but in close proximity—I don't know how to feel. Should I kiss you? Should I tell you off? What should I do?"

"I hope it's not the latter," Alex said to lighten the mood. "Where's everyone else?"

"I didn't bring a girl I'm dating if that's what you're asking," Olivia said curtly. "My mom and Peter went out to lunch, Tiffany and her friend are inside, Scotty is surfing, and the girls are playing in the sand."

"Where's Abbie?" Alex asked.

"How should I know?" Olivia responded. "I haven't talked to her since that day."

"So, she isn't here?" Alex asked to make sure.

"No, Alex! She isn't here and she's not my girlfriend! For the last time, I'm not here with anyone. You're never going to change, are you?"

Alex decided to swallow her pride. "I'm sorry."

"You need to stop jumping to conclusions and just _talk _to me, Alex," Olivia insisted. "I don't do half of the things you probably think I'm doing. Yes, Abbie kissed me that day, but it wasn't what you think. It was a goodbye kiss and I know that doesn't make it right, but it wasn't like I was making a pass at her. She gave me an ultimatum—you or her—and I chose you, Alex. I'm always going to choose you over anyone."

"I had no idea," Alex said softly.

"You would if you'd have asked instead of storming off," Olivia pointed out. "I loved you, Alex. I still do."

"I love you, too, pookie."

"Alex?"

"Yes?"

"That's so gross," Olivia said and started laughing. "Please never say that again."

"I'll make a mental note of that," Alex said as she hugged Olivia. "What are you doing tonight?"

"Nothing, really. Why?"

"There's this nice restaurant on the pier and I was wondering if you wanted to have dinner with me—just the two of us—like a date-type thing, I guess."

"A date-type thing?" Olivia teased. "I'd love to. Are you doing anything important right now?"

"Other than spending the afternoon with you? No."

"Great," Olivia said. She couldn't help smiling uncontrollably. "Do you want to dig for pirate treasure with me and the girls?"

Alex smiled at her in return. "I can't think of anyone else I'd rather dig for pirate treasure with."

* * *

><p>Abbie was still in disbelief over the events of the past 24 hours. Last time she was in this position, the first people she told were Serena, Alex, and Olivia, but this time she wasn't on speaking terms with any of them and she knew it was all her fault. She was no longer a 17-year-old girl; she was a 21-year-old woman and she knew it was time to take responsibility for her actions. There were things she could have done to prevent this pregnancy, but she chose not to. She began to wonder if, for some reason, this is what she wanted. She couldn't have Serena, and she couldn't have Olivia, but this baby was different. This baby was someone who could love her unconditionally and give her the happy family she always wanted.<p>

"Grandma," Abbie said nervously once she saw her grandma was alone in the kitchen.

"Yes, sweetheart?" Grandma Barb asked.

"Do you know when Grandpa is coming home?"

"Not for a couple hours. He went to the hardware store and made Trent tagalong. Trent seemed thrilled to go, but I doubt he knows what he's getting himself into."

"Trent is what I wanted to tell you about," Abbie said and urged her grandma to sit down. "I know you're aware that Trent is my boyfriend and we're having a sexual relationship—"

"Abbie, I think I know where this is heading."

"You do?"

"I do," Grandma Barb sighed. "Your mom had that same worried look on her face when she found out she was pregnant with you."

Abbie started crying as she covered her face. "Grandma, I don't know what to do. I mean, I know what I'm going to do, but I don't know what I'm going to do. That makes absolutely no sense. I don't make sense right now. Nothing about me makes sense right now."

"Abigail Jean, do you love Trent?"

"No."

"Does he love you?"

Abbie bit her lip as she tried to work up the nerve to answer. "Trent loves sex and that's what I give him. I love Serena, Grandma, and I would give anything to have her back."

"Do you think she'll want you back now that you're pregnant with Trent's baby?"

"No," Abbie said glumly.

"Abbie, you know I'd never suggest this, but these are very different circumstances—"

"Grandma, no!" Abbie pleaded. "You know I could never do that."

"But you're starting law school and you're in no position to raise a baby," her grandma pointed out. "And as much as I'd like to help you, I can't move to New York."

"Grandma, it's morally wrong," Abbie argued.

"And pre-marital sex isn't?"

"Why should my baby suffer for my mistakes?" Abbie asked. "I can give him or her a good life."

Abbie's grandma started to shake her head. "No, Abigail. You can give him or her instability. I love you, but you're not stable right now. You're in a loveless relationship and you've been throwing these fits because of your father. I know you're upset with bothof your parents but having a baby isn't going to right their wrongs, Abbie. Just promise me you'll think about this. We can talk about it some more if you'd like."

"No, I'm fine," Abbie said and took off to her room.

"Hey, Little One," she said as she rubbed her abdomen. "I'm your mommy and I don't want you to worry about anything. I love you so much already and I'm never going to let anything happen to you."

* * *

><p>After putting the finishing touches on her make-up, Olivia double-checked her appearance in a full-length mirror. Alex was taking her to a nice restaurant and she wanted to look as if she belonged there. She had decided on a form-fitting black dress that hit just a few inches above her knees and a pair of black heels. Instead of her waves, Olivia wore her hair down and curled at the bottom. Her burgundy lipstick had finally come out of retirement and she made the difficult decision of taking out her lip ring and tongue ring.<p>

"Who is that beautiful young woman?" Serena asked once Olivia had made her way downstairs.

"Do I look okay?" Olivia asked shyly.

"You look beautiful," Serena said and gave her a hug. "I know I said I wanted you to take those piercings out and change your clothes, but I wasn't ready for this. You look so much older, Liv. Where's my grungy 21-year-old? You look like a grown woman right now."

"I like this, Mom," Olivia admitted. "I think this is the new Olivia."

"Oh? Where is this new Olivia going?" Serena asked. "I know you didn't get dressed up to have dinner with us."

"I met a girl," Olivia said and started blushing. "I know this is supposed to be a family vacation, but she's really pretty and we had a great time together and she asked me out to dinner and—"

"Liv, it's okay," Serena insisted. "Go ahead."

"Really?"

"Yes, you're only young once and a summer romance might do you some good. Just remember you're a lady and ladies don't put out on the first date. We wait for the second."

"Mom!"

* * *

><p>Alex sprayed some more perfume on herself and didn't realize she had sprayed too much until she started coughing. <em>Alex, get a grip. It's just Olivia<em>, but she knew there was no such thing as 'just' Olivia. Even after everything that had happened between them, Olivia was still the woman she loved. She wanted to tell her mom that she was going on a date with Olivia, but she knew it was too soon. Her mom and Olivia's mom had wanted them to take a break from each other and Alex and Olivia knew they'd be against the two of them going on a date after only a month of being apart. Instead, they had decided to keep this a secret from them. It was only _one _date and neither Alex nor Olivia had said anything to each other about wanting to get back together. They both knew they were in love and they missed each other, but they were both too afraid to even mention getting back together.

While her mom and her aunt were talking in the living room, Alex shouted a quick 'Be back later. Love you!' before heading out the door. She wanted to jump up and down, she wanted to start screaming, she wanted to do _something_ to express how excited she was, but instead she walked as quickly as she could to the restaurant where she hoped Olivia would be waiting just as anxiously as she was.


	24. Pookie And Buttercup

While her grandpa and Trent were still at the hardware store, Abbie decided to take a walk to the nearest pay phone. As much as she loved her grandma, she felt as if she had to get away even if it was just for a few minutes. Abbie had always thought of her grandma as a woman with Christian values and she still couldn't believe she would suggest an abortion. Just the thought of terminating her pregnancy made Abbie sick to her stomach. She didn't feel like talking to Trent about any of this and her two best friends were no longer speaking to her, so she decided to do something bold—something she knew was stupid even when she was in her right mind and downright idiotic at a time like this: she decided to call Serena.

Serena's phone number had been etched in her mind ever since she had written it down on the back of a movie ticket stub when Abbie was seventeen. She remembered staring at it for hours, memorizing every digit, and wishing for the courage to actually call her. The same thing was happening now as she stood in front of a pay phone and debated whether or not to call her. After an agonizing five minutes, Abbie picked up the phone, deposited enough money for a long distance call to New York and started dialing Serena's number.

She was relieved when Blaine answered. "Hello?"

"Hey, Blaine. It's Abbie. How are you?"

"Can't complain, but I know you didn't call to talk to me."

"You're right," Abbie said nervously. "Can I talk to Serena? Is she even home?"

"Yeah, she's around here somewhere. I'll go get her."

Within thirty seconds, Serena was on the phone and Abbie felt as if her heart was about to drop.

"Abbie?"

"Serena? Baby, I've missed you so much."

"I miss you, too," Serena said glumly. "But please don't use that word to address me anymore."

"Sorry. Force of habit."

"It just hurts too much," Serena told her. "I still love you, Abbie. I'm still _in love _with you and that's what's hurting me. I know about you and Trent—that he's your boyfriend. Connie heard it from Becky and she just thought it'd be easier coming from her instead of you. How could you be his girlfriend, Abbie? He doesn't love you. It's like you haven't grown up at all. You're still that seventeen-year-old who would do anything to be his girl. When he goes back to Indiana, he's going to forget all about you. Becky said he's getting drafted. When that happens, he'll be dating models and actresses, not the girl he knocked up in high school."

After that statement, Abbie knew there was no way she could tell Serena about her latest predicament.

"I have to go," Abbie said quickly. "There's someone who needs to use the phone."

"Sure there is," Serena said sarcastically. "You know, I'm only nineteen and I'm twice as rational and mature as you are, Abigail."

Just like that, Abbie hung up the phone and began the short walk back to her grandparents' house.

* * *

><p>The walk from the beach house to the restaurant was expected to last ten minutes, but with all of her excitement, Alex made it there in a little over five. Before approaching, she pulled out a mirror to make sure here hair and make-up were still in tact. She knew it was unnecessary, but she applied a second coat of lipstick out of sheer nervousness.<p>

Alex had planned on waiting for Olivia in front of the entrance, but she saw a girl who looked somewhat like her leaning against a wall just outside the entrance.

"Olivia?"

"Pookie!" Olivia said as she approached Alex.

"You're making fun of my word, aren't you?"

"Just a little," Olivia responded.

"I almost didn't recognize you," Alex admitted. "What happened to your piercings?"

"I took them out."

"For me?" Alex asked and Olivia just nodded.

"I wanted to show you the new Olivia."

At that moment, Alex wanted nothing more than to kiss Olivia. She had always been attracted to her, but there was something about the way Olivia looked in her dress and heels that made Alex fall in love with her all over again.

"Shall we go inside?" Olivia asked as she wrapped an arm around Alex's waist to lead her to the entrance. When Olivia held open the door for her and then pulled her chair out when they were seated at their table, Alex started to wonder where _this _Olivia had been all of her life. _I could spend the rest of my life with this woman_.

"Are you okay?" Olivia asked, her question bringing Alex out of her daze.

"Yeah, I was just trying to decide which bottle of wine we should order." It was a lie, but she was relieved when Olivia accepted it as the truth.

"A bottle of wine?" Olivia teased. "How classy. No chugging vodka on the water tower like we do back home."

Alex finally decided on a bottle of White Zinfandel—it may not have been the best wine, but it was one she knew Olivia wouldn't object to.

"Do you like it?" Alex asked. Olivia hadn't made a twisted face or spit it out, so she assumed that was a good sign.

"I'll get used to it," Olivia said with a huge smile on her face. "I can get used to all of this, actually."

"All of what?"

"This," Olivia pointed out. "Going on dates with you, seeing you in that dress you're wearing. You're so beautiful, Alex. Everything about you is beautiful."

"I think we should propose a toast," Alex suggested.

"To what, babe?"

"To us, Pookie."

"You love that word, don't you?" Olivia asked playfully.

"I'm sorry," Alex said even though she really wasn't. "I just feel like a teenager with my first crush. That's how excited I am, Olivia."

"Be as excited as you want, buttercup," Olivia said and held up her glass to Alex's. "Let's make a toast…to us"

"To our new beginning," Alex added. "And not rushing anything."

"To just enjoying our time together without any labels."

"Even though you're just going to see me and me alone," Alex insisted.

"Even though I'm just going to see you and you alone," Olivia agreed.

After dinner, Alex and Olivia took off their heels and walked along the beach. She knew it was too soon for a kiss, but she figured holding Alex's hand wouldn't be inappropriate.

"How has your summer been?" Olivia asked.

"It's been okay, I guess," Alex responded. "My parents are going through with their divorce and I'm actually thrilled about it. My mom seems so much happier than she was before. She's going out with her friends and her sister even more and she's actually telling me things about herself—things I never would have suspected from her."

"Like what?" Olivia asked.

"She was telling me about her college years," Alex began. "When she was 21, she had sex with a Black Sabbath roadie."

"You're kidding! You have to be kidding!"

"I wish I were," Alex said and started laughing.

"Your mom liked Black Sabbath?" Olivia asked in disbelief.

"I think I was more shocked that she liked an actual rock band than I was about her having sex with some random roadie."

"I hope I have exciting stories like that to tell our—I mean—my future kids when they're in college."

Although she didn't mention it, Alex had noticed Olivia's slip and she was glad that Olivia still wanted a future with her. "I'm sure you have plenty of stories. There's that time you interviewed the guys from Pearl Jam."

"That was the highlight of my life!" Olivia said excitedly. "Until now. I think this is the new highlight of my life. I'm loving everything about this moment: the way the ocean sounds, the moonlight, how perfect your hand fits in mine, the way you're smiling, the scent of your perfume, the way you look in that dress."

"I don't mind the way you look in _that _dress," Alex said and winked at her.

"I know I've said this before, but this is the new Olivia. Not just the clothes, but everything. When the time is right, I want to be your _woman _not girl, Alex. I want to be there for you and put you first in my life and prove to you that I'm in this for the long run."

"It's not all you, babe," Alex insisted. "I played a part in our break-up. I want us to have more fun like we're having right now. Yes, our relationship needs to be serious, but not all the time. We're growing up together and it's important that we still have fun with each other. These are the years when we need to form our strong foundation. I don't want to make my parents' mistakes, Liv."

"And we won't," Olivia insisted. "But that's not something we should be thinking about right now. Right now, we're going to just enjoy each other like you said. Speaking of enjoying each other, I kind of like this little secret affair we're having."

"It's exciting," Alex said as she started walking even closer to Olivia.

"What are you doing tomorrow?" Olivia asked.

"Lunch with my mom and my aunt and then I'm free."

"Okay," Olivia sighed. "I'm having dinner with my family at five. Do you want to meet at two? I was thinking we could go to the pier. I want to ride the ferris wheel with you."

"I can't wait to ride the ferris wheel. We could have some cotton candy and ride the bumper cars, too."

"We're here," Olivia said sadly now that they had approached the house where Alex was staying. "I had a lot of fun with you tonight."

"So did I," Alex told her. "I'll see you tomorrow."

"Yeah," Olivia said awkwardly. "I'll see you."

The two of them stood there for nearly a minute with absolutely no idea what they should do next. Olivia debated leaving, but she wasn't ready to part ways with Alex. She knew she couldn't go inside with her or even stay on the porch for very long without Mrs. Cabot catching the two of them so Olivia just started walking away.

"Liv!" Alex called out and ran down the stairs toward her.

"What?" Olivia asked as she turned around. Instead of answering, Alex gave her a kiss on the cheek. It wasn't the passionate kisses that the two of them were used to, but in that moment, a kiss on the cheek was enough.

"I'll see you tomorrow," Alex said shyly.

Olivia started smiling again. "Yeah…see you then."

The moment Alex was inside, Olivia started jumping up and down and shouting, "I love that girl." People nearby stopped and stared at her, but Olivia didn't pay any attention to them. She had been kissed on the cheek by Alex and she had another date with her the next day. At that moment, Olivia was on top of the world.


	25. The Most Beautiful View

**Betterthanbefore: **Yeah, Serena needed to sock it to her (in a way) haha. I'm glad you liked the AO date. There's just something adorable about Olivia Benson being in love. **litafan82: **There's a long, crazy road ahead to Abbie and Serena getting back. **CherryCorday: **Feel free to write yourself in. Abbie could definitely use a hug :) **lachach: **So, I hope you don't mind, but your review gave me an idea for an upcoming chapter. You're so good at doing that. :) And I plan on having SOMETHING good happen to Abbie soon. **Stacey: **Liv still has one year of college left and then I'm going to write about her in the academy. She's doing the traditional four year plan instead of cramming it into three years like Alex and Abbie did, but the next school year isn't going to drag out too much even though this is going to be a VERY long story. haha. :) **Sidle13: **Abbie will have some good things happen to her eventually. I promise. :)

* * *

><p>"You got in rather late last night," Mrs. Cabot told her daughter as they were sitting down at a café.<p>

"And who was that beautiful young woman you were with?" Aunt Susan asked.

"There was someone with you, Alex?" Mrs. Cabot asked in a tone that made Alex a little unnerved.

"Yes, I was with someone," Alex began. "She's a lovely woman that I met at the beach yesterday and we went to dinner together. I kissed her on the cheek and that's all there is to it."

"What about Olivia?" Mrs. Cabot asked. "As much as I gave you a hard time about being with her, I honestly can't imagine you with anyone else."

Alex was shocked to hear her mother's comment. She knew her mom accepted her being in love with Olivia, but she had no idea she thought of Olivia as the only one for her. _Or, maybe she is just saying that because she knows Olivia and I aren't together right now. _Alex tried to shake the thought from her mind, but it still lingered. Was her mom really that accepting? Was it a sign that they should get back together? _No, it's too soon_, Alex thought.

As they were eating, Alex kept thinking about what Olivia had planned for their second date. She knew she should dress comfortably for an afternoon filled with junk food and riding the rides on the pier, but those weren't the thoughts that were worrying Alex. What worried her was the more physical aspect of their date. They had already held hands and kissed on the cheek, but Alex wanted more than just innocent kisses on the cheek. She wanted to taste Olivia's lips and kiss every inch of her. There was something about the 'new' Olivia that brought out a different side of Alex. She had never gone on a dinner date at a nice restaurant with a woman and the fact that Olivia was the woman she went on the date with made it even more exciting.

Alex started taking in her surroundings. There were plenty of married couples in the café and one lesbian couple that Alex couldn't take her eyes off of. They appeared to be in their late-30s and they had two children sitting next to them. One woman was blonde and the other was a brunette; the same went for their children. _They look so happy and in love with each other,_ Alex thought. _I hope that's us in the future._

"Alex, sweetheart, what are you looking at?" Aunt Susan asked. "Is your mysterious beach woman here somewhere?"

"No," Alex said, snapping out of her trance. "But I'm supposed to meet her in a few minutes. Do you mind if I go back to the house so I could get ready?"

"She must really be something special," Mrs. Cabot pointed out. "I haven't seen you this excited about anyone other than Olivia."

Alex began laughing nervously at the sound of Olivia's name.

"Alex? Are you feeling okay?" Mrs. Cabot asked.

"Yeah, I just—I should leave now."

"Wait a second," Mrs. Cabot told her. "We'll pay the check right now and head over there with you. I want to see this girl."

"She's not a _girl_, Mom," Alex corrected. "She's a woman now."

"Now?" Mrs. Cabot asked with a confused look on her face. "Alexandra, what do you mean by that?"

"Nothing," Alex said, flustered. "I have to go."

Alex knew it was rude to leave her mom and her aunt, but it was almost time to meet Olivia and she didn't want to get caught because getting caught meant the end of their affair. She could already imagine the lectures that the two of them would receive from Deborah and Serena and the bickering that would occur between the two if they met each other on the beach. At first Alex was thrilled that her mother was taking an interest in her love life, but now she wished she would go back to being the same woman who cared about nothing other than Alex getting into Harvard Law School.

With her mother and her aunt nowhere in sight, Alex ran up the steps to the porch and saw a small bouquet of daisies lying on the table outside. Knowing they were for her, she picked up the daisies and read the note attached. "_I can't wait to see you again, Buttercup. Love, Pookie._"

Alex couldn't stop smiling after she read that note. It was the first time Olivia had given her flowers and she wanted to cherish that moment for as long as she could. She lifted the daisies to her nose and took in the scent. The flowers smelled and _looked _beautiful, but Alex was overwhelmed with the fact that Olivia had _touched _them. After their date last night, Alex felt herself starting to obsess over Olivia like a girl with her first crush. She wanted to write their names in the sand, call herself Alexandra Benson, and write diary entries about her.

"I love you so much, Olivia," Alex whispered. Once she realized her mother and her aunt should be arriving any time soon, she ran inside the house, grabbed a vase, and put the flowers on display in her room. She knew a bouquet of daisies from Olivia deserved to be displayed for everyone to see, but she didn't want to deal with the questions she'd be asked so she took the safe way out.

Alex's hair was in a ponytail, which was unusual for her, but she didn't want the breeze to be blowing her hair everywhere and annoying her when she was on her date. Instead of the shorts and a t-shirt she was wearing, Alex put on a baby blue sundress and some flip flops. It wasn't the most flattering outfit she owned, but she knew it was perfect for a day at the pier.

During the ten-minute walk, she thought about Olivia and what Olivia might be wearing. Her mind raced with all of the possibilities. She imagined her in a bikini top and shorts, but then she realized she wouldn't want everyone checking out Olivia's abs. _Those abs are only mine to look at_. She started imagining her in a dress, but then she changed her mind because she didn't want anyone checking out Olivia's legs. _Face it, Alex. You just want her alone, naked, and in your bed_.

Alex nearly gasped when she saw what Olivia was really wearing. Jeans and a tank were nothing exciting for Alex unless they were on Olivia. The hem of her red tank top stopped just above her bellybutton and her skin-tight jeans hugged all of her curves. _Oh, no. Now they're going to be checking out everything about her: her hips, her butt, her abs, her strong arms. I'm doomed._

"Buttercup," Olivia said as she wrapped her arms around Alex. "I missed you."

_Nevermind, those arms are mine_.

"I missed you, too, Pookie."

"What do you want to do first?" Olivia asked as she started walking with her hand in Alex's.

"Anything you want," Alex responded.

"Really?" Olivia asked. "I was just about to say I'd do anything you wanted to do."

There were plenty of activities Alex had in mind for Olivia, but she knew those would have to wait for a later date. For now, there was a pier, rides, games, and plenty of junk food awaiting them.

"Pookie, win me a stuffed animal?"

"Anything for my little Buttercup," Olivia said and kissed Alex's hand.

Olivia found a game with bottles stacked as a pyramid. Knocking them all down once would win her a small teddy bear, but knocking them down three times would win her a fuzzy pink bear that was nearly three-feet tall. _I'm going to win her that one_, Olivia thought. _What better way to impress my girl_.

"You can do it, Pookie," Alex said and kissed her on the cheek. That kiss was all the encouragement that Olivia needed. She channeled everything she learned from high school softball and knocked all the bottles down with one throw. The same thing happened with the second and third balls that Olivia threw.

"I'll take that big pink bear for my girl," Olivia said proudly. The guy handed Alex the bear and she could barely get both of her arms around it.

"I knew you could do it," Alex said and kissed her on the cheek again. The guy operating the game gave them a dirty look, but Alex didn't care. She had her bear _and _her woman.

"What are you going to name her?" Olivia asked. "She should have a beautiful name like Alexandra."

"Or Olivia," Alex added. "Olivia is my favorite name and Olivia Benson is my favorite person."

Olivia couldn't stop smiling. She had tried not to get too caught up in their secret affair, but after hearing that, she no longer cared. She was going to allow herself to get as carried away as she could.

"I think it's time we ride the ferris wheel," Olivia suggested. The line for the ferris wheel was long, but the time flew by when they started talking to each other about whatever was on their minds.

Nearly half an hour had passed before they were finally seated on the ferris wheel. The ride operator had to hold Alex's bear because she couldn't fit on the seat. Alex kissed her bear on the nose and handed her over, hoping that she'd stay safe.

"This is our first time on a ride together," Alex pointed out as the ferris wheel started. "We've been having a lot of firsts the past couple of days."

"There's still so many firsts for us to experience together," Olivia told her. "I want to show you so many things, Alex, and there are so many things I want you to show me. I want to show you my world and I want you to show me yours. I want us to have a world together, too—something that's just ours, like a safe haven for our love."

"You still love me?" Alex asked even though she knew the answer was obvious.

"With all my heart, forever and for always."

As their ride ended, Alex and Olivia were stopped at the top of the ferris wheel as the ride operater was unloading people one cart at a time. Alex looked at the view of the ocean from several feet in the air. It looked endless from where she was sitting and she started to feel insignificant in comparison to the vastness of the ocean.

"The water is as blue as your eyes," Olivia told her, breaking Alex out of her trance-like state.

"It's such a beautiful view from here," Alex pointed out.

"Yeah," Olivia agreed. "But I'd much rather look at you. Nothing in this world—no ocean view, no flower, no waterfall—is as beautiful as you are, Alex."

Alex wanted to cry. Her words were so beautiful and she knew they were coming from her heart. _This is the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with._

"Olivia?"

"Yes, babe?"

"What do you think is on the other side of this ocean?" Alex asked.

"I'm not sure," Olivia answered. "But I imagine a pier not too different from this one and there's someone waiting at the top of a ferris wheel with the woman she loves. That's what I'm hoping is at the other side of this ocean because I don't want to be the only person who is feeling this. I'm hoping she's holding on to her like I'm holding on to you and I hope they're happy. I _know _they're happy."

"Are they kissing?" Alex asked as she looked into Olivia's eyes.

"Only the sweetest kisses," Olivia responded. Alex wasn't sure if her words were an invitation to kiss her, but Alex placed a delicate kiss on Olivia's cheek before working up the nerve to give her a kiss on the lips. It wasn't their most passionate kiss or even that great of a kiss, but it was enough to make Alex and Olivia feel the excitement of falling in love all over again.


	26. Reunion

Olivia woke up the next morning to the feeling of someone shaking her. Once she finally managed to open her eyes, she saw that it was her stepbrother. He was actually awake before her so she figured something was wrong until she remembered they were at the beach house and Scotty had been waking up before everyone during their whole vacation.

"Liv?"

"What?"

"Wanna go surfing?" Scotty asked. Olivia wasn't surprised to see that he was already in his swim trunks and carrying his surfboard.

"Not right now," Olivia responded. "I have to meet someone in a couple of hours."

"Oh, the mystery girl," Scotty said and playfully hit Olivia on the arm. "Is she hot? Nah, I know she is. She has to be fine if she's making you forget about Alex."

"Scotty, she _is _Alex."

"That's a good one," he said and started laughing. "Stop fucking with me, Liv."

"I'm being serious for once, but this has to stay between us. Alex is here with her mom and her aunt and we ran into each other while I was with the girls."

"Nice. So did you tap that yet?"

"No!" Olivia said, trying not to laugh. She had almost forgotten that her stepbrother had a one-track mind. "I'd never just use Alex for sex."

"Then what have you two been doing?" he asked, still amazed that Olivia could be around Alex and think about something other than having her way with her.

"We've been going on dates," Olivia said and started blushing. "She kissed me on the lips."

"She kissed you?" Scotty asked sarcastically. "Next, are you going to hold hands and go to the 6th grade dance together?"

"You're a dick," she said as she slugged him on the arm. "We're taking things slow and I've never been happier."

"Does your mom know?"

"You're the only one who knows and I want to keep it that way," Olivia said sternly. "The fact that it's a secret makes it even more exciting."

"I got you," Scotty said as he stood up. "Sure you don't wanna go? There's a storm coming and the waves are fucking crazy right now."

"I'm sure," Olivia told him. "I don't want to make my girl wait and I'm really not in the mood to die in the ocean."

* * *

><p>Alex woke up to her mother shouting her name from the living room. While she was sleeping, she had the most beautiful dream about Olivia asking her to be her girlfriend and she was sad to realize that it hadn't actually happened.<p>

"Alexandra!" her mother shouted out again.

"What?"

"You have a phone call!"

_A phone call? Here? _Alex became nervous at the thought of someone calling her at the beach house. She knew Olivia wouldn't dare call her there unless…

"Is it my bastard father?" Alex asked. "If it is, tell him he can go to hell."

"It's Abbie!" Mrs. Cabot shouted out to her.

_Abbie?_

Alex got out of bed and ran over to the phone. It had been over a month since she had talked to Abbie and she was the last person she'd ever expect a phone call from. They hadn't parted on the best of terms and Alex's curiosity was getting the best of her even if she didn't exactly want to talk to Abbie.

"Hello?"

"Lex? It's so good to hear your voice."

"I wish I could say the same," Alex said coldly.

"I guess I deserved that."

"How did you get this number?" Alex asked.

"I called your dad's office and he gave it to me."

"Where are you calling from?"

"Texas," Abbie said hesitantly. Alex was taken aback. It was the end of July and Abbie was usually in Texas around the time of her family reunion, which was in the beginning of the month. She knew something had to be wrong if she was in Texas and it had to be really bad if she'd resort to calling Alex.

"Why are you in Texas?"

Abbie sighed. "It's been a hell of a summer."

"Spill it, Carmichael. I know something's up if you're calling me long distance."

"I'm sorry about what happened with Liv, but—"

"Forget it," Alex said. "Liv and I are doing great right now. I miss you, Abbie."

"It didn't seem like you missed me when you first got on the phone," Abbie told her.

"I thought you were going to bullshit me about something and I didn't know how to react to hearing your voice for the first time in so long. So, how is your piece of man candy?"

"He was staying in Texas with me," Abbie began. "It was nice, I guess, not your typical visit."

"Why?" Alex asked. She was starting to get worried by the way her friend's voice was changing.

"I'm pregnant again," Abbie said quickly. "It's like it's meant to be, you know? Trent's sperm, my egg. Would I be this fertile with any guy or just him? Not that it matters. We broke up last night at the airport before he went back to Indiana. Everything was fine, Alex. We were doing great. I should love him. I really should, but I don't. I still love Serena. I'm always going to love Serena, Alex. Serena's arms are like my home. What if I can never go home again? I ruined my whole life when I should have just done what she told me to do. I should have made her my world. I wish I could go back to her."

"What are you doing today?" Alex asked, hoping her question wasn't too ridiculous.

"Moping," Abbie said glumly.

"Do you want to come to the beach? I'll wire you the money for a ticket and you can stay with me. Liv is here and I'm sure she'd want to see you, too."

"Liv went with you on vacation and your mom is cool with it?"

"It's a long story," Alex told her. "Just get to the airport."

After hanging up with Abbie, Alex hurried to find her mom. She knew her plan wasn't exactly practical, but the situation they were in called for them to do something crazy. Once Mrs. Cabot handed over the keys, Alex put them in her purse, and ran over to meet Olivia.

Olivia leaned against the railing along the pier as she waited for Alex to show up. She had nothing special planned for them that day, but all that mattered was that she would get to see Alex again. She had the best of intentions and none of her thoughts went further than wanting to kiss Alex again. Before last night, she had forgotten what it was like to kiss Alex and _anticipate_ a kiss from Alex.

Olivia was brought out of her daze by the feeling of someone tapping her on the shoulder.

"Pookie, I need to talk to you," Alex managed to say as she was catching her breath.

"What, babe?" Olivia asked. Before Alex had a chance to respond, Olivia pulled her close so she could hold her.

"Abbie's going to be joining us," Alex said nervously.

"Why?" Olivia asked. "Most importantly, how is she going to be joining us?"

"She's flying over here. I wired the money to her. Her flight lands tonight and I was wondering if you'd come with me."

"To the airport?" Olivia asked, knowing that's exactly where Alex wanted her to go. "That's three hours away!"

"And that's why I want you to go with me. Keep me company."

"But, Alex, there's a storm coming," Olivia reminded her.

"It's not supposed to hit until after her flight lands, so we'll get Abbie and then hurry back over here."

"I don't know," Olivia said hesitantly.

"Please, Pookie. Keep me safe?" Alex pleaded as she nuzzled Olivia's shoulder. The innocent look on Alex's face proved to be Olivia's undoing. She knew there was a storm coming—a big storm—and she was going to risk being caught in it because Alex had called her 'Pookie' and nuzzled up to her.

"Okay," Olivia sighed. "What's going on with Abbie? She in Texas?"

"She's pregnant, Liv."

"Again?"

"She and Trent broke up, she's carrying his baby, and she's head over heels for Serena. I think she's going through enough without you making any snide comments."

"I'll keep the comments to myself even though she deserves to hear them," Olivia pointed out. "After all, she was the one who put us through hell, Alex. To top it off, she said she couldn't be friends with me anymore."

"A part of me is still angry with her, too, but she needs us right now, Liv. If there's ever been a time when Abbie needs us, it's now."

Olivia knew Alex was right even though she was reluctant to admit it. As they drove to the airport, her mind was consumed with thoughts of Abbie. She missed her and there was no denying it, but she didn't miss who she was when she was spending time with Abbie. Olivia didn't want to be that girl who was obsessed with her best friend; she wanted to continue what she had been doing with Alex, but that was over now. There would be no more sneaking around and acting like a couple of carefree teenagers. Instead, there was going to be three of them and they were going to be talking about something very serious in Abbie's life. Olivia wanted to help her, but she wanted there to be a way she could help Abbie without losing herself in her like she had done in the beginning of the summer.

_I can't lose Alex again, I can't._

* * *

><p>Abbie had a hard time leaving her grandparents, but they insisted that she get away for awhile to clear her head. She was only going for a few days before returning to Texas, but she felt like it was an eternity. She wanted to see her friends and she couldn't deny being excited about seeing them, but she couldn't help worrying about their upcoming reunion. Alex seemed happy about seeing her, but would Olivia feel the same way? Did Olivia even want to be her friend anymore? She tried to ignore those questions as the plane took her further from Texas and closer to Alex and Olivia.<p>

The flight wasn't too uncomfortable for her and Abbie was grateful that her nausea wasn't as bad as it was during her first pregnancy. She passed the time on the plane by thinking of Serena and everything they had been through together. She imagined what it would be like if Serena were hers again. Abbie pictured the two of them being inseparable just like they used to be. Her thoughts of Serena were all innocent. In fact, sex hadn't crossed her mind ever since she found out she was pregnant. She knew sex wouldn't harm her baby, but she didn't want to take the risk. Unlike with her first pregnancy, Abbie knew how to take care of herself and her focus was on the well-being of her unborn baby.

When her plane landed, Abbie felt her chest start to tighten. She was finally going to see Alex and Olivia, her two best friends, but she wanted nothing more than to get back on the plane and fly back to Texas.

"Abbie!" Alex called out as she waited near baggage claim. When she finally spotted Alex, she saw that she was carrying a teddy bear with a pink bow tied around its neck and a pink rattle attached to its paw.

_Leave it to Alex_, Abbie thought as she smiled at her. It was far too soon to know if Abbie was going to have a boy or a girl, but that teddy bear was proof that Alex wanted a new generation of Cabenmichael girls.


	27. Effed

Olivia took a long look at the woman Alex was holding on to—her former best friend. She felt sorry for Abbie and she wished she could take her pain away, but she wasn't ready to forgive her and there was no way she'd ever forget how Abbie ran off on her. The more she thought about Abbie being pregnant, the more furious she became. _She just can't keep her legs shut, can she? _ Olivia hated to admit it, but she started to think of Abbie as a screw up and she couldn't wait until her visit was over and she'd go back to Texas with her grandparents. Olivia wanted to kiss Alex, she wanted to walk along the beach with her—she wanted to do anything but listen to Abbie's latest crisis. _She deserves this. She ruins everything._

"Liv," Abbie said and gave her a hug. The hug lasted less than a second before Olivia pulled back.

"I'm not ready," Olivia admitted. Alex gave her a pleading look, but Olivia still wasn't going to back down.

Olivia watched as Alex handed Abbie the teddy bear. She saw Abbie's eyes practically light up and the two of them couldn't stop smiling and giggling as they gave each other hugs. Olivia longed to be part of that moment, but she knew she shouldn't give in so easily.

"Oh, Alex this is the cutest thing I've ever seen!" Abbie said and Olivia couldn't believe that her former best friend had actually squealed. _Who the hell is this girl and where is Abbie?_

"I'm glad you like it," Alex said and hugged her again. "Congratulations, Abbie! How are you feeling?"

"I'm feeling much better this time," Abbie told her. "It's going to be different from my first pregnancy. I already love him or her so much. This baby is my whole life, Alex. I can't wait until you experience this."

"Wouldn't it be great if we were pregnant together?" Alex asked. "We could have a double baby shower and experience all of those crazy cravings together."

_Did Alex forget that I'm the one who is going to be knocking her up? It isn't just her decision. It's mine, too, and I know we aren't ready for this. See, Abbie is putting things in her head already. She's been here for less than ten minutes and she's already coming between Alex and me._

"Liv?" Alex asked, bringing Olivia out of her daze.

"What?" Olivia said coldly.

"Pookie, what's wrong?"

"Pookie?" Abbie asked and started laughing. "Alex, where did that come from?"

"It's a long story," Alex said. "Let's go get your bags."

Olivia didn't want to help Abbie, but she knew she had to be chivalrous so she grabbed Abbie's bags from baggage claim and loaded them into Mrs. Cabot's car while Alex and Abbie walked behind her. They were talking nonstop about the baby, which made Olivia dread the ride back to the beach.

"How far are you?" Alex asked once they were in the car.

"Seven weeks," Abbie responded, smiling from ear to ear.

"I think we should put gas now just in case we get caught in the storm," Olivia said, interrupting yet another conversation about babies.

"Okay, Pookie," Alex told her although she wasn't exactly paying attention to Olivia.

While Olivia was putting gas in the car, Alex decided to get in the backseat with Abbie. She didn't know why, but all of the resentment she had felt toward Abbie in the past had disappeared and she started to see Abbie in a different light.

"Lex, I'm sorry about everything," Abbie said glumly.

"It's okay," Alex told her. "I think you and I are going to become so much closer now."

"I'd like that," Abbie said and started smiling again. "Is Olivia okay with me being here?"

"Don't you mind Olivia," Alex said playfully. "That girl is so unpredictable sometimes."

There were so many things that Abbie wanted to tell Alex. She wanted to thank her for inviting her to the beach, she wanted to tell her that she was grateful for her forgiveness, and she wanted to tell her all about how she still missed Serena, but she decided to keep everything to herself once Olivia returned to the car.

"The storm should be hitting soon," Olivia informed them. "I'm not too comfortable driving in this weather."

"I am," Abbie told her, hoping it would earn her some points with Olivia.

"You are?" Olivia asked.

"I'm from _Texas_," Abbie reminded her. "I've driven during tornados. This little New England storm has nothing on what I've experienced."

"Whatever," Olivia said sarcastically. She handed Abbie the keys and sat down in the passenger seat, leaving Alex alone in the back.

After a few minutes, the girls noticed a few drops of rain. It was nothing unusual until the rain started to fall down harder and the speed of the wind picked up.

"Still feeling brave?" Olivia asked.

"Yes," Abbie said coldly. "Thanks for your concern."

"Maybe we should stop and get a room for the night," Alex suggested. "I think I underestimated this storm."

"We're _fine_," Abbie and Olivia said in unison. Neither of them really believed they were 'fine' but the last thing they wanted was to be the first person to give in and admit they were as frightened as Alex.

"No, I really think we should stop," Alex urged them. "That sign says there's a motel five miles from here."

"If it'll make you feel better, we'll stop," Olivia said as she reached back to grab Alex's hand.

Abbie finally felt relieved. "Yeah, Alex, we'll stop."

"Unless it's creepy," Olivia said. "If it is, we'll keep going."

"Creepy? Really?" Abbie asked sarcastically.

"You know how these middle of nowhere roadside motels can be," Olivia pointed out. "I'm not letting my woman stay in some place that makes me feel uneasy."

_Her woman? _Alex thought. _Oh, Liv. You're always so protective. I want you to be my girlfriend, my wife, everything._

The girls were a mile away from the motel when they heard a light popping noise coming from the car. Abbie was tempted to keep driving, but she had a feeling it was a flat tire and she didn't want to risk a blowout. She pulled over as carefully as she could, so the girls could investigate. The wind had stopped blowing, but the rain was falling down as hard as ever and no one wanted to go out there.

"I think it's a flat tire," Abbie said.

"Really, Captain Obvious?" Olivia told her sarcastically.

"I think we might have ran over a small tree branch or a rock," Alex pointed out.

"So, Abbie drives and we get a flat tire?" Olivia pointed out. "What happened to these New England storms being nothing to you?"

Abbie tried her hardest not to become upset because she knew it was bad for her baby. "I can't control branches or rocks, Liv. This flat tire isn't my fault."

"Ladies, this is counterproductive," Alex told them. "Arguing isn't going to fix that tire. My mom has a car phone, remember? We can just call a tow truck and then sit back and wait."

Alex picked up the phone and quickly put it down. The look on her face was enough for Olivia and Abbie to know nothing good was going to come out of this.

"Lex? Are you okay?" Abbie asked.

"No," Alex said calmly. "What is the purpose of this phone if it doesn't work when you need it?"

"It's just a flat tire," Olivia pointed out. "Does your mom have a spare tire in the trunk?"

"Yeah, she has everything you'd need, but none of us know how to change a tire."

"I do," Olivia told her. "Peter taught me last year."

"But it's wet out there," Alex said worriedly. "I don't want my Pookie getting sick."

Olivia leaned back so she could give Alex a kiss. "Don't worry, babe. I'll be fine."

Olivia popped her hood over her head before getting off the car. Alex was right about Mrs. Cabot having everything needed to change a tire, which gave Olivia a boost of confidence. Watching her woman change a tire had an effect on Alex. She knew it wasn't the right time, but had they been alone, she would have wanted Olivia to join her in the backseat afterward.

"There's something so sexy about a woman who could change a tire," Alex told Abbie.

"If you say so. I like my women to be feminine—like Serena. If Serena were here, she'd be holding on to me."

"Abs, about that," Alex began. "Maybe Serena isn't the right woman for you."

"I don't even want to know," Abbie told her. "I know where this is headed. Serena is back to being Serena, isn't she? I had a feeling she was hooking up."

"Just focus on yourself and your baby. You don't need a woman…or a man right now."

"You're right," Abbie said, feeling as if there was a knot in her throat.

Olivia entered the car fifteen minutes later, smiling as if she had just accomplished a major feat. Not caring about the bickering that had gone on earlier, both Alex and Abbie hugged her and thanked her for saving them.

"No problem," Olivia said nonchalantly. "Let's get out of here."

Abbie turned the key and the car made another noise that they had dreaded. She turned them again, which only made the noise even louder.

"The battery is dead," Abbie told her.

"Thanks for _another _announcement, Captain Obvious," Olivia said angrily.

"Don't bitch at me," Abbie told her. "You're the one who left the light on while you were changing the tire."

"Because it's dark," Olivia argued. "I needed to see."

"That's what flashlights are for," Abbie said, raising her voice.

"Is there one?" Olivia asked sarcastically. "Is there? No, I didn't think so."

"So, now we're fucked, Olivia," Abbie said as she laid her head on the steering wheel. "We're in the middle of nowhere, our battery is dead, and no one knows we're here. Everything would have been fine had you not turned on the lights."

"If you want to play that game, I can one-up you," Olivia pointed out. "Alex and I wouldn't even be in this situation if not for you."

"I was the one who invited her, Pookie," Alex reminded her.

"No, babe, I'm not talking about picking her up at the airport," Olivia told Alex. "I'm talking about us being broken up. None of that would have happened if not for Abbie. She fucks everything up. That's all she's good for. She acts like a child and gets herself into messes and then expects people to pick up the pieces for her and pity her, but I'm not going to do that—not this time. I'm sick of her dragging me down with her."

"You fucked up your own relationship, Olivia," Abbie responded. "You can't blame it on me. You're even more fucked up than I am, but what separates us is that I don't deny it. I know something is wrong with me and I don't try to be something I'm not. You walk around all high and mighty, trying to be in control of the situation and insisting on playing the hero. Future member of the NYPD—the future Officer Benson. It's all an act, Olivia. You're not some do-gooder or someone who wants to help people and save lives. You want the validation. You _need _it. You need someone to tell you you're good because in reality you're scared out of your mind. Your mom was raped and that's how you were conceived and you know deep down you want to prove to yourself and prove to others that you're nothing like him. You want them to tell you that you aren't cruel and you aren't violent. You need to prove to them that you aren't the same monster that he is."

Olivia's voice started to quiver. "That's not true."

"Face it, Liv," Abbie smirked. "Your conscience is constantly eating at you. You have this need to prove yourself to everyone, especially to your mom. You ruined her life, Olivia, and nothing is going to change that. Just deal with it. You ruined your mom's life and she probably thinks of him and what happened that night every time she looks at you. So, next time you say that _I _fuck everything up, take a good look at yourself, Olivia. You fucked everything up just by being born."

Olivia got off the car and took off running. There were so many things Alex wanted to tell Abbie, but she knew there was no time to waste on talking. Without hesitation, she went after her woman. She couldn't even fathom what Olivia must be feeling, but she knew she wanted to be the one to console her.


	28. The Palm Tree and The Road

**A/N: Part 1 of 2 or 3 because nothing and I mean NOTHING ever goes right when the Cabenmichael girls are in the middle of nowhere :)**

Not caring about the pouring rain, Alex ran over to her woman who was now standing and staring at the lonely road. She hated what Abbie said, but Abbie wasn't her concern at that moment—Olivia was the woman in her life and Olivia's feelings were what mattered, not Abbie's.

"Liv!" Alex said when she finally caught up with her. "Liv, let me hold you."

"I don't want to be held," Olivia told her as she continued to stare at the road. "We need to get out of here."

"Yeah, I know," Alex said. "It's cold and rainy and I don't want you to get sick."

"No, that's not the reason," Olivia said and leaned in to whisper in Alex's ear. "I don't feel…right…here. I feel like something could happen."

"Like what?"

"I want you to go over to the car, get Abbie and have her come over here. Tell her it's important that she hurries."

"Liv?"

"Just do it, Alex!"

In less than a minute, Alex returned with Abbie in tow. Olivia didn't want to be around her, but she was willing to put that aside when their lives were in danger. Olivia didn't want to tell them, but as she was staring across the road, she felt as if someone was staring back at her. It was unsettling and, although she didn't actually see anybody, she couldn't shake that feeling that someone was staring at her. There were no cars on the road other than their own, so Olivia kept wondering how this person had gotten there if they didn't have a car and there weren't any houses nearby.

"Livya, what's going on?" Abbie asked.

"I'm not talking to you," Olivia responded.

"Babe, what's going on?" Alex asked, well aware that she might answer her question instead of Abbie's.

"Nothing," Olivia said and pulled Alex close to her. "This storm is just getting worse and I don't want us to be out here for very long. We're going to walk to the motel you mentioned earlier. It's only a mile away."

"But we're safe?"

"Alex, I'd never let anything happen to you. I'm going to protect you today and for the rest of our lives."

"Oh, jeez," Abbie said sarcastically.

The Cabenmichael girls made it to the motel in less than twenty minutes. The rain drenched their hair and their clothes, but they knew the faster they walked, the faster they would make it to a dry motel room. Throughout the entire walk, Olivia had that same feeling that someone was watching them. There were no noises and she couldn't make out any figures in the trees, but whoever or whatever it was seemed to have walked toward the motel along with them.

The motel had only twenty rooms, but it wasn't as rundown as Olivia thought it would be. The décor was straight out of the 1950s and Olivia felt as if she had stepped back in time when they entered the lobby. She imagined it being nicely decorated in its heyday, but the chain hotels a few miles down had taken away its business. There were five cars in the parking lot, which is five more than Olivia had expected.

She had wanted two rooms—one for Abbie and one for the two of them—but all three of them were strapped for cash and Olivia didn't want this transaction showing up on the credit card that her mom received a bill for every month. Instead, they pooled their money together and were barely able to pay for a room with two beds.

_As long as I don't have to sleep in the same bed as her_, Olivia thought.

"Our car broke down," Alex told the front desk manager after they had booked their room. "May we use your phone to call a tow truck?"

"There's a pay phone around the corner," the man at the front desk told her. "I'm not paying for any phone calls that you kids make."

"No problem, sir," Abbie said and then tried to get Alex and Olivia out of there. Alex deposited a quarter in the slot and dialed the number that her mother told her to call in case of an emergency on the road. She arranged for a tow truck to tow her mom's car to a garage so they could work on the battery.

"The car won't be ready until tomorrow," Alex told them as they were getting coffee in the lobby.

"I wasn't expecting anything sooner," Olivia responded. "At least we aren't stranded out there."

"Yeah, but we don't have any dry clothes," Alex pointed out. "Abbie's luggage is still in the car and the three of us are soaking wet."

"I know plenty of ways to keep you warm," Olivia said as she wrapped her arms around Alex. "Staying here gives me the perfect opportunity to hold you all night. I wouldn't have been able to do that if we were still at the beach."

"Maybe I'll finally get some sleep tonight," Alex said, leaning into Olivia. "I can't sleep without you. I always wake up in the middle of the night and check to see if you're there, but you're not there. I miss our bed, Liv, and I miss falling asleep next to you."

"I'll be living with Scotty," Olivia pointed out. "He doesn't care if you spend the night. Staying with me would be so much better than staying in Fallbrook. You wouldn't have to get up so early and I'd be able to hold you. I'd even get up early to make you breakfast."

"You'd make breakfast?"

"For you, I'd do just about anything," Olivia said and then kissed Alex in front of everyone. That innocent display of affection elicited a range of emotions from motel workers and the girls were told to leave.

"But we already paid for the night," Alex pointed out.

"Then you'll get your money back," the front desk manager told her. Abbie and Alex were about to give him a piece of their mind, but Olivia pleaded with them not to. She wanted to tell him off just as much as they did, but she was more worried about their safety than their pride. The girls were unarmed, but Olivia had a feeling the owner of the motel wasn't. The motel was in the middle of nowhere and it wasn't uncommon for young women to go missing in areas like the one they were in. What he told them was wrong, but Olivia knew it wasn't worth risking their safety over.

Once they were outside, Olivia hurried over to the pay phone to make a call. Alex wanted to call her mom, but she didn't have the nerve to tell her about the car. Abbie could have called Serena, but this wasn't how she pictured seeing her again. She could have called her sister Addie, but Addie was even more irresponsible than she was, so there was only one person left to call and Olivia _really _didn't want to call her.

"Hello?"

"Mom?"

"Liv, where are you?" Serena asked worriedly.

"We're at the Palm Tree Motel," Olivia told her. _The Palm Tree? _Olivia thought. _Why the hell would this place be called The Palm Tree?_

"The Palm Tree?" Serena asked. "That's an hour away."

"Mrs. Cabot's car got a flat tire while we were on our way home from the airport and—"

"Olivia Lorraine?"

"What?" Olivia asked nervously.

"Wait at the motel and I'll be there soon."

"We can't," Olivia said. "We're going to be waiting in Alex's car because we got kicked out of the motel."

_Uh oh, here comes a lecture_.

"Olivia?"

"Yeah?"

"Stay safe and I'll be there in an hour."

Olivia had gotten off easy, maybe a little too easy, which made her worry about what the car ride back to the beach house was going to be like. She knew her mom was going to have questions for all three of them. All Olivia had told her that morning was that she was going to the pier to meet the mysterious beach girl and now she was stranded in the middle of nowhere because Mrs. Cabot's car got a flat tire on the way back from the airport. Olivia knew if she were a mother she would be furious with her daughter for sneaking off and for lying, but Serena had done her fair share of lying and sneaking around when she was Olivia's age so Olivia hoped her mother would keep that in mind.

"My mom will be here in an hour," Olivia said when they were walking back to Mrs. Cabot's car.

"Liv?"

"Yes, Alex?"

"In the midst of all that happened—you know, getting kicked out of a motel and deciding who to call—I forgot to remind you that the car is probably being towed right now."

"So, we're going to be standing out in the rain?" Abbie asked. "Damnit, Alex. You're so stupid sometimes."

They were the first words Abbie had spoken in almost half an hour and, for her sake, Olivia wished they had chosen them wisely.

"Oh, that's it," Olivia said angrily. "You can insult me all you want and I'll take it because I know you're nothing more than a bitch who nobody loves and nobody wants, but I'm not going to stand by and listen to you say _anything _hurtful to Alex. She didn't have to bring you here, Abbie, but she wanted you to get away from everything and enjoy yourself. I don't know what the hell is wrong with you. I don't know if it's your hormones acting up because you're pregnant or if you're just upset because Serena doesn't want you or maybe you're just jealous because Alex has something you'll never have—someone who loves you. Alex is my woman. I chose her over you once and I'd do it all over again."

"Go to hell, Olivia," Abbie said before walking as far ahead of them as she could.

"I don't believe in hell, Abbie," Olivia shouted at her. "You're going to have to try a lot harder than that."

Olivia expected some kind—_any kind_—of reaction from Abbie, but Abbie kept walking until the girls heard her start screaming.

"Abbie!" Olivia yelled out. She ran after her with Alex following closely behind. As angry as she was with Abbie, she was once her best friend and she didn't want anything happening to her.

"What's up?" Alex asked when they finally reached her.

Abbie began pointing at a symbol that had been drawn in the dirt. "Was this always here?"

"What is it?" Alex asked.

"A pentagram," Abbie responded. "I'd know that symbol anywhere. I used to draw it all the time when I wanted to scare Addie."

"That wasn't here before," Alex pointed out. "I would have noticed something like that."

Olivia thought about the eerie feeling she had gotten on their way over to the motel and she couldn't help feeling it again. There was someone or something watching them, but she didn't want to worry Alex and Abbie so she just tried to play it off as if there was nothing out of the ordinary happening.

"It's okay," Olivia told them. "I'm sure this has always been there. We weren't exactly looking at the ground, were we? We were just trying to get out of the rain."

"Yeah, I guess you're right," Abbie told her.

Olivia looked down at her watch and saw that it had only been twenty minutes since she had spoken to her mom. They still had another forty minutes out there and she had no idea if she'd be able to keep them calm for that long.


	29. Olivia The Frat Boy

**A/N: I know I just updated yesterday, but I couldn't resist. As always, comments and suggestions are definitely welcome. :)**

The girls were too busy paying attention to the symbol drawn on the ground to notice that someone was slowly creeping up on them. Olivia tried to keep Alex and Abbie calm, but they kept asking her questions about whether or not they were safe or how much longer until Serena showed up. As Olivia glanced at her watch, the person who was creeping up on her made a final move and tackled Olivia to the ground.

Olivia wanted to scream, but there was too much weight on her body for her to make any noise whatsoever. Abbie and Alex tried to get him off of her, but it was no use. He pulled out a switchblade from his pocket and held it up to Alex and Abbie. Not caring about the risks involved, Abbie kicked it out of his hand and punched him in the face.

"You _bitch_!" he said as he removed his mask.

"Chucky?" Olivia asked. "What the hell?"

"That bitch friend of yours could have broken my nose, Olivia. What the fuck? I hate you so much right now, Abbie."

"I'll hit you again if I need to," Abbie shouted at him. "I love Olivia and I'd never let anyone hurt her."

"You love Olivia?" Chucky asked. "And Alex is okay with that?"

"Not like that," Olivia pointed out.

"Uh huh, sure," Chucky said as he lead them deeper into the woods. "You three probably do all kinds of kinky shit together. Olivia, you know you strap it on and bend them both over."

"Oh, all the time," Olivia said sarcastically.

"Liv, you know you have a big dick."

Olivia rolled her eyes. "Shut up, Chucky."

"Alex, does she have a big one?" Chucky asked.

"The biggest," Alex chimed in. When she thought no one was looking, she grabbed Olivia by the collar of her shirt and pulled her in for a kiss.

"That was so hot," Chucky told them, his mouth practically hanging open. "Kiss her again. This time, try it open-mouthed."

"You're so gross," Alex told him. "I almost wish we _had_ run into a Satanic cult. They're less annoying than horny frat boys."

"Your girlfriend is the horniest of us all," Chucky told Alex. "You should hear some of the things she says. She's always talking about how you—"

"No one wants to hear that," Olivia interrupted. Chucky was Olivia's roommate during their freshman year, until he moved into his frat house. Since then, Olivia was a regular at his house and all of the guys in the fraternity started to see her as one of their brothers. She'd play sports with them, drink with them, brag about sexual conquests with them, and go on late night adventures with them. They loved Olivia more than they loved their own girlfriends, which often caused drama at their frat house _and _drama with Alex, especially because they loved Abbie just as much. The guys got along with Alex, but she wasn't on the same level as Abbie and Olivia because she was seen as one of the girlfriends and Olivia made it known that she had a stronghold on her.

"What are you dick holes doing out here?" Abbie asked once the four of them were inside a large tent with sleeping bags scattered all over.

"That's not something I can discuss while sober," Chucky responded. "You ladies want some whiskey? We have a couple of bottles."

"I'd love some," Olivia responded.

"None for me," Alex told him.

"Yeah, me neither," Abbie added.

Chucky nearly dropped the bottle when he heard Abbie refuse alcohol. "Carmichael not having a drink? But you're a fucking beast. You out-drink everyone."

"That was before I got knocked up," Abbie told him.

"Trent got it in?" Chucky asked and Abbie nodded. "Why would you even have sex with that douchebag? Out of every guy and every girl, you choose Trent? What happened to that blonde you were with? I thought you were all serious with her."

Abbie sighed. "I'm a masochist, Chucky. We'll leave it at that."

"You're no fucking fun anymore, Carmichael," Chucky said as he was pouring a cup of straight whiskey for Olivia. "I remember you used to get drunk and be all over Olivia. You gave her a hickey and everything."

"When was this?" Alex asked, angrily.

"A long time ago," Abbie said reassuringly. "You two were broken up. Olivia would never cheat on you."

"When you were busy fucking your sorority sister," Chucky added. "I've seen that girl and all I can say is, 'what the hell, Alex?' She has nothing on Olivia. Olivia loves the fuck out of you."

"I _do _love the fuck out of her," Olivia said as she scooted over toward Alex. "Chucky, now that you've made my woman hate me again, the least you can do is tell me why you're here."

"We saw you on the side of the road earlier, so we just felt like fucking with you," Chucky began. "If it were just Abbie and Alex, we would have helped, but since you were there…we didn't want to emasculate you in front of your woman…so we just decided to mess with you instead. We split up and followed you toward the motel, just waiting for the right time to strike. I didn't think Carmichael was an assassin, though. Otherwise, I wouldn't have pulled out a blade and tackled you."

"But why were you _here_ to begin with?" Olivia asked.

"It's Creepy Campout," Chucky informed her. After hearing that, Olivia lunged at him and tackled Chucky to the ground.

"You jerk!" Olivia said playfully. "You know I've been wanting to go to Creepy Campout for almost a year now."

"You dropped off the face of the earth," Chucky told her. "I tried calling you and you were all heartbroken over Alex to even hang out with us. If you didn't even want to play Beer Pong with us, why would you want to go to Creepy Campout?"

"Fine, but you're bringing me to the next one…or else," Olivia said as she made a fist at him. "And you know I can kick your ass, Chucky."

"What's Creepy Campout?" Alex asked.

"It's when boys become men," Chucky responded, trying unsuccessfully to get Olivia off of him. Realizing how pathetic he must look, Olivia got off and went back to holding Alex.

"Every three months, these guys pitch a tent in the middle of nowhere during a huge storm and act like dumbasses for a few days," Olivia began. "It's basically them just getting drunk and finding new ways to scare the hell out of each other."

"Like what they did with us?" Alex asked.

"No, they took it easy on us," Olivia told her. "I've heard stories about the time Chucky chased Troy with a chainsaw and then Troy retaliated by drugging Chucky, tying him up, and then taking him to an abandoned cabin where he woke up on a table surrounded by all of the other guys dressed in cloaks. Everyone is fair game here and you never know what is going to happen to you."

"It's right up Carmichael's alley," Chucky told them. "I so wish you weren't knocked up. I've heard about all the shit you've done to your sister throughout the years. You'd be perfect for this."

"What are you guys going to do to Liv?" Alex asked, nervously.

"Oh, we have a special initiation planned for Benson," Chucky said. "How much time you got?"

"Another twenty minutes," Olivia responded.

"Wanna scare the hell out of Jason?"

"That sophomore jerk? You know I do." Olivia quickly downed the rest of her whiskey and took off with Chucky. Alex tried not to be worried about her woman, but with a bunch of drunken college guys, you could never be too careful. To ease her worries, she decided to talk to Abbie. She couldn't help noticing how depressed Abbie looked and she knew it had to be because she had just been downgraded from 'one of the guys' to 'one of the girls'.

"Alex, I'm so sorry," Abbie said glumly. "Not just for today, but for everything. I didn't mean to call you stupid. You know you're not stupid and I know you're not stupid. I really just don't know what's wrong with me."

"Whatever is wrong with you is something you shouldn't face alone," Alex said as she cuddled up to her on the sleeping bag. "You belong with Olivia and me. We both love you. You're Olivia's best friend and I see how happy she is around you, not today, but—"

Abbie started smiling. "Definitely not today."

"I worry about you, Abbie."

"I worry about you, too, Alex. You always seem so worked up. I want to help you let go."

"And I want to help you get a grip," Alex teased. "Are you scared?"

"More like terrified," Abbie admitted. "Last time, I had Serena for moral support. This time, I'm all alone."

"No, you're not," Alex told her. "You have me. I'd say you had Olivia, too, but I don't think she's all that mature yet. She still wants to be a frat boy."

After saying that, their conversation was interrupted by the sound of a guy screaming loudly in the distance followed by Chucky and Olivia laughing hysterically.

"She'll mature eventually," Abbie assured her. "We all do."

"I hope it's soon," Alex sighed. "She still wants to binge drink with the guys and do stupid things like this. I want her to grow up. I want to marry her and start a family with her, but look at the way she is right now. We were making progress at the beach and she was acting mature, but as soon as we get around her friends, it's like we've made no progress at all and I have to start over with getting her to be the way I want her to be."

"Alex, chill. It'll be okay," Abbie insisted. "Instead of wanting Olivia to change and trying to get her to change, why don't you just enjoy being with her? These are some good times. You're never going to be this young again, Alex, and neither is Olivia. Just let her enjoy herself for one more year and then she'll be in the academy and she'll start to take things seriously. You know how Olivia is—she's so passionate. She never half-asses anything that's worth doing. When she's in the academy, she'll be as dedicated to that as she is right now to her radio show and her boys. These guys are good to her and they only have one year together before graduation. Give her that one year, Alex. What's one year compared to spending the rest of your life with her? Be grateful you have her, Alex. There's plenty of girls out there who would want her just the way she is."

"I guess you're right," Alex said, trying to hide the single tear that had just streamed down her cheek.

"I have something to show you," Abbie told her in an attempt at getting Alex to cheer up. "Something I've never shown anyone other than Trent."

"What is it?" Alex asked. "Don't keep me in suspense."

Abbie lifted up her sweatshirt to reveal the slightest hint of a baby bump that was forming. It wouldn't have been noticeable on most women, but Abbie's thinness made it all the more noticeable.

"You're starting to show!" Alex said excitedly. "It's all so real now!"

"I know I'm hardly showing at all, but it's still a big deal for me," Abbie told her. "I read that I'm going to be showing earlier since it's my second pregnancy. I'm going to do everything right this time, Alex, even if I'm going to be doing everything alone."

"You won't be alone," Alex reassured her. "Like I said, you have me. I think I'm just as excited as you are."

It was time for them to leave, so Abbie and Alex got out of the tent so they could search for Olivia. The search ended in less than a minute once they saw Olivia tossed over the shoulder of a guy carrying a fake machete. The guy returned Olivia to Alex and Abbie with twigs and dirt in her hair, her shirt ripped, and fake blood smeared all over her.

Olivia high-fived the guy with the fake machete. "Jason nearly peed in his pants. That was the best twenty minutes of my life! I can't wait until October!"

"I miss doing weird things like that," Abbie said through her laughter.

Alex rolled her eyes at the two of them. She was trying to be excited for Olivia, but she just couldn't do it. All she wanted to do was get out of there as fast as she could and she was grateful when Olivia's mom finally arrived. It was going to be a long ride back to the beach. Olivia and Abbie still weren't talking to each other and the three of them had a lot of explaining to do, but Alex didn't mind. The sooner she got away from the Campout, the better.


	30. Give and Take

Alex was surprised to see her aunt Susan riding in the front seat of Serena's car. Not wanting to draw any more attention to the situation, she quietly sat in the backseat between Abbie and Olivia. The storm had calmed, which left little small talk to be made because Alex had planned on saying something about how bad the weather was in an attempt at diverting the attention away from what the three of them had done.

Five minutes had passed and not a single word had been spoken to the girls, which made Alex feel uncomfortable. She looked to her right at Abbie who was staring out the window and at the left at Olivia who was already asleep. Olivia's head was pressed against the car window until Alex started to gently shake her.

"Lean on me, babe," Alex whispered. Olivia cuddled up to Alex and wrapped her arms around her. She had managed to take the twigs and dirt out of her hair, but the fake blood was still smeared on her. It was going to be all over Alex's shirt, but she didn't care. All she wanted was for Olivia to rest her head on her shoulder and be as comfortable as she could be.

"So, _that's_ your woman," Aunt Susan said playfully.

"The love of my life," Alex responded as she kissed Olivia's forehead. Even though she was asleep, Alex could have sworn she saw Olivia smile.

"She's sexy. Nice one, Alex," Aunt Susan told her.

"I'm going to pretend you never said that," Serena said to Susan. "You're 43 years old and saying that my little girl is sexy?"

"The curves on her prove that she's anything but a little girl," Susan told the now infuriated Serena. "You know exactly what every straight man and every gay woman is thinking when they look at her."

"_No one _is looking at my baby." Serena insisted. "…except for Alex. I'll only allow Alex to look at her."

"Alex does more than look," Susan said to Serena.

"Aunt Susan!" Alex said in disbelief. "What Olivia and I do is beautiful. We're so in love with each other and we—"

"Enough!" Serena interrupted. "No one is to say anything about my little girl's physical appearance. Do you understand?"

"Your precious baby girl is out cold," Susan responded.

"She's just tired," Serena insisted. "My little Livvy bear has had a long day."

Susan raised an eyebrow at Serena. "Livvy bear? You call your 21-year-old that? I think you've just ruined her for all women. You obviously spoil the hell out of this girl and then you wonder why she doesn't grow up. No other woman in this world is going to put up with the things you put up with from Olivia. You need to start cracking down on her, Serena. I know this just by what you've told me over the past hour."

"Later," Serena told her. "Right now, I'm just going to let her sleep. She looks like a little angel."

"A drunk angel," Susan said sarcastically. After hearing that, Serena slammed on the brakes and Olivia fell forward, hitting her head on the seat in front of her.

"Mom, what the hell?" Olivia asked as she returned to her seat next to Alex. Her head was killing her and, to top it off, she had no idea what was happening.

"Have you been drinking?" Serena asked once she began driving again.

"No," Olivia said and started laughing. It wasn't the laugh they were used to from Olivia. Instead, it was loud and obnoxious which only confirmed what Susan had told her. Serena slammed on the brakes once again and Olivia would have fallen forward had Alex not been holding on to her.

"Olivia, have you been drinking?" Serena repeated.

"No!" Olivia insisted, but her mom could see right through her lie. Alex knew she had downed her fair share of whiskey with Chucky and there was no way she was going to get Olivia into even more trouble.

"How do you two know each other?" Abbie asked in an attempt at changing the subject.

"That's a story for another day," Serena responded.

"It's a good story," Susan added. "One the three of you would be _very _interested in."

"Tell us," Abbie pleaded.

"Maybe tomorrow," Serena told her. "Right now, I get to ask the questions and my first question is why are the three of you together?"

"Because there was a nuclear holocaust and, in the blast, we fused into an Abbie/Olivia/Alex-type monster," Olivia explained to her mom. "If later, it looks like we're making out, we're really not. What we're doing is exchanging the amino acids that are necessary for our bodies to survive. It's also crucial that I make love to Alex tonight because most of our kind died in the blast and we have to repopulate. It's my duty, Mom, and I have to take this seriously."

Alex just shook her head while Abbie failed to contain her laughter. She knew her aunt Susan was wondering what the hell she was doing with Olivia, but after that last statement, Alex remembered exactly why she fell in love with her. There was no one else like Olivia regardless if she was drunk or sober.

"Olivia Lorraine?" Serena said in a stern tone of voice.

"Yes, Mommy dear?" Olivia responded.

"I don't want to hear another smartass remark out of you for the rest of the ride home."

"So, I guess that means I won't be saying anything at all."

"Olivia!"

"Sorry," Olivia said and returned to cuddling with Alex.

"Can someone other than my drunken daughter tell me how the three of you ended up together?" Serena asked, looking at Abbie and Alex in her rearview mirror."

"Liv and I met up the beach," Alex began.

"It was fate!" Olivia added. "No more crying at night and thinking 'oh, where, oh, where is my dearest Alexandra?' because Alex showed up one beautiful summer day and said, 'fear not, Olivia, for I am right here' and then the clouds—"

"Olivia!" Serena interrupted. Her voice sounded even angrier this time, so Olivia knew it was time to keep her mouth shut.

"As I was saying earlier," Alex continued, "Olivia had no idea I was here and we just happened to meet up. We started talking and we realized how much we missed each other so we decided to start over by going on dates. Neither of us wanted to lie, but we knew you'd object to us being together because we were only apart for a little over a month. I know that's not a long time, but it was enough time for us to realize that we really love each other and we want to make this work. It's not going to be easy—no relationship is—but we're willing to face the good and the bad if it means we get to be with each other."

"Alex is all I've ever wanted since I was four-years-old," Olivia added. "I'm going to do whatever it takes to keep her."

"Well, that's all fine and good," Serena told them. "But that still doesn't answer my question. Eddie, do you have an answer that isn't a bunch of bullshit?"

"Sort of," Abbie said, trying to come up with an answer that wouldn't give away her entire situation. "I was heartbroken about my ex-girlfriend. I know it sounds ridiculous, but I really miss her and the only two people who can cheer me up are Alex and Olivia so I called Alex and she invited me over. We honestly had no idea the storm was going to be this bad when she and Olivia picked me up from the airport. Everything was fine until we got a flat tire and, as Olivia was changing the tire, she had the lights on, which, in result, drained the battery and we could no longer start the car. Not wanting to worry you, we decided to walk a mile to the motel and stay there for the night. We had already paid, but once the homophobic asshole owner saw Olivia kiss Alex, he gave us our money and forced us to leave. That's when we called you and then walked yet another mile back to the car. While we were waiting, we happened to meet up with some of Olivia's friends and Alex and I spent the rest of the time relaxing in a tent while Olivia went off with the guys and attempted to scare one of their friends which explains the fake blood and the ripped shirt."

"You three act like this is a normal occurrence," Susan said to them.

"That's because it is," Serena told her. "Kind of like it was for me before I became pregnant with Olivia."

What Serena said weighed on Abbie's mind for the rest of the drive home. She thought about the adventures she'd go on with Alex and Olivia and how all of that would have to come to an end. Her life was going to be devoted to her baby whether or not she was ready for that.

* * *

><p>Alex had wanted to spend the rest of the night holding Olivia and she knew it was her right as an adult, but Mrs. Cabot still had a stronghold on her daughter and insisted that Alex stay where she could keep an eye on her. Abbie was given permission to stay with Alex, but she asked Serena if she could stay with her instead. She knew Olivia was still mad at her, but she wasn't staying because of Olivia. There was something she needed help with and there was only one person who could understand what she was going through.<p>

Although she was exhausted, Serena never turned away from her girls when they were in need. After Abbie put on some dry clothes, she sat next to Serena on the couch while Olivia fell asleep out on the hardwood floor just a few inches away from the other couch.

Abbie finally gathered the nerve to talk after the two of them laughed about Olivia's drunken state. "I said something horrible to Olivia earlier and I'm afraid she won't forgive me."

"What did you say to her?" Serena asked.

"I told her she ruined your life and I don't know why. I think my hormones were just acting up and I was taking things out on her."

"That time of the month?" Serena asked jokingly.

"I wish," Abbie said and averted her eyes. "I'd give anything for that."

Serena gave Abbie a hug and let her cry onto her shoulder. She wasn't too thrilled with what Abbie had told her daughter, but she remembered what it was like to be in that position and she knew what Abbie really needed was a mom to guide her.

"Do you think Olivia will forgive me?" Abbie asked.

"She will eventually," Serena insisted. "She knows she didn't ruin my life; my vacation, yes, but not my entire life. So, how far along are you?"

"Seven weeks," Abbie told her. "I love my baby and there's no way that I'm giving him or her up, but I'm still terrified about being a mom."

"You have every reason to be terrified," Serena said even though it wasn't what Abbie wanted to hear. "Once the initial shock wore off, I was so excited when I was pregnant with Olivia. I kept hoping for a baby girl and I had her name picked out six months before my due date. I didn't even know if I was having a boy or a girl and I was already addressing my future baby as Olivia. When she'd kick, I'd say 'Olivia is kicking' and I'd go around telling people, 'only four months until Olivia is here' or 'only six weeks until Olivia is here.' There were some rough times after she was born, but that's because I kept thinking about how she was conceived and how if that hadn't happened I'd still be able to live the life I was used to. Then I'd look at her asleep in my arms and realize it was worth it. Giving up partying and bar-hopping was worth it because I had the baby girl I had been hoping for. I _chose_ to have Olivia—I didn't have to—but I wanted to just like you're choosing to have your baby. Having a baby isn't easy, but I know you have a lot of love to give and you're going to be a great mom."

"But what about the crying and staying up all hours of the night and—"

"That's part of motherhood," Serena told her. "But there's always a balance. There were times when Olivia cried all night and then there were times when she'd fall asleep in my arms or wrap her tiny hand around one of my fingers. That's how it's always going to be, Abbie. You have them, love them, and do your best to prepare them for going out into this crazy world. As much as I love Olivia, there have been times when I just felt like wringing her neck. When she was three, she ripped up my favorite Virginia Woolf novel and then later that night she drew a picture for me and said she was sorry and my heart melted. I couldn't even punish her after that. You just have to take the good with the bad, Abbie. She's 21 now and it's still give and take with her. She goes out of her way to make things easier for me like when she watches the girls without being asked so Peter and I can have some time alone. Then there are the times when she takes the emergency credit card I gave her and maxes it out on a foosball table or when she gets drunk and passes out on the floor like she did tonight." Serena threw one of the decorative pillows at Olivia and while she was still half-asleep, Olivia placed it under her head. "As I was saying, I was a young, unmarried mom just like you'll be and, although it's not an ideal situation, there are some benefits to it. Olivia and I went through so much together—we practically grew up together—and I feel like that's what bonded us. You're going to feel that same bond with your baby, Abbie, and if you ever need help you know I'm here for you."

"Thanks, Mom," Abbie said and gave her another hug. It had been so long since she had used that word and just being able to say it filled her with hope and comfort.

Serena offered to let Abbie sleep in Olivia's bed, but she decided to sleep on the living room couch instead. Before going to her bedroom, Serena gave Abbie a blanket and then carefully placed one on top of Olivia. Olivia was still in her wet clothes, but Serena knew there was no use trying to wake her up. If she got a cold that day, Serena would just consider it to be part of her punishment along with the inevitable hangover.


	31. Best Friends and Girlfriends

Olivia woke up the next morning to find her entire family plus Abbie eating breakfast at the kitchen table. She usually loved buttermilk pancakes, but that morning the smell of them was enough to make her want to vomit. Olivia didn't know how it was possible, but the noises around her only heightened her nausea. Her little sister Ashley pouring maple syrup on her pancakes was the final straw for Olivia. She covered her mouth and ran over to the bathroom as fast as she could. She hadn't eaten in nearly 24 hours, so all she was able to throw up was the whiskey she had chugged in the tent and the tequila one of her other friends had given her after they scared their sophomore friend. She knew mixing alcohol, especially mixing alcohol on an empty stomach was a bad idea, but she had been so caught up in the moment that she didn't care what the consequences would be.

When she felt like there was nothing left for her to throw up, Olivia made her way over to the room she was sharing with Scotty to search for something dry to put on. Unlike everyone else in her family, Olivia hadn't unpacked her clothes, so instead of carefully going through a drawer, she began pulling clothes out of her suitcase and tossing them everywhere until she found the Princeton Girlfriend sweatshirt that Alex had made her three years ago. Although she wasn't Alex's girlfriend, Olivia could never bring herself to stop wearing it. It reminded her of the life she used to have with Alex when everything revolved around stealing kisses and spending every possible second together.

Olivia used up the last of her energy to put her pajama pants on before throwing herself face down on her bed. Her stomach was growling and she knew she had to eat, but she didn't have the energy or the desire to make her way over to the kitchen. All she wanted was to be alone, but her moment of solitude was interrupted by the sound of someone knocking on the door.

"Come in," Olivia mumbled without turning to see who it was.

"We need to talk," Abbie said as she sat down on Scotty's bed.

Olivia looked at the white shorts and yellow tank top Abbie was wearing. "You're wearing yellow and white? What the hell happened to you?"

"It's called being an expectant mother. I'm not going to be wearing faded band shirts and ripped jeans now that I'm pregnant."

"But that's you," Olivia reminded her.

"And your piercings are you," Abbie pointed out. "I miss that signature Olivia Benson look when you had your piercings and you'd randomly dye strands of your hair with peroxide."

"Abbie, what happened to both of us?"

"I don't know," Abbie admitted. "I don't know how any of this happened, but I'm sorry for what I said to you."

"I'm over it," Olivia told her. "It just hurt because it came from you."

"Nothing like that is ever going to come from me," Abbie promised. "You're my soulmate, Olivia."

"And you're mine, which is why this separation confused me," Olivia admitted. "It was great for my relationship with Alex, but I missed you so much. I love Alex with all of my heart, but there are things I tell my woman and things I tell my best friend."

"I'm still your best friend?" Abbie asked as she laid down next to Olivia.

"Yes, you jerk," Olivia said and playfully shoved her. "I just worry about us being co-dependent again."

"Then we won't be co-dependent," Abbie told her. "How long do you think that'll last?"

"Probably a day," Olivia teased. "We just can't kiss. I like kissing you—who wouldn't—but my kisses are for Alex now. I want to prove to her that I can be a good girlfriend and then a good wife. Just like you want to prove that to Serena."

"I think I blew any chance I ever had of getting back with my sweet little Rena Bena."

"Not if she really loves you," Olivia pointed out. "I know that girl loves you."

"Don't put any ideas in my head, Liv."

"I'm not putting any ideas in your head. I just know that she loves you."

"And you know this…how?" Abbie asked.

"Because I'm brilliant."

"Olivia," Abbie groaned.

"Look at it this way," Olivia began. "Serena is beautiful and she could have any woman in New England. In fact, she's had _every_ woman in New England—"

Abbie glared at her. "You're not helping."

"She could have any woman she wants, but she chose you, Abbie. She didn't just choose you as her friend with benefits—she chose to be your girlfriend and then she chose to move to Texas with you. She practically married you, Abbie. For a girl like Serena to do that, that must mean she really loves you and that kind of love doesn't just fade away. You know she wants _you_, Abbie, only you. She's just hurting right now."

"I don't want to be the one who hurts her and as much as I want her I know I have to give her some time."

"Don't give her too much time," Olivia insisted.

"Yeah, I know," Abbie told her. "Everything cool with you and Alex?"

"Yeah, we're cool," Olivia said nonchalantly.

"Did you get it in yet?"

"No!" Olivia told her. "Sex will just cheapen the connection we're making."

"Sex cheapens nothing," Abbie pointed out. "Go manhandle her."

"I hate you so much, Abbie," Olivia said and playfully shoved her. What she didn't expect was for Abbie to shove her in return and push her off of the bed.

"That's what you get for shoving a pregnant woman," Abbie said jokingly as she looked down at Olivia. "You forget that I'm a delicate flower now."

"Abigail Jean Carmichael, there has never been nor will there ever be anything delicate about you."

"And to think I was going to help you up," Abbie told her. "Now I think I will just leave you there."

"Abbie!"

"Fine," Abbie said and helped her. "Your drunk ass can't even get yourself up."

"Again, I hate you so much."

Abbie smirked. "You know I can always just push you back down."

* * *

><p>Another hour passed before Olivia finally made her way back to the couch and it was another half an hour after that before she could finally sit upright. Her mom told her that she looked like hell and then went to a café with Peter. Abbie had offered to stay with her, but Olivia's stepsisters wouldn't let her. It had been a couple of months since they had seen Abbie and they missed the games she used to make up for them. Now that she was finally alone, Olivia decided to go back to sleep. That is, until the doorbell rang. Realizing there was nobody else to answer it, Olivia slowly made her way over to the door.<p>

She expected to find Scotty or Abbie on the other side, but she was pleasantly surprised when she saw Alex dressed in a yellow sundress and carrying something Olivia hoped was for her.

"Babe," Olivia said and gave her a kiss on the cheek. "You're the only person I'm happy to see right now."

"I brought you something," Alex told her as she was being led to the couch. "I figured no one had fed you yet."

Olivia started looking through the contents of the bag. "A bagel and orange juice! You know me so well."

"I know how to take care of my woman," Alex said and kissed Olivia on the cheek. "Bagels and orange juice are what you always eat when you're hungover."

Olivia hurriedly consumed her bagel and orange juice because the faster she ate, the faster she could hold Alex. It was the same as every breakfast she had when she was hungover, but what made it better was the fact that Alex had gone out of her way to bring it to her. Without intending it, this trip had brought her so much closer to Alex and Olivia began to realize exactly what kind of woman Alex was becoming; she was caring, beautiful, and she had so much love that was just for Olivia. There was no way Olivia would take her for granted again.

"What are you thinking about?" Alex asked as she brushed a strand of hair behind Olivia's ear.

"Just how grateful I am that we're finally alone," Olivia told her. "I love Abbie and I love my family, but I always enjoy the time we spend just the two of us."

"I know people might think we're boring, but I'd rather cuddle with you and be a homebody with you instead of partying."

"Speaking of partying," Olivia began. "Once school starts again and I start doing things with the guys, I want you to be there…if you want to."

Alex was practically beaming. "Are you inviting me to guys' night?"

Olivia delicately kissed her on the lips. "I am. Besides, you're so much prettier to look at and when I get drunk I'd rather fondle you instead of them."

"Olivia!" She knew she was kidding, but the thought of her fondling one of her guy friends was too much for Alex.

"You know you're the only one I fondle. Speaking of," Olivia said playfully. "I can tell you're not wearing a bra under your dress."

"How?" Alex asked, leaning in closer to Olivia. Instead of answering her, Olivia untied the top of Alex's halter dress and let the straps fall down. She knew anyone could walk in and catch them, but Olivia didn't care. It had been so long since the last time she had felt Alex and all she wanted to do was get lost in the moment with her. She took Alex's left nipple into her mouth and, as she started to slowly circle it with her tongue, she felt Alex try to pull away.

"Liv, we should stop."

"We can get in the shower instead," Olivia suggested. "No one will walk in on us."

"It doesn't matter if we're in the shower or the bedroom or even in here, we really shouldn't do something we're not ready for," Alex said as she re-tied the straps of her dress.

"But we're ready," Olivia insisted.

"Liv, I love you. I don't think I've ever been as in love with you as I am right now, which is why I think we should wait."

"Okay," Olivia said almost to herself.

"Please don't think I'm rejecting you because I'm not," Alex told her. "I want to make love to you, Olivia. I just don't think this is the right time."

"Then we'll wait for the right time," Olivia responded. "Besides, I don't want to have sex with someone who isn't my girlfriend."

Alex laid down on the couch and rested her head on Olivia's lap. It was her favorite position to be in with her and she had forgotten how comforting it felt to rest her head on Olivia and look up at her. She was still her Olivia and she'd always be her Olivia.

"When are you going to ask me to be your girlfriend?"

"To quote the amazing Alex Cabot, 'we really shouldn't do something we aren't ready for,'" Olivia said and gently tapped Alex's nose with her fingertip.

"But I'm yours, aren't I?"

"My one and only," Olivia promised. "Be my girl?"

"That's how you're asking me?"

"Yes."

"Then okay," Alex told her. "I'll be your girl under one condition."

"What's that?" Olivia asked.

"No more breaking up."

"Says the woman who has broken up with me repeatedly."

Alex playfully pinched Olivia's side. "We both have to promise not to break up with each other and if we ever get to that point again we need to talk it over."

"Okay," Olivia agreed. "Now that you're my girlfriend, maybe we should—"

"No," Alex interrupted.

"You were so much more fun when you were my summer fling."

"Just shut up and kiss me," Alex said as she got up and wrapped her arms around Olivia. "I think I love you more when you aren't talking."


	32. All Is Revealed On Alex's Ugly Day

It was their final day at the beach and Alex was looking forward to a day of relaxing near the water with Abbie and Olivia. She kept telling herself that she was going to get a tan, but she knew that probably wasn't going to happen. Alex burned very easily unlike Abbie and Olivia who could be in the sun for hours and not have any traces of sunburn.

Alex had wanted Abbie to get in the water with her like she used to, but Abbie had become a different person from the girl that Alex remembered. She told Alex she was afraid of accidentally swallowing saltwater, which would harm her baby. Alex knew Abbie wouldn't swallow saltwater and even if she did she would have to swallow a large amount for it to have an effect on her and her baby. Alex tried arguing that with Abbie, but all Abbie would say is that she could never be too careful when it came to her baby.

Alex didn't even bother asking Olivia to get in the water with her. Olivia loved the beach, but she never got in the water and Alex never knew why. Whenever she asked, Olivia would always change the subject and act as if the reason she wouldn't go in the water is because the ocean water is dirty. She had seen Olivia mud wrestle with the guys, so she knew getting dirty was never something Olivia tried to avoid.

If she wasn't going to get in the water, she promised herself that she'd try once again to get a tan although she would probably just burn herself again. Even if she'd suffer for it later that night, it'd be worth it for the opportunity to hand Olivia her bottle of suntan lotion so she could rub it on her body.

With that thought still fresh in her mind, Alex grabbed her bikini from her drawer. It wasn't a string bikini or a thong bikini, but Olivia still thought she looked sexy in it and that's what mattered the most to Alex. She may have been going into the ocean, but Alex still had that same pet peeve about leaving the house before showering. When she slipped her panties off, she noticed a tiny red stain on them. Her period was on schedule—like always—but she had hoped mother nature would wait until _after _her vacation was over.

_This is great, Alex. Just great. _

Knowing that her cramps would be starting, Alex popped a couple of painkillers in her mouth and put on her sweatpants and an oversized Princeton shirt. She didn't put on any make up and her hair was in a messy ponytail. Alex Cabot was about to have an 'ugly' day and she didn't give a damn who saw her.

"That time of the month?" Olivia asked when she saw her girlfriend's appearance.

"Yes," Alex told her as she looked her girlfriend up and down. "You're wearing a skirt?"

Olivia knew there was no right way to answer any of Alex's questions during that time of the month, so she couldn't help stumble over her words. "Only because you—okay, I'll change."

"Yeah, you do that," Alex responded. Olivia knew better than to argue, so she hurried up to her room to find something more comfortable to wear. Alex loved the way Olivia looked in that skirt, but when she was having an ugly day she insisted that Olivia have one, too.

"How is this?" Olivia asked from the top of the staircase. "I even took my make-up off."

"Perfect," Alex responded.

They made their way over to their usual spot in the living room with Alex closely cuddled up to Olivia. "Are you cramping?" Olivia asked.

"Yes," Alex said as she clung to Olivia even more.

"Want me to massage you?" Olivia asked and Alex nodded. She loved Olivia's massages even if the position they were in was a bit suggestive. It wasn't just the massage she wanted, but also the opportunity to feel close to Olivia. This was something Olivia had only ever done for _her_ and Alex loved the thought of that.

"Liv?"

"What's up?"

"I know I haven't told you this in a while, but I love everything about you, just the way you are."

Olivia kissed her temple, causing Alex to smile for the first time that day. "I've loved everything about you since I was four years old."

"I know you might argue with this, but I feel like I was created for you and you were created for me and every little decision we've ever made in our lives and even every decision our parents made was for the sole purpose of one day bringing us together—so I could have my Olivia."

"And I could have my Alex?"

"So you could have your Alex," Alex said as she made her way up. As much as she loved her massage, she wanted to be in Olivia's arms. "I love being your Alex."

"And I love that you love being my Alex."

"You two are more nauseating than morning sickness," Abbie said, interrupting their kisses.

"Jerk alert," Olivia teased and Abbie flipped her off.

"Where did you come from?" Alex asked.

"Backdoor," Abbie responded. "And before you say it, I purposely set myself up for the 'You came in the backdoor' joke."

"It's not a joke if you take the fun out of it, Abigail," Olivia pointed out. "And why are you wearing a pink dress?"

"Because my grandma has a superstition and it rubbed off on me," Abbie explained. "If you wear a lot of pink you'll have a girl and if you wear a lot of blue you'll have a boy. I'm happy either way, but I'm really hoping for a girl."

Olivia turned to Alex. "When you're pregnant, I'm going to make you wear blue every single day for nine months. I want a son. Daughters are okay, I guess, but I really want a son."

"That's fine with me," Alex told her. "I look good in blue."

"When are you two going to…"

"Oh, not for a few years," Alex responded. "Right now, we're thinking of having our first when we're about thirty."

"It doesn't always work out like that," Abbie told them. "If all had gone as it was supposed to, I would have had a three-year-old right now. I don't know what I'd do if that happened again."

"How do you know this baby isn't him or her getting a second chance?" Alex asked Abbie. "That's how I like to see it."

"Regardless, this baby is going to have a great mom," Olivia told her. "You're taking good care of yourself and you're already taking good care of your baby. If it ever becomes too much, you know you have Alex and me to help you out. Alex is already becoming a mother hen over here."

"She's such a blessing," Abbie said to Olivia. "I never imagined it was possible, but me being pregnant is what made me feel so much closer to Alex. Not that I'm not close to you, too, Liv, but Alex is so womanly and I feel like she understands all of this. I know she hasn't been pregnant, but she wants to be someday and that makes me feel like we're bonded."

Olivia kissed her girlfriend on the cheek. "That's _another _good thing about Alex."

"Speaking of bonding," Abbie said. "I saw Liv's mom with your mom, Alex."

"No way!" Alex said. "They weren't arguing, were they?"

"No, they were being pretty civil," Abbie told her. "Susan was there, so maybe that's why. Maybe the two of them are just tolerating each other because of Susan. I think she and Liv's mom did it."

"My mom is _married_," Olivia said, frustrated. "She's not a cheater."

"Not now!" Abbie pointed out. "I was talking about in the past. They had to have done it. We should ask."

"Like they'd tell us," Olivia responded.

"It can't hurt," Alex pointed out. "Besides, I'm a menstrual case and I'd love something exciting to listen to."

"Okay," Olivia groaned. "But I really don't like knowing who my mom has done it with."

When the girls found Serena and Susan, they were sipping martinis at the house Alex was staying in. Mrs. Cabot was at a spa, which gave the girls the perfect opportunity to corner them without any interruptions.

"Mom, Susan, just the two people we were hoping to see," Abbie said with a mischievous smile on her face.

"Nothing good is going to come out of this," Serena told Susan.

"Would you like a martini?" Susan asked.

"No, thank you," Abbie responded. "I won't be drinking again for a while."

"I'm so sorry," Susan told her. "I forgot you were expecting."

"And Olivia and I refuse to drink in front of her," Alex pointed out. "It wouldn't be right."

"Olivia isn't drinking?" Serena teased. "I think the world might come to an end."

"You were the same way in college," Susan told her.

"Oh, really?" Abbie asked, grateful that they had a jumping off point. "What did she do?"

"I did nothing in comparison to her," Serena told them. "When comparing the two of us, I might as well be Pollyanna."

"How did you two meet?" Alex asked. "I know you didn't go to North High with Mom."

"She went to boarding school in Europe," Serena informed them. "It was to protect the Morgan name."

"You see, girls," Susan began. "Back when Serena and I were teenagers, if your daughter did something you weren't proud of, you didn't try to help her or show her any love. Instead, you sent her away to boarding school or to a relative in another state so they could deal with her instead. Because of that, I now have a healthy amount of contempt for my parents."

"What did you do?" Abbie asked.

"She had a reputation," Serena answered for her.

"Plenty of girls have reputations," Olivia pointed out.

"Not at twelve, sweetheart," Susan told her. "I was special. Serena didn't have a reputation until three years later, but the Bensons are a little different from the Morgans. Your grandmother, Meredith Benson, had a drinking problem, so most of the time she was aloof to everything Serena, Eleanor, and Norma did. My mother was sober and she kept tabs on everything because she didn't have any vices."

"We weren't close friends, but we knew each other in elementary school," Serena told them. "We didn't meet again until the summer of 1970 at Lorraine's graduation party."

"Lorraine was the It Girl back then," Susan added. "Everyone loved her and, although I hadn't lived in the area for years, I learned about her parties the moment I moved back. They were legendary. Lorraine was the only child after her brother died and her parents didn't give a damn about her so they let her do whatever she wanted. I remember her parties always had the best of everything—the best looking people, the best alcohol, the best drugs."

"Drugs?" Olivia asked.

"Oh, she was a different person back then," Serena told her daughter.

"That girl was something else when she was 18," Susan said to the girls. "The first time I met her was at the party and she was doing a line off of the kitchen counter and then she took Olivia to her bedroom. I'm sure the three of you know why. I was about to do a line myself, but I decided against it because that's when I saw the most beautiful—"

"We're not getting into this," Serena said assertively. "We met at a party and that's all the girls need to know."

"By taking that tone, Serena, they now know you are really trying to hide something," Susan pointed out.

"She's right," Alex said. "Now, we're going to be even more inquisitive."

Serena sighed. "If you must."

"She was standing in the corner by herself and it was almost as if she was observing everyone. She had a drink in her hand and she was just casually swirling it in the glass. When I approached her, she barely even looked at me. She just focused straight ahead of her and she didn't speak until I asked her if she was okay. Her first words to me were, 'This isn't my scene, you know? I don't know how this could be anybody's scene. How are they all so happy when there's so much going on in the world? All these guys are 18 now. For all they know, they could get drafted tomorrow.'"

Serena joined in. "That's when she told me, 'Maybe that's why they're partying. Life as they know it can be over soon just like life as we know it can be over, too. Fuck this political bullshit and just have fun.'"

Susan just smiled and shook her head. "And then she told me that I'm what's wrong with our generation. All of this happened before we even knew each other's names, but I wouldn't have had it any other way. Serena never filtered her words and that's what I found so sexy about her. I had been with girls, plenty of girls, but none of them were like Serena. I walked her home that night and before she could say no, I kissed her for the first time. It was the most innocent kiss of my entire life, but it meant so much. Serena was blushing and, to make a girl like Serena blush, is an accomplishment. It may have been one night, but for that one night, I had made her forget about everything happening around her."

"How did you feel?" Abbie asked.

"I enjoyed kissing Susan," Serena responded. "But the fact that she was a girl scared the hell out of me. I was fine with Olivia and Lorraine having their on again off again relationship, but I had never imagined myself being attracted to a girl the way I was instantly attracted to Susan. We saw each other almost every single day that summer and I remember crying myself to sleep when it was time for me to leave for Columbia and for Susan to leave for Harvard. I had become so attached to her and I wasn't ready for us to live in different states. I thought that would be the end of our little affair and it would be chocked up to nothing more than a summer romance, but that's when Susan decided to surprise me. We were kissing each other on her bed and that's when she asked me to be her girlfriend."

"What?" Olivia asked in disbelief. "Mom, you—"

"Alright!" Abbie said excitedly. "I knew it."

"That was the first night we ever made love to each other," Susan told them. "Serena told me she had wanted to give me a part of herself that she had never given to a girl before. Serena wasn't a virgin by any means, but I was her first girl, so she was nervous and trembling. To this day, that was still the best sex of my life because, afterward, she told me that everything felt right with me and that I was perfect for her. When I held her that night, I knew what it was like to fall in love for the first time."

"That's so beautiful," Alex said. "Go on."

"We spent every weekend with each other even though we lived in different states," Serena told them, finally getting into the story. "I fell in love with her more each day. This went on for two years. Two years of falling in love with her, kissing her, practically worshipping her body, and two years of feeling like everything in my life was perfect."

"Then what happened?" Olivia asked.

"Deborah happened," Susan informed them. "She found a letter Serena had written me while she was visiting me at my dorm. She was already twenty-three, but she still wanted revenge on Serena for what happened in high school with Lorraine's brother. She showed the letter to her best friend Norma Benson, Serena's oldest sister, and the two of them brought it to the attention of our parents."

"So you two broke up because of that?" Alex asked. "But you were already twenty. You were adults."

"Serena's family wasn't completely accepting, but they weren't going to punish Serena for it because they said it was a phase. My parents were a different story," Susan told them. "If I continued to be in a relationship with Serena, they were going to stop paying my tuition and disown me."

Olivia was outraged. "You could have gotten a job, you could have transferred to a state school, you could have moved in with my mom and Olivia and Lorraine. I'm sure they wouldn't have cared. Instead, you chose to break your woman's heart instead of fighting for her?"

"Breaking my heart is an understatement," Serena told her daughter.

"She hated me," Susan said to them. "She burned all of my letters and the pictures of us and she didn't speak to me again until the day we went to pick you girls up. She hated me so much that she never even told you girls about being with me. I forgave Deborah, but what she did still stays in the back of my mind. That little revenge scheme of hers changed the course of my entire life. I probably would have been with Serena to this day. We would have raised Olivia together."

"And Alex and I would have been like cousins?" Olivia asked. "No, thank you. I prefer her as my girlfriend."

"You wouldn't have been raised as cousins," Serena reassured her. "Susan and I wouldn't have stayed together that long."

"So you say," Susan told her. "You know you're the only person I've ever been in love with."

The two of them started laughing. "Susan Morgan, you are so full of yourself," Serena told her.

Their conversation drifted to other topics, but Olivia couldn't get her mind off of what Susan and her mom had revealed to them. She liked Alex's aunt Susan, but she knew she never wanted to be anything like her. She had put something ahead of her one true love and lost her in the process. At that moment, Olivia swore she would _never _do that to Alex.


	33. Olivia's Dilemma

**A/N: Sorry for such a short, Olivia-focused chapter, but I'm moving this story along and there are about to be some major changes in the girls' lives.**

September approached faster than Olivia had hoped it would, but she was glad to be back at school. She may not have been on top of everything when it came to classes, but at least at school, unlike in her romantic life, Olivia felt like she had some control over what happened. There were still four days left until the first day of her senior year, but Olivia was already expected to wake up early. It was move-in day for Hudson freshmen and sophomores and Olivia's boss had the bright idea of having Olivia and her co-host broadcast live from outside the dorms. Olivia hated him for it, but she wasn't in any position to tell him no, so she woke up early, caffeinated herself, and prepared for a four-hour broadcast that began at eight in the morning.

As she looked at all of the freshmen and sophomores, she couldn't believe how fast time was going by. Although she had never lived in the dorms, Olivia could still relate to these fresh faces she was seeing. Some were talking excitedly to their parents while others looked like they were dreading the inevitable goodbyes. It had already been three years since Olivia was a freshman and in nine short months, she would be a college graduate and out in the real world. She knew it was impossible, but she wanted to make these nine months last a lifetime because once June came her life would be drastically different. There would be no more hanging out in the frat house, no more drinking with the guys, no more radio show, and no more going home at 6 a.m. after a night of bar-hopping. The thought of everything ending was depressing Olivia, so she was glad when her co-host, Katrina, told her it was time for them to get started.

"Welcome to the first ever morning edition of _General BS With Liv and Katrina_," Olivia said as spirited as she could at eight in the morning.

"There's so much new blood around here, which can only mean one thing," Katrina began. "It's move-in day here at Hudson University."

"And this just might be the only day this school year that Katrina and I are awake before noon," Olivia added. "This is all made possible by our master—I mean, boss—Chad, whom we affectionately call Chadley."

"Thanks, Chadley," Katrina said sarcastically. "You know me and Liv don't do mornings."

"Anyway, freshmen this show is especially for you," Olivia began. "Katrina and I will not only be hosting, we'll also be serving as an information desk. This is our fourth and final year at Hudson and we've done this place right and we've learned things the hard way. Besides, the official info booth won't tell you the things we can tell you."

"Like, where to purchase a Pimp Cup," Katrina added.

"And how to cheat the system by taking classes that double as general ed and pre-reqs for your major. Had I not learned that as a sophomore, I probably wouldn't be graduating," Olivia said and Katrina started laughing.

"I love the looks on the faces of the parents who are passing by," Katrina said. "Yes, Hudson parents, your bright-eyed little freshmen will someday turn into us. Be afraid. Be very afraid."

"You can really tell the difference between Hudson freshmen and Hudson seniors," Olivia pointed out. "I remember when I was a freshman and I'd actually pick out what I was going to wear the night before and get up early so I could eat a good breakfast and do my hair and make-up. Juniors and seniors just don't give a damn. Sometimes Katrina and I go to class in the clothes we partied in the night before or we'll just show up in our pajamas and not even flattering pajamas. We're talking holy oversized shirts and sagging pajama pants. Instead of a healthy breakfast, juniors and seniors usually shove a Pop-Tart in their mouth on the way to class and wash it down with soda."

"It's the life," Katrina said. "You freshmen also haven't lived until you've gone to the all-night make-your-own omelet bar. I never would have believed it until I tried it with Olivia, but chocolate is _not bad _on a cheese omelet."

"Not bad? It's excellent," Olivia corrected her. She looked at the teenage boy who had now approached their table. "Look, Katrina, our first victim. What's your name, victim?"

"Jeff," he answered.

"What brings you to the table, Jeff?" Katrina asked.

"You two are hot," Jeff told them, which made Katrina and Olivia start to laugh. "Where do you party?"

"Where _don't _we party is more like it," Katrina told Jeff. "But, I think you might be a little too young to party with me and Liv. Sorries."

"Try rushing a fraternity," Olivia suggested. "I'm always with the Omega Xi guys. They're—they're—well, there's really no way to describe them. You'll have to check out the fraternity for yourself."

"Sweet," Jeff said to Olivia. "I'll see you around, beautiful."

"Freshmen," Olivia said once Jeff was gone. "That kid will _cry _once Chucky gets a hold of him."

"Word to the wise," Katrina began. "Liv and I have a posse."

"We have another victim," Olivia said to Katrina. "What's your name, victim?"

"Christy," she responded.

Sensing that she was a friendly girl, Olivia decided to go easy on her. "And where are you from, Christy?"

"This little place called Fallbrook," she informed them.

"Fallbrook?" Olivia asked excitedly. "That's where I'm from. Why don't you look familiar? Did you go to North?"

"South," Christy told her. "I know who you are. You went out with my cousin Jenny."

Although it was a radio show with BS in the title, Olivia knew she still had to be professional. "What can we help you with today, Christy?" Olivia asked.

"I'm here about the contest," Christy began. "You're graduating next year and I heard there's going to be a contest to find your replacement. The top contestants get to help with the show this year and shadow the two of you."

When Olivia had agreed to this contest that Chad suggested, she pictured freshmen and sophomore contestants with ripped jeans and oversized shirts, not girls in miniskirts who happened to be her ex-girlfriend's cousin.

"We'll be going over that some more in a few minutes," Katrina told Christy. "Since you're so interested in being a part of the show, why don't you hang out with us for awhile?" Olivia glared at her, but Katrina didn't notice. This was going to be a very long morning for her.

"A third victim," Olivia said, grateful to take her mind off of Jenny's cousin. "What's your name, victim?"

"Tessa," she said excitedly. "You two are so cool!"

"Thanks, Tessa," Olivia responded. "So, tell us a little about yourself."

"Well, I'm an astrophysics major," Tessa informed them.

"Astrophysics?" Olivia asked. "That's impressive."

"Astro-freakin-physics?" Katrina added.

"Yeah, I have to read the first forty pages of my textbook before the first day of class," Tessa told them.

"The school year hasn't even started and you're already behind," Olivia said playfully. "Go study, Tessa. Or bring your book out here and Katrina and I will show you how to skim chapters and still get all the information you need."

"Great," Tessa said excitedly before leaving. She may have been a little on the nerdy side, but Tessa reminded her of a younger Alex and she was hoping to take her under her wing.

"Liv, I need to talk to you," her boss Chad said quietly.

"The master is calling me," Olivia said into the microphone. "While I go talk to him, why don't you all enjoy some Smashing Pumpkins."

Her boss took her into the lobby of a nearby hall. It wasn't the most professional setting, but Chad wasn't exactly the most professional person she knew. Chad had never pulled her aside before, so Olivia was unnerved. She was going to get fired. She just knew it.

"Olivia," Chad began once they were in the lobby. "Have you given any thought to what you want to do with your future?"

"Oh, no," Olivia groaned. "Not you, too. I get this same lecture from my girlfriend, my mom, my girlfriend's parents. I know what I want and I'm going to make it happen."

"Liv, relax," Chad insisted. "I'm not going to lecture you. There's something I have to tell you. Don't worry, you're not fired."

"Then what's going on?"

"A good friend of mine runs the alt rock station in L.A."

"I know exactly what station you're talking about," Olivia said excitedly.

"I sent him a tape of one of your broadcasts along with a picture and he likes you, Olivia. He really likes you," Chad told her. "He thinks you're a breath of fresh air. He says you're so sexy and so _with it_. He loves your personality and the way you interact with the audience."

"That's great," Olivia said, unsure of where exactly this was going.

"Katrina already has a job lined up at a station in the city, but you're still up in the air, Liv. This is the perfect opportunity for you. L.A. is the big time—what everyone with this job has ever dreamed of and he wants you to co-host the coveted 7 to midnight block. You can be making $60K a year to start, Olivia."

"Sixty-_thousand_?" Olivia asked in disbelief. "Alex and I would be set."

"Here's his card," Chad told her. "Give him a call tomorrow and the two of you can arrange your flight to Los Angeles and the details of where you'll be staying for the week."

"For the week?" Olivia asked, confused.

"Yeah, he wants you to have trial run sometime in the near future," Chad informed her.

"This is really happening?" Olivia asked excitedly.

"It's really happening, Liv," Chad reassured her.

Olivia could hardly contain her excitement. She wanted to call Alex and tell her what happened, but then it dawned on her that Alex wasn't going to be thrilled about this. Alex had law school ahead of her and there was no way she'd want to move to the west coast. It was a once in a lifetime opportunity for Olivia, but she still had no idea if she should go for it.


	34. She Always Has Olivia

**A/N: Our girls are growing up...kind of. :)**

Alex's morning had started out like any other. She commuted from her hometown to the city for her typical nine to five workday and arrived at her desk on time. As she did everyday before clocking in, she quickly kissed a picture of Olivia and whispered something that she loved about her. That day, it happened to be her caring nature that she loved the most about Olivia. The picture of Olivia on her desk was the only thing that kept Alex sane during her eight hour day filled with answering the phone and being her father's slave. He paid her next to nothing, but Alex was still grateful to have a job after college, one that allowed her time to study for the LSAT.

Like every other day, she brought her dad his coffee and bagel for breakfast and ordered his lunch and, just like every other day, she gave him his messages. Ever since she had chosen her mom's side over his in their divorce, he had stopped treating Alex like his daughter even more so than before. He expected her to be on time and do her usual duties, but unlike his other assistants and every secretary he had before her, he never did so much as give her a single thank you for everything she was doing for him.

There were so many things weighing on Alex's mind, but at the end of the day, she knew she had Olivia—she'd _always _have Olivia, her rock and the one person who could make anything better for her. She rarely spent the night with Olivia now that they had agreed to take things slow, but tonight was going to be different. After work, she was heading over to Olivia's apartment to spend the entire weekend with her because Olivia had said she wanted to spoil her. The two of them didn't have much money to spend on nights out, but they always found ways to make their weekends memorable. Alex didn't want Olivia to spend money on her; her kisses and her affection were all Alex needed to be content.

When five o'clock approached, Alex quickly prepared to leave, but her dad had other plans for her. She was nearly headed out the door when he called her into his office.

"Alexandra?"

"Yes, Mr. Cabot?" she responded. The sound of 'Mr. Cabot' instead of 'Dad' bothered Alex, but he insisted that she no longer call him 'Dad' at the office or anywhere else, for that matter.

"May I have a word with you?"

Those words were never a sign of good things to come, but Alex knew it was even worse when those words were spoken by her father. Alex couldn't do so much as keep her head held high when she walked out of his office after their chat. Without so much as an explanation, she had gone from having a job that she hated but was grateful for to having no job whatsoever.

Alex hadn't the slightest clue how she was going to make a living now. Without a dual income, her mom was struggling to support herself and Jared so there was no way Alex could depend on her. Other than the two and a half months she spent as her father's secretary, she had no work experience. She didn't take on any part-time jobs in college or even an unpaid internship. Alex had been accustomed to a sheltered, privileged life and now that had all been taken away from her. She had intelligence, but she didn't have the desired experience to back it up. Alex Cabot was now a twenty-one year old postgraduate in the real world and she had no idea how the hell she was going to support herself.

Her spirits were slightly lifted when she heard Collective Soul blaring from down the hall. She knew it was going to be a typical night for Olivia and her friends and their immaturity is exactly what she needed at that moment. Even if it was only for a night, Alex could forget about the situation her father had put her in. When she turned the key Olivia had given her, she tried guessing what Olivia would be doing, but she knew there was no use in that. When Olivia was with her boys, there was really no telling what they'd be doing at any given moment.

Alex walked in to find Scotty and Olivia's furniture pushed to the side so they'd have the entire living room floor to do whatever they wanted. There were about five bottles of alcohol on the kitchen counter and Scotty was laughing hysterically on the floor.

"What the hell is going on in here?" Alex yelled over the music. A simple answer wouldn't suffice. Instead, Olivia ran over to Alex and lifted her up. The impromptu greeting made Alex squeal, especially when Olivia carried her over to the couch and playfully threw her down. Without caring that her friend and stepbrother were there, Olivia started nibbling on Alex's earlobe.

"I'm so happy you're here," she told her. "Go in my room and change into something comfortable. We're playing drunken hacky sack. Loser has to take a shot from each of the bottles on the counter."

How or why Scotty, Olivia, and Chucky managed to turn everything into a drinking game was beyond Alex. She usually complained about it, but tonight she decided to change into her pajama shorts and a tank top so could join them. Unlike other people she knew, Olivia wasn't the type to expect Alex to dress sexy for her; she thought Alex was sexy regardless so she wasn't the least bit embarrassed to walk into the living room in her pajamas.

When she entered, she was greeted by the three of them whistling at her.

"Work it!" Scotty shouted and Alex playfully strutted over to Olivia.

"This one's mine," Olivia said as she reached around from behind and wrapped her arms around Alex's waist.

"Friends are supposed to share," Chucky insisted.

"Hell no," Olivia told him. "A woman this exquisite is not for sharing."

Alex turned around so she could face Olivia. "Babe, you think I'm exquisite?"

Olivia pulled Alex so close to her that there wasn't an inch of space between their bodies. "I think you're the most beautiful, most perfect, _and _most exquisite woman who ever lived and I'm so lucky to have you in my life."

It was moments like this that made Alex fall in love with Olivia all over again.

"Let's go to your room," Alex whispered into her ear. Before Olivia could respond, Alex was already leading her by the hand.

"Liv's gonna get it in!" Chucky shouted.

"Don't wait up," Olivia told them. "And don't knock on the door unless the building is burning down."

"Come on, Liv. Have we ever cock blocked you like that before?" Chucky asked.

"You _always _cock block me," Olivia responded.

Alex was becoming impatient. "Come on, babe."

"Liv hasn't gotten laid in months," Scotty told Chucky. "Let her get some."

"Liv, let me smell your fingers after," Chucky teased. "I bet Alex's cu—"

"Now I don't want to make love," Alex interrupted. "You two make it seem so dirty. What Olivia and I do is beautiful."

Olivia smacked her forehead. "No, don't say that. Now I'm never going to hear the end of it."

Had Alex been around her girls, there'd be a chorus of 'aww' and 'that's so cute', but around Olivia's boys, saying sex is beautiful was absolutely embarrassing and a cause for Olivia to be teased.

Chucky started laughing hysterically. "Hey, Liv, do you fluff up the pillows and play Michael Bolton songs?"

"Nah, man," Scotty told him. "She reads poetry to her and starts crying after because the moment is so beautiful. It's just so beautiful, man."

"Yo, Liv, does she spit or swallow?" Chucky asked.

That last question put Olivia over the edge. She lunged at Chucky and used all of her strength to hold him down. "Don't _ever _talk about my girlfriend like that again!"

"Chill, Liv," Chucky struggled to say. "You know I have nothing but respect for Alex."

"Then show her!" Olivia said angrily.

"Babe, come here," Alex urged. Olivia wasn't ready to back down, but the pleading look on Alex's face made her change her mind.

Olivia glared at him one last time before going to her room. "I'm serious. I don't want to hear you say anything disrespectful about my girlfriend."

"You looked like you were going to kill him," Alex said when Olivia's bedroom door was shut.

"Chucky's a misogynist and I'm well aware of that, but I don't let _anyone_ say such disrespectful things about you. You're my future wife and the future mother of my children."

Alex pulled Olivia onto the bed with her. After everything that had happened, all she wanted to do was cuddle.

"Promise me we'll treat our children better than my father treats me," Alex said as she cuddled up to Olivia. Once her head was rested on her chest, Alex stuck her hand under Olivia's shirt and started gently circling her nipple.

"What are you doing?" Olivia asked playfully.

"This is one of my favorite parts of you," Alex responded.

"Every part of you is my favorite part," Olivia said as she held her close.

"Liv?"

"Yes, love of my life?"

"My dad fired me today and I have no idea what I'm going to do now."

"Your own dad fired you?" Olivia asked in disbelief.

"He fired me so his slutty 22-year-old girlfriend could work with him," Alex told her. "He didn't exactly say that, but I know it's the reason why. That and I chose my mother over him. I have no source of income and I have no idea where I'm going to live, let alone how I'm going to pay for law school next year."

Alex expected an emotional outburst from Olivia, but she was completely calm. "We'll think of something," Olivia told her.

"We?" Alex asked.

"Yes, we," Olivia reassured her. "When something affects you, it affects me, too. We're a couple, Alex, and we need to work together. Why don't you move in with me for right now?"

"I don't want to burden you, Liv."

"Alex, you should never think that," Olivia insisted. "I work two jobs. I do okay. You might be living off of Ramen noodles and Pop-Tarts like Scotty and I do, but you'll never have to worry about where you're going to live."

Alex moved up so she could kiss Olivia. "I love you."

"I love you, too," Olivia told her. "I have a confession to make and I'm hoping you won't get mad at me."

"What?" Alex asked nervously.

"I was offered a radio show job in L.A.," Olivia began. "The pay was sixty thousand to start."

"Sixty thousand?" Alex asked in disbelief. "What did you tell them?"

"I turned it down," Olivia told her. "I'd rather live penniless in New York with you than well off and twenty-five hundred miles away from you."

Alex pinched Olivia's nipple as hard as she could.

"Ow!" Olivia squealed. "What was that for?"

"Olivia Benson, you have to be the sweetest and _stupidest_ woman I've ever known and I love you so much for it."

Olivia gave her a confused look. "Thanks, I think."

"You gave up that once in a lifetime opportunity for me?"

"I did," Olivia said playfully. "Now you'll feel so guilty about it that you'll never break up with me no matter what I do. You're trapped, Alex."

"I should have known," Alex said after kissing her girlfriend's neck. "Olivia Benson does nothing without some type of motive."

"Damn right," Olivia told her. "I could come stumbling through the door after a night of drunken floor hockey with the guys and you still have to love me."

"Drunken floor hockey?"

"It's basically two people going against each other to try to score the first goal," Olivia explained. "But, before your round begins, you have to take five shots and then spin around for thirty seconds with your eyes closed. That's why I have a bruise on my ankle. My depth perception was a little off because of the alcohol and I accidentally smacked myself with a hockey stick."

"I'm starting to wish there really were twenty-five hundred miles between us," Alex said playfully. "My girlfriend is a frat boy."

"For now," Olivia insisted. "After college, all of my focus will be on becoming Officer Benson."

"Not Liv, the radio show host?"

"That's not my goal in life," Olivia admitted. "There's no glory in that. I thought about it all day after Chad told me and once the excitement wore off, I realized it was something I can't see myself doing after college. The reason I love my job is because it's about the music. I'm not getting paid that much for it and I honestly don't care because Katrina and I have the ability to play whatever we want and say whatever we want. If I take that job, I'll be a sell out. I'll be someone's puppet, Alex. Chad's friend said I was sexy, not that I have intelligence or good taste in music. He wants me to be something I don't want to be and you know I can't do that. We're going to be broke while I'm in the academy and you're in law school, but it's okay because we'll be working towards our goals and our struggles are going to pay off in the end."

"And we'll be together through everything," Alex added.

She may not have been able to depend on her father anymore, but never before had Alex felt closer to and more grateful for her girlfriend.


	35. An Actual Woman's Apartment

Olivia had gotten up early that Saturday morning to spend the night at her mom's house. She had offered to take Alex with her, but Alex refused as politely as she could. As much as she liked spending time with Olivia, she knew she needed a break from her. Throughout the past week, Olivia had been an attentive girlfriend, perhaps a little _too _attentive. Alex would never have told Olivia for fear of hurting her feelings, but she felt like she was being smothered. Olivia was constantly holding her and even when she was at school she insisted that Alex go with her. Alex wasn't able to attend class with Olivia, but she'd spend that time in the library. Even if Olivia only had a fifteen-minute break until her next class, she'd find Alex in the library and have her sneak off for a quick make out session. It was all becoming such a hassle for Alex and she was starting to miss the life she had before she was fired.

Alex was grateful for everything Olivia had done for her, but she still didn't feel at home even though they were in the same bedroom as they were when Abbie and Serena shared the apartment with them. When it was Alex and Olivia's bedroom, there were pictures of the two of them as well as pictures of family and friends on the walls, but now that it was primarily Olivia's room, there were posters of her favorite bands, a _Texas Chain Saw Massacre _poster, pictures of her and Abbie at Woodstock '94, a rather seductive picture of Abbie in lingerie that Alex hated, pictures of Victoria's Secret models, and pictures of the two of them making out. When Alex agreed to take those pictures, she had assumed they were for Olivia's eyes only, not displayed on her wall for every frat boy to see. The living room wasn't any better. Scotty and Olivia had decorated it with posters of random video games, Yankees and Jets memorabilia, and posters of scantily clad girls in sexually suggestive positions with each other. She knew some of those posters were Scotty's, but the fact that Olivia even let him put them up bothered Alex.

To add to her frustrations, there was Chucky's beer can pyramid on the kitchen counter and empty bottles of vodka, tequila, rum, and whiskey scattered in random places throughout the apartment. Alex could put up with the posters and the drinking, but she couldn't put up with all of their guests. Scotty and Olivia's friends would show up at all hours of the night and make themselves at home. They'd have conversations that would make Alex cringe, but she felt as if she had to be around them because of Olivia. She _especially _felt as if she had to be around whenever Jenny stopped by. Olivia never said anything to her, but it didn't matter because she'd always stop by to see Scotty or any of the other regulars at their apartment. The final straw for Alex is when she caught Jenny in the shower with one of Olivia's guys. After the initial shock wore off, Alex became furious. She wanted to leave the apartment, but Olivia pulled her into her bedroom and said she felt like being romantic with her. The romance Olivia had in mind was a far cry from the walks they shared on the beach. Whenever Olivia was with the guys, romance was purely about sex. Alex usually loved sex with Olivia, but not when Olivia felt as if she had something to prove to them. It was like a competition between her and Chucky who could get laid the most and Alex had finally told Olivia the night before that she wanted no part of it.

With Olivia gone, Alex had no reason to stay at that apartment, so she packed enough clothes for the weekend and decided to visit a friend. Alex knew this friend of hers was closer to Olivia, but at that moment she didn't care. What Alex needed the most was to be around an actual woman instead of the frat boy her girlfriend had become.

Alex knocked on the door and hoped this friend of hers wasn't out.

"Alex!" Abbie said when she opened the door. "What a pleasant surprise." Before Alex could say anything, Abbie had already pulled her in and motioned for her to sit on the couch.

"I was wondering if I could stay here for the weekend while Olivia is with her mom," Alex told her as Abbie started pouring a cup of chamomile tea for Alex and for herself.

"You don't want to stay in frat land?" Abbie teased. "You poor thing. I don't blame you. Of course you can stay here."

Alex took a look around at the one-bedroom apartment Abbie was living in. There wasn't a lot of space, but Alex could already feel warmth and comfort in Abbie's apartment, which is the exact opposite of what she felt at Olivia's place. Unlike Scotty and Olivia's apartment, Abbie's apartment had a color scheme. The décor in her living room was yellow and white and on top of her coffee table (she actually had a coffee table) there were pregnancy and parenting magazines and a vase filled with fresh flowers. Her yellow walls were bare except for a few framed photographs of her grandparents and the Texas landscape, but Alex thought everything was charming and refined—two words she never thought she'd use to describe anything of Abbie's.

"How is your tea?" Abbie asked. "There's some honey if you'd like."

_Abbie Carmichael serving tea instead of soda and alcohol? I've stepped into the Twilight Zone._

"It's perfect," Alex responded. "I love your place. It feels like a woman lives here."

"Because a woman does live here," Abbie said and smiled at Alex. "I know what you're thinking, but ever since I stopped spending so much time with Olivia, I've changed. I love her to death and she'll always be one of my best friends, but our interests are changing and I can no longer be who I was with her. I'm in law school now and I have a baby on the way. My priorities are no longer video games, rock music, and drinking every night."

"I thought you said it was important to love Olivia for who she is and not who we want her to be," Alex reminded her.

"I did say that and I meant what I said, Alex. It's important for Olivia to be herself, but we don't have to _be _Olivia. We can still love her for who she is and have a life outside of her. As much as you hate to realize it, the world does not revolve around Olivia Benson."

Alex sighed. "I know."

Abbie smiled at her again. "But she's your girlfriend. If I had a girlfriend, I'd probably think the world revolved around her, too."

"How is—"

"I haven't talked to her," Abbie interrupted. "I keep thinking I'll run into her someday at school, but then I realize this is NYU not North High. The chances of me running into Serena are very slim and, even if I did run into her, the chances of her wanting me back are even slimmer, so it's best not to even get my hopes up."

"I'm so sorry," Alex said as she held her hand.

"Don't be sorry," Abbie insisted, but Alex could see that she wanted to cry. "Relationships aren't my focus right now. I need to think about my baby and, maybe in a few years, I can become involved again. Besides, I don't see myself with anyone but Serena."

"She'll come around, Abbie. I'm sure of it."

"I just don't want to talk about her anymore," Abbie told Alex. "It's way too painful."

"How's the baby?" Alex asked. Her question finally made Abbie start to perk up.

"My little one is doing great!" Abbie said excitedly. "My morning sickness is all gone and next month I find out the sex. I have to show you something. Come to the room with me."

When Alex saw Abbie's bedroom, she immediately fell in love with the pink décor and the white crib next to her bed.

"I'm already preparing," Abbie told her. "The crib is a gift from Addie and Blaine and my grandma sent me a scrapbook to work on. I already have all of the sonogram pictures in there and little notes I've written."

As Alex flipped through the scrapbook, she started wondering if she would ever have that kind of life with Olivia. She thought about the beginning of the summer and how the two of them were so excited about having a baby, but now Olivia seemed so far away from that. Alex remembered what Olivia had said about living in the building her mom lived in when she was pregnant and how she had seen the place where she was conceived. It dawned on Alex that that might have something to do with the way Olivia was acting.

"Abbie, have you noticed something different about Liv?"

"You mean how she's practically a boy with a vagina?"

"Not just that," Alex told her. "Our relationship isn't the same anymore. We had a breakthrough at the beach and I expected everything to stay that way, but now we're even worse than before. She wants me around her 24/7, except when she's at the frat house. That's when she wants nothing to do with me. She'll come home from frat parties at four in the morning, drunk out of her mind and she wants sex right away. I should be grateful that she wants it from me and not some slutty girl at the party, but it's not the way it used to be. She's not even attentive in bed anymore. She just wants me to get her off and most of the time I'm not even into it. I just want to get it over with as quickly as possible because I don't even feel like I'm with my girlfriend."

"Maybe you two should take a break from each other," Abbie suggested. "You don't have to break up, but maybe living together isn't the right thing to do. I know you're grateful that she's helping you out and I know you love her, but maybe it's best if you stay here. It's really quiet and you'll be able to focus on the LSAT and your law school applications. Plus, I can help you with all of that because I've already been through it."

"I wouldn't be in the way?"

"Are you kidding? I'd love to have you here."

Alex could no longer contain her excitement. She hugged Abbie as tight as she could without putting too much pressure on the baby. "Thank you so much!"

"No problem," Abbie told her. "Just break the news to Olivia gently."

Alex sighed. "I really don't think she'd care. She's so wrapped up in everything right now. I'm worried about her. She isn't herself right now. She's so reckless."

"Maybe we should intervene," Abbie suggested.

"As if she'd listen," Alex said sadly. "I think all of this has something to do with what happened to her mom. She can't get over it by herself, but she doesn't want to talk to anyone about it. I'm so scared, Abbie. I love her so much and it hurts me to see her self-destruct, but that's the path she's on. What if she gets drunk and does something stupid? What if she gets alcohol poisoning? I'm only twenty-one and I've been through hell because of her. I don't think anyone else realizes this, but loving Olivia Benson isn't easy."

"But it's worth it," Abbie added.

"Is it?" Alex asked. "Is it worth all of this worrying and crying and sleepless nights?"

Abbie didn't have an answer for her; she knew it wouldn't matter either way. No matter what Olivia did, Alex would always go back to her and try to act as if nothing had happened. It was a cycle of theirs ever since Olivia's 18th birthday and Alex wondered exactly how long all of this would continue.


	36. When, Not If

**A/N: Thanks for all of the feedback on the last chapter. It was greatly appreciated. The story is going to be a bit dramatic for awhile, so I just thought I'd warn you. :)**

While watching her little sisters play in the front yard that day, Olivia looked across the street and saw some people she knew from high school. She wasn't exactly friends with them and they had run with a different crowd, but at that moment Olivia didn't care. She had become accustomed to the frat scene and the bar scene in New York and she had forgotten all about life outside of the city so when one of the girls invited her to a party, Olivia jumped at the chance. She wouldn't know anyone there, but the location was convenient and she hadn't experienced a house party since high school.

Not wanting to show up empty-handed, Olivia brought a bottle of vodka and set it down on a table that was already filled with alcohol. She was used to bartenders or seeing people pretend to be bartenders, but this party didn't have one. Instead, there were people sloppily pouring their own drinks and as the night progressed just as much alcohol would be poured onto the table as was being poured into the cups. There was hip hop music being played instead of the music Olivia was used to, but she didn't mind. It was a new sound and a new experience and Olivia wanted to soak it all in. She danced with a few guys, but stopped when one of them started to become a little too hands on for her liking. She then danced with a really pretty girl, but retreated back to the alcohol table when the song was over. She was having a great time with that girl, but even in her drunken state she remembered she had a girlfriend and she started to feel bad for dancing with someone who wasn't Alex.

In two short hours, Olivia had already consumed more alcohol at that party than she ever did at parties with her boys or at bars with Katrina yet none of it felt like enough for her. She grabbed the bottle of vodka she had brought and started pouring some into a cup. Her motor skills were becoming impaired and she hadn't realized that the little bit of vodka she had planned on pouring turned into an entire cup. Without caring how much she had poured, Olivia began drinking from the cup and didn't stop until all of the contents were gone. The more Olivia drank, the more disinterested she became in everything, so she decided it was time for her to leave the party. It was a chilly September night, but as Olivia was crossing the street in between her acquaintance's house and her house, she came to the conclusion that it was too hot for her to wear clothes. Not wanting to wear them for another second, Olivia stopped in the middle of the street to take off her dress. She pulled the gauzy, sleeveless dress over her head and tossed it into the street, leaving herself in nothing but her bra, panties, and a pair of sandals. The cold air hitting her nearly naked body made Olivia feel free. Like a little girl, Olivia sprawled out on the grass and started giggling. She looked up at the stars and tried to remember things she learned in astronomy, but nothing would come to her. She looked at the fine strands of light brown hair on her arms until she realized something was different about her left arm. There was a patch of hair that was green and _moving_. That part of her arm began itching so Olivia hurriedly scratched it but the moment she touched her raised left arm, that patch of hair had fallen onto her torso. When she saw it move, Olivia cupped it with her hands and took a closer look.

"It's a caterpillar!" Olivia said excitedly. She loved playing with them as a child and although she was now twenty-one, her love for caterpillars hadn't left. Olivia placed her new insect friend on her forehead and started giggling as its legs started tickling her. Olivia was too excited to keep her new friend a secret, so she decided to show the caterpillar to her little sisters. With the caterpillar in the palm of her hand, Olivia stumbled over to the door and knocked a little louder than usual.

"Mommy!" she shouted.

Unfortunately, instead of Serena it was Peter who answered the door and found his stepdaughter clad in only her bra and panties.

"Daddy!" Olivia said and hugged him tighter than ever. She had never called anyone that before and she had been desperate to for so many years.

"Olivia, sweetheart," Peter said as he calmly as he could. "It's inappropriate for a twenty-one-year-old woman who happens to be my wife's daughter to be pressed against me without any clothes on."

"But I'm your daughter," Olivia said as she looked up at him with a pleading expression on her face. "Tell me I'm your little girl and not his. I don't want to be his little girl."

"Whose little girl?" Peter asked as he sat Olivia down on the couch.

Olivia started shaking. "The man in my dreams. He's coming for me. He thinks I'm his and I _am _his, but I need you to tell me that I'm not his so he can stop. I need to know that it's going to be okay and this is all going to stop. I need everything to stop."

Peter had no idea what to tell his stepdaughter. There had been traumatic events in his life—as there were in everyone's lives—but none of it came anywhere near what Olivia was experiencing. Over the past month, his feelings about Olivia had changed. He had gone from loving her as one of his own to feeling as if she was causing a divide between him as his wife. Peter had nothing against spoiling their children, but he couldn't stand the way Serena _babied _Olivia and acted as if she could do no wrong. Fortunately, he didn't have to say anything to her. When Brittany and Ashley ran into the living room, Olivia's spirits were quickly lifted.

"Olivia's home!" Ashley said excitedly as she jumped onto the couch so she could sit close to her.

"What do you have?" Brittany asked.

"A caterpillar," Olivia responded in the same excited tone as her eight and ten-year-old sisters.

"Cool!" Brittany told her as she got closer to Olivia. "Can I hold it?"

"Okay," Olivia said hesitantly. "But be careful. We don't want to hurt our new friend."

Brittany and Ashley put their hands together so the caterpillar could crawl from one of their hands to the other. The more it crawled, the more the girls started to giggle.

"It's tickling me," eight-year-old Ashley said. "Olivia, I learned in school last week that caterpillars turn into butterflies. Is this one going to turn into a butterfly?"

"A beautiful butterfly," Olivia told her. "We'll see it flying around the yard someday and it'll have colorful wings."

"You know everything," Ashley said to Olivia with an adoring look in her eyes. "I want to be just like you when I grow up."

"No, you don't," Peter said as he came back down the stairs with Serena. Olivia's eyes nearly bulged. She had no idea he had even left.

"Girls, go to bed," Serena told them. "It's already midnight."

"But it's the weekend," Brittany reminded her. "We don't have a bedtime on the weekend."

"I want to stay with Olivia," Ashley pleaded. "I never get to see her anymore."

"Because she's always passed out on the floor of some frat house," Peter muttered and Serena just glared at him.

"Come on, girls. Time for bed," Serena said as pleasantly as possible even though she was furious with her husband.

"Okay," Ashley said glumly.

"And put that caterpillar outside," Peter demanded. "I don't want you girls getting some type of disease from it."

"You need to chill," Olivia told him. "It's a harmless insect."

Her words had no effect on him and her sisters had to let go of their new insect friend. Before going upstairs, Ashley opened the front door and released the caterpillar into the front yard.

Peter didn't want to deal with Olivia's drunkenness so he decided to go upstairs to their bedroom while Serena stayed in the living room with her daughter.

"Where is your dress?" Serena asked.

Olivia just shrugged. "I think it's in the street. It was really hot outside and I couldn't wear that thing anymore."

"Do you do this often?" she asked.

"Do what?"

"Take your clothes off in public," Serena responded.

"I don't know," Olivia told her. "I think I just take them off for Alex."

"How much did you drink tonight?"

"Why does it matter?" Olivia asked. "And why are you asking me so many questions? I'm a mature, responsible adult. I can take care of myself."

"Go put your pajamas on," Serena insisted. "We're going to have a talk when you come back down."

"Yes, master," Olivia said. She slowly made her way up the stairs, holding on to the rail the entire time.

"Are you okay?" Serena asked.

"I'm fine," Olivia said from the top of the staircase. "Why is this so high? Is it to elevate us from what's down below? So whoever is upstairs could look down and say something amazing like, 'I am Olivia and this is my kingdom.'"

"Olivia Lorraine!"

"Okay, I'm going!"

Olivia grabbed a pair of pajama shorts and one of her old softball shirts from her drawer and then attempted to put them on. The first time she tried to put on her shorts, she put both of her legs inside the same opening and fell down in the process. It took her another five minutes to wiggle herself out. The third attempt was successful and, to celebrate, Olivia pulled out the 'emergency' flask she kept in her purse. Alex and Abbie were unaware of it, but Olivia and her friends from school kept an emergency flask with them at all times just in case they wanted to create an instant drinking game. Within a couple of minutes, the flask had been emptied and Olivia felt as if she was finally ready to go downstairs to talk to her mom.

As she was about to open her bedroom door, she heard her mom and her stepdad mention her name. They were angry and it was the first time she had ever heard them argue with each other. She wanted to intervene, but she couldn't get herself down the stairs, so she quietly opened the door and crawled over to the top of the staircase, completely out of sight from her mom and Peter.

"The girl needs therapy, Serena," Peter told her.

"There's nothing wrong with her," Serena responded. "She's just having fun. If she were a guy, we wouldn't even be having this discussion. You would chock it up to her just being a typical college guy and living her glory days. I'm not going to allow you to even suggest that to her. Olivia is a perfectly normal twenty-one-year-old."

"Normal is walking home in nothing but her underwear? Normal is her telling me that there's some man after her? By denying there's a problem, all you're doing is enabling her."

"You don't know what she's gone through," Serena insisted.

"Which is why she needs psychiatric help. For your sake, I don't want her to be a statistic. She's killing herself, Serena, or at the very least she's trying to drink her problems away."

"For my sake?" Serena asked. "Don't you mean _our _sake?"

"I can't love her," Peter admitted, which made Olivia start to cry from her position on the staircase. "I used to love Olivia like she were my own daughter, but she's not that peppy teenage girl who used to go to Yankees games with me. She's on a downward spiral and she's dragging everyone in this family down with her. I don't even want the girls around her. Ashley and Brittany are at such an impressionable age. They worship Olivia like a goddess and they want to be just like her. They want to listen to the music she does and dress the way she does. What if they want to pick up on her other habits? She's sexually promiscuous, she has a drinking problem, she has no respect for anyone including herself, and you let her get away with everything. Not only do you let her get away with everything, but you want everyone else to. We're all practically walking on eggshells every time she's around. We have to watch what we say so we don't anger Olivia, but Olivia can say anything she wants without worrying who she'll offend. I loved her, Serena. I really did, but over the past two months she's changed and I can't be around her. I hate to say it, but I wish she would just stay in New York. Unless she changes, I don't want her here anymore."

Olivia wanted to go downstairs and speak on her own behalf, but she was unable to move from her spot by the staircase. She started feeling even worse than before. Her eyes wanted to close, but every time she closed them she felt the room start to spin. The spinning became faster and faster until Olivia couldn't take it anymore.

"Mommy!" she screamed. She wanted to scream again, but she was having difficulty breathing.

"Liv!" Serena said as she ran up the stairs. "Sweetheart, what's wrong?"

Olivia tried to answer, but she couldn't. Her heart was beating faster and she felt her eyes start to shut again. She wanted to force herself to throw up in hopes that it'd make her feel better, but she knew she was beyond that point. This was something Olivia had never experienced before and she didn't know what to do. Serena shouted at Peter to call 911 while she stayed with her daughter, trying everything she could to keep Olivia from blacking out. She had seen a girl in this condition once before when she was in high school and that girl never pulled through. She knew she had to stay positive, but Olivia looked like she was worse off than that girl.

The ride to the hospital felt like an eternity, but Serena was by her daughter's side the whole time. Olivia had lost consciousness and the doctor had told Serena that Olivia's odds weren't in her favor. She made Peter stay home with the girls while she sat alone in the waiting room. She wanted to be by Olivia's side while she was in her room but she couldn't look at her twenty-one-year-old connected to so many tubes and machines. All of the milestones of Olivia's life started to flash before Serena's eyes. She remembered her taking her first steps, saying her first word, pretending to be Wonder Woman, wearing make-up for the first time, coming home and announcing that she was the only freshman to make the varsity softball team, learning how to drive and all the narrowly avoided accidents, arguing over her revealing homecoming dress, and her 18th birthday when she learned where she had come from. That's when she realized exactly when everything had changed for her daughter. As time went on, it had gotten harder for Olivia to deal with how she was conceived, but Serena had just dismissed her self-destructive behavior as nothing more than her daughter trying to have fun.

Still not bothering to call anyone, Serena went over to Olivia's bedside and held the hand of her daughter's nearly lifeless body. The doctor had told Serena what Olivia's blood alcohol content was, but there was no way she'd ever tell Olivia because if Olivia pulled through she'd just brag to the guys about how she managed to have such a high BAC and survive the whole thing or she'd use it as a personal challenge to try to top it.

"Olivia Lorraine Benson, how can you be so smart and so stupid at the same time?" Serena asked even though she had a feeling Olivia couldn't hear her. "I want you to wake up now, Liv. Seeing you like this makes me remember the times you were in elementary school and you pretended to be asleep when I'd wake you up for school. I hope you're just pretending right now. Wake up, Liv. Wake up. You can't leave me, Olivia, and you can't leave Alex."

Alex. She still had to tell Alex, but she had no idea how. Regardless, she had to think of something because she knew Alex was the first person her daughter would want to see when she wakes up. _When_ her daughter wakes up, not _if _she wakes up, Serena reminded herself. _My little girl is going to be just fine. She's way too stubborn to go out like this._


	37. Easing All Her Pain

**A/N: This chapter is going to be a bit emotional, so I just thought I'd warn you. Thanks for the comments and suggestions and an extra special thank you to lachach for suggesting that Aunt Susan be added. :)**

Serena tried contacting Alex, but there was nobody answering. Figuring she was with the only person who completed their trio, she decided to call Abbie in hopes that she'd be with her.

"Hello?" Abbie answered.

"Eddie?"

"Mom!" Abbie said excitedly. "Mom, what's going on?"

"It's Liv," Serena told her, trying to be as calm as she could.

Abbie could see right through Serena's calm disposition. She was aware of Olivia's behavior and, as much as she hated to think about it, she knew it was only a matter of time before something happened to Olivia.

"Where is she?" Abbie asked.

"She's here in Fallbrook at—"

"Fallbrook Medical Center?" Abbie interrupted.

"How did you know?"

"I just know Liv," Abbie responded. "She's been—well, is she okay?"

Serena started telling Abbie the entire story of what happened to Olivia and Abbie tried to remain calm while she was listening, but her heart was already broken. Before she heard the end of it, Abbie began sobbing. She knew Serena had to tell Alex, but telling Alex would be even worse than telling Abbie. Alex was going to be a wreck and there was no way Serena would be able to handle that, so Abbie volunteered to tell her.

Before making her way over to her bedroom, Abbie rehearsed everything she was going to say to Alex, but it was no use. She couldn't exactly tell her that Olivia was going to be okay because she didn't know—Serena didn't even know. She couldn't tell her she knew why Olivia did what she did or if she did it on purpose, but Abbie had a feeling why Olivia did it wasn't going to matter to Alex. Alex was going to be a distraught girlfriend and the only thing on her mind would be whether or not Olivia is going to pull through. As frustrated as she'd get with her, Olivia was still the woman she wanted to spend the rest of her life with.

Abbie fixed herself up before entering the bedroom. She knew there was no need to fix herself up because Alex was going to be paranoid regardless, but she thought of it as a way to stall for another five minutes. Knowing she couldn't stall any longer, Abbie entered her bedroom and saw Alex fast asleep in her bed. She would have looked like an angel if not for her tear-stained cheeks. Alex was unaware of what had happened, but it wasn't unusual for her to cry herself to sleep whenever she wasn't sleeping next to Olivia.

_Oh, why did I volunteer to do this? Hearing about her girlfriend in the hospital is going to break Alex's heart._

"Alex?" Abbie whispered as she started to gently shake her. "Alex?"

"What?" Alex asked through her yawns. "Is the baby okay?"

"The baby is fine," Abbie told her. "It's Liv."

Alex quickly sat up and Abbie was surprised when every trace of sleepiness she once had was gone. "What happened to Olivia?"

"I just got off the phone with her mom and—"

"And what?" Alex interrupted. "Abbie, what happened? You can't keep me waiting like this. Wherever she is, that's where I have to be."

"She's at the Fallbrook Medical Center," Abbie began. "She went to a party and something happened…"

"Did someone hurt her?" Alex asked, her own near-experience with a date rape drug running through her mind.

"She hurt _herself_, Lex," Abbie tried to explain. "She just didn't know when to stop. We tell her when to stop, but these people didn't know her. They don't know how she is. They don't give a damn about her the way we do. We know when she needs to stop, Alex, and we know why she does this. These other people don't know. Nobody knows other than us—not Chucky or any of the guys. We're the only ones who know."

"I hate knowing," Alex admitted. "I want to tell Serena. I want to tell someone—anyone—why she's doing this. She needs help, Abbie, and us keeping her secret isn't helping her. I know this is all counterproductive, but I wish she never would have found out how she was conceived. I wish she would have continued thinking she was the product of a one-night stand or her dad was a war hero who died in Vietnam. She changed that day, Abbie. Regardless of how much Serena loves Olivia, Olivia still hates herself. She tries to act cocky, but she isn't. I'm the one who sleeps next to her. I hear what she says in her sleep and I'm the one who kisses her tears away when she's crying at night. She's scared to death of him and of herself. She thinks she's going to become him and, because of that, there's times when she won't even touch me."

"Lex, I'm—"

"We should go now," Alex urged her. "What if she wakes up and I'm not there? I have to be there. And we have to get Mr. Cuddles. She needs him, Abbie. She's never slept without Mr. Cuddles. What about her Game Boy? She's going to want that, too. Oh, and her Nirvana shirt and her Walkman. There are so many things she's going to need, Abbie."

"Alex, stop," Abbie said as Alex began frantically looking for something—anything—to wear.

"I don't want to stop," Alex insisted. "If I worry about the little details, it means Olivia is okay. It means none of this is happening and I can pretend we aren't visiting her in the hospital. We're visiting her at her mom's house, but all of these things are at her mom's house, so why are we bringing them if we're visiting her there? That would mean she already has them, but she doesn't have them. She doesn't have anything, Abbie. Do you think she's cold? Should I get her Princeton Girlfriend sweatshirt?"

"I'm not letting you drive," Abbie said when they approached Alex's car. "Let me focus on the road so you can focus on Olivia all you want. Tell me stories about her and how much you love her and everything you want in your future with her."

"I don't want to talk," Alex told her once they were on the road. Abbie debated giving Alex some space, but she quickly changed her mind once she noticed Alex was crying hysterically.

"Liv is going to be fine," Abbie promised.

"How do you know that?" Alex asked.

"Because she's invincible," Abbie insisted. "She's not going to die like this. We both made a pact to live to be 100 and I know she's sticking to it. When we're retired, we're going to spend our days sitting on rocking chairs and listening to Nirvana while we talk about how much we hate the new generation's music, clothes, and hair."

"You would," Alex said and flashed Abbie a half-smile. "Ever since I was a little girl, Olivia has been my hero—my protector. It hurts me to know that she is so vulnerable right now. It's all because of him, Abbie. Then again, he's the reason she's here in the first place. Without him, she wouldn't be here. He's the reason she cries all the time and he's the reason she drinks so much. She just wants to forget, but she can't. I've never told anyone this and I promised I wouldn't, but you're our best friend, so I'm sure she wouldn't mind if you know. This bothers me, Abbie. It really does, but she can only make love to me after she's been drinking. We try to when she's sober, but she can't get turned on. She asks me how it's even possible for me to get turned on by her because she doesn't believe anyone could. She keeps thinking that she's forcing me and then she'll start crying. Then she starts saying that she's ugly and she wishes she could get him out of her. This has been going on our entire relationship, Abbie. It's not like this all the time and there are plenty of times when we're able to be intimate with each other and enjoy that experience together, but then there are the bad days and those are becoming more frequent. I don't want her going through any of this. I know when she drinks and when she parties with the guys, it takes her pain away and I know I'm being selfish for saying this, but I wish I could take her pain away instead. I wish there was something within me that could make everything better for her."

"There is," Abbie said and held her hand. "She's going to need professional help, but there are still things you can do for her. You can love her, Alex. You can be there for her and hold her whenever she needs you to hold her. Be a good girlfriend to her and then a good wife. Just keep loving her."

"Yeah," Alex said meekly.

Abbie wanted to cry just like Alex was, but she knew she couldn't. She was trying her hardest to be strong for Alex and she didn't know how much longer she could put on an act for her. With Alex's silence and a long stretch of open road came an opportunity for Abbie to think, which was the last thing she wanted to do. She thought about every milestone she had experienced with Olivia ever since they were in the fourth grade and started to imagine what life would be like without her.

_There is no life without her_, Abbie thought. _What the hell would Alex and I do? _

"Olivia is going to be just fine," Abbie said aloud, not quite sure if she was saying it to convince Alex or just to convince herself.

"Sure she is," Alex responded, also wondering whom she was trying to convince.

When they finally reached the hospital, Alex nearly jumped out of the car. Abbie had told her she would go to the house and pack a bag with Mr. Cuddles and some of Olivia's other belongings, so Alex wouldn't have to worry about it. With a quick hug from Abbie, Alex was on her way to the waiting room.

While she was walking, Alex became lost in a fantasy world. She imagined all of this being over with—not just Olivia's hospitalization, but everything else they were going through. She imagined the two of them with their careers and a place that was truly theirs. Their youth would be gone, but Alex didn't care. All she wanted was for the two of them to finally be settled and for her girlfriend to be without dreams of the man who raped her mom. _You'll have it all_, Alex kept trying to convince herself. _Your girlfriend is going to be okay. Just be strong for her, Alex. Be strong for her._

After getting lost more than once, Alex finally found the correct waiting room. She was surprised to see her aunt Susan seated next to Serena, but she was in no mood to question them. Susan was holding on to her hand and trying to comfort a nearly hysterical Serena. Alex had never seen her aunt Susan so gentle and loving with someone before and she couldn't help picturing herself and Olivia when she looked at them.

"Alex," Aunt Susan said as she rushed over to where her niece was standing.

"Where's my girlfriend?" Alex asked frantically. "Where's Olivia? I need to see her. I need to see that she's okay."

"Sweetheart, she's not okay right now," Susan tried to tell her. "We hope she will be soon, but she's not okay right now."

"You're lying," Alex insisted. "I know you're lying because nothing can hurt Olivia. And why are you here? Where's Peter? Is he coming or is he one more person who let Olivia down? Everyone lets her down. Why do they do that? I know she can be hard to love sometimes but loving her is worth it. I'm going to love her for the rest of my life. Even if she doesn't make it, I'm not going to love anyone else. I'm going to spend the rest of my life mourning her because when you really love a woman, that's what you do. You love her for the rest of your life. Is that how you feel about Serena? Do you still love her the way Olivia and I love each other? Maybe it's a good thing. Abbie would be thrilled. It'll give her hope for her own Serena. What is it with women named Serena, you know? It's like they're the ones who you'll love forever regardless of whether or not you have them, but I wouldn't know. I've always loved Olivia and Olivia has always loved me—ever since we were four years old. Four years old! That's a long time to love somebody, but it's not long enough for us. It's nowhere near long enough. Olivia and I were going to get married. Did I ever tell you that? Did I ever tell anyone that?"

Alex soon realized that she had an audience. Nearly a dozen other people in the waiting room were staring at her and she had no idea what she should do. The more their eyes fixated on her, the more anxiety Alex had. Her breathing became more rapid and she felt as if she wanted to jump out of her own skin.

"She gets like this sometimes," Susan told Serena after they had finally gotten Alex to sit down.

"I know," Serena responded. "Olivia always knows what to do when Alex has an anxiety attack. She calms her down in no time at all."

"It's not an anxiety attack," Alex insisted once she had calmed down. "My brain just processes a lot of information and sometimes it spews out."

Alex continued to ask for Olivia, but there was still no word on her condition or when they'd be able to see her. Alex knew she was probably in for hour after hour of waiting, but she didn't care. Each hour that passed brought her closer to seeing Olivia again and Alex couldn't wait to tell her girlfriend just how much she loved her and how she knew she was going to love her for the rest of her life.


	38. Alex's Wonder Woman

**A/N: Sorry for such a short chapter, but I wanted to give Alex some time alone with Olivia. I hope you enjoy it and thanks for all of the feedback. :)**

After a couple hours of waiting, Alex and Serena were finally able to go into the room with Olivia. Those hours were some of the most agonizing of Alex's life. The memories she had made with Olivia over the course of seventeen years kept playing in her head, especially the times they had made love to each other. These weren't the type of memories she wanted to share with anyone, but they were her most treasured memories of Olivia because they were the most intimate moments they had as a couple. Alex could never get over how vulnerable Olivia was when they made love to each other. She wasn't afraid to cry or express everything she was feeling for Alex and Alex would often find herself in awe of how they were able to feel as one and move in such a perfect rhythm with each other.

All of those images quickly faded from her mind the moment she saw Olivia lying in a hospital bed. Her girlfriend was always so strong and so full of life, nothing like the girl who looked nearly lifeless.

"Do you want some time with her?" Serena asked Alex once she saw that she was crying even more.

"Yes," Alex said meekly. "I'm sorry. There's something I have to tell her. I'll only need a few minutes."

Serena hugged Alex even though she knew there was no way of comforting her, just like there was no way of comforting herself. "Take all the time you need, sweetheart. I know how much you love her. If there's anything you have to say to her, now is the time to say it."

Alex may have hated what Serena just said, but she knew there was a possibility Olivia wouldn't pull through. She wasn't sure if Olivia could hear her, but getting everything off her chest was the only way she knew how to deal with this situation.

Serena returned to the waiting room and told Alex she would be back in ten minutes. Ten minutes wasn't nearly enough time, but she knew she had to make it enough time. Once she was sure she was alone, Alex gently climbed into bed next to Olivia and wrapped her arms around her. She was used to Olivia smiling and holding her close, but this time there was no movement coming from her girlfriend.

"My sweet girl," Alex said and kissed Olivia on the cheek. "This might be the last time I'm ever in your arms and I want to make the most of it. I know that's a horrible thing to say, but I have to come to terms with the reality of our situation. I love you so much, Olivia, and I've told you countless times how much I love you, but it's still not enough. I don't think there are any words that could adequately express the way I feel about you—the way I'm _always _going to feel about you. There will never be another woman after you, Olivia, even if I live to be one hundred. I'll spend the rest of my life mourning you. I'm aware of how selfish this sounds, but I'm trying not to be upset with you. Why did you have to do this? I know why, but still. It's my fault. I know it's my fault. I should have gone with you to Fallbrook and we could have gone to that party together—not that we go to parties together. We probably would have stayed in and played with the girls or stayed in your room and cuddled with each other. Why didn't I go with you? I'm sorry, Olivia. I'm sorry I've failed you so many times. You were so nervous. I should have sensed how you felt about me and asked you out myself instead of waiting for you to pop the question. We could have been a couple since the seventh grade had I not been so stupid. Do you think that would have changed things? There wouldn't have been your horrible relationship with Jenny. I hate that girl, Olivia. I hate her so much, but I know all of this is counterproductive. We can't go back and change that and, as much as I'd like to change everything that happened while you were at the party, I can't change that either. I know I've never told you this, but I feel like you're a part of me. It's hard to explain and most people would think I was crazy. It's like we're two halves of a perfect whole and without you I'm incomplete. The kind of love that we found at such a young age is the kind that so many people spend their entire lives searching for, but we found it so easily, Olivia. I know we have our fights, but notice how the two of us can't stay apart for very long. That has to mean something, right? It goes beyond wanting you. It's as if I _need _you, Olivia, which is why you're going to have to pull through. Please, Olivia. I know we've experienced a lot together, but we still have so many wonderful things ahead of us like starting our careers, getting married, having children. What about our future children, babe? I can't have them without you. I need you by my side as they're growing up. It's the cycle, Olivia. We're going to watch them grow up and get married and have children of their own. It's not going to end like this, babe. I want to grow old with you. I want the gray hair and the wrinkles and the senior citizens discount at Denny's where we'll have breakfast with Abbie and Serena who will still probably be a nymphomaniac. Do you think we'll still make love when we're that age? I know I'm going to love you, but do you think we'll find other ways to express our love for each other? I guess it doesn't matter. I'll still probably think you're sexy even when we're great-grandmothers, but there's only one way to find out. You have to wake up. Wake up, baby. Please, wake up. I'm going to stay by your side until you do. I don't care if I'm lying in this bed for days—even weeks. I was born in this hospital, Liv. Did I ever tell you that? The layout was different back then, but it was still the same place. I was born on the second floor—on the second floor, Liv. Can you believe it? Your other half was born just one floor below where you are right now. Did you feel something when I was born? Did you feel complete? That came out wrong. I know I felt something when I met you. It was a comforting feeling, Olivia. I was only four-years-old, but I was able to grasp what it was. I started looking at everything differently and I felt like I had met someone who was going to be important to me for the rest of my life. I love you, Olivia. You're always going to be my Wonder Woman—that's how I'm going to remember you."

With a single kiss on the lips from Alex, Olivia slowly opened her eyes.

"Baby?' Alex asked excitedly. "Baby, you're awake? You're okay!"

"Babe, why am I here?" Olivia asked as she struggled to adjust to the light and the rest of her surroundings. "What happened?"

"You had alcohol poisoning," Alex explained as she stroked Olivia's cheek. "You were in a coma, babe. We thought you were going to—no, I can't even say it."

"I was in a coma?" Olivia asked in disbelief. "For how long? I'm not thirty now, am I?"

"No, Liv," Alex reassured her. "It was only for a few hours, but those few hours were long enough to scare the hell out of us. You don't remember anything that happened last night?"

"I remember what Peter told my mom," Olivia said glumly. "I remember the caterpillar and the party, but I don't remember anything else. I felt like I fell asleep."

"I have to tell your mom you're awake," Alex said frantically. "We have to alert the nurse. We should—"

"Wait a second," Olivia interrupted. "There's something I have to tell you—just you."

"Anything, babe."

"While I was in a coma, I felt like I was dreaming," Olivia began. "But these dreams were so real. I know that's hard to believe, but hear me out."

"What were they about?" Alex asked as she cuddled even closer to Olivia.

"About us," Olivia told her. "About our future. I saw everything, Alex. I saw who we were going to become and we're going to be okay. Everything is going to be okay."

"Liv, you can't base our future off of a dream you had."

"I know," Olivia said and kissed Alex on the tip of her nose. "But it gives me hope. That's something I didn't have before the dream."

"Tell me all about these dreams," Alex insisted. "I want to know everything you're thinking about and everything you're feeling."

"Everything I'm thinking about and everything I'm feeling right now all relate to you," Olivia told her. "That's how it's always going to be."

Olivia's dreams were so vivid that she couldn't help thinking about them even as Alex was holding her. In her dreams, she was able to see that there was life beyond the things she was doing with her friends. She had a future—a future career, a future with Alex, and she couldn't wait to experience it. Olivia wanted to tell Alex all about that future, but her mom and Abbie had just walked in. Olivia contemplated scaring Abbie, but she knew it wasn't the best idea in Abbie's condition, so instead she smiled at the two of them and prepared for what was sure to be a lecture from her mom once the initial hugs and 'I love you' were over.


	39. Olivia's Three Most Important Women

As much as Olivia wanted to be alone with her girlfriend, she was grateful to have her mom and her best friend at her side. She had questions about what she had gone through, but she was going to save them for when she was alone with her mom. She had a feeling she was in worse shape than they were letting her believe and she really didn't want Alex to be even more afraid than she already was.

There were enough chairs for all three of the women in Olivia's life, but she didn't let Alex leave her side. Instead, she lifted up her blanket and used it to cover Alex. Olivia noticed she was shaking and she didn't know if it was because she was cold or scared or even a little of both, so she covered her girlfriend and held her as close as she could.

"I love you," Olivia said and kissed Alex's forehead.

"I love you, too," Alex responded as she cuddled up to Olivia again.

"You woke me up," Olivia told her. "You're the one who brought me back."

"Brought you back from what?" Abbie asked. "You weren't dead, Olivia."

"Actually, she was for a little over a minute," Serena informed her. "Why do you think we were so worried? We could have lost her for good."

"Oh, hell yeah!" Olivia gloated. "That is the _best _news ever! I _died_, Abbie, and then I came back, which means I have achieved immortality before you did. I, Olivia Lorraine Benson, am a goddess!"

"And a zombie," Abbie informed her. "You were dead and then you rose from the dead. Technically, you're one of the undead now. Alex, if I were you, I'd get out of that bed before she goes for your jugular."

Without a warning, Olivia started playfully nibbling at Alex's neck. Her nibbling elicited an unexpected squeal from Alex.

"Babe, stop," Alex said even though she was giggling. "You know I like classic zombies that went for the brain instead of modern zombies that go for the jugular or the intestines."

"If I were a zombie, I'd go for Alex, too," Abbie told them. "I bet she has a really juicy brain."

"Girls!" Serena interrupted. "We have important matters to discuss."

"Sorry," Olivia told her. "This is just how we handle things. I thought you'd know that by now."

"We have a hard time being serious," Abbie informed her. "At least around each other. We've been through so much together and throughout all of it we learned that it's just better to make each other laugh."

Alex decided to cut in. "It's something that not many other people can make us do. Sometimes it's as if the three of us have our own little world and our own way of communicating with each other. We don't get along all the time—no group of friends does—but I've learned that there's always going to be love for each other. The love I have for Abbie isn't the same as the love I have for Olivia, but it's still there and it's still stronger and more pure than the love I feel for anyone else."

"That was the most co-dependent thing I've ever heard," Serena told them. "I would say the three of you need time apart, but apparently that only makes everything worse."

"It's kind of hard to have time apart," Olivia told her. "Abbie and Alex are all I know. I have other friends and so do they, but Abbie and Alex are like my family, especially Alex after we get married someday."

Olivia took another look at the three most important women in her life. Her mom looked like she had been crying for hours and she probably had. She couldn't tell if her mom was angry with her or if she was grateful she was alive or maybe a little of both. Olivia knew what she did had broken her mother's heart, but she had failed to take that into mind. She didn't know why she did what she did, but she had a feeling Alex, Abbie, and her mom were going to tell her. She took a look at the woman cuddling up to her—her Alex. Alex wasn't what anyone would consider a simple woman, but after being in her life for seventeen years, Olivia knew how to read her. Olivia knew Alex was going to be upset with her later and maybe even start to set some boundaries, but for right now she was just grateful to still have Olivia. Although Alex had always said that Olivia was her rock, Olivia really knew that it was the other way around. Alex was her voice of reason and the person she depended on the most, but Olivia was starting to worry that it would remain that way, which is what she _didn't _want. She knew she wanted to spend the rest of her life with Alex, but she didn't want to spend the rest of her life feeling as if she wasn't good enough for Alex. She wanted to be the type of wife Alex could count on to be responsible and to do the right thing—she wanted an equal partnership with her, one in which Alex wouldn't have to worry if her wife was out all night drinking with the guys. She wanted to show Alex a more mature version of herself like she had at the beach, but she knew it wasn't going to happen overnight. Olivia then took a look at Abbie—her dearest Abbie—and she couldn't believe that she'd actually be someone's mother in a little less than six months. She knew Abbie was maturing and all of these changes were happening for the better, but Olivia couldn't help remember her as the girl she used to be. They didn't have as much in common with each other as they once did, but Olivia knew it was probably for the better. Abbie was maturing faster than Olivia could believe and she was going to make it her goal to catch up to her. If Abbie could be a mature—or somewhat mature—woman and still have the same sense of humor, Olivia felt as if adulthood probably wasn't that bad.

"Now that I know you're okay, I'm going to grab some brunch with Susan," Serena told Olivia. "I know you three want some time alone to talk about whatever it is that you three talk about: zombies, that awful alternative music, girls in bikinis."

Olivia held her arms open so her mom could give her a hug. "I love you, Mommy."

"I love you, too, Olivia," Serena told her. "Just don't do this ever again."

The girls waited until they knew Olivia's mom was no longer in the area before they started talking. The three of them had so many things to tell each other, but under the circumstances they were afraid of saying the wrong thing. There was tension in the room and neither of them wanted to be the first to address the subject. Wanting to lighten the mood, Abbie decided she should be the first person to talk.

"I brought you some stuff," she told Olivia as she got up to hand her an overnight bag. "Some of it is your usual overnight stuff, but Chucky added something to it."

"You saw Chucky?" Olivia asked as she winked at Abbie.

"Shut up," Abbie told her. "He's…nice."

"He's pretty cute…for a guy," Olivia added.

"Liv, look at me," Abbie insisted. "I'm not the girl I used to be, which means I'm not letting anyone get it in. There's a woman I'm in love with but can't have and an ex-boyfriend who is probably going to demand partial custody of this baby. If not him, I know Mr. and Mrs. Abernathy will. I don't mind them seeing him or her, but I don't want anyone else raising my baby."

"Anyone other than us?" Olivia asked.

"Anyone other than the three of us," Abbie corrected herself. "If I have a daughter, I don't want her to grow up with their beliefs. My little girl needs to know that she can be anything she wants and she doesn't have to spend her life in the domestic sphere and I don't want her to be so damn apologetic like Mrs. Abernathy is. Women and girls shouldn't have to apologize for being born female. Sorry, we're not born female. The female gender is something socially constructed. She'll be born a girl and she should be able to define what being a girl is in her own terms. She shouldn't have to apologize for something when she isn't at fault. I don't want my daughter to be ashamed of her own body or think that her looks have to define her."

"In other words, you want her to become the three of us?" Olivia playfully asked.

"I'm not sure that's such a good thing," Alex informed them. "Look at us."

"I am," Abbie told her. "And I see nothing wrong with who we are. We're smart, caring, driven, and we play the hand we were dealt. So we're not the poster children for mental and emotional stability, but I see nothing wrong with us. I love who we are and I'm proud of who we are. What we're going through isn't going to last forever and we're not always going to be this young. I know it's hard to believe, but someday we're going to be thirty and we'll be facing new challenges and when we face those new challenges we're going to look back at this moment and realize that the things we're going through right now are going to make us who we are in the future. It's especially true for Liv. You can use all of this to your advantage, Olivia."

"How is this advantageous?" Olivia asked. "I know you two want me to go to therapy even though you haven't actually said it, but I can't do it. I feel like I've learned a lesson on my own. Going to therapy means that I'm admitting my own defeat and you know I won't do that. I'm not crazy."

"Nobody thinks you're crazy, babe," Alex told her. "We just worry about you. Abbie and I have gone through a lot, but it's different from what you're experiencing right now. This is something that's out of your control. I know it happened twenty-two years ago, but your mom's rape still affects you and it's normal for something so traumatic to affect you. We just want you to talk to someone about it, someone who can help you in a way that Abbie and I can't. Abbie and I will always be here for emotional support, but we want you to talk to someone who is more qualified to help you through this."

"I'm fine," Olivia insisted.

"Olivia Benson, you almost died—died…forever and not just for a minute," Abbie reminded her. "We know you're not crazy and we know there's nothing really wrong with you, but just do this for us. If not, I'll sick Alex on you. Alex can be fierce when she has to be. Or, even worse, I'll hold Mr. Cuddles hostage until you go."

Olivia looked at Abbie in complete terror. "You wouldn't!"

"I would," Abbie said with an evil grin. "I so would."

"_Bitch_," Olivia said as she held on to Mr. Cuddles tighter than ever before. "Fine, I'll go, but I'm only going because of my bear. I've known you bitches seventeen and twelve years, but I've known Mr. Cuddles since the day I was born."

Olivia was really going because of her love for Alex and because she wanted to do this for their future, but she was too embarrassed to say that in front of the two of them, so the bear was her perfect scapegoat. To lighten the mood, she decided to open the 'gift' from Chucky. It wasn't actually something he had bought, but the fact that he had given her anything at all was surprising. Olivia pulled out one of his Pearl Jam shirts with a folded piece of paper attached to it.

"_Yo!" _she read aloud. "_Put this on, Olivia. Nobody wants to see you naked. And if you're reading this, I guess you pulled through. Way to cheat death. Your friend, Chucky. P.S. Abbie's jugs are finally getting bigger. Do you think she'll let me get it in? P.S.S. You better not read this out loud."_

"Seriously?" Abbie said as she hid her face with her hands. "I think I should start locking up my vagina."

"Too late," Alex said sarcastically.

"I'm giving up sex unless it's with Serena," Abbie informed them. "I don't care how long I have to wait—I'm saving myself for her."

"What if you don't see her again until you're fifty?" Alex asked.

"Then I'll wait until I'm fifty," Abbie responded. "Serena is worth it."

"I miss Serena," Olivia admitted. "She completed our little group and she was fun to pick on because she doesn't just take it—she'll tell it like it is without caring who she offends. She's like your perfect half, Abbie. And I miss how arrogant she is. I remember when the three of us named at least one flaw we thought we had and Serena said, 'I don't have any flaws. I'm perfect. Every morning, I wake up, go to the mirror and fall in love with myself all over again.' Go get her, Abbie. I want her with us."

Abbie sighed. "I wish it were that easy. I don't think anyone completes her the way I do and I know she's hurting deep down. She has to be. I messed up with her and I know it's going to be something I regret for the rest of my life."

To get their mind off of what they had just talked about, the Cabenmichael girls started making a list of what they wanted to accomplish in the near future. For once, Abbie was right—they weren't going to be facing these problems forever but, even if new challenges arose, they knew they'd always have each other.


	40. Abbie's Best Day And Alex's Worst

During the first week of October, Abbie approached her fourth month and she finally felt relieved. She had spent the entire month of September worrying about what she called the three-month curse. She miscarried during the third month of her first pregnancy and she was paranoid of having the same fate with this baby. Abbie told Alex if it happened to her again, she'd give up on ever trying to have a baby. It was too much to bear and she didn't want to go through the same heartache she did on her 18th birthday.

When she visited her doctor earlier that day, Abbie received the greatest news anyone could give her. She and her _babies_ were both in good health and, in March, she'd be meeting her baby _girls_ for the first time. Her _girls_! Abbie could barely contain her excitement when she found out the good news. She knew she'd be happy regardless of the baby's sex, but she had spent the past four months hoping for a girl and now she found out she was going to have two of them. She had her crib ready and little pink gifts from Alex that were given to her months ago, but it dawned on her that she was going to have to double up on everything. She'd have to get another crib, double up on diapers and clothes, and get even less sleep than she had expected. Having two babies not only required more money but also more time and she was worried about having to do this alone.

_You're in way over your head. Wait until Alex and Olivia find out about this. So much for an easy first year of law school._

Law school. It had once been her dream, but she found herself not even caring about it as much as she thought she would or expected she would. She was a _first year_ law student who had just missed class so she could go to her doctor's appointment and found out she was going to be having twins.

_I completely forgot about class today,_ Abbie thought. _I suppose a note should suffice—at least this time. I'm probably going to get dropped if I miss another session._

As she walked to her apartment, she noticed someone standing outside of her door. Her heart nearly skipped a beat at the sight of a familiar blonde ponytail. _It can't be._

"Serena!" Abbie said excitedly. She expected to see a smile coming from her, but when she approached her she noticed Serena had been crying.

"You're _huge!_" Serena said as wiped the tears from her eyes.

"I just found out I'm having twins," Abbie told her.

"Girl and a boy?" Serena asked.

"Two girls," Abbie responded.

"Two miniature versions of Abbie Carmichael running around?" Serena teased. "Remind me to stay away."

"How did you find me?"

"I called your grandma and she told me where you lived. I've been meaning to stop by, but I didn't have the nerve. I was afraid I'd start crying, which I did anyway."

"I wanted to go to your dorm, but I didn't think you'd want to see me."

"It's just hard to process this—all of this—and what made it worse is not seeing you for a few months. I'm not ready to be in a relationship again but I still miss you."

There were so many things she wanted to confess, but instead Abbie decided to stay quiet. She was in love with Serena—head over heels in love with Serena, but she knew that wasn't what Serena needed or wanted to hear at that moment.

"Can you stay for awhile?" Abbie asked.

"I didn't come over just to stand outside your door," Serena said and started smiling at her. It was the first time Abbie had seen that smile in months and she felt as if she could lose herself in Serena all over again.

Abbie had expected to sit on the couch and talk to Serena, but Serena had other plans. Instead, she grabbed Abbie's hand and led her to the bedroom.

"Serena, are you sure this is—"

"I don't want to have sex," Serena interrupted. "I just want to cuddle for awhile."

"I can definitely go for that," Abbie said, feeling relieved. "My sex drive is gone."

"So is mine," Serena admitted. "It's just not the same anymore."

"Are you seeing anyone or—"

"Or sleeping with anyone?" Serena said defensively. "No, I'm not. I haven't had sex since that time I was with Claudia and even that was a one-time thing. I can see that you've been having a girl spend the night with you."

Abbie looked at the opened part of her closet. It was obvious the clothes hanging on that side weren't hers. There was a mixture of Alex's neatly-pressed clothes and Olivia's un-ironed t-shirts and ripped jeans. Ever since Olivia had been released from the hospital, the three of them had been spending more time together and they felt as if it was easier to just leave some clothes at Abbie's instead of packing an overnight bag.

"Two girls," Abbie explained. "But it's not what you think. All of that belongs to Alex and Olivia. They're kind of nomads these days. They migrate between my apartment, Olivia's apartment, and Fallbrook depending on their mood. When they want to have sex, they go to Olivia's. When they want to study or hang out, they come here, and when they're homesick they go to Fallbrook. Alex lives here though. Space is limited, but I really don't mind. She helps me out a lot and so does Olivia when she's not at school or doing her show."

"I'm glad they're taking care of you," Serena said as she cuddled up to Abbie. Abbie watched as she slowly lifted up her sweatshirt and gently placed her hand on top of her baby bump. The two of them laid motionless for a few minutes and all the while Abbie thought about how perfect the moment was. She had waited months to cuddle with Serena and it was finally happening. Everything about Serena was still the same—the softness of her skin, the smell of her perfume, the way she rested her head on Abbie's shoulder. When she noticed the love of her life had fallen asleep, she gently kissed her forehead and hoped that small gesture wouldn't wake her up. She wanted to stay cuddled with Serena for as long as she possibly could.

* * *

><p>Olivia liked to think she could handle anything that life threw at her, but three and a half years after finding out how she was conceived, she realized there were some things she just couldn't get over. She agreed to see a therapist to appease Alex, but after her first appointment, she realized it wasn't such a bad idea. Her doctor didn't put pressure on her to talk and she let Olivia open up to her on her own time. Her first session had gone by without Olivia even mentioning what had happened to her mom because she wasn't ready to divulge that information yet, so her therapist let her talk about Alex and how all of this was Alex's idea. During the last half an hour, Olivia talked about her blackout and what she overheard her stepdad say. She worried about breaking up her mom's marriage even though her mom insisted that wasn't going to happen. Olivia still cried over what Peter said, but the last thing she wanted was to argue or cause any trouble in front of Alyssa. Alyssa was only two and Olivia wanted her to grow up in a 'normal' family complete with two loving parents who were actually married to each other.<p>

"How did it go?" Peter asked when Olivia walked in the door.

"Okay," Olivia said nonchalantly.

"There's a Yankees game on, you wanna watch?"

"No," Olivia told him.

"Olivia, I'm sorry. You know I said that out of anger and I didn't mean it. I love you, sweetheart, and you know you're important to me."

"I'm not ready, okay?" Olivia said before hurrying up the stairs to her mom and Peter's room. When she saw that her mom wasn't home, she made her way over to Alyssa's room and saw that no one was in there. Olivia was about to leave when she looked into her own room and saw Alyssa curled up on her bed.

"What are you doing in here?" Olivia asked playfully.

"Hiding," Alyssa told her and covered her face with her hands.

"Hiding from who?" Olivia asked as she started tickling her.

Her little sister started to giggle. "From monsters, Olibbia. They know you're a big girl. They won't get me if I'm in your room."

"What monster?" Olivia asked. "We should tell him not to mess with Alyssa Benson."

Her little sister gave her a confused look. "I'm Alyssa Moretti."

"Alyssa _Benson_-Moretti," Olivia corrected. "Let's go find the monster. Show me where the monster lives."

"He lives under the bed," Alyssa said as she pointed to where the monster lived.

"Stay right here," Olivia said quietly. "I think I see him."

Alyssa hid in her closet as Olivia went under the bed. She knew simply telling her sister that the monster was gone wasn't going to help her, so she decided to play along as if the monster was really there. Once Olivia was completely under the bed, she started talking to the pretend monster.

"Listen, monster under the bed," Olivia began. "Alyssa isn't afraid of you and neither am I. You have to start being nice to her because if you aren't nice to her we aren't going to let you live here."

"We only like nice monsters," Alyssa said from the closet.

"Did you hear that?" Olivia asked the 'monster'. "We only like nice monsters."

"Is he going to be nice?" Alyssa asked.

"Are you going to be nice?" Olivia asked the 'monster.' "He says he's going to be nice, Alyssa and you don't have to be afraid anymore."

Alyssa opened her closet door and hurried under the bed with Olivia. "Olibbia, he's not scary anymore. You made it all better."

"Babe, what are you doing?" Olivia heard a familiar voice ask.

"Alex is here!" Alyssa said excitedly. "Alex, talk to the monster with us."

They were running out of space underneath the bed, but Alex managed to squeeze in with Olivia and Alyssa. She wanted to be alone with Olivia, but she knew Olivia wanted some time with her little sister so she let them talk to their monster for awhile longer. Once she got a good look at Alex, she immediately decided to take her sister downstairs to Peter.

"Alyssa, stay with your daddy for awhile, okay?" Olivia said and gave her a kiss on the cheek. "We'll play in a little while."

"Olivia, what's wrong?" Peter asked. "I saw Alex and she—"

"I don't know," Olivia interrupted. "She looks like she wants to cry and…"

"Is there a monster at her house?" Alyssa asked. "Olibbia, you need to go talk to her monster, too. Make him be nice to Alex."

"There's no monster," Olivia said as she gently squeezed Alyssa's hand. "I'm going to talk to Alex and I'll be right back."

Before Olivia could make it back to her bedroom, she heard her girlfriend sobbing. As she looked at Alex leaning against the wall, she noticed nothing about her was the same. Instead of being well put together, Alex was wearing old sweatpants and a skin tight thermal shirt that she used to sleep in when she was in ninth grade. Instead of shoes, she was wearing flip flops and her soft hair was piled on top of her head in a sloppy bun. There was a bruise on her tear-stained cheek that Olivia couldn't take her eyes off of. The thought of someone hurting Alex enraged Olivia, but she didn't want to jump to conclusions until she knew the whole story.

"Babe, what happened to you?" Olivia asked as she held her.

"I'm sorry about the way I look," Alex responded. "I just grabbed the first thing I could find. I had to get out of those clothes and throw them away. I never want to see them again."

That was all Olivia needed to hear to know what happened to her girlfriend. Someone had violated the woman she loved and she had no idea how to handle this situation. If _she_ couldn't handle it, she could just imagine how Alex must feel.

"Alex, we need to—"

"No!" Alex interrupted and Olivia was taken aback by how angry she sounded. "I'm not going to and you can't force me. I'm not going to tell anybody and I'm not going to have some invasive exam done to me so I can feel like I'm being violated all over again. They didn't catch the man who raped your mom and the same is going to happen to me. Why can't you leave it alone, Olivia? I'm not going to let you force me to do anything. I knew I shouldn't have come here. All I wanted was for my girlfriend to be gentle with me, not interrogate me. I'm leaving now. Don't chase after me and don't bother calling me. I'm not going to be at my mom's and I'm not going to be at Abbie's. When I'm ready to see you, I'll let you know where I am."

"Alex—"

"I'll be okay, babe," Alex said and kissed Olivia on the cheek. She wasn't going to be okay. Olivia was almost certain that Alex wasn't going to be okay, but she didn't know what to do or who she could turn to. That night, Olivia had trouble falling asleep because all of her thoughts were about Alex. She wondered if she was scared, if she was physically hurting, if she was crying. She thought about calling Alex's mom or her aunt Susan, but she was afraid of Alex becoming upset with her. Instead, she stayed awake until morning, thinking about her girlfriend.


	41. Intertwined

**A/N: As always, thanks for the suggestions and input. This chapter is going to be a bit graphic, but I tried not to go into too much detail.**

Olivia was only able to sleep for around two hours before she woke up again. She was having nightmares again, but not the type she was used to having. Instead, these nightmares were about Alex. She knew her girlfriend had been attacked, but she still wasn't sure how, which is why her nightmares were about Alex in different scenarios ranging from Alex being in someone's car to Alex being in an alley just like her mom was. The worst nightmare was Olivia being forced to watch some unknown man violate her girlfriend. She saw him force himself inside of her and there was nothing she could do about it. She heard Alex screaming and trying unsuccessfully to push him off. Olivia knew that probably wasn't how it happened, but she couldn't stop herself from imagining the worst-case scenario.

She hadn't talked to Alex since the day before, but she knew she was staying with her aunt Susan. Lucky for Olivia, her mom was going out to lunch with Susan and Olivia's aunts, so Olivia asked if she could tag along. Her mom was unaware of what happened to Alex and Olivia had wanted to keep it that way, but she knew it was going to be a long car ride and secrets always get revealed during long car rides when there's a lack of things to say.

* * *

><p>Susan had insisted that Alex leave the door unlocked when she showered just in case she needed anything. What she would need, Alex wasn't sure. There were plenty of fresh towels, toiletries, and everything else Alex would need for her shower. It dawned on Alex that it wasn't a lack of soap or shampoo that Susan was worried about. Rather, she feared Alex would start crying or attempt to do something drastic to herself. Alex had told Susan what had happened to her the moment she arrived at her apartment, but she made sure to leave out most of the gruesome details. She was raped and she said that was all anyone needed to know. Alex told her aunt the details were unnecessary because she wasn't going to report it because of what Serena went through after she reported her rape.<p>

Alex had changed her clothes the day before, but she had neglected to change her underwear because she didn't want to see herself completely naked; however, there was no avoiding it now that she was about to take a shower. She slowly removed her underwear and stared at the blood and semen stains on it. Alex had his DNA and she knew exactly who he was, but she was still hesitant to report her rape. Instead, she crumbled the stained panties into a ball and dropped them into the trashcan.

As much as she had tried to pretend he was Olivia, nothing about it worked for her. She was used to Olivia's delicate fingers inside of her and the adoring glances Olivia would always give her whenever she was inside of her. Feeling Olivia moving inside of her was always so intimate and sexy. Those movements of Olivia's fingers always made her feel so bonded with her girlfriend and so _loved_, but she wasn't loved this time—not by him. He forced her legs apart and exerted all of his weight onto her so she couldn't fight back. Alex winced when she felt his penis near her opening because she figured the anticipation was worse than the act, but she realized she was wrong the moment he entered her. It was unlike any pain Alex had ever felt before. She was used to nothing more than the width of two or three of Olivia's fingers and the only time Olivia would enter her was when she knew Alex was open and wet enough for her. If Alex ever felt any discomfort, Olivia would remove her fingers from inside of her or she'd kiss Alex until she was at ease, but he wasn't Olivia. Alex was completely dry, which only turned him on even more. Alex felt more pain with each thrust and when she tried to scream he slapped her so hard that her face started to sting. When he was finished, he left her lying there with her legs still spread. Alex was too traumatized and sore to move, but she got dressed minutes later when she heard the apartment door start to open.

It had taken place in an apartment—a nicely furnished apartment with a Beta Gamma crest on the living room wall. Until then, Alex had imagined rapes only occurring in alleys, cars, or in the middle of nowhere, not in a luxurious Manhattan apartment that belonged to one of her sorority sisters and her boyfriend.

* * *

><p>"Liv, what's wrong?" Serena asked. "You're so quiet and you're actually sitting in the passenger seat for once. Usually, you beg me to let you drive."<p>

"I'm thinking about Alex," Olivia said as she stared straight ahead.

"You're always thinking about Alex. That's nothing new."

Olivia wondered how she should say this to her mom. Should she try to sugarcoat what had happened to her girlfriend. _No way_, Olivia thought. _If I'm not straight up, it'll be like I'm lessening what Alex went through._

"She was raped," Olivia blurted out.

Serena quickly pulled over to the shoulder of the highway. "Alex?" she asked in disbelief.

"Yes, Alex," Olivia said glumly. "My girlfriend, the love of my life, the woman I'd do anything for was violated by some guy. I don't know how it happened, but I know it happened yesterday and she doesn't want to tell me anything about it. Should I get her to talk to me, Mom? What if she doesn't want to see me? What if she wants to break up with me? I don't know what to do. All I want is to hold her right now and tell her I love her. Do you think I can? Should I give her some space instead?"

"No," Serena insisted. "It's okay to tell her you love her. She's going to want to hear that. She's probably feeling so many things right now, but what she's worried about is you being disgusted with her because someone else touched her. Alex is going to need you now more than ever, Olivia. Tell her you love her, listen to her if she's ready to tell you what happened, let her know that you're there for her, but be prepared if she's angry or if she wants to shut out the world."

Olivia had wanted to stay strong, but she couldn't fight the tears anymore. "I can't handle this, Mom. What if she's pregnant? We can't have a baby right now, especially one that was conceived that way. I love my girlfriend and I don't want to see a constant reminder of the fact that she was raped. I couldn't love it. I'm not strong like you, Mom. I can't force myself to love some child of a monster like you can. She has to have an abortion."

"Olivia Benson, look at me," Serena said sternly. "I don't want you to ever think like that. I never forced myself to love you. Loving you came naturally. I've loved you from the moment you were born. You don't know if Alex is pregnant—Alex doesn't even know. It's only been a day, Olivia, and if you two eventually find out that she _is _pregnant, you can discuss it as a couple. Don't tell her what she needs to do. It's Alex's body and, although she'll want your input, it's ultimately up to her."

Olivia knew what her mother told her was right, but she couldn't get over the possibility of having a constant reminder of Alex's rape.

* * *

><p>Alex had wanted to take a bath but the soreness between her legs made it painful to sit down so she opted for a shower. Alex became dazed the moment the water hit her skin. All she could think about was what happened to her the day before even as she went about her showering routine. Alex cut herself while shaving, but she wouldn't even look down. The water had been running for an hour when her aunt walked into the bathroom to check on her. Susan found Alex crying hysterically and completely unaware of the blood dripping down her leg.<p>

"Sweetheart, you're bleeding," Susan told her as she handed Alex a towel. "Dry yourself off and I'll help you put something on that cut."

Alex grabbed the towel, but she didn't dry herself off. Instead, she rested her head against the shower wall and started to cry even more. Without caring that she was already dressed and she was expected to go out to lunch with her friends, Susan wrapped the towel around Alex and held her close.

"Don't leave me," Alex pleaded. "I can't stay here alone."

"You won't be alone," Susan insisted. "I have a surprise for you."

"Is it Liv?" Alex asked. "I want Liv."

"She'll be here in awhile. Let's get you dried off so we can clean that cut."

Alex was feeling ashamed of her body and she would have preferred no one to see her, but she decided to let her aunt help her dry off and get dressed. Her cut was deep, but Susan reassured her that it wouldn't scar. One Band-Aid wasn't enough to cover it, so Alex had to use three. When she was curled up on the guest bed in her pajamas, she couldn't help feeling like a child. Never in her life had she been so helpless and so dependent and so _scared_. Her attacker was all she thought about and every time she closed her eyes she felt like he was still inside of her.

When Olivia showed up, Alex barely moved. All she did was smile at her girlfriend and tell her to lie down with her.

"I love you," Olivia said the moment she was cuddled up to Alex. She wanted to hold her girlfriend, but she wasn't sure if she should touch her.

"I feel safe with you," Alex told her.

"I wish I could have kept you safe yesterday," Olivia said glumly.

"It's not your fault," Alex insisted. "What matters is that you're here for me right now."

"Babe?"

"Yeah?"

"Can I hold you?" Olivia asked.

Alex shook her head. "I don't want to be touched or kissed. I just want to know you're there. Feeling you against me is okay, but I don't want your hands on me."

"Okay," Olivia responded. As much as she wanted to hold her girlfriend, she knew it was better to go at her pace and not force anything.

"I'm ready to tell you what happened, Olivia, but it has to stay between us. Do you promise to keep it between us?"

Olivia knew she shouldn't keep this to herself, but she decided to make that promise to Alex.

"I went over to Arlene's apartment to drop off her invitation to a Beta Gamma alumni event," Alex began. "Arlene wasn't there, but her boyfriend was. I was going to leave the invitation with him, but he insisted that I come in. He said Arlene wasn't due home for an hour or so, but he wanted to catch up because it had been over a year since the last time we talked. I trusted him, Liv. I've been alone with him before and nothing ever happened. Why did he choose to do this now? I don't want to tell you every detail because it would make you sick. I just can't get his voice out of my head. He kept telling me how tight I am and how good it feels to be inside of me. That's what you always tell me, babe. You're the only one who is supposed to know that. I hate that he knows that and I hate that he tore me. I was bleeding, babe."

Holding Alex was like second nature to Olivia. Without thinking, she wrapped her arms around her crying girlfriend.

"Don't touch me, Olivia!" Alex yelled.

"I'm sorry," Olivia said meekly.

"No," Alex told her. "I didn't mean to yell at you. I love you, Olivia."

"I love you, too," she told her. "Babe, it was Brad who did this? You said it was Arlene's boyfriend. I know that's Brad. That _asshole_. He was in our limo when we went to your sorority formal. We have pictures with him. I went out for drinks with that guy. Right now, all I want to do is kill him. I want to make him suffer for what he did to you. I know where he lives. I know where he works. I could get Scotty and Chucky and we could—"

"Don't," Alex interrupted. "I don't want you doing anything that could get you arrested or jeopardize your chance of getting into the academy. You have to be smart about this, Liv."

"Then let me keep you by my side," Olivia pleaded. "I'm going to worry every single moment I'm not with you."

"Keep me," Alex agreed. "I don't feel safe when I'm not with you. I need my girlfriend. Spend the night here with me?"

"I'll do whatever you want me to do," Olivia told her.

"Babe?"

"Yes, love of my life?"

"I'll let you hold my hand, okay?"

Olivia smiled at her girlfriend before intertwining their fingers. She could tell Alex didn't sleep the night before so she felt secure in the fact that Alex was able to fall asleep next to her. As she looked at her sleeping girlfriend, she couldn't believe that someone they knew could do such a horrible thing to her. Olivia wanted to kill him and, physically, she knew she could, but Alex was right about her not jeopardizing her chances of getting in the academy. Instead, she drifted off to sleep, her fingers still intertwined with Alex's.


	42. Wasteland

The next day, Alex decided to go to school with Olivia. It was only a couple of weeks ago that she had been annoyed by Olivia's constant need to be around her, but now she found herself not wanting to leave Olivia's side. Olivia had asked if she wanted to stay in the library while she went to class, but Alex was afraid of being in a building surrounded by people if Olivia was nowhere in sight. Instead, she sat next to Olivia in all of her classes. Some of her professor's weren't as accepting as others about Alex sitting in on Olivia's classes, but they decided not to say anything once Serena had explained the importance of Alex being with Olivia. Olivia had become more than her girlfriend; she had also become her protector. She was the only person who could keep Alex calm and make her feel safe. She was also the person who could actually touch Alex and it took hours for Olivia to even get to that level with her. They weren't the usual caresses between girlfriend and girlfriend—there were no kisses or playfulness, but Olivia was grateful she was now able to hold Alex's hand and hold her close.

Alex had become a shadow of her former self. She was clinging to Olivia every second and if Olivia had to leave the room, Alex would start crying. She hated being so dependent on her girlfriend, but she lived in fear of her attacker especially because he knew where she lived and who her friends were. She was scheduled to take her LSAT in less than a week and, although she had been studying on a regular basis, she no longer wanted to take her test or apply to law school. Alex was unsure of what she wanted for her future other than having Olivia by her side.

After Olivia's last class, the two of them went over to her apartment. Chucky, Scotty, Abbie, and Serena were going to be there, which made Olivia nervous. Alex said she was ready to be around other people, but only if her girlfriend stayed in sight. Abbie was aware of what happened to Alex and she told Olivia she would have kicked that guy's ass herself is she hadn't been pregnant.

As Alex walked into the apartment with Olivia, none of their friends knew how to react toward her. They knew hugging her was out of the question, but they were also unaware of what they could and could not say to her. Do they try to console her? Do they try to pretend nothing had happened? They needn't have worried because Alex didn't even glance at anyone else. She sat down on the couch next to Olivia and buried her face in her girlfriend's shoulder.

"Is she okay?" Scotty mouthed. Abbie responded with a smack on the arm and mouthed the words, "Does she look okay?"

Olivia wanted to tell them to be quiet, but she decided to focus on her girlfriend. "I love you," she said as she stroked her hair.

"I love you, too," Alex told her.

"Can I hold you?" Olivia asked. When she saw that Alex was actually smiling, Olivia wrapped her arms around her girlfriend and lifted her on to her lap. Alex leaned back against her girlfriend's chest and finally looked at her surroundings. She knew Scotty and Chucky would never harm her, but she still felt uncomfortable around young men even with Olivia holding her.

"Alex, can we talk to you in private?" Abbie asked.

"No," Alex responded. "I'm not going to leave Olivia."

"We'll be in yours and Olivia's room," Serena told her. "Everything will be okay."

"Everything will be okay if I'm with Liv," Alex insisted. "I'm not leaving my girlfriend."

"Go talk to the girls," Olivia urged as she placed her hands over her girlfriend's. "It might do you some good, buttercup. Besides, you're probably getting tired of me by now."

"I'll never get tired of you, Pookie," Alex told her. They hadn't used those nicknames since their trip to the beach and, at that point, both of them would have given anything to return to those days.

"When you're finished talking, we can hold each other some more," Olivia said as she released her grip on Alex. "I'm going to keep you safe."

Instead of saying something back to Olivia, Alex went over to the room and threw herself on the bed. Abbie and Serena were left wondering what to do next, but neither of them wanted to ask Olivia.

"Can we talk to her?" Serena asked after a minute of awkward silence.

"Yes," Olivia said, frustrated. "You guys, she's still Alex. She's not a porcelain doll. Treating her like this isn't going to help her."

"And letting her cling to you every second is?" Abbie asked. "She needs to get professional help and she needs to report the asshole who did this to her. She shouldn't be living in fear and feeling as if she needs to be around you every second."

"I'm her girlfriend," Olivia said defensively.

"Stop talking about me like I'm not even here," Alex shouted from the room.

"I'm going to talk to her," Abbie announced. "Come on, Rena Bena."

"I'm okay," Alex insisted the moment she saw Abbie and Serena walk into the room. Wanting to have complete privacy, Serena shut the door before the two of them sat down next to Alex.

"You're not okay," Abbie told her. "And no one is expecting you to be okay. In fact, I'd be worried if you _were _okay with this."

"Fine, I'm not okay," Alex admitted. "I'm disgusted with myself and with him. I'm still sore between my legs, I'm still living in fear, and I'm still afraid of what's going to happen between Liv and me."

"With you and Liv?" Serena asked.

"I keep worrying I'll never be intimate with her again," Alex told them. "I can't even kiss her without thinking of him. I can just imagine how traumatizing it would be if I tried to make love to her."

"This is Liv we're talking about," Abbie reminded her. "She loves you so much, Alex. Sex isn't on her mind right now. All she's thinking about is keeping you safe and helping you through this."

"But what if she gets tired of waiting for me to be ready and she gets it from another woman?" Alex asked.

"Another woman?" Serena laughed. "Olivia Lorraine Benson is practically addicted to you. The girl wants to marry you and spend the rest of her life with you. She's not shy about saying it either. Everyone knows how she feels about you. Olivia ends every single radio show with a song dedicated to you. How many girlfriends do that?"

"Not many," Alex realized. "I have a good girlfriend."

"You have a _great_ girlfriend," Serena corrected her.

"Do you?" Alex asked once she saw Abbie and Serena start to hold hands.

"We're…friends," Abbie responded.

"Friends who happen to be in love with each other," Serena added. "But we haven't kissed yet."

Abbie and Serena knew they had a reason they wanted to talk to Alex, but neither of them knew quite how to approach the subject, so they decided on engaging in small talk beforehand. They talked about the twins and went over name suggestions as best as they could even though Serena insisted one of the girls should be named after her.

"While we're on the subject of babies, there's something Serena and I wanted to talk to you about," Abbie said nervously.

"What?" Alex asked.

"When he…did he use a condom?" Serena asked.

"No," Alex responded. "Why? Where are you guys going with this?"

"Serena and I were thinking you should use emergency contraceptives," Abbie told her. "There's a very small window of opportunity to use them and you still have time, but it has to be today, Alex."

"No!" Alex said angrily. "I'm not doing that to my body. I wrote a paper on emergency contraception for one of my classes and I did plenty of research on them. They aren't 100% effective and the side effects are brutal—excessive vomiting, nausea…"

"Excessive vomiting for one day is better than morning sickness," Abbie pointed out. "Trust me, I've been through it twice."

"Abbie, I can't believe you're telling me this. You of all people."

"I know," Abbie responded. "I'm against abortion, but this isn't an abortion, Alex."

"Why didn't you take this 'miracle' drug after you had unprotected sex with Trent?" Alex asked.

"These are different circumstances," Abbie pointed out. "When I had sex with Trent, it was consensual and he already said he's going to help me with the girls. You were _raped_, Alex. Would you really want to have his baby? Would you really want a constant reminder of what happened to you?"

"You mean a constant reminder like my girlfriend is?" Alex asked. "Abbie, this is a very sensitive subject. That'd be like saying my girlfriend shouldn't have been born."

"I'm sorry, Alex. You know that's not how I meant for this to come out," Abbie insisted. "But you shouldn't feel obligated because of Olivia. Olivia even said she'd never go through with a pregnancy if she was raped."

"I don't want this," Alex told her. "I hope some poor child isn't conceived because of what happened to me, but I also feel like I'd be denying Olivia if I took those pills. How do you think that'd make her feel? She's already having a hard time dealing with being the product of rape. Wouldn't me doing this make her feel worse?"

"I think she'd feel worse if you were pregnant," Serena pointed out. "She's not ready to be a mom. What Olivia wants is—"

"Since when did you become an expert on what my girlfriend wants?" Alex asked coldly. "No offense, Serena, but you've been gone for awhile and you have no idea what Olivia and I have gone through together. You shouldn't even be allowed a say in this. Neither should you, Abbie. Right now, it's not even about what Olivia wants. It's _my _body."

Under normal circumstances, Serena would have been offended, but she let it slide because of everything Alex had gone through.

"Alex, what about law school?" Abbie asked.

"What about it?" Alex responded. "You're pregnant and you're still going. I'll already have given birth by the time I'm ready to start law school."

"This is _sick_," Serena pointed out. "Alex, you aren't thinking straight right now. It's almost as if you _want _to be pregnant."

"Are you saying I wanted to be raped?" Alex asked angrily.

"Alex, that's not what I said," Serena insisted. "You need to do something about this while there's still time. You need to report what happened to you and you need to prevent yourself from getting pregnant while there's still time."

"I don't need either of you telling me what to do," Alex informed them. "None of us have our lives together and I'm fine with it."

"Where are you going?" Abbie asked when she saw Alex get up from the bed.

"I need to be with my girlfriend," Alex told her. "I can't be in here anymore. I can't be anywhere anymore."

Alex grabbed Olivia by the hand and led her out the door and into the hallway. She was grateful for her friends, but she couldn't handle being around anyone right now. She felt as if they were all judging her and expecting something from her. She didn't know exactly what they were expecting, but she still felt overwhelmed.

"Do you want to go back to Susan's?" Olivia asked. "Or we can go to my mom's house if you want."

"No," Alex said and shook her head. "I don't know where I want to be right now, Olivia. I know what it's like now."

"What?" Olivia asked.

"Wasteland," Alex responded. "That shade of gray you and Abbie used to talk about. I want to be neither here nor there. I'm neither happy nor sad. I'm just in a state of being right now. It's like nothing is certain and that's okay."

"Alex, you have to do something about this," Olivia insisted. "You have to report what he did to you."

"What did he do to me?" Alex asked as she held on to her girlfriend. "I don't care anymore. I prefer the wasteland. It's safe here. It's safe not feeling anything. I love you, Olivia, and that's the only thing I feel right now."

Olivia knew it was all a lie when she heard Alex start to sob. Her girlfriend was feeling something and Olivia had no idea what to do.


	43. Sealing Their Fate

**A/N: Just a warning, this chapter is going to be a little angsty...**

Six weeks had passed since Alex was attacked and Olivia was worried about the lack of progress her girlfriend was making. She had tried to set up an appointment for Alex to meet with a therapist, but instead Alex lashed out at her and told her that she wasn't crazy. When Olivia tried to explain how therapy had helped her, Alex refused to listen. She tried to get Alex to report her rape, but Alex told her she wasn't going to because all she wanted to do was forget about what had happened to her and reporting her rape would make her feel as if she was reliving it. Regardless of how many times Alex told Olivia that she was okay, Olivia knew she couldn't be further from the truth. Alex was still clinging to Olivia and Olivia was starting to become annoyed by it. She was willing to help her girlfriend through this, but she wanted Alex to start helping herself as well instead of just depending on Olivia. She hated feeling that way about Alex, but there was no denying it. Olivia knew sex was out of the question and she was fine with that, but after six weeks she expected to at least be able to kiss her girlfriend on the cheek without getting pushed away or yelled at.

Alex wasn't taking any of Olivia's advice and she refused to talk to anyone else about what happened to her, which only frustrated Olivia even more. When she noticed Alex hadn't gotten her period in October and still hadn't gotten it by mid-November, she had another worry added to her ever-growing list. She had tried to tell herself that Alex was under a lot of stress and it wasn't unusual for a woman's cycle to be thrown off when she was under a lot of stress, but then she remembered this was Alex and Alex's cycle was like clockwork regardless of her stress level. Olivia always knew the day Alex was going to start because she always made sure to have time set aside especially for her girlfriend in case she needed a massage or any other type of comforting. With that in mind, Olivia managed to buy a pregnancy test while they were at the drugstore with Abbie. Abbie knew what Olivia had planned so she distracted Alex as Olivia paid for the test.

Olivia started feeling light-headed as she held the test in her hand. It was still sealed in the box, but she felt as if she already knew what the results would be. She thought about everything she had wanted to experience with Alex and none of it included Alex getting pregnant at twenty-one. They may have wanted to have a baby before the school year began, but Olivia was glad they had come to their senses and decided to wait. With all the uncertainty in their lives, Olivia knew they weren't ready for a baby. She only had a few months left as an undergraduate and she wanted to enjoy them with Alex. She wanted to go to parties with her and go on dates with her, not shop for baby clothes and sign up for Lamaze class. The baby would be born after her graduation, which meant they would have a newborn while she was in the academy and Alex was in law school. That test may have been a plastic stick, but it sealed Olivia's fate unless she was able to convince her girlfriend to terminate her pregnancy. That's what she would do—she would have Alex terminate her pregnancy. Olivia tried to tell herself that Alex would go for it. Why would she want a constant reminder of her rape just like her mom had a constant reminder of hers? Alex hadn't even taken the test and Olivia already felt like crying.

"Babe," Olivia said nervously.

"Hmm?" Alex asked as she started clinging to her on their bed. "What's in that box?"

Olivia squeezed her hand. "I want you to take a pregnancy test. I'm worried about you, Alex. You didn't get your period at all last month."

"So?" Alex asked. "It's because I've been stressed. It happens to most women."

"You're not most women."

"I'm not going to."

"Please, just do this for me—for us," Olivia pleaded. "We have to know, Alex. This affects us both. If you're scared, I'll be in there with you as you take it."

"I'm peeing on a stick, Olivia," Alex said in a condescending tone. "I don't need you in there with me."

Before Olivia could get a word in, Alex grabbed the box from her and went to the bathroom. Olivia had still wanted to go in there with her, but once she heard the door slam loud enough to make one of their neighbors complain, Olivia knew she should give Alex some time alone.

Alex had never doubted that she'd have to take a pregnancy test someday, but she had always imagined it being under different circumstances. She had wanted to choose a donor with Olivia and actually feel as if this pregnancy was a blessing. She used to daydream about the test results being positive and thinking of the different ways she'd tell Olivia. Each idea was cornier than the last, but none of that mattered to Alex because they were going to have a baby together. As she stared at the test she had just taken, she realized that this pregnancy wouldn't be celebrated. If anything, her girlfriend was going to be upset with her for not taking her advice and reporting her rape.

While she waited for the results, she started thinking about everything she had been through with Olivia. They were never carefree, but they were once innocent. She thought about their senior year and how even when they'd have sex with each other there was still a level of innocence to it. They'd always hold each other and sneak kisses any time they could. Alex and Olivia were so full of love for each other and hope for the future. She was happy then—that was the last time she was happy now that she realized it. So much had changed since then and Alex wondered what had gotten them to that point. How did they go from Olivia giving her a homemade Valentine card in preschool to confessing their love for each other to _this_?

"Sweetheart, can I come in?" Olivia asked as she knocked on the door.

"Not yet," Alex said meekly.

She slowly picked up the test from on top of the sink and wished everything would just go back to the way it used to be—the way it was when they were in high school and Olivia placed her class ring on her finger. Three and a half years later and she was _still _wearing that ring. Alex dreaded the results, but she knew she'd have to look sooner or later.

"Liv, you can come in now," Alex said softly, hoping that her girlfriend could still hear her. When Olivia entered the bathroom, Alex lost her composure. All she wanted to do was cry into her shoulder.

"It's positive?" Olivia asked as she held her. She knew there was no point in asking. Her girlfriend's sobs were really the only answer she needed. "It's okay, babe. We can make an appointment for you at the same clinic Katrina went to. I know the procedure is invasive, but I'll take care of you afterward. I'll even see if I can be in there with you to hold your hand. We'll get through this, Alex."

Alex pulled away from her. "What are you talking about?"

"What we have to do, Alex."

"What you have to do is hold my hand in the delivery room this summer."

"You're not having this baby, Alex," Olivia said angrily.

"It's not your body, Olivia," Alex snapped back. "If I want to have this baby, then I'm going to have this baby. This is _our_ baby, Olivia, and—"

"This isn't _our _baby, Alex," Olivia interrupted. "This is Brad's baby, not mine. How could you do this to me, Alex? You know how hard it is for me to deal with what happened to my mom and now I'm supposed to love this baby that I had nothing to do with—this baby that will constantly remind me of someone brutally attacking you. It's not gonna happen, Alex."

"But we're a couple," Alex reminded her.

"If we're a couple then have some respect for what I want."

"How about what _I _want?" Alex pointed out. "I didn't ask for this, but here we are. And why should our baby suffer, Olivia? What happened to me isn't the baby's fault, just like what happened to your mom isn't your fault. This baby deserves a chance just like you did, Olivia. How could you tell me to have an abortion when you were conceived the same way our baby was?"

"That's pretty low, Alex. You're trying to guilt trip me, but it's not going to work," Olivia scoffed. "You just had to go there, didn't you? If you're going to raise this baby, do it without me."

"Where are you going?" Alex asked as Olivia started changing into a tank top and jeans.

"Chucky's."

"His frat house?" Alex asked. "Liv, you're not supposed to be drinking. You know that."

"Don't _fucking _tell me what to do, Alex," Olivia said angrily. "You expect me to take your advice when you wouldn't even take mine. I told you hundreds of times to report him and you didn't. Abbie, Serena, and I wanted you to take those pills but you didn't. I told you to go to a therapist but you wouldn't even do that. You could have even talked to my mom, but you refused. What the _fuck _do you want from me, Alex, other than tying me down for the rest of my life?"

"Please don't leave me," Alex pleaded. She hoped her tears would melt Olivia's heart and convince her to stay, but it was no use. Olivia was out the door without even giving her a second glance.

Alex spent the rest of the night crying in their bed with Olivia's pillow next to her. This was the first night she had spent without Olivia in six weeks and she still wanted to feel close to her in any way she possibly could. She didn't know which one of them was in the wrong or if either of them were in the wrong, but she didn't care. There was now a life growing inside of Alex and she had no idea if she'd be able to raise this baby on her own.


	44. Home Again

Olivia made her way over to Abbie's apartment the next morning feeling more hungover than she had in months. She didn't want to drink and her friends weren't going to allow her to, but as host, Chucky couldn't keep an eye on her the entire time. She kept thinking about Alex and thoughts of Alex would turn to thoughts about their—_Alex's_—future baby. The more she thought about the baby, the more she wanted to forget that he or she even existed. She loved Alex and the baby was coming from Alex, so did that mean she should love the baby, too? Olivia kept asking herself that question until the shots started flowing and the drinking games began. The next morning, she was completely unaware of how many shots she had taken or when she had fallen asleep in Chucky's room. Not wanting any rumors to start, Chucky slept on the floor while Olivia slept in his bed. Before she started drinking, she let him in on everything that had happened earlier. Instead of taking her side, he told her to man up and take care of her girlfriend, but she refused to listen. She wanted to forget about everything—including Alex.

The next morning, she regretted those thoughts she had about Alex, but when she went home to see her, Alex wasn't there. In hopes of finding Alex, Olivia decided to go to Abbie's, but Abbie had told her she hadn't seen her. Olivia knew Alex had told Abbie about the baby and she knew Abbie was most likely on Alex's side, but she still wished her best friend was still in there and deep down within the future mommy of twins was the girl who loved to play video games and listen to music with her.

"Abbie—"

"She's not here, Olivia," Abbie said as she was sitting on the couch with Serena.

"Then where is she?" Olivia asked. She was starting to yell and Serena was becoming worried about Abbie.

"Olivia, I would appreciate it if you'd stop yelling at Abbie," Serena said sternly. "Upsetting her is bad for the girls."

"Don't rub it in, Serena," Olivia said as she glared at her. "You're trying to make yourself seem better than me by telling me that you're there for Abbie and her girls even though you had no part in their conception and you want me to feel like a horrible person for not being there for Alex and her baby even though she was raped. You don't get it, Serena. My situation isn't like yours."

"I have no idea what you're talking about, Liv," Serena told her. "All I was saying is for you not to yell at Abbie."

"Babe, it's okay," Abbie said and kissed Serena. "Do you mind if I have a talk with Olivia."

"Okay," Serena sighed. "But I don't want anyone yelling at you. It's bad for our little ones."

"_Our_ little ones?" Abbie asked playfully. "You're calling them ours now instead of just mine."

"It slipped," Serena insisted.

"I love you, Rena Bena."

"I love you, Abbiekins."

Not caring whether or not they saw, Olivia rolled her eyes at them. She'd never admit it to Abbie and Serena, but she was becoming jealous of them and how they were starting to have it all together. She wasn't sure if they were a couple again and she didn't care to ask, but she wanted to be as affectionate as they were. She wanted to kiss Alex like she used to and take her places without worrying if she was going to be afraid. She felt horrible for doing so, but she caught herself looking at other girls at the party last night. She was even alone with a girl who was especially flirtatious, but she couldn't do anything—she didn't even _want _to do anything. She wanted her Alex and she hoped that Alex still wanted her, too.

"What did you want to talk about?" Abbie asked once Serena was in their room.

"Nothing, nevermind," Olivia said quickly. "I have to go now."

"Where are you going?"

"Alex's mom's house," Olivia told her. "I know she's there. She has to be. She's probably talking to her mom about what a horrible person I am."

Abbie just shook her head. "Alex is _pregnant_, Olivia. Maybe she's telling her mom that she's going to be a grandma and maybe they're going to go out to celebrate with Jared. Not everything is about you, Olivia. Must I repeat, Alex is _pregnant_. Everything should be about _her _right now."

Olivia didn't want to admit Abbie was right, so she decided to leave, but not without slamming the door behind her to prove her point; she wanted Abbie on _her _side, not Alex's.

She wasn't sure how, but Alex made it through her first night without Olivia. It pained her to do so, but she felt as if she could make it through that night she'd be able to make it through the following night and then it'd be easier for her to get through the rest of her life without Olivia. She loved Olivia—she'd always love Olivia, but she knew she couldn't take care of a baby_ and_ take care of Olivia. Alex didn't know if she was willing to spend the rest of her life as Olivia's girlfriend. It was emotionally draining for her and she didn't want her baby to be around Olivia's instability. She wondered if Olivia would ever grow up and, as much as she loved her, she felt as if she could almost hate her for demanding that she get an abortion. She now had a baby on the way and, no matter what she felt for Olivia, her future son or daughter was always going to be a priority in Alex's life.

* * *

><p>When Alex woke up that morning, she glanced around the room that was mostly Olivia's and she knew it would be best if she left. Not knowing where else to go, Alex stepped into her car and drove back to her mom's house. The drive over there lasted two hours with traffic, but it didn't bother Alex because driving took her mind off of Olivia, at least it did until she heard one of their songs. That's when she pulled over and started crying. She wanted to scream, but instead she started hitting her hands on the steering wheel as hard as she could until she got all of her anger out. <em>How could Olivia do this to me? She abandons me when I need her the most. I hate her! I hate her! I can't put up with this anymore. Think about your baby, Alex. You're going to be a mom and you're going to be okay with or without her. It's only a matter of time before she starts drinking again and fucking other girls. That's all she knows how to do.<em>

Alex took a deep breath and tried to mentally prepare herself before entering her childhood home. Her mom's car was in the driveway so she knew she'd be home. The reason for driving to Fallbrook was to visit her mom, but deep down she hoped she wouldn't be home so she wouldn't have to tell her right away. It had been weeks since she saw her mom and she began to feel guilty about springing such news on her instead of just showing up for a visit.

"Alex!" Deborah said excitedly when she saw her daughter. "Sweetheart, I'm so glad you finally came home. Where's Olivia?"

"I'm not with her anymore," Alex said glumly.

"You two broke up again?"

"Yes, Mom, again. I think I'm finished with her."

Deborah knew Alex would never be finished with Olivia, but at that point in Alex's life it was just best to humor her. "What happened, Alex?"

"I have something very important to tell you."

"Then tell me," Deborah insisted as she led her daughter to the living room.

When they were sitting down on the couch, Alex started to rethink having this conversation with her mom. She worried about how her mother would react to hearing about her pregnancy. It wasn't as if she had a husband or she chose a donor with Olivia—she was raped and this baby was the product of that. She knew her mother wouldn't be entirely happy, but what worried her the most was whether or not she would accept this baby as her grandchild.

"Mom, when I was raped, he didn't use a condom and—I'm—well, Mom—"

"Alex, you're not," Deborah said as she held her daughter's hand.

"Mom, I'm pregnant. I know I am."

"What's Olivia have to say about this?"

"She wants me to have an abortion."

Deborah bit her lip. She averted her eyes. She did _everything _she possibly could to help process what was going on. "What do _you _want to do, Alex?"

"I want to have the baby," Alex told her.

"But this baby will have his DNA."

"And it will also have _mine_," Alex pointed out. "Yes, this baby was the product of rape, but this is still _my _baby, my own flesh and blood and he or she is already such a big part of me."

"Are you going to be able to handle this?" Deborah asked.

"I will, Mom. I will," Alex insisted. "When I found out yesterday, I was devastated, but the more I think about my baby the more I want him or her. My baby is helping me cope with being raped, Mom. Something horrible happened to me and I hate Brad for what he did, but there's beauty in it now. I already love my baby. Yes, I'm scared, but aren't all women who are going to have a baby for the first time? Even Abbie is scared and she has it all together."

"But you're going to be okay raising your baby without Olivia?"

"She wants me to have an abortion, Mom," Alex repeated. "She didn't suggest it; she was practically forcing me. I was so disgusted by her. If she thinks I'm going to choose her over my baby, she is mistaken. I've never said anything like this before, but I hate Olivia. I hate her for suggesting that. I hate her for leaving me for a frat party after I told her I wouldn't have an abortion. I hate her for not listening to me. She never listens to me, Mom. I want her to grow up and act like a girlfriend."

"Alex, you love her. I know you love her," Deborah pointed out. "Just give her some time. What you witnessed was her initial reaction. She'll come around, sweetheart."

"Mom, I'm not going to waste my life waiting for Olivia," Alex told her. "My baby is my priority now. I'm not going to have time for a relationship."

Deborah sighed. "If you insist, Alexandra. So, my little girl is having a baby."

"I am," Alex said matter-of-factly.

Deborah smiled at her daughter for the first time since the start of their visit. "I'm going to be a grandma. I can't believe it, Alex. I'm going to be a grandma. We need to celebrate. Go get my camera."

"Why do you want the camera right now?"

"You'll see."

"We aren't taking any cheesy month-by-month pictures, are we?" Alex asked. "Please, Mom, don't make me."

"Assume the position, young lady," Deborah told her daughter. With that being said, Alex turned to the side and lifted up her shirt so her abdomen was in full sight. At only six weeks, Alex wasn't showing yet, but her mom still wanted a side photo of her.

"I'm not even showing yet, Mom," Alex groaned. She'd never admit it to her mom, but Alex was actually enjoying posing for the pictures and she loved the opportunity to bond with her mom.

"You may not be showing yet, but this picture serves a purpose," Deborah insisted. "I'm going to take one of you each month and then I'm going to scrapbook them so you can see how your body is changing because of that little miracle inside of you."

Alex was caught off guard. Never did she expect someone other than herself to refer to her baby that way. "You called my baby a miracle?"

"Because it is," Deborah told her daughter. "That's my grandchild you're carrying. He or she is going to be spoiled, starting now."

"Now?" Alex asked. "How can my baby be spoiled before it's even born?"

"By spoiling his or her mom," Deborah said. "Alex, I want you to come home. I know I can't give you the same kind of life I did when I was with your father, but I can still take care of you. We're doing okay, Alex. You don't have to keep going from apartment to apartment in the city with no place to really call your own. You have your room here, the same room you've had since the day we brought you home from the hospital. We can turn the guest room into a nursery or if you want your baby in your room, we can put the crib in there. We can even do both if you'd like. I just want to know you're safe, Alex, and if you're here I know you're safe and being cared for. You can still go to law school in the fall. Most schools have a daycare center on campus so you can see your baby between classes and if you're ever too tired to come home, you can always stay at Susan's. I know she'll set up everything for you and the baby at her apartment."

She wasn't going to be alone. She wouldn't have Olivia, but Alex knew she was going to be okay.

"Mom, you don't have to convince me," Alex said and gave her mom a hug. "I'm coming home."

Deborah was about to suggest taking her daughter to lunch, but the sound of the doorbell interrupted their conversation. Assuming it was Jared coming home from his friend's house, Alex hurried over to the door.

She was surprised to see Olivia standing in the doorway holding a single red rose in one hand and a teddy bear print receiving blanket in the other hand. "Liv?"

"I have something for you and something for our baby," Olivia said nervously. "I love you, Alex and I'm sorry about the way I acted last night. I want to raise this baby with you and I want us to be a family."

"We're finished, Olivia. You shouldn't have come here," Alex said and slammed the door on her.

Olivia set the rose and the blanket on top of a bench on Alex's porch and made her way to her car as quickly as possible. Although she was uncertain of the outcome, Olivia didn't feel defeated. She was going to keep trying until Alex was hers again.


	45. Loving Olivia

A week had passed since Alex had told her mom she was pregnant and it was one of the most difficult weeks of Alex's life. Her morning sickness had begun, she was feeling tired all the time, but most of all she was missing Olivia. She wasn't regretting the decision she had made to keep her baby, but she was worried about raising him or her on her own. She knew her mother would be helping and she was grateful for all of her generosity, but it still wasn't the same as having help from her girlfriend. As different as they were, she considered Olivia to be her soulmate and she knew no other woman could take Olivia's place. Without Olivia, Alex felt incomplete.

Pregnancy was already taking a toll on Alex. Her physical appearance had yet to change, but her mindset was completely different. All she could think about—when she wasn't thinking about Olivia—was her baby. Alex didn't choose to become pregnant and, if she had the choice, it would have happened later in life after she had been settled into her career, but here she was pregnant at just twenty-one years old and without a significant other to share this experience with.

Her mom had become pregnant at a young age, but she also had a husband and a steady income. Alex had neither of those things. There was only one person who knew what Alex was experiencing and she desperately wanted to talk to her. The only problem was talking to her without running into Olivia.

After an internal debate, Alex decided talking to Serena was worth the possibility of seeing Olivia. She just didn't expect for it to hurt so much when it was Olivia who answered the door. She was dressed in ripped jeans, a baggy olive green striped t-shirt, with a cream-colored thermal underneath. Her shoulder-length hair was covered up by an old beanie and the only make-up she was wearing was some burgundy lipstick. She thought Olivia looked more like a hobo instead of someone who wanted to enter the academy in a few short months, but it was the look that Alex loved on her because it was the signature Olivia look. Alex wanted nothing more than to hug her and feel the softness of Olivia's cotton t-shirt against her skin, but she wasn't quite ready to give in.

"What's up?" Olivia asked.

"I was hoping I could talk to your mom."

"Yeah, come in," Olivia said nonchalantly.

Alex sat on the couch in the living room while she waited for Serena. This house now felt uncomfortable for Alex and she wondered if Serena would even want to talk to her knowing what was happening between her and Olivia.

"I'll give you two some privacy," Olivia said and gave her mom a hug.

"Where are you going?" Serena asked.

"We need Tang and ice cream," Olivia said and Serena gave her a confused look.

"She likes to sprinkle Tang on her ice cream," Alex told Serena. "It's actually not that bad. Or sometimes she makes Tang floats instead of root beer floats."

"I guess I should be happy you're getting _some _vitamins," Serena told her daughter. "A young woman cannot live on hot wings and chili cheese fries alone."

"If it makes you feel better, ice cream is loaded with calcium," Olivia added.

"Get out of here," Serena told her. "Do you need some money?"

"No, I make bank," Olivia teased. "I have tens of dollars in my account."

"Olivia, get out," Serena said and shook her head.

"I took a ten from your purse, Mom!" Olivia shouted on her way out.

"That daughter of mine," Serena said jokingly to Alex. "Do you want her back? You can have her. _Please _take her off my hands."

Alex started to fidget in her seat. She wasn't sure how to start this conversation, but she knew it had to be done. "Actually, I wanted to talk to you about Olivia. Has she told you anything lately?"

"If you're referring to your pregnancy and her reaction to it, yes, she's told me everything. She's really sorry about it and I want my little girl to be happy, but I also had to give her my unbiased opinion on the situation."

"Which is?"

"What she told you to do is wrong, but you both could have went about this differently. You two should have talked about it beforehand. I know Olivia loves you, but she's not ready to be a parent," Serena said matter-of-factly.

"So, I should move on?" Alex asked.

"I wasn't finished," Serena said and smiled at Alex. "Olivia's not ready and I doubt _you're _ready, but who really is? Having a baby can be a frightening experience, but you two have so much love for each other and I know that same amount of love is going to be given to your baby."

"Were you scared?" Alex asked.

"I was _terrified_," Serena admitted. "I was twenty-one, single, and I had never planned on having a baby."

"What made you want to keep her when you found out you were pregnant?"

"The same thing that made you want to keep _your _baby."

"You felt a connection with her already?" Alex asked.

"Not right away," Serena responded. "But, in time, I did. I felt so lost and I didn't know how to handle pregnancy or having a newborn, but I learned and everyday I'm grateful I decided to have her. I think you're handling this better than I did. I was a wreck at first."

"Thanks," Alex said sheepishly. "When you'd look at Liv, were you ever reminded of what happened to you? I'm worried about that happening when I look at my baby."

"At first, yes," Serena admitted. "But that didn't make me love her any less. All of those thoughts stopped when I realized what matters more is not how she was brought into this world but what she does after she's been brought into the world. She has his DNA and she always will, but her personality is all her own. I was the one who raised her. She has my beliefs and my values, not his. Having a baby is going to change every aspect of your life. It's not going to be all about you anymore. You're going to have this tiny little person depending on you and, even when they grow up, they still depend on you. Liv doesn't need me the way she does when she was a baby or even when she was a child or a teenager, but she still needs me to be there for her and guide her. That last one, I'm not too sure if I'm doing correctly."

"You are," Alex insisted. "You've raised the most loving girl I've ever met. She's my everything—well, her and the baby."

"Like I said earlier, you can keep her if you'd like," Serena insisted. "Her piercings are back in. I hate those pieces of metal on her face. But, honestly, Alex, you're going to be okay. If I was able to raise Olivia, you'll be able to raise your baby. You have so many people on your side. You have your mom, Susan, Abbie, and even if you aren't going to be with my daughter you'll still have me to help you."

"Thank you," Alex said, trying not to cry.

"Just be prepared for everything to change," Serena reminded her. "You might not be able to live the life you planned on living, but having a little one can change your life for the better. There's going to be times when you're frustrated. I went through so many of those moments. I remember the days I had to study for my finals _and _chase after Olivia when she first started walking. There were times I wanted to go out with my friends but Olivia had a fever so I had to stay in and take care of her, but the good times outweigh the frustration. I remember all of the handmade Mother's Day cards, the goodnight and good morning hugs, the times she'd say 'Mommy, I love you so much.' We didn't always get along during her teen years, but she still made me proud to be her mom whenever I'd see her playing varsity softball and making the honor roll. Although she messes around a little too much, I'm still proud to be Olivia's mom. I still listen to every one of her radio shows and I have colleagues who tell me what a pleasure she is to have in class. There are people who expect her to be a certain way, but it's important that she finds herself even if she's trying out different careers until she's thirty. Olivia didn't have the easiest childhood, but she has always been loved just like your baby is always going to be loved."

"Thank you so much," Alex said and gave Serena another hug. "Your grandchild says thank you, too."

"My grandchild?" Serena asked even though she knew exactly what Alex meant.

"I want to raise this baby with Olivia," Alex said excitedly. "So that means, in July, you're going to have your first grandchild."

"So this baby is going to have Deborah and myself as grandmothers?" Serena asked as she smiled at Alex. "Prepare for an all out war over who can spoil him or her the most. If I get the child a swing set, Deborah will have an Olympic-sized pool built especially for him or her. If you have a daughter and Deborah buys her a Hello Kitty purse for her birthday, I'll take her to Japan to buy exclusive regional items. If you have a son and I get him a skateboard, Deborah will buy him a Mercedes the day he turns sixteen. It'll never end, Alex."

Alex couldn't help imagining all of that actually happening. She knew Serena wasn't exaggerating either. With the two of them as grandmothers, she knew her baby was going to be extremely spoiled.

"I'm making Tang floats. Do either of you want one?" Olivia asked when she walked into the living room. The two of them had been so caught up in their conversation that they failed to notice when Olivia had come home.

"I'll take one," Alex said as she got up. Before leaving the living room, she mouthed another 'thank you' to Serena. Their talk had cleared up so much for her and she finally felt as if she was ready for a one-on-one conversation with Olivia.

"I'm glad you're speaking to me," Olivia said to break the ice.

"You know I can't go long without hearing your voice," Alex said affectionately. "I love you, Olivia."

"I love you, too, and I meant everything I said about wanting us to be a family."

"That's what I wanted to talk to you about," Alex said nervously. "Can we go up to your room?"

Olivia grabbed the Tang floats and followed Alex up to her bedroom. She had wanted to sit on the bed with her, but Alex sat on the ground and leaned up against the wall. Before she could have a sip of her drink, Alex took the glass out of her hand and set them aside. She was about to do something she hadn't done in seven weeks; she leaned in and pressed her lips to Olivia's.

"Are you sure?" Olivia asked.

"Liv, just kiss me," Alex commanded. It had been seven weeks and Olivia wasted no time arguing. All she wanted to do was taste Alex's lips again. There was something different about these kisses and they both felt as if it was as exciting as the first time they ever kissed each other, except now there was so much more love and understanding between them.

"Babe, you're crying," Olivia said as she wiped Alex's tears away. "I'm sorry."

"It's just my hormones," Alex told her. "I'm so happy right now, Olivia. We're going to have our own little family. I want you to promise you're going to stick by me throughout all of this."

"I promise. Can you promise me something, too?"

Alex cuddled up to her and gave her one more kiss. "Anything."

"Promise me we won't have to tell our baby how he or she was conceived," Olivia said and Alex could tell she was trying not to cry. "There are some things our child is better off not knowing. I'm sorry I reacted the way I did, but it was only because I don't want our child to go through what I went through. I thought I was ready for the truth when I turned eighteen, but I learned there are some things you are never ready for."

"We'll keep it between us," Alex promised. "All parents have some secrets they keep from their children."

Olivia could no longer hold back her tears. "Thank you," she told Alex. "I—I bought something for the baby."

"Let me see," Alex said excitedly, hoping that would cheer Olivia up. She pulled out a gift bag from her closet and handed it to Alex. Alex was nervous about the gift, but she knew she had to be happy about it regardless because it was from Olivia.

"I hope you like it," Olivia said as she sat down next to her again. Alex put the tissue paper aside and pulled out an infant-sized black Nirvana t-shirt and brown flannel shirt.

"And what if we have a girl?" Alex asked.

Olivia shrugged. "It's unisex. Regardless, I'm dressing our child like me."

"My girl," Alex said softly as she laid on Olivia. "I love you so much."

"I love you, too," Olivia responded. She knew there were no changes in her girlfriend's physical appearance but she couldn't help grazing her fingers across her stomach.

"I have a doctor's appointment next week. Will you go with me?"

"Fuck yeah!" Olivia said excitedly. "I mean, yeah, of course."

"Liv, we're going to be parents," Alex said. "What the _hell_? We better not mess this up."

"We will," Olivia teased. "Just like our parents messed us up and their parents messed them up and just like our kid is going to mess our grandkids up and so on."

"Thank you, Oscar the Grouch."

"Seeing as we're doing the whole grown up thing, does this mean no more Lunchables and Capri Sun for dinner?" Olivia asked. "The bologna and cheese Lunchables are too good to give up."

"Probably," Alex responded. "When you're in the academy, do you want to show up with a Lunchables and a Capri Sun?"

"I guess not. I'm worried about that," Olivia admitted. "What if I don't have what it takes?"

"You're part Wonder Woman, you have exactly what it takes," Alex reassured her. "We're going to be okay, babe; our little family is going to be okay."


	46. Scared Out Of Her Mind

**A/N: Hey, everyone! Sorry about the delayed update. I hope you forgive me and I also hope you enjoy this chapter. Thanks for being so patient with me. :) **

The night before Alex's first prenatal appointment, the two of them decided to spend the night at Olivia's childhood home. It was inconvenient for Olivia who had to commute to her hometown after she finished her radio show at midnight, but she was willing to do just about anything for her girlfriend. Olivia had suggested finding a doctor in the city, but Alex insisted on seeing a doctor in Fallbrook. She wanted to have their baby in the same hospital where she, her brother, and her mom were born because it gave her hope for the baby and allowed her to feel even more connected to him or her. Olivia still didn't understand the importance of giving birth in that particular hospital, but after all of the commuting she had been doing she had neither the time nor the energy to argue with Alex.

It was two in the morning by the time Olivia arrived, but Alex noticed five minutes had passed and Olivia still hadn't gotten out of her car. Assuming she was listening to something on the radio or taking time to gather her belongings, Alex decided to wait a few more minutes before checking on her. When ten minutes had passed, Alex knew it was time to go outside. She saw Olivia's head against the steering wheel and started to smile. Her woman was exhausted and she was more than happy to cuddle with her in bed. The closer Alex got to the car, the more she realized that Olivia wasn't actually falling asleep; she was crying. Alex went around to the passenger side door and let herself in, not knowing if that was the best thing to do in the situation. Pregnancy was taking a toll on Alex, but she had been so wrapped up in all of the changes happening to her that she neglected to ask Olivia how she was doing. Seeing her girlfriend cry was breaking Alex's heart, but she was afraid of being affectionate with her at the wrong time.

"Liv?" Instead of paying attention to her, Olivia was tapping her fingers to the beat of some alternative song that she always listened to. "Olivia?"

"What?" Olivia asked, still hiding her face from Alex.

"Why are you crying?"

Olivia started ignoring her again. Instead of answering Alex's question, she became even more involved with the song. The lyrics were angry and the beat was unsettling so Alex turned the knob until the radio went off.

"What was that for?" Olivia asked angrily.

"You were ignoring me."

"I'm sorry," Olivia mumbled or at least Alex thought she mumbled the words 'I'm sorry.'

"Can you tell me why you're crying?" Alex asked. "I want to help you, babe. We're going to be a family, remember?"

Olivia turned the radio back on and started tapping her fingers again. Alex was becoming annoyed with her girlfriend, but she decided to let Olivia speak when she was ready. Olivia began wiping her tear-stained cheeks with her oversized hoodie that she had purposely tattered on the cuffs. "I don't think I'm ready, Alex," Olivia admitted. "I don't know what the hell I'm doing."

"Neither do I," Alex told her. "It's okay, Olivia. I know you love our baby and I know you love me. This is our first child. We aren't expected to know everything."

"But that's just it, Alex. I don't know _anything_," Olivia pointed out. "I had a can of chocolate syrup for breakfast yesterday, a can of chocolate syrup that I split with Chucky. I'm okay with that, Alex. I'm okay with living the way I do and being who I am. I can't do midnight feedings and deal with a crying baby. This was all just thrust upon me, Alex. I didn't ask for any of this and now I have to deal with it."

"A baby is not something you deal with," Alex said sadly. "You told me you loved our baby and now I hear you talking like this."

"I love _you_, Alex," Olivia told her, still unable to look at her girlfriend.

"I know it's something more than that," Alex said. She wanted to be offended by what Olivia was saying because being offended was easier than dealing with the underlying issue of Olivia not being ready.

"I'm scared out of my mind," Olivia said as she grabbed Alex's hand. "I love you. You know I love you and you know I love our baby. I'm just afraid of all the responsibilities ahead of me. I'm going to be a daddy, Alex. I know I won't technically by the baby's father, but that's what the guys are thinking of me as. I don't know how to be a dad because I've never had one. I wish I could go to Peter about this but our father/daughter relationship is rocky right now because of…"

"Yeah, I know why," Alex interrupted, wanting to spare her girlfriend the need to go into detail.

"You're going to be in law school next year and I'm going to be the breadwinner," Olivia pointed out. "That scares the hell out of me. We're going to be _living _off of my salary. The money I make is going to ensure that my baby and my girlfriend are being taken care of. You know what I'm used to doing with my money other than paying rent? I'm used to buying alcohol and shit I don't need. Now I'm going to have a baby depending on me and, it's not that I don't want our baby, but I'm just worried that I won't be good enough. What if I fail as a parent and as a provider? What if I fail as a girlfriend? And you're still going to be just my girlfriend. You should be my wife, Alex. It sounds better if we're a married couple and having a baby instead of just girlfriend and girlfriend."

Alex wanted to ignore Olivia's wife comment for the time being because it was a topic she wasn't quite ready to talk about. "Olivia Lorraine Benson?"

"Hmm?"

"Do you trust me?"

"Yeah," Olivia nodded.

"Then trust me when I say you aren't going to fail at being a parent or a provider," Alex reassured her. "It will be hard at first and we're going to make a lot of sacrifices, but it'll be worth it in the end. We'll have each other and we'll have our baby and we'll get to watch him or her grow up and have a happy childhood. I see the way you are with Alyssa. That little girl thinks the world of you and I know our little one is going to feel the same way."

"And we're in this together?"

"We're in this together," Alex said and kissed her hand.

Olivia noticed her high school class ring was still on Alex's finger. As beautiful as it looked on her, Olivia felt as if it was time for Alex to have something more worthy of her. "Let's get you an engagement ring," Olivia blurted out. "I want you to have something more womanly than this class ring."

"No, Liv," Alex said as she pulled her hand away. "I don't want one."

"If it's because of the money, don't worry about it," Olivia insisted. "We'll manage. I just know you'll look beautiful with a real diamond ring."

"I don't want to get married, okay?" Alex confessed.

Olivia couldn't believe what she had just heard. "But why? You wanted to this summer."

"Marriage isn't what I thought it would be, Liv. Over the past couple of months, I've seen everything my parents are going through and I don't want that happening. They're fighting over custody of Jared. Then there's alimony and child support and all of the paperwork that goes along with it. It's such a mess, Olivia. My mom and my dad loved each other or at least I like to pretend they loved each other. Even if the love isn't there anymore, why do they have to be so cruel and so set on revenge? Why can't they look at each other and see the person they once fell in love with? Or maybe they were never in love and they got married because of me. I found out my parents eloped. My mom had always told me it was because they couldn't wait another day to get married, but I know that's all bullshit. I was born seven months after they were married and I wasn't born premature. They got married because my mom was pregnant with me."

"But that's not why they stayed married," Olivia pointed out. "They stayed married because they loved each other and they love you and Jared."

"Yeah," Alex said sarcastically. "My dad definitely loves me. I'm pregnant with his only grandchild and he still insists on never seeing me again. This is why I hate marriage, Liv. It ruins everything. I can be in love with you without being married to you. We don't have any obligations to each other. We're together because we want to be together. Although our marriage wouldn't be legal, I'd still be comparing it to my parents' marriage. I know you're nothing like my father, but I can't do it, Olivia. I can't."

"Then we'll never get married," Olivia promised. "We'll just live together in sin."

"Liv," Alex said and finally smiled at her. "We're a lesbian couple and you're an atheist. We're going to live in sin regardless of our marital status."

"But I made you smile and that's what matters."

Alex took it upon herself to cuddle up to her girlfriend although the front seat wasn't as comfortable as cuddling in the backseat. "I love you, Olivia."

"I love you, too," Olivia said and gave her girlfriend a kiss on the lips. "If we have a son, can we name him Kurt?"

"No!" Alex said sternly. "We aren't naming our child after Kurt Cobain."

"But that would be so cool!" Olivia insisted. "And if we have a daughter, we can name her after Courtney Love. They'd be Kurt and Courtney, like the lead singers of my two favorite bands."

"Olivia Benson, I can promise you that will never happen."

"Just say it with me, Alex," Olivia pleaded. "Kurt Cabot Benson. It has a nice ring to it."

"No, Olivia!"

"Kurt Cabot Benson and Courtney Cabot Benson."

Alex knew there was only one way Olivia was going to give up on the names and she wasn't afraid to resort to something extreme. "Okay, babe. You win. Those will be their names under one condition."

"Anything!" Olivia said excitedly.

Alex flashed her a mischievous grin. "You give birth to one of them."

Alex couldn't stop smiling once she saw the color drain from her girlfriend's face. Olivia didn't say a single word after Alex's statement until the two of them decided to get out of the car and go to bed. Alex and their baby had a big day ahead of them tomorrow and Alex was glad the baby's other mommy was going to be supportive and hold her hand throughout the entire appointment. She fell asleep immediately once Olivia's arms were wrapped around her. Although she knew Alex was asleep, Olivia felt it was the perfect time to start bonding with their baby. She gently rubbed Alex's belly and thought about how beautiful Alex was going to look when she finally started showing.

"Goodnight, Kurt. I love you," Olivia whispered. They were a couple of months away from knowing the baby's sex, but Olivia hoped she would soon have a son.


	47. More Than She Has Ever Loved Anyone

It was the day of Alex's first appointment and she didn't have the slightest idea what to expect. Olivia had told her to talk to Abbie because Abbie was already on her second pregnancy and Olivia knew she would be the ideal person for Alex to talk to, but Alex kept making excuses not to talk to her about the appointment. Whenever she'd see Abbie, they would talk about Abbie's girls or how her relationship was going with Serena. If Abbie tried asking her about the appointment, Alex would just change the subject. She was excited about her baby and excited about starting a family with Olivia, but she wasn't ready to talk to a doctor or have any invasive exams done to her.

Olivia, on the other hand, was full of excitement now that her initial worries had been eased the night before. Neither of them had any doubt that Alex was pregnant, but Olivia knew talking to the doctor would make their situation all the more real for her. The two of them were going to be parents and Olivia couldn't help but plan everything she was going to do with her son—or at least she hoped she was going to have a son. When he was a baby, she imagined dressing him up in onesies with the names of her favorite bands on them and listening to music with him. When he was a toddler, she imagined the two of them playing with Tonka trucks and reading her favorite Dr. Seuss books to him. During his childhood years, she imagined the two of them playing with Hot Wheels and going to his Little League games. She knew she was getting ahead of herself, but she also imagined taking him to Yankees games as a teenager and talking about sports, cars, and girls he has a crush on. Olivia knew there was a chance Alex would have a girl and, although she'd love having a daughter just as much as she'd love having a son, she knew her daughter would be closer to Alex unless she were a tomboy. An upside to having a daughter, or so Olivia tried to keep in mind, was that the two of them would have a miniature Alex running around their house or apartment. She imagined an adorable little girl with glasses and blonde pigtails learning to read at age three like Alex did and knowing how to count to one hundred by the time she entered preschool. The thought of having a daughter as smart and adorable as her girlfriend was as a child was almost too overwhelming for Olivia and she'd catch herself smiling uncontrollably whenever she thought about the possibility of having a little girl.

She tried to remain unbiased when she talked to Olivia, but Alex desperately wanted a girl. She imagined cute little dresses, hair ribbons, and hour after hour of playing with dolls. Alex saw how happy Abbie and Serena were when making plans for their girls and she couldn't help wanting the same for herself. Even Abbie wanted Alex to have a girl. She imagined the three girls playing together and then becoming best friends, like a new generation of Cabenmichael girls.

With just an hour and a half until her appointment, Alex was still fast asleep. If it weren't for her appointment, Olivia would have let Alex sleep in. She knew Alex would tell her not to, but Olivia loved watching her girlfriend sleep because watching her sleep meant that she was safely with her and Olivia could hold her as close as she wanted to. It had been that way since they were seniors in high school and Olivia hoped it would be that way for the rest of their lives.

"Babe," Olivia said as she gently kissed Alex on the cheek, hoping it would wake her up.

"Hmm?" Alex muttered with her eyes still closed.

"Kurt's appointment is today," Olivia reminded her.

Alex finally turned around to face her girlfriend. "I'm not going. I got up while you were still asleep and I cancelled it."

"You cancelled it?"

"I'm not ready," Alex admitted.

"Prenatal care is important, Alex. You're carrying our baby and the two of you need regular check-ups."

"Olivia—"

"We were supposed to be doing this differently," Olivia interrupted. "We're supposed to be giving our baby the best life possible and that has to start before he or she is even born."

"Will you let me speak without interrupting?" Alex asked angrily.

"I'm sorry," Olivia told her. "I already love our baby and you know how much I love _you_. Alexandra, I've loved you since we were four and, ever since we were teenagers, I've dreamed of this moment. I used to think about what it would be like to have a family with you and it's actually happening. There are times when I'm going to get carried away, but that's only because I'm so happy for us and because I want to do everything right."

"Just hold me," Alex insisted. When Olivia took her girlfriend into her arms, she felt teardrops fall onto her shoulder. It was supposed to be one of the most exciting days of their lives and Olivia wondered why her girlfriend was crying. She felt horrible for not listening to her and she wanted to ask Alex why she was crying and why she wasn't ready to see her doctor, but Olivia was too afraid to ask. Instead, she held onto Alex and waited for her to talk. This time, she told herself she wouldn't interrupt until Alex had said everything she wanted to say.

As she held Alex, she couldn't help thinking about the upcoming holidays and how the two of them were going to be apart for a few days. It's not what either of them wanted, but the Morgan family was having Thanksgiving dinner at Alex's grandparents' house and her mom wasn't going to let her get out of it now that she was pregnant. Ever since she had found out Alex was pregnant, Mrs. Cabot had told all of her co-workers and friends about becoming a grandma and Alex knew she was going to put an ultrasound photo in her office the moment Alex gave her one. Alex and her mom had wanted to tell Aunt Susan and her grandparents that she was pregnant and they knew Thanksgiving was the perfect opportunity because it was one of the only occasions the entire family was together. Alex knew there would be questions and there was no way she was going to tell them she had been raped. Whenever someone would ask, her plan was to tell them that she and Olivia had planned this. Her grandparents knew about and were accepting of her relationship with Olivia, so Alex had a feeling they would be thrilled about the two of them starting a family especially now that Alex had graduated from college. Olivia had wanted to spend Thanksgiving with the Benson family, but her mom had yet to reconcile with her sisters and her parents, so Olivia was stuck at home with her step-grandma. Olivia liked the rest of the Moretti family, but there was something about Peter's mom that pushed her over the edge. She was far too conservative for Olivia's tastes and Olivia knew it went beyond a generational gap. She thought that woman was insane and she hated how everyone walked on pins and needles around her. Instead of being herself, Olivia would have to wear a dress and heels to appease her step-grandma. She made a fuss about Olivia and Alyssa not being baptized and Olivia being born out of wedlock. That's what Olivia had to look forward to in just twenty-four hours and she was already thinking of ways to get out of spending Thanksgiving with her. The more she thought about her step-grandma, the more unnerved she became, so she was grateful when Alex finally decided she was ready to talk.

"Liv?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm not ready for anyone to touch me yet," Alex admitted. "I know this exam is going to be invasive and I'm not ready for that. I know it's important for me to go, but I can't get myself to do it—at least not right now. I'll go next week. I promise you I'll go next week. I just can't do it today."

"You promise?" Olivia asked.

"I promise," Alex insisted.

Olivia tried her best to smile at her. "Then we'll go next week."

"You're upset with me. I know you're upset," Alex said frantically.

"Just worried," Olivia confessed. "Alex, you need to get help. As much as you'd like to believe you're over what happened to you, I know you aren't and I'm worried about how it's going to effect you and our baby."

"I'm fine, Olivia."

"You can't even go to your appointment, babe."

"I just need time."

"You're going Monday," Olivia insisted.

"What if I never let you touch me again?" Alex asked, unable to look at Olivia. "Would you leave me?"

"I'd never leave you," Olivia promised. "Alex, I loved you before we even knew what sex was. You know that's not the reason why I love you. There's more to intimacy and romance than having sex and there are so many other things we can do to express our love for each other, things we can do with our clothes on."

That last statement made Alex want to kiss her girlfriend more than ever before. "You must really love me."

"More than I've ever loved anyone," Olivia said before returning Alex's kisses.


	48. A Very Cabenmichael Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving had finally approached and it was the day Olivia had been dreading. She hated being away from Alex on a holiday, but her mom and Peter had made a deal with her. If she behaved herself in front of her step-grandmother on Thanksgiving, she'd be able to spend Christmas with Alex and Abbie. Normally, Abbie went to Texas to visit her grandmother for Christmas, but this Christmas she would be in her third trimester and air travel was highly discouraged for her. Instead, the three of them had planned on having their own Christmas celebration. Abbie's grandparents would be flying over from Texas and they were eager to meet her two best friends and have a mini baby shower for Abbie in the process.

While thinking about their plans for Christmas, it dawned on Olivia that she hadn't invited Abbie for Thanksgiving dinner. Abbie was her saving grace and the one person who could handle Mrs. Moretti. Mrs. Moretti loved what she called Abbie's "southern charm" and, as long as Abbie was present, Mrs. Moretti's focus was off of Olivia.

With that brilliant idea in mind, Olivia grabbed the cordless phone from on top of her bed and dialed Abbie's number. It may have been a long distance call, but Olivia considered this to be an emergency and she'd pay for the charges if need be.

"Abs!" Olivia said excitedly the moment she heard someone pick up the phone.

"Liv?" Abbie asked. "What's up?"

"Come over."

"To Fallbrook?" Abbie asked, confused. "Why?"

"Because it's Thanksgiving and you're my best friend," Olivia said as sweetly as she could.

"Oh, I get it," Abbie said and started laughing. "Mrs. Moretti is in town."

"Abigail, please!" Olivia pleaded. "I'll owe you big. You have no idea what this day has in store for me. I have to take out my piercings. I have to wear a dress. I have to wear a _flowery _dress, a _pastel _flowery dress."

"That's brutal," Abbie told her. "But I'm spending the day with Serena's family."

"Damn it!" Olivia said, frustrated.

"Are you that paranoid?"

"Yes!"

"I'll see what I can do," Abbie sighed.

"You're a lifesaver," Olivia told her. "Thank you so much."

After hanging up the phone, Olivia started to wonder what exactly Abbie was going to do. If it was anything like her other diversions, it was going to be extreme, so extreme that none of their parents would bother questioning her. Abbie may have been extreme, but she paid attention to the details of her schemes. It was what Abbie did best and what she had been doing for as long as Olivia had known her.

Olivia looked at the dress on the top of her bed. It was a lavender baby doll style dress with a daisy print on it. Although girls at her school were wearing similar dresses, Olivia thought it was the most horrendous dress she had ever seen regardless of whether or not it was in style. She dreaded putting it on, but knowing she didn't have a choice, she took off her jeans and flannel shirt and changed into the dress. Next, were her piercings, which she carefully removed one by one and placed the jewelry into a small jewelry box. Once Olivia thought she was ready, she hurried over to the kitchen to find her mom. Her hair was done, her dress and shoes were on, and her jewelry was off. She felt presentable although she hated the way she looked.

"You look so beautiful!" Serena said once she saw her daughter.

"No, I don't," Olivia argued.

"This is a good look for you," Serena insisted.

"I want to kick my own ass," Olivia told her. "Can we just get this day over with so I can go back to being myself?"

"This means a lot to Peter and to me."

"Like I care," Olivia said sarcastically. "Why do I even have to put up this façade? Mrs. Moretti knows I'm a foul-mouthed, bastard child who has piercings and men's flannel shirts. Besides, Peter and I aren't on the best of terms. Why would I do anything to benefit him?"

Before Serena could reply, the phone started ringing. Expecting it to be Mrs. Moretti, Olivia let her mom answer it. She was surprised to learn the phone call was for her and not her mom.

"It's Eddie," Serena told her as she handed over the phone.

"Abs!" Olivia said excitedly. "Happy Thanksgiving! It's so great to hear from you." She knew she sounded a little over-excited, but she knew this was her get-out-of-dinner-free call and she was eager to hear what Abbie had made up.

"Liv, get over here."

"Where?" Olivia asked.

"My apartment," Abbie said frantically. "I need you here before noon. Pick up Alex and bring her over."

"What's going on?" Olivia asked. She was hoping for some details because she knew her mom was going to ask.

"I'll explain later," Abbie told her. "Serena went home and I'm here alone. Just hurry."

"Are you two okay?"

"Serena and I are fine, Liv. Just get over here."

"Mom, I have to go to Abbie's," Olivia told her once she had hung up the phone.

"Why?" Serena asked.

"She just said for me to be there right away."

"Olivia Lorraine, is this your way of getting out of spending Thanksgiving dinner with your grandma?"

"Meredith Benson is my grandma," Olivia said angrily. "Not Mrs. Moretti. I love Scotty, Tiffany, Ashley, Brittany, and Alyssa, but other than that no one in their family is my family and I mean _no one_, especially your husband. I hate him. He's nothing to me now. Why are you even doing this to me? You know how I feel about Mrs. Moretti and the things she says to me. You know how I feel about Peter and yet you make me do everything to appease them. My girlfriend is pregnant, Mom. I would rather be with her. The Morgans invited me over, but you wouldn't let me go. And now you're not letting me go to Abbie's."

"Olivia Lorraine Benson, you will not talk to me like—"

"I'm leaving," Olivia interrupted. She was too angry to go back to her room and change her clothes, so she left in the dress and heels she had planned on wearing for Thanksgiving.

Luckily, Alex hadn't left yet and Deborah was a bit more understanding about their situation. She knew her daughter had been through a lot over the past few months and if what she wanted was time with her girlfriend and co-parent of her child, she wasn't going to object.

"What's with the dress?" Alex asked as soon as she got in the car.

"That's your initial reaction to seeing me?" Olivia teased. "There's no hug or kiss or 'Happy Thanksgiving?'"

"I love you," Alex said and followed up with a hug and kiss for her girlfriend.

"How's Kurt?" Olivia asked.

"I have no idea who you're talking about," Alex said playfully. "If by Kurt, you are referring to our unborn baby, he or she is doing just fine. Morning sickness is doing a number on his or her mom, though. I never knew it was possible for one person to vomit so much."

"Anything I can do?" Olivia asked. "And I do mean anything."

"You can take that dress off," Alex suggested. "You look beautiful, but this isn't right. I have some of your jeans and a sweatshirt that I borrowed the other day. And you left some of your Converse here that morning you went home in your slippers."

Once Olivia had changed into some more comfortable clothes, the two of them made the long, traffic-filled drive to the city. Neither of them were in the mood to drive over there, but if Abbie needed them, they weren't going to hesitate.

When they arrived at Abbie's apartment, they saw her watching a Notre Dame football game on TV. Instead of wearing one of her pastel-colored maternity dresses or a sweater, she was in a Notre Dame jersey with the name Abernathy printed on the back.

"Trent's playing a good game today," Abbie said to them. Her voice was somewhat shaky, but Alex and Olivia knew she wasn't ready to talk about what was really happening.

"I was expecting you to be watching the Cowboys," Olivia pointed out.

"I promised Trent I'd watch his game," Abbie informed them. "He had this jersey made especially for me. It's not exactly for me. It's more for the girls. He wants them to watch their dad play. They can't watch the game, but we both think they can at least hear what's happening. He called me today and had me hold the phone to them so they can get to know his voice."

"And Serena is okay with this?" Alex asked.

"Serena is thrilled!" Abbie said excitedly. "She knows she's the one I love, but these girls are just as much his as they are ours. Serena and I are going to raise them as a couple, but their dad wants to be a part of their lives and we both feel as if that could benefit the girls. I don't have any parents who love me; why would I deny my girls the chance to have three parents who love them?"

"Abbie?" Alex asked.

"What?"

"You're crying," Olivia pointed out. She didn't wait for Abbie to respond. Olivia sat next to Abbie on the couch and held her as close as she could. In the past, Alex would have become upset, but this time she decided to join them.

"I love you both so much," Abbie told them.

"We love you, too," Alex responded.

"Ben is coming over in an hour," Abbie informed them, much to their surprise.

"Ben Parker?" Olivia asked.

"No, Ben Franklin," Abbie said sarcastically.

"Why is he here?" Alex asked. "Hasn't he done enough damage? He had three years to see you while you were in Texas and he never did, but he decides to fly to New York to see you?"

"I wish," Abbie responded. "His wife wanted to go to the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. I'm kind of an added bonus, I guess. Killing two birds with one stone or something like that. See a parade and reconnect with your daughter that you abandoned all on the same day. Isn't this a magical city? He didn't even call me. My grandma called me right after I got off the phone with Liv and told me he was coming."

"Why isn't Serena here with us?" Olivia asked.

"She's afraid of what she'd say if she saw him," Abbie pointed out. "She has nothing against me seeing him, but she hates him for letting me down so many times. Every time he made arrangements to see me via my grandparents, he has backed out at the last minute. I know today probably won't be any different, but I still want to have hope that he'll finally want to see me. That's why I wanted you guys here. If he doesn't show up, I don't want to be alone."

"You'll always have us," Alex promised her.

"Yeah," Olivia agreed. "We still have an hour. Why don't I make a Thanksgiving feast for my two favorite women? You're both pregnant. I know damn well you're hungry."

"You're going to cook a Turkey in an hour?" Alex asked. "Does Abbie even have a turkey here?"

"No, but Abbie has frozen pizza," Olivia pointed out.

"Frozen pizza, it is," Abbie agreed.

The girls made small talk during their Thanksgiving feast and tried to focus on the game to keep Abbie from becoming even more nervous, but their focus was really on the door and any sound that resembled knocking. Abbie had waited almost four years for this moment and Alex and Olivia were hoping he wasn't going to let her down again.


	49. Ben Parker

Alex and Abbie had offered to help clean up after dinner, but Olivia wanted two of her favorite women to sit back and enjoy the football game. Alex wasn't one for football, but she wanted some time alone with Abbie. While Olivia had her headphones on as she was doing dishes, Alex saw it as the perfect opportunity to talk to her. Instead of the usual wine or mixed drinks, the two of them opted for glasses of water. Abbie had become paranoid about drinking anything that wasn't water or fruit juice for fear of harming her girls and she had gotten Alex to become the same way.

When Alex was certain that Olivia couldn't hear them, she decided to confess one of her secrets to Abbie. It wasn't the easiest conversation for her to have with anyone—the only person who would truly understand her situation is Olivia's mom and talking about sex with Olivia's mom is something Alex certainly wasn't going to do, especially knowing that Serena still thought of Olivia as her little girl.

"Abbie?"

"What's up?" Abbie asked.

"Are you nervous about your dad?" Alex asked and then caught herself. "I know that's a stupid question."

"Alex, I know something is on your mind."

"It's about Olivia," Alex began.

"What about her?"

"I want her."

"You have her," Abbie pointed out. "She's your girlfriend."

"I _want _her," Alex reiterated. She had no idea how to better get her point across, so she decided to wink at Abbie.

"Oh, you _want_ her."

"Not so loud," Alex said and put a finger to Abbie's lips.

"You're telling me to use my indoor voice, Alex?" Abbie teased. "You're practicing for your child's toddler years a little early."

"Abbie, _please_. Can we be serious?"

"Okay, so you want Olivia," Abbie said. "What brought this on?"

"I saw her in her underwear as she was getting dressed today," Alex bragged.

Abbie gasped. "You saw her in her underwear? You actually saw a girl in her underwear? Wait until I tell all of our tenth grade classmates."

"Abigail Jean Carmichael," Alex said sternly. "I've had enough of your sarcasm."

"Okay, I'll stop," Abbie promised. "Alex, I don't see a problem. You want your girlfriend, so make a move on her."

"Do you get like this?" Alex asked. "Like, there are moments when you just want Serena in the worst way?"

"Alex, look at me, I'm huge," Abbie pointed out. "I have two babies growing inside of me and I'm uncomfortable every moment of this pregnancy. Sex is the last thing on my mind."

"I'm just afraid," Alex admitted.

"Of?" Abbie asked.

"I want to make love to Olivia, but I'm afraid of getting her in the mood and then having to stop. What if I have flashbacks of what he did to me?"

"Then you stop and you talk to Olivia about it and you only do what's comfortable," Abbie told her. "Alex, she's your girlfriend. I've never known two people who love each other the way you and Olivia do."

In her own sarcastic way, Abbie had actually brought some comfort to Alex. Even if she was unsure of whether or not she would be able to make love to Olivia just yet, she knew she would be one step closer.

"What are you smiling at?" Olivia asked playfully once she returned from the kitchenette.

"The woman I love," Alex said as she gazed adoringly at Olivia.

Olivia was going to respond with something just as sweet until the three of them were taken aback by the sound of a knock at Abbie's door.

"I'll get it," Abbie announced.

"No, I'll get it," Olivia insisted. Before Abbie could protest, Olivia darted over to the door and opened it, expecting to find anyone there other than Abbie's father.

"Is Abigail here?" he asked nervously.

"Maybe," Olivia shrugged. "Who are you?"

"Ben Parker. She's expecting me."

"Liv, it's okay," Abbie called out from her spot on the couch.

Although he had made an effort to see his daughter, Olivia was still skeptical of him. All three of them had been let down by their fathers or stepfathers and Olivia was ready to intervene if Ben said even the slightest thing to upset Abbie, especially in her current condition.

"Ben!" Abbie said excitedly once she saw him.

"Don't get up," he insisted.

"I'm pregnant, not handicapped. I can still walk," Abbie said and smiled at him. When he smiled back at her, Alex and Olivia were surprised to see the same dimpled smile as Abbie's.

"Can I hug you?" he asked.

"…yeah," Abbie said hesitantly.

"My little girl," Ben said as he hugged her. The feeling of hugging her dad for the first time was overwhelming for Abbie and she couldn't stop the tears from flowing.

"I'm not a little girl," Abbie reminded him. "You missed out on me being a little girl. You missed out on me being a teenager. You even missed out on my undergrad years. I'll be twenty-two in a week and—"

"—and now you decide to come into her life?" Olivia interrupted.

"Babe!" Alex said and glared at Olivia.

"I'm sorry," Olivia whispered to her.

"Abigail, do you think the two of us could speak in private?" Ben asked.

"No," Olivia interrupted again. "The three of us are a package deal. It's been that way since we were nine-years-old and in a few months our children are going to be a package deal. There's really no separating us."

"We'll be in your room," Alex said to Abbie as she grabbed her girlfriend's hand and led her away. "Excuse us."

"How are you liking the city?" Abbie asked when they were alone.

"Is that really what you want to ask me, Abigail? Out of everything you could know."

"It's Abbie," she corrected him. "No one calls me Abigail. And what else should I ask? Why you abandoned me when I was a baby?"

"I never abandoned you, Abbie," Ben insisted. "I would never abandon you."

"Then what happened?"

"Your mom—"

"She's not my mom," Abbie interrupted. "She disowned me for having a girlfriend."

"You have a girlfriend?" Ben asked.

"I have a wife. Legally, she isn't my wife, but she does have my last name now," Abbie informed him. "Does this bother you?"

"No," Ben responded. "Would it matter if it did?"

"Yes," Abbie told him. "I don't want another parent who won't accept me for who I am."

"It doesn't bother me," he insisted. "Your grandma told me all about Serena and how Trent got you pregnant and the twins."

"Then why did you play dumb right now?"

"Because I wanted to humor you," Ben told her.

"How amusing," Abbie said sarcastically. "And why did my grandma tell you everything?"

"She wanted to prepare me. Your grandmother says you're a lot to take in at once and you don't exactly make things easy for people."

"She's right," Abbie agreed. "So, why did you abandon me and marry some other woman and have children with her, children you actually raised?"

"I loved your mom," Ben began telling her. "But, well, you know how she is."

"That's for damn sure," Abbie agreed. "Still, you haven't answered my question."

"We were kids, Abbie."

"You were twenty. That's hardly a child," Abbie told him.

"Neither of us were ready."

"Stop making excuses," Abbie said angrily.

"I wasn't what your mom wanted," Ben admitted. "Your mom and I were married. I thought we were happily married, but I was wrong. Or maybe we were happily married until she met your stepdad. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life. I went from job to job, but the one thing I was sure of is loving you and your mom, but I wasn't good enough for her. That bastard stepfather of yours offered her a house in the suburbs and a life of leisure, so she left me for him and took you along."

"She never told me you two were married," Abbie said, feeling completely surprised.

"Yeah, that sounds like Stacy. Has she ever shown you your birth certificate?"

"No," Abbie said and shook her head. "Is there something I should know about it?"

"You never had her maiden name," Ben informed her. "It says Abigail Jean Parker. She had it changed to Carmichael once your stepdad legally adopted you when you were four. She wanted all of this done before you started preschool. That way, you wouldn't know anything about me. I wanted to see you, but I always thought you were better off thinking Mr. Carmichael is your dad."

"Why?" Abbie asked. "Because he had a nice house and could give me material possessions? That's bullshit! I needed my dad—the one who actually loved me."

"You have me now," Ben promised. "I'm sorry it took all of these years. The truth is, I was so intimidated by you. You're only twenty-one and you've done so many great things. You have your life together and you're going to be so successful. I'm just some average guy. You graduated from college in just three years and now you're in law school? I didn't even go to college. I didn't even finish high school. Why would you even want me around?"

"Because no matter what I do, deep down I'm still that scared little girl who needs her daddy to love her and guide her," Abbie said and gave her dad a hug. "And I want my girls to know their grandpa."

"I love you, Abbie," Ben said as he hugged her. "There was never a time when I didn't love you."

"I love you, too, Daddy. Will you come visit me again when the girls are born?"

"I wouldn't miss that for the world. These little girls of yours are my first grandchildren. Any names picked out?"

"Just one," Abbie told him, practically beaming. "I've always liked the name Lillian and I want her middle name to be Serena after her other mommy."

"How about Jessica for your other little girl?" Ben asked.

"Why Jessica?"

"I've always liked that name," Ben told her. "I wanted that to be your name, but Stacy wouldn't budge."

"Jessica, it is," Abbie agreed, still smiling.

* * *

><p>After the three of them watched the rest of the game with Ben and went out for dessert with him, Alex and Olivia decided it was time to go home. During the drive back to Fallbrook, Olivia knew there was something bothering Alex so she decided to break the ice.<p>

"Babe?"

"Yeah?" Alex responded.

"I heard what you and Abbie were talking about while I was washing dishes," Olivia admitted.

"You heard?" Alex asked, feeling completely mortified.

"Let's just say when you're ready, I'm ready," Olivia said and smiled at her. "I'm ready every time I look at you."

"Liv," Alex groaned.

"Alex," Olivia mimicked.


	50. Everything Changes

**A/N: I can't believe this is the 50th chapter. Thanks so much to everyone who has been following this journey the Cabenmichael girls are on. :)**

The fall semester had officially ended for Olivia the day before and after everything she had been through over the past few months, she figured it would be best to get away for awhile. It was supposed to be a Cabenmichael vacation, but Abbie insisted on bringing Serena. Now that they were back together, the two of them were closer than ever and they never did anything without each other. Their closeness used to bother Alex and Olivia and even make them jealous, but with everything that Alex and Olivia had gone through this autumn they had decided to let go of petty jealousy and focus on their own relationship and starting a family.

It had been almost four years since the Cabenmichael girls had been to Olivia and Lorraine's cabin and, although it was expected to snow and they wouldn't be able to have as much fun outdoors as they did when they were high school seniors, they still saw it as the perfect getaway. So much had changed for them since their last visit when all they had to worry about was séances and whether or not they should travel along that haunted road. The Cabenmichael girls were now three grown women with babies on the way and their futures to worry about. Only three and a half years had passed, but in that time, they had lost the ability to just let themselves go and let themselves believe. They passed the time during the long drive by telling Serena stories about what had happened during their last visit, but those stories only served as further proof of how different their lives had become.

Their usual rest stop had been closed down now that Mr. Billings had retired and it had been replaced by a more commercial gas station and convenience store. When Alex entered the store to pick up some snacks for the four of them, she was disappointed to find a teenager working behind the register instead of the kind-hearted Mr. Billings who had called her "sweetheart" and had known her since she was seven-years-old. _Why do things have to change? _Alex thought as she picked up overpriced bags of chips and candy for herself and her friends and prepared to head over to the register. This may have just been a quick stop at a store, but it nearly brought her to tears. She missed Mr. Billings and the way he'd tell the three of them not to eat so much junk food. He had said the exact same thing to Serena, Olivia, and Lorraine twenty-five years ago and, although, it was a simple statement, it made her feel cared for and connected to the generation before hers. _Alex, you're not a teenager anymore. You need to accept the fact that nothing stays the same._

Olivia felt bad about sending Alex to get the snacks, although it was for a good reason. While Alex was inside, Olivia pulled something out of the glove compartment and handed it over to Abbie and Serena in the backseat.

"What's this?" Abbie asked as she opened the ring box and saw the princess cut diamond ring inside.

"What do you think it is?" Serena said sarcastically to her wife.

"It's kind of like what Serena has on her finger," Olivia responded.

"But Alex is against marriage," Abbie reminded her. "Liv, why are you setting yourself up for heartache? She's going to say no."

"Don't listen to Abbie," Serena told Olivia. "Alex is going to love this. When are you going to give it to her?"

"Tonight," Olivia said excitedly. "I love Alex. She knows I do. _Everyone _knows I do. We don't need some ring on her finger to prove it, but we're women now and not little girls. I want her to have more than my class ring. Even if she says no to marriage right now, I want her to know that I'm willing to wait until she's ready."

"That's so beautiful," Serena told her. "I wish Abbie were that romantic."

"I'm giving you two daughters," Abbie pointed out. "When they're born, you three can do all sorts of girly things that I don't have to be a part of."

"Deal," Serena said and smiled at her. "I wish they were here already."

"You're not the only one," Abbie insisted. "I can't wait to hold them."

"I bet they'll be beautiful like you," Serena said as she moved closer to Abbie. Before Olivia can get another word in, she noticed the two of them were now making out in the backseat.

_I guess some things never change,_ Olivia thought as she popped a mix tape into the cassette player. The first song to play was Nirvana's "Smells Like Teen Spirit." It sounded just as good to her now as it did when she was eighteen and, as she saw Alex exit the store, she couldn't help but remember all of the times they listened to that song together in high school. _The perfect song and the perfect woman._

It was dark by the time the four of them approached the fork that led to Creekmore Road and, just for old time's sake, Olivia decided to drive down that road.

"This is Creekmore?" Serena asked as they drove down a newly-paved road with cabins alongside of it.

"It wasn't like this before," Abbie insisted. "There were no cabins when we last visited. This area was practically deserted."

"Can we just go back to the cabin?" Alex asked. "This is depressing me. I almost wish there were ghosts and dark woods. At least _something _would have been the same."

"Eighteen wasn't going to last forever," Olivia said sadly. "But at least we still have each other."

"And that's never going to change," Abbie added.

When they arrived at the cabin, both couples went their separate ways because of Olivia's plan. Abbie and Serena knew she would want some time alone with Alex, so the two of them retired to their room. Unlike last time they visited the cabin, Abbie was far from energetic and all she wanted to do was lay down with Serena. Alex was going to unpack, but Olivia insisted on spending some time together in the living room. The snow had just started to fall, so her original plan of proposing to Alex outside wasn't going to work. There wasn't much snow outside and it wasn't very cold, but Olivia didn't want to risk Alex getting sick in her condition. Instead, she made them hot chocolate complete with marshmallows and they sat in front of the fireplace.

Olivia pulled out a photo album from her suitcase and handed it over to Alex. She had made the album specifically for Alex with every intention of showing it to her the moment she planned on proposing. As Alex held the photo album, she started to wonder why her girlfriend was so nervous. They were looking at a photo album just as they had done dozens of times before. There was no need for Olivia to be nervous.

"_The Odyssey of Alex and Olivia_," Alex read as she looked at the title page. There was a page for each year, starting with 1978, the year they had met, and Alex was thrilled to see four-year-old Olivia in her Wonder Woman shirt and grass-stained pants.

"The year I fell in love with you," Olivia said and then kissed her girlfriend on the cheek.

"The year we both lost our front teeth!" Alex said excitedly as they looked at the page titled "1981."

"Here's when you won first place in the science fair," Olivia pointed out as they looked at a page from 1984.

"You looked so proud of me," Alex said, still looking at the pictures.

"I've always been proud of you," Olivia told her. "Look at 1985. We dressed like Madonna."

"Until my mom made us change our clothes and take off our makeup," Alex added and then turned the page. "Oh no, not 1986. That's when the awkward years began."

"You still looked cute," Olivia insisted.

"Not as cute as you did," Alex told her.

"I think this is my favorite page," Olivia said when they turned to 1992. "This is when you became mine."

"I've always been yours," Alex pointed out. "And I'm always going to be yours."

She could have proposed to her right then, but Olivia knew it wasn't time. She had a plan and she was going to stick to it. 1995 was filled with pictures of Alex's college graduation and their trip to the beach and, as much as Olivia loved reminiscing about that trip, she couldn't wait for Alex to turn the page.

"You already have a space for 1996 and 1997?" Alex teased. "And then there's 1998 and 1999. Liv, you have pages until 2074."

"That's when we turn 100," Olivia pointed out. "And, before you ask any questions, yes we're going to live that long. As you can see, the past seventeen years are only the beginning. We still have all of these blank pages to fill up."

"Why are you such a perfect girlfriend?" Alex asked as she squeezed Olivia's hand.

"The best is yet to come," Olivia said and kissed Alex's hand. "I know you and I haven't had it easy, but I feel like the luckiest person alive. Everyone wants to find their soulmate and I found mine when I was four-years-old. You've been through so much in such a short time, but I want you to know that you'll never have to go through anything alone. I love you so much and I'm always going to love you. I'm through with partying and all of my self-destructive behaviors. I'm ready to dedicate my life to you and our baby. I'm ready to put the two of you first and do what's best for our little family. I know I've proposed to you before, but this time I think we're both more mature and ready to handle a lifelong commitment to each other."

"Liv, what are you saying?" Alex asked nervously, but her questions were answered the moment Olivia slipped the ring on her finger.

"I know how you feel about marriage," Olivia began. "So even if it takes twenty years for you to change your mind about marrying me, I'm willing to wait that long. What I'm really asking is, will you marry me _eventually_?"

It wasn't the flashiest ring Alex had ever seen, but what made it special was that it was hers and Olivia had picked it out specifically for her. Just the sight of it was enough to bring her to tears. After everything they had experienced together, she still had her girlfriend and it brought her so much comfort to know that she'd always have Olivia by her side.

"Yes," Alex said and wrapped her arms around her. "I would want nothing more than to marry you."

"You'll be my Mrs. Benson?" Olivia asked in disbelief.

"In time," Alex reassured her. "Who am I kidding? Liv, you know this is going to happen right away. I just can't believe this. I'm really going to have your name and our baby is going to have your name."

"_Our _name," Olivia reminded her. "It won't be just mine anymore. It'll belong to the three of us."

"Maybe four in a couple of years," Alex said and gave Olivia a kiss on the lips.

"Maybe five?" Olivia suggested.

"Don't push it," Alex teased.

She didn't think it was possible, but Olivia had actually changed her mind about marriage. That night, Alex felt closer to Olivia than ever before. Olivia was right, the past seventeen years were only the beginning.


	51. The December Curse

The once immaculate kitchen now had bits of frosting and cake batter in random locations, the sink was filled with dishes, and they were exhausted from waking up at six in the morning, but Alex and Olivia had accomplished the impossible: they had baked a birthday cake. She had made little mention of her birthday—in fact, all she talked about were her twins—but their best friend was turning twenty-two and they weren't going to let the day pass without some type of celebration. Wanting to surprise Abbie, Alex and Olivia excitedly barged into their room and started singing "Happy Birthday." What they found was a bare-breasted Serena lying on top of the covers.

"Don't you knock first?" Serena asked angrily as she covered herself with a blanket.

Alex was completely shocked. "I can't believe you two still have sex."

"It's not the same, but we try," Serena told her. "Abbie's pregnant, but she still has urges and I like making sure my wife is cared for in every way."

"Where is she?" Olivia asked.

"She has to pee every five minutes," Serena teased. "The girls are putting a lot of pressure on her bladder."

"Are you excited?" Alex asked.

Serena started smiling. "I've never been this excited in my life. I'm married to the love of my life and in a few weeks I'll have two baby girls. Abbie is everything to me and I know I'm going to feel the same way about our girls. I'm sure you and Alex are just as excited for your little one."

"Terrified is more like it," Olivia responded. "But there's some excitement in there. Alex still has a long way to go."

"It goes by so quickly," Abbie said as she emerged from the bathroom. Unlike Serena, she was actually wearing pajamas.

"The birthday girl," Olivia said excitedly.

"Don't remind me," Abbie said to her.

"But we made you a cake," Alex pointed out.

"Just don't remind me," Abbie said frustrated. "Please."

"What's wrong with you?" Olivia asked.

"Her birthday," Serena responded.

"Remember what happened on my birthday the first time I was pregnant?" Abbie asked. "I don't want that to happen again. I know I'm so much healthier this time, but I'm still afraid of the birthday curse."

"Abbie, you aren't cursed," Serena reminded her. "You were under different circumstances last time. You were seventeen, you kept your pregnancy a secret, and you didn't go to anyone for help. This time, you've kept all your appointments and you're doing everything the way you should."

"I love you," Abbie said before kissing her. "You're my Mrs. Carmichael."

"I love you, too, my sweet Abbiekins," Serena responded.

"You two are disgusting," Olivia told them, although she was holding on to Alex.

"You two are just as bad," Serena pointed out. "And wait until Alex starts showing. You'll be spoiling her even more."

"So, Alex, when can we start addressing you as Mrs. Benson?" Abbie asked.

"I don't know," Alex said shyly. "I _guess _it's up to Olivia, too."

"It's up to her, really," Olivia said as she kissed Alex's neck. "I'm ready whenever she is. I've wanted to marry her since I was four."

"Really?" Alex turned around and asked.

"Yeah, ever since I saw you in your white dress and pigtails," Olivia told her. "I imagined you as my bride."

"But no pigtails," Alex teased.

"No pigtails," Olivia agreed with her. "You're going to look so beautiful, Alex. Out of all the women in the world, I'm the lucky one who gets to marry you."

"I can't imagine spending my life with anyone else," Alex said as she looked into Olivia's eyes.

"And we're the disgusting ones?" Serena asked.

"Leave them alone," Abbie cut in. "They're newly engaged and obsessed with each other."

"They've _always_ been obsessed with each other," Serena pointed out.

"Babe, be nice," Abbie told her.

"I will," Serena promised. "But, need I remind everyone that I'm still naked?"

"Point taken," Olivia said as she grabbed Alex's hand. "We'll let you get dressed."

"Let's go to our room," Alex said flirtatiously once they were alone.

"Why?" Olivia asked with a confused look on her face.

"Liv, has it been _that _long? You know why," Alex said as she playfully smacked her fiancée on the arm.

"For…?"

"Yes, for that," Alex told her. "Liv, I'm ready. You've been so patient with me and you've shown me so much love. I know we can get through anything together."

Olivia lifted her off the ground and cradled her in her arms. It wasn't that she was going to make love to Alex that excited her so much, it was the fact that Alex was taking a step toward recovery and she _trusted _her physically and emotionally. She gently laid Alex on the bed, but she was uncertain of what to do next. Olivia had never made love to a pregnant woman before, let alone a pregnant woman who had endured the physical and emotional trauma that Alex had.

Olivia was hesitant to undo the button on Alex's jeans regardless of how impatient Alex was becoming.

"I'll be right back," Olivia said as she got up from the bed.

"Liv, where are you going?" Alex asked.

"I forgot something," Olivia said frantically.

"What did you forget, babe? It's not like we need a condom. We're two women. We're good to go."

"Alex, just…I gotta go," Olivia said as she was halfway out the door. She hurriedly made her way over to Abbie and Serena's room in hopes that they could help her.

"Liv, what's up?" Abbie asked as she was scarfing down her birthday cake. Serena had only been allowed one piece, which was expected.

"Abbie, what the?" Olivia asked.

"Don't judge me," Abbie said with her mouth full of chocolate. "I'm eating for three."

"What's your excuse for the other twenty-one years of your life?" Olivia teased.

"Why are you really here?" Abbie asked. "And where's your woman?"

"Alex wants to have sex," Olivia blurted out. "Is that possible? She's pregnant. What if—"

"Liv, you'll be fine," Serena said reassuringly.

"I don't know," Olivia told them. "I had a dream a couple of nights ago. The baby had just been born and the first time I held him, he took two of his little fingers and started poking me in the forehead and saying, 'That doesn't feel too good, does it?'"

"Okay, that's creepy," Abbie admitted.

"See what I'm talking about?" Olivia asked them. "What should I do?"

"There's nothing to be afraid of," Serena told her. "Alex is wet and ready to go, so you get in that room and finger the hell out of her."

"But—" Olivia stammered.

"No, Olivia!" Serena interrupted. "Just do it! You know how many times I've fingered Abbie? It's already been twice this morning and she's feeling better than okay. Just look at her scarf that cake down. My woman is satisfied and our babies aren't going to poke me in the forehead."

"So, everything will be okay?" Olivia asked.

"Yes!" Abbie and Serena said in unison.

"Liv!" the three of them heard Alex scream from the other bedroom. "Olivia! Hurry!" It was the most terrifying scream Olivia had ever heard and what frightened her even more was that scream coming from Alex. _She's thinking about him. I know she is. We shouldn't have attempted this._

"Baby, what's wrong?" Olivia asked before she even made it to the room.

"Olivia, hurry!" Alex repeated. "I need you!"

When Olivia saw her fiancée, she was naked from the waist down and clutching the panties she had been wearing. Assuming she was having a flashback, Olivia rushed over to hold her.

"It's okay," Olivia said as she tried to reassure her. "You know I'll protect you."

"It's not that," Alex said frantically. She flung the panties across the room in hopes that if she couldn't see them, this wouldn't be happening.

"Alex, why are there blood spots on the sheets?" Olivia asked.

"There's blood on my underwear, too," Alex said, averting her eyes. "Liv, what's going on? This is what happened to Abbie. No. No! Olivia, our baby!"

_Abbie. We need to talk to Abbie, _Olivia thought. "Abbie!" Olivia called out. "Abbie, come here!"

"What happened?" Abbie asked as she made her way to the room with Serena in tow.

"She's bleeding," Olivia said, trying to remain as calm as she could.

"Alex, are you cramping?" Abbie asked after sitting down next to her. Her best friend was naked from the waist down, but this was no time for modesty.

"Yes," Alex said and wiped her tears. "Is this what happened to you?"

Abbie refused to answer that question. "We need to get her to a hospital," she told Olivia in private. Serena had stayed in the room to help her get dressed and tried to talk loud enough so they couldn't hear Abbie and Olivia.

"Is she losing the baby?" Olivia asked.

"I don't know," Abbie said, frustrated.

"But this is what happened to you," Olivia pointed out. "You were cramping and then you started bleeding right before you lost the baby. Maybe she already lost him. Abbie, what if we lost our baby?"

"Liv," Abbie said forcefully. "We need to get her to a hospital and we need to get her there as soon as possible."

"The nearest one is half an hour away," Olivia said worriedly. "What if that's too far? What if—"

"Alex, we're taking you to the hospital," Abbie told Alex, leaving Olivia outside the door. "We need to get you there as soon as possible."

"No," Alex told her. "I don't want anyone touching me. Doctors are invasive and—"

"Do it for your baby," Serena said as she held her hand.

"No," Alex insisted.

"Please, sweetheart," Olivia said gently. "Not just for the baby, but for the two of us. We need to make sure you're healthy."

"You've never had a prenatal appointment?" Serena asked and Alex shook her head.

"Alex, seriously?" Abbie cut in.

"Okay, let's not berate her. This is an emergency," Olivia reminded them.

Not wanting to waste anymore time, Olivia carried Alex to the car and sat in the backseat with her. They had a half an hour drive to the hospital in snowy weather, but they weren't going to let that stop them. Abbie, Serena, and Olivia tried to keep Alex's mind off of what was happening, but nothing worked. Her mind was focused on her baby and whether or not she was going to lose him or her.


End file.
